Here's some more. I changed earlier posts, so you ming/might not want to re-read them. Enjoy.

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Holy Guacamole with cheese!!
  I just went back and re-read #91 and #94 - the change is incredible. Are you happy with it? I mean, can you feel the difference in the story flow?
  Due to the Catch-up effect, this is going to be a wordy post. Prepare yourself...

  The modification adds quite a bit of maturity and wisdom to Gregory. It really deepened his character - both his observations when they capture Alex, and his conversation with Alex on the way to find Steven.
  Martina's trick with the revolver is a lot easier to follow, and even made me flinch when Brutus did! That was great! I adored the descriptions of her scrutinizing gaze going through Alex's head. That was glorious!
  I also loved how you described what the teenager found - very believable, and the descriptions of the teenager's gestures gave him a bit of character development. Very nice addition!
  Is it just me, or did you REALLY modify post #97? Personally, I liked what you had there.
  I also really enjoyed the new loyalty toward Steven that Alex displayed. That was a very nice touch. I'm assuming that one of the reasons Martina and the others didn't fight him too much on that point was because they acknowledged and respected his loyalty. It's something that kinda fits just right. I mean, they're a pack, they know the importance of loyalty; It's only fitting that they would recognize and encourage similar behaviour. You might, however, consider adding a few comments to that effect in later drafts, just to solidify the point. But even as it is now, it stands out as unspoken but obvious - if that makes sense.

Man, I really hate Crowell.
  The fact that killing one of his tortured prisoners in cold blood actually quenches his anger is downright sinister. Who's the real monster, I ask (that was a rhetorical question)?
  Something just occurred to me, but I need to ask a question about your creatures, first. Do they propagate by biting, or procreation, or both perhaps?

Last edited by Grayle (2008-01-04 20:31:42)

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Thank you very much, Grayle...I hope you enjoy the segment. Here's another bit before I go off and do a load of homework.

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Last edited by punxnotdead (2008-01-09 19:08:29)

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Me Likey, Punx!
I liked the TF sequence - especially the part where you mentioned his paws were 'able to cover long distances over snow-encrusted earth'. You added a correlation to the current setting, and it really added flavour to the sequence. Very well done!

The sequence with Shubert was very well-told from his perspective. You had me going with why a cop would carry around silver bullets, but having him call Crowell explained that very well.

  I also really appreciated the subtle discomfort that Steven showed when Alex appeared at his door and he let him into his house. Steven knew who it was, but it was like he still felt disheveled over the discovery that his friend had been a werewolf all this time - or that werewolves exist, for that matter. He was still a bit awkward dealing with it all. In my opinion, that was very realistic.

  It's going to be interesting to see how Alex explains his past..

lol -thanks very much, Punx. Personally, I'm just glad I got a fix of your story! I was checking just about every day in case you posted and I didn't get an update!

  I love the simple yet effective explanations that Alex is giving. I also liked how he was humble enough to appreciate that the was at least partially responsible for the strain on their friendship. It takes a lot of fortitude to do that. I also enjoyed Steven's matter-of-fact response. It's kind of like his attitude is 'okay, this is how it is. What's next?'
  The term 'water off a duck's back' comes to mind. I like that a lot.

  However, you may wish to leave out the Hulk comment for 2 reasons: one, just in case of copyright issues with Marvel Comics, and two, because one of the factors for Bruce Banner becoming the Hulk is due to his suffering from multiple personality disorder. Just so you know.

  I am sooooo totally captivated! I can hardly stand waiting to see what Alex has in store! What ingenious plan is forming in his lupine mind?
Oh, please post soon..

*Labrador gathers papers on floor and rolls them up, then hits Shubert with them*
"Bad Shubert! Bad Cop!"

sry - I could barely resist. Okay, now that I got that out of my system..

  I like how you've developed Shubert enough for the reader to relate to both him and his predicament. He was trying to take a short cut in achieving his dream, and things went tragically wrong as the deal he made started to go sour. Of course, you don't say all of that specifically, and you really don't have to. The circumstances speak for themselves.
  Very well done, Punx!

hmmmm... tragic sub-character, or reluctant ally?
Or, perhaps, something else...?

  There's obviously more to Shubert than I originally thought there would be. Very interesting.
Fair be it to tell, your tale begets questions forming in your reader's mind about the untold outcome befalling said brother of the younger. Oh, it will very well be a-captivating to see where you a-lead us from here! 
(That weird wordage is my Thomas Hardy imitation. It's not a very good one. Sorry.)

  In any case, this telling from Shubert's point of view offers a decent sub-plot that mixes well with the rest of the story. This is yet another characteristic of superior novels that your story is exhibiting.
  Well done, Punx!

Last edited by Grayle (2008-01-28 01:20:45)

Very interesting synopsis of the drug listed here. It makes you wonder what Crowell's intentions for the drug really are, and why he wants it out in the public so badly. Very interesting indeed.
   
  Alex's replies seemed to have a bit of a 'cold bite' to them - at least when compared to his replies to Steven back in the office. It will be interesting to see if there's a hidden reason for their abrasiveness developing in the near future. If so, it's a wonderfully subtle yet alternative form of foreshadowing!

  Forgive me for asking, but I wasn't sure about this: in the first paragraph, Steven was wearing a woolen jacket and Alex doesn't mind the cold. Is Alex the one wearing the threadbare sweater, or was it a stranger who passed them? I couldn't tell.

  The description of the shiver in the final paragraph was tantalizing! The wordage reminded me of an old storyteller next to the fire. That was terrific!
  I can't wait to see what Alex does to try to calm Steven down. I'm definitely ready for the next segment whenever you are..

Last edited by Grayle (2008-01-30 11:02:44)

Very Very Very wonderful development, Punx!

  I really enjoyed what Alex did to the credit card, and the explanation he gave for it. That was well thought out, and the sudden action was surprising. Nice addition!

I absolutely loved where you ended the segment, and who they met up with! It seems so logical that they'd be patrolling their territory, so of course they'd take note of 2 individuals approaching. It's an outcome that is both simple and logical; and I didn't see it coming, which made it even better!

Waiting patiently for more..

Very nice, Punx; easy to follow, too. It was nice to see Alex win Steven's appreciation by choosing their friendship over the other werewolves. Another testament to true friendship.
...And who's this Jason, anyway? I guess we'll see soon enough.

Bring on more when you can!

Addendum: I have a theory as to why Martina changed her mind when Alex made his choice clear, but we'll see if I'm right when you continue..

Last edited by Grayle (2008-02-07 15:51:59)