Very interesting, Writer.  The chosen one gains guidance from the watchful wise one. I'm going to be using the same formula coming up here in my story. It's a classic.
  Her disposition is refreshing compared to the rest of the gritty characters that Grey is currently dealing with.
  Keep it coming!

The ritual site in the forgotten forest:

The field was littered with bodies from both sides. Lumos carried Ash with him as he entered the field. He had gone to get blood to rejuvenate, human blood, he could have drank the were's blood but he looked over to one corps of a vamp who had stopped to drink from a fallen were and had his head torn off. . It was done, the battle had been lost by the look of things. The ritual...it had to be completed. He would get revenge, he would kill the were's, he would kill the Dark Figure, and he would kill that damned boy who had beaten him senseless. Ash had been conscienceless but had woken up not long ago. She knew she had been taken away from the prom, and from Grey. Many thoughts streamed through her mind about Grey, he had been so different then usual. He had appeared from nowhere and defended her from this....thing that now carried her. She would pretend to be asleep until she found a way to make her way to the prom, and hopefully to Grey.

Lumos looked over the field as he walked to the middle of the ritual ground, it would be finished, he would have power for his revenge. He set the girl to the side, she was not awake, no danger. He was still weak and battle torn but had made it here, that only mattered. He thought of the ritual and what had needed to be done. Blood, lots of blood was needed for this ritual. He looked over to a fallen were corpse and sighed.

Lumos dragged the body to the middle and sat in front of it. He took out his saber and started hacking. The blood went every where. When Lumos thought the amount would be enough he slide his saber in his leather holder and stood. He looked to the sky and recited words taught to him by the Dark Figure to the sky, the moon, and the earth. His body shook with the intensity of the power, it rumbled all around. Lumos started laughing, the body turned a deep, dark, satin red. It stopped there, nothing progressed. The flame stood at the same height and it didn't move...something was wrong.

"What?" Lumos asked no'one."Why isn't it working?!" He screeched.

"Try a something with live blood..." whispered a voice in Lumos's head. It sounded familiar....it was enticing, warm, and....Dark.

Lumos shook his head, he was hearing voices. But he saw something move to the side of him and grabbed at it.  He laughed as he was about to throw it in, he raised it to his head, about to throw it in. Lumos flew into the fire, his body hadn't been that far so it wasn't that hard for Ash to have pushed him. She stared at him as he fell into the fire, it was all in slow motion. The tip from one of his many hairs touched the fire and his whole body erupted into ashes and spiraled around the fire. The ashes burned bright and grew as red as the satin fire. The fire spun and spun in a spectacle of deep red flames. The flames seemed to be almost a deep red liquid as the twisted around and around...like...blood.

"...Beautiful..." Ash whispered in wonder.

She walked forward unknowingly, she was in a gaze. She stood in front of the blaze and reached out to her sides with her arms and took in a deep breath, but no air came in. The fire swarmed and flung itself inside her lungs, it swam outside, inside, all around the girl. Her hair lifted to the air, her body became fuller feeling, not empty, her cloths all swarmed and then dissipated from the fire that didn't harm her skin. Her soul, she could feel it, it....beat like a ...heart. Her whole body was in ecstasy from the feeling...of...fulfillment. Ash was lifted slightly into the air, her body pulsed one last time and the last of the fire entered her. She wasn't scared, she wasn't afraid, she was....perfect. Ash slowly was layed down on the ground by the force that had held her up. Her body curled into a ball, her eyes closed. Deep inside her, some other being made itself at home in Ash's soul. The spirit wrapped itself around her heart and essence, changing, entering, becoming Ash. Had her eyes been open it would have been evident to see the flooding red that passed over her eyes and disappeared before she fell into a deep sleep.

A black wolf strolled out to the girl, she was asleep. The wolf's head bent down just enough to reach the girls forehead. The wolf's muzzle lightly touched and the wolf pulled away. On the forehead of Ash, a small dark red mark glowed on her forehead. The black wolf leaped off into the forest, a white flash meet the black wolf and they ran together into the darkness. All was going to plan.

Grey emerged from the brush, Ash's scent was bursting here. He scanned the area with his eyes and saw a huddled mass of flesh on the ground. He sprinted over, his knees slide against blood colored leaves as he came to a stop next to Ash. He picked her up in his arms and hugged her, he had her, and he would never let her go. He looked to her forehead again thinking he had seen something but shook it off. He let her down again and took off his shirt and put it around Ash and cradled her into his lap. He waited for her to awaken in the battle field of lost souls, in a forgotten forest, not even questioning where the vampire had gone....but holding his mate.

Last edited by WritingWolf (2008-01-13 21:45:14)

Wow!
  It certainly looks as though you found a path to take - I know that was bothering you a while ago.
  This segment is obviously a large plot point, and deeper aspects of it will no doubt be explained later, but since there are so many things that happened in this one segment, it's going to be interesting to see how you develop them.

Grey_Tsume wrote:

nice story. Is that an actuall song that you used. If so what's the name of it.

Down with the Sickness by Disturbed, its a really good song with intensity that i thought matched the story.

Srry i gave you the wrong song before.

Last edited by WritingWolf (2008-01-14 17:24:48)

*I thought i would start putting chapters to help the story along, don't really know what chapter this would be down the line but i will just be doing names*

~Dreams of Blood and Ash~

Drums filled her ears, whispers of long past whipped through her head, a taste filled her but it wasn't familiar. A rushing feeling spun her, made her soul dance, and dance, she did. Ash opened her eyes to find herself in the middle of a Gothic meadow, damp, clouds rolled over head, fast, with the shaking booms and flashing blades of lightning. The grass was high, up to her knees, she spun and spun, eyes loomed from the grass, spinning, and spinning. The rain swirled down in patterns so divine, the mystic rhythm of every individual rain drop hitting their very own blade of grass chorused and sang.

Ash's body twisted this way and that, her soul flew with the winds and followed the rhythm of the rain. It was all going faster, faster, her heart had started to go faster, and faster, the wins grew in strength, the rain came in more complex patterns and was thicker, the grass thrashed around violently, the eyes now yellow blurs among the dark green canvas she danced for. The sky boomed, lightning snapped, wind howled, rain splattered, vision twisted this way and that, heart beat growing, faster, more rapid. She thought she saw birds in the sky but only saw black blurs zoom across the sky in fast forward.

The ground shook ever so slightly to move with the beat. All this rang hard and fast in her head, it all was her, had been her, she wanted it, she wanted it all. Ash's body stopped moving but the environment didn't. She stopped and looked straight up, her body arching, her arms slightly raised from both sides, her weight on her toes, the wind hitting her naked body. Her eyes didn't close, not for a second, they locked onto what all this was, her body became stiff. The clouds all started to twist, the wind circled her, the rain also took this pattern. Ash just stared up, lightning struck just in front of her but it didn't effect her. The grass went into a blaze, instantly the eyes zoomed around and around her, still visible from the flames, the whispers growing louder. The flames grew thick and fierce. Ash only looked up her inside absorbing everything, her soul grew, everything that was, became. Her mouth opened slightly and took in breath. The flames all around her, the rain, the booming of the sky, the light from the lighting, the grass's motion, the wind's freedom, all came inside that breath.

Ashes flowed from the fire and slipped into her mouth, past her rose red lips. The ashes were warm, she didn't choke on them as they entered her, rather, she absorbed them, like everything else that was here. Ash's eyes closed, her body felt odd, things around her started to calm. A hand fell gracefully on her shoulder, the hand was soft, thin but not small. Ash's eyes stayed closed, her body remained with the same feeling, but it grew. She felt like she was growing, like things around her were draining into her. A voice came from the person attached to the hand. The voice carried over the winds, the rain, the booms. It was a melody, soft, dreamy, seductive, but....dark. Ash could already tell the voice was from a beautiful women, beyond beautiful....angelic.

"Dear child" The voice said. There was a slight rustling of the women kneeling closer to Ash,"My sweet, dear, child. You have found me, us."

These words confused Ash but at the same time made her soul feel complete, like she was hearing herself talk if she was.....something more.

"Your name, Ash, it serves. What it serves you will learn, we will learn." Her voice almost trailed itself," The scene you feel around you, its been living inside you all this time, you have built it dear."

Ash tried to move but found her movement was like she was in water. The very air seemed to hold resistance to her movements. Her eyes still shut, her soul still filling, drowning with everything around her being absorbed.

"The male called....Rave. He will become a part of your future, our future. When he accepts his name your part will be played. Our part, we are one darling, both of us are only half without the other. I am that part to fill your void. Welcome.....to living."

The voice echoed, Ashes body felt the resistance grow, then her body pulsed. She felt everything around her swarm inside her and then everything stopped. Ash's eyes filled with that feeling, she couldn't help it, her hands flew to her face. Ash opened her eyes and she was in a small living area. It was the inside of Grey's trailer.

Last edited by WritingWolf (2008-01-29 19:00:40)

Thanks Grayle! But i would like it known that the earlier Transformation sequence for Grey is going to change soon, ive expanded my diction *witch always makes me so hapy * and it will be a little different later, i will post a heads up when i change it but also, there is MAJOR differences in the spirits and im very glad you caught that Grayle!

Last edited by WritingWolf (2008-01-30 13:36:55)

Writing I think you have me enthralled in this story. 

Ash looked all over the trailer, every thing being more detailed then she was used to. Cloths and scattered things all were seen in the mess. She inhaled and smelt his scent on the blankets, it warmed her slightly. The blankets were decorated with animals and native american looking drawings, the walls had pictures of Ash and Grey goofing around, the closest one was a still-frame of when she and Grey had visited their first poetry reading, she hadnt wanted to go but he had insisted. Her eyes followed the mess onto a corner where Grey sat in a computer chair that she remembered helping him steal from a garage sale and his head was laying on top of his arms, he was snoring slightly. She chuckled slightly. He had fallen asleep ...over something he had been working on. She slide from the bed and noticed she was wearing only one of Grey's shirts. Excitment rang through her body for a second then subsided. She looked over and found a pair of Grey's pants and decided they would be acceptable.

When the pants were on and a belt was securly put on and wrapped around, she looked over at her old friend and...boyfreind that slept. But that word didnt jump out like it had...now some other word felt needed to describe. She pondered over it for a second, then decided to walk over and wake Grey. The carpet that coated the floor of the trailer was soft but not new. Nothing here was new but that was ok with Ash, it was comfertable. She reached him and looked over him, he was ...different. His body was..slimmer, his features had changed...alote. Her gaze traced down his arms and a shiver went through her again as she saw how his muscles had changed also. She looked up at his face for the first time since she had awakened and jumped. His hair...it was...silver. Her hands flew to his hair and ran through it, she was despretly trying to identify her old freind her...new love.

"What happened to you...." she whispered in awe. Sudden realization flashed through her mind like a speeding bullet, "What happened last night?" She asked herself, now a little shooken, but odly not worried. It was like she had all the confidence she needed and more, like she could take any problem that could come from whatever action...it was a sence of freedom.

She looked down at what he had fallen asleep on. It was a notebook, on it were scribbled words that covered the page. The notebook was sticking out from under his arm, luckly not the one where Grey's head was rested on. She lightly grabbed the corner of the notebook and started to pull. She noticed how the paper was full with texture, it was dry. This was all really stupid to notice but...her fingures could feel every wrinkle and indent on the paper. She really didnt want to wake Grey, but perhaps this had some answers to what had happened last night...and why she felt so..alive.

(short but I am out of time, I will write more when I have the chance, the changes to the TS for Grey has still not been changed.)

Last edited by WritingWulf (2008-02-15 14:25:22)

Very wonderful depiction, Wolf.
  I enjoyed the visual descriptions you used, of the pictures and the clothes and the carpet, even the paper pages that she touched. It was very easy to understand what she was seeing.
  I found it interesting that she not only acknowledged the change in herself, but also himself, and then she was not necessarily afraid of the change, but enticed by it. Such fertile ground is usually found in the heart of an explorer, so it will be interesting to see how Ash's character develops from here.
  Excellent job, Wolf! Keep it up, Please!

Very nice addition, Wolf.

I appreciate how Grey writes his feelings down, almost like doing so helps him gather his thoughts and feelings into a form that he can better understand. I also liked Ash's reactions to what she read, even if she didn't notice her reactions immediately. It adds to the idea that both she and Grey are in this together, going through the same thing, but it's subtle enough that it doesn't overpower the reading of the journal.

I was thinking that, since this segment has excerpts from Grey's journal, you could put the excerpts in italics, separating them from the narrative. Granted, the double quotes that you are currently using effectively do the same thing, but I've noticed that many stories put TV reports, article and journal segments, and even notes and memos in italics. I don't think it's a hard rule or anything, but you could play around with it to see if you like it. Again, just a thought.   

In either case, this was a great addition and well worth the wait. Keep it coming!

I can't tell you how to, because when I put the code for changing it into italics..it well, changes into italics!! I'll try to explain differently. Put [ and ] around an i before the sentance. At the end of what you want italics, put [ and ] around a /i if you can't understand this, I can show you on MSN! (To bold something, do the same except for the i and /i use a b.)

Liked the section, can't wait for him to wake up and see his reaction to Ash reading his journal. Continue!!

Last edited by LuminusPup (2008-02-25 12:27:11)

*claps hands wildly* wonderful! Thx guys!

Ah, yes; the tormenting nightmare. The dreamer is forced to watch himself take action on his deepest, darkest fears - actions that cannot be stopped or diverted, because the dreamer is only there to observe, endure, and suffer as their own fears are realized. It's often used in literature as a milestone when a person's life is changing in a way that they cannot control, and it's scaring them because they don't know where the changes will lead them. I like the fact that you are using it here.
 
  Even better is the fact that Ash has apparently accepted her role, and can act as a sheltered harbour for Grey's uncertainty later on. It's a very nice contrast to Grey's internal turmoil, and avoids the pitfall of overwhelming the scene with the protagonist's inner torture.

  Very nice, and very interesting. Good job, Wolf!