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#1 2008-01-03 09:53:05
The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Just a short little thing I've been thinking about for a while. Mostly an exercise in writing in the first person. Let me know if I nailed it, or failed miserably.
I stared at the computer screen, an inexplicable lump rising in my throat. I couldn’t speak, and felt a little dizzy. The mouse cursor trembled slightly as I carefully saved the file and ran the grammar check. After I fixed a few typos, I saved the file once more and opened a browser window, logging onto the Forum, which had recently become one of my favorite places on the internet. I posted a reply to my own topic, whispering the words to myself as I typed.
My God. It’s finished.
I have to go lay down.
A wave of exhaustion washed over me as I submited my post. I clicked back over to the document I’d just finished, and hit the save button several more times. This story is the longest thing I’d ever written, and loosing it now would probably break my heart. Sure, it wasn’t exactly High Literature, but it was mine, a dozen notebooks, half filled with random sentences, phrases, and doodles remind me of the four months I spent working on it, imagining it, creating it. I felt a little melancholy, after so much effort, I’d finally finished something I’d never done before. I’d written a story, from the ground up, and judging from the responses to the parts I’d posted online, it wasn’t half bad. I hit save a few more times, feeling foolishly paranoid, slipped my shirt over my head, and collapsed on my bed, not even bothering with the covers.
My eyes snapped open as I heard a clatter from the kitchen. It was dark outside, but not yet night. Squinting at the clock, I realize it’s a bit too early for either of my roommates to be home. Several months earlier, another apartment in our building had been broken into, and in a flurry of activity, we’d installed several new locks, both on the front door, and on the doors to each of our rooms. We were, after all, successful college graduates in our twenties. We might wonder where the money for food would come from, but we spared no expense when it came to our video games and computers.
As quietly as I could manage, I slipped off my bed, and grabbed my cane from its spot leaning against my dresser. I didn’t use it much, but it was handy when the cold weather aggravated my knee and iced over the sidewalks. I held the cane like a club as I threw back the bolt and pulled my bedroom door open.
A tall young man with wavy, dirty blond hair stared at me, a puzzled grin on his face. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. He held a take out Chinese food container in one hand, and skillfully used the chopsticks in the other to bring the noodles into his mouth. Once he swallowed, he gave me a broad smile.
“Hi Nik!” he said cheerfully.
“Who… who?” I stammered, holding the cane high above my head, ready to dash forward and brain him.
The stranger smiled again, glancing up at the cane I held. “You can put that down, I’m not going to hurt you. How could I do that to you, Nik?”
“I’m not…. My name isn’t…” I stammered. I felt foolish, and lowered the cane to the ground, leaning on it slightly. I realized how foolish I must have looked, half-naked, brandishing a cheap cane as if it were a deadly weapon, shivering a little in the cool air of the kitchen. Obviously, this was a friend of one of my roommates, and he’d forgotten my name. “It’s James.” I said softly.
“James? No, you’re Niktoma.” The stranger replied, sticking the chopsticks into the container and offering me his hand. “Aaron Chapman. It’s really exciting to meet you.”
I made quiet, confused noises as the stranger shook my hand. Niktoma? Aaron Chapman? This must have been some kind of joke, Niktoma was a name I used online, and Aaron Chapman was a character I’d created for the story I’d just finished. “Who are you, really?” I asked suspiciously, tightening my grip on the cane once more.
“Really, I’m Aaron Chapman, you know me, a lot better than you think you do, actually.” He replied.
I stared at him. He resembled the image of Chapman I’d created in my head while writing the story. No, scratch that, he was the image of Chapman I’d created. “How…?” I muttered, looking around the room.
“I don’t really know, but we really need to talk.” He replied.
Suddenly, from out in the hallway, I heard one of my roommates fumbling with his keys.
“Quick!” I whispered, “Get in my room.” Aaron looked at me with a strange grin as I pushed him through the doorway and closed my bedroom door behind us.
Aaron sat on my bed, looking around the room, placing the container of food on my desk. “Nice room.” He muttered softly. “It’s a little dark, though, don’t you think.”
“What the hell is going on here?” I muttered to him. “You can’t possibly be who you say you are!”
“Why not?” Aaron asked, looking at me with a serious expression.
“Because… Because!” I stammered back. I sat on my chair and rubbed my eyes. By nature, I wasn’t an excitable person, but I wondered if I’d lost my mind recently.
“Listen,” Aaron said calmly, “all I know is that we need to talk about your story. My story.”
“It isn’t your story! I don’t know what’s going on here, but you are obviously NOT a fictional character I imagined!” I grunted. From the kitchen, I could hear my roommate pause outside my door.
“James, are you in there?” He asked.
“Yeah…” I replied weakly.
“Is everything alright?”
“Who’s that?” Aaron whispered.
“Yeah, everything’s, um, fine.” I replied, wishing it were true.
“Do you have someone in there with you?” My roommate asked teasingly. “Did you bring home a guy?”
“Um, um…” I muttered, focusing a nasty glare on Aaron.
“Can I meet him? You never bring guys home!” My roommate asked.
“I don’t think that’s really a good idea.” I replied.
“Well, I’m going to Mel’s for dinner, the whole Perkins family will be there, and I have to meet them all.”
“Mel Perkins?” Aaron whispered to me, his eyes open wide.
“I borrowed the name!” I whispered back, “Now shut up!”
I heard my roommate open the fridge. “JAMES!” He yelled, “Did you eat my Chinese?”
I glanced down at the container Aaron had been holding. “Great,” I whispered to him, “you’re getting me in trouble. Yeah, I did, sorry.” I added, raising my voice.
My roommate sighed moodily. “Sometimes I don’t get you.” He muttered. I felt bad, but what could I do? No, it wasn’t me, honest, a werewolf ate your leftovers, get mad at him! Not likely. “I’m leaving.” My roommate added. I heard him close the door behind him and walk down the hallway.
“Okay.” I shouted at Aaron once we were alone again. “You can’t really be Aaron Chapman.”
“No need to yell, I’m right here. I am Aaron Chapman, I live in a small town, in an apartment with Lex Kolak, and we hang out at Changes bar, where Mel serves us, on the weekend.”
“Oh, come on!” I cried. “Anyone on the internet could have found that out! Who are you really?”
“Fine. Changes was originally called Chang’e’s, there’s a mural on one wall of a Chinese goddess sitting on the moon, with a big rabbit under a tree.”
My jaw dropped. How could he know that? I’d imagined that, but I’d never added it to the story. I reached for a notebook and flipped through its pages. “Like that?” I asked, showing him a crude sketch.
“Well, the one at the bar is nicer, but yeah, that’s basically it. Believe me now?”
“This can’t be happening.” I muttered, staring at the ceiling.
“It is.” Aaron said soothingly. “Here, look at this.” He pulled the collar of his shirt down, exposing a v-shaped scar on his shoulder. “Lex gave me that, when he saved my life.”
I stared at the scar, struck dumb. It looked exactly as I described it in my story. In the section I’d just finished. In the section no one but me had read yet. “Why are you here?” I whispered softly.
“Like I said, we need to talk about our story.”
“Our… story.” I repeated. “I’ve just finished it.”
“That’s exactly my point. You created me, filled me with all this angst, tortured me, damn near killed me, and then granted my two greatest wishes. It can’t be finished, not yet, I didn’t even get a chance to enjoy myself!”
“Sorry, I’ve got nothing left to write. The story’s over.” I replied, feeling a little guilty.
“I won’t accept that!” Aaron yelled fiercely. “There has to be more!”
“There’s nothing!” I yelled back. “I wrapped up every loose end, there’s nothing left to tell!”
“That’s not true. When Vernon carried me through the town, he stopped to talk to a wolf, I can almost remember it. You never explained why Vernon can talk to wolves.”
“He just can.” I replied. It wasn’t a very good answer.
“There has to be an answer! You can’t just leave that hanging, it isn’t fair! All the stuff you put me through, you owe me!”
“Even if I did write an explanation, it would have already happened. If you were in that story at all, you’d just be a kid!”
“I’ve always wondered what I was like as a kid.” Aaron said simply.
“You were a mischievous little bastard, I’m sure.” I replied.
“That goes without saying.” Aaron sighed, a glint in his eye. “If you write that story, maybe it’ll trigger something else. We all didn’t just stop existing once you finished writing, give us something to do.”
“I can’t promise anything.”
“You can promise you’ll try.” Aaron replied. “That’s half of what I want.”
“Only half?” I asked.
“Yeah, I just had one more question.” Aaron broke into a sly grin. “Since you imagined me, does that make me the man of your dreams?”
“I always knew you’d be a smart ass.” I sighed, closing my eyes.
“I’m leaving.” My roommate’s voice thundered from the kitchen.
I opened my eyes, I was laying on the bed, my head spinning. “I thought you’d already gone.”
“Nope. Do me a favor, next time you get hungry, eat your own food.”
“Okay.” I replied, my voice shaking. My roommate left the apartment, the sound of his footsteps echoing the ones I remembered hearing. I rubbed my hands over my face. “It was all a dream.” I whispered softly. I could hear a faint, familiar voice in my head.
Give us something to do.
I grabbed a notebook off my desk, found a pen, and began to write. Images of glistening snow flashed through my mind, and I struggled to capture them in words before they faded. I smelled something tasty, making my stomach rumble. There, on my desk, sat an open container of Chinese food, a set of chopsticks sticking out the top, like an old TV antenna.
“It was all a dream.” I repeated, to reassure myself, but it felt hollow. I don’t even know how to use chopsticks.
'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.
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#2 2008-01-03 10:43:54
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Ha! That was Fun!
I think this would be a really nifty little transition if you were to pick up with the Vernon story and use it all in the same book - kind of like a little foreshadowing commercial in the middle. I like it.
Though I have to admit, it's too bad it couldn't start with "I woke with a start. It was just a nightmare." It would fit in with that topic pretty well, and that's not just another shameless plug..
Seriously, this was an awesome, twisty little idea, Niktoma. Well Done!
To thy known wolf be true...
"Yay! We're Doomed!" -- Gir
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#3 2008-01-03 17:21:25
- LoupGarouAngel
- Member
- From: USA
- Registered: 2006-09-20
- Posts: 5420
- Website
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Bwhahaha!
That's frickin' awesome!
It reminds me of this story I wrote in which I meet Sam and Dean Winchester,it's always fun to include yourself in some stories!
Great job Niktoma,loved it!
"You're like one of those lab rats that hits the pleasure button instead of the food until it dies!" Sam-Houses of the Holy.
"Dude, you Fugly." Dean-Scarecrow.
A therian who's a wanna be screenwriter, but doesn't have a life story that fits the bill...
http://loupgarouangel.deviantart.com/
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#4 2008-01-03 20:27:36
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Thanks guys!
Grayle, you know me too well. If I can manage it tonight, I want to post a bit of the next story. Unfortunately, I seem to have picked up some sort of uber cold that is randomly attacking the different systems in my body, and I might just turn over after I get this done.
'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.
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#5 2008-01-03 22:43:00
- punxnotdead
- Member
- From: Canada...eh?
- Registered: 2006-05-09
- Posts: 11300
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Ha! Ha! Ha! I love your story. You have a great way of creating humor. I couldn't keep a straight face throughout the section. You could never fail miserably at any of your stories. So, does this mean you're going to create a sequal? *Crosses fingers*
Your story just lightened my mood!
I'm an aspiring bodybuilder!
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!
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#7 2008-12-18 12:50:40
- punxnotdead
- Member
- From: Canada...eh?
- Registered: 2006-05-09
- Posts: 11300
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Nope, it's a continuation (ish) from his story, or loosely based on it. I strongly suggest you check it out. It's very good.
I'm an aspiring bodybuilder!
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!
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#8 2008-12-19 11:51:02
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Nah, it's not plagiarism. Stephen King hardly invented the concept of an author interacting with one of his characters. That would be like saying that every story that involves people hiding to make a sneak attack plagiarizes Homer.
Plagiarism is a serious offense, and it isn't a charge one should throw down lightly. It's actually quite insulting, even if you preface it with "No offense".
Last edited by Niktoma (2008-12-19 12:01:01)
'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.
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#9 2008-12-19 18:57:34
- FenrirVik
- Space Cowboy
- From: Home
- Registered: 2007-11-13
- Posts: 5368
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Niktoma, that was perhaps the best thing I have read all day. How unique, of you to put it in that way.
Synchronicity
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#10 2008-12-19 22:12:07
- silver&gray
- Member
- From: The States.
- Registered: 2008-12-10
- Posts: 33
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Would it help to say I AM TRULY SORRY. I confuse my words sometimes and that it is a great story. Also, ***** I have only read 2 books of Stephen King's, though I AM SAYING THAT STEPHEN KING HAS BEEN ACUSED OF PL\lagerism. So yes I'm saying he might be a Pagerist. I also make random connections mabye I did that. My mind is diffrent up to a level only I understand. I will say it again. I AM SORRY TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL. By the way Vernon Hears a Howl was extremely good. I read it while I felt bad about this. Any Recomend Dations for other stories.
Last edited by silver&gray (2008-12-20 21:35:21)
Good and Evil shows through in all of us.
But it depends what we are inside.
By the Prickling on my thumb, Something Wicked this way comes-Shakespear.
There is no good or evil depending how you look at it.
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#11 2008-12-20 00:05:36
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
No problem, Silver, I'm quite over it. It was just somewhat of a shock, and rather hurtful to hear that, but no harm done.
There's a list ***** has put together of some of the best stories by some of the best authors here, I'd start there if you are looking for things to read. It's in this section, but it's not sticky, I don't think. You should be able to find it pretty easily.
'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.
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#12 2008-12-20 00:55:18
- punxnotdead
- Member
- From: Canada...eh?
- Registered: 2006-05-09
- Posts: 11300
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
Okie, the situation is resolved But a good story is always worth defending
I'm an aspiring bodybuilder!
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!
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#13 2008-12-20 10:25:43
- silver&gray
- Member
- From: The States.
- Registered: 2008-12-10
- Posts: 33
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
There was no pain intended at all. I meant to point out the fact it was similar and I got the words mixed up.
Good and Evil shows through in all of us.
But it depends what we are inside.
By the Prickling on my thumb, Something Wicked this way comes-Shakespear.
There is no good or evil depending how you look at it.
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#14 2008-12-20 13:00:04
- Goldie
- Member
- From: Algonquin, Someplace
- Registered: 2008-05-04
- Posts: 209
Re: The Visit (A one-shot deal)
soooooo, um, eh, Moo, please write more soon.
how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????
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