Thanks you guys.    It makes me happy to have people enjoy my work.  Grayle I'm working on the re-writes for the last couple of sections and hope to have new stuff up this weekend.

cool >_< to bad I wasn't that cute when I was smaller, i was a devil child T_T

CursedPuppy wrote:

cool >_< to bad I wasn't that cute when I was smaller, i was a devil child T_T

Really?  So never a dull moment with you as a kid then right? 

Personally I'd say you could edit the posts you already have here with the new stuff, if you want. I know it's more work, but I believe that may be the  best option.

  So far you've only got 2 pages here, so re-reading the posts you already have it wouldn't be too strenuous. You could also email me the changes if you'd prefer not to re-edit your posts, but that would mean only the people you email would see your changes. Putting a new post with an all-encompassing update may be a little daunting for your readers, and new ones that come along may not wish to re-read what they have already read.

  Even so, the choice is yours, and I'll read it regardless of what path you take.

Ok, I did a rewrite for part 5, let me know what you think, oh and here is some new material.  I hope you all enjoy.

Part 8 (Edit)

Elizabeth sat on the old wooden bench in the train station.  She had been there for several hours, the man at the ticket counter had informed her that there were delays due to a wreck on the tracks and they would get it resolved as soon as possible.  This did little to comfort her, she had even considered going on foot the distance to the family farm.  She muttered, “I could run there faster than this.â€� The old woman sitting next to her looked at her sharply, then returned to the book she was reading.  Elizabeth kept replaying the events of the past day. 

When she realized what she had done she grabbed the telephone receiver and pressed it hard against her right ear.  She couldn't believe it, Julian; her precious baby boy was alive.  All the tears she had been holding back suddenly poured from her eyes as if a dam had burst.  She talked with Julian and her mother for nearly two hours.

“But momma, I don't understand.  Why did you do this?  Why did you put me through such an ordeal?â€�

“Elizabeth, listen, you have to get here as soon as you can.  All will be explained when you get back home.  It is here that you will remember.â€�

Elizabeth was still upset that her own mother would go to such lengths to have her come home, but something about the way she was speaking; it was so comforting.  Almost as if she was right there with her, with her hands clasped in hers.  Elizabeth agreed she would catch the next train and be there as soon as she could.

She stood up from her position on the floor and hung up the phone gently.  She turned around and her eye caught sight of something.  On the counter in front of her was a family photo.  It looked so innocent in its brass frame, but upon seeing it the fury Elizabeth had been holding back suddenly boiled over.  One thought possessed her mind.  She stomped over to the picture and picked it up.  She looked at his likeness; she studied every feature of him.  She wanted to make sure that she would never forget.  “You betrayed me; you violated the sanctity of our marriage.  You always taking what you wanted and leaving everyone else with nothing.  I will see that you do that no longer.  One day!  One day, you will know the true extent of the hurt you have caused us all!â€�  She spoke in a strange growling sound.  Then with a quick flick of the wrist, the picture flew across the room and hit the far wall of the kitchen.  The sound of the breaking glass was music to her ears.  The sound was almost freeing in a way.  Suddenly, Elizabeth felt a rush of energy.  She dashed through each room of the house, vandalizing and breaking each picture that had Frank included in it.  With each one that she destroyed, it felt as though part of her was being reclaimed from an emotional abyss.

When she finished with all the pictures she moved on and broke every piece of crockery in the cupboards, she even smashed in the television set.  Once all of that was broken she breathed a sigh of relief.  Elizabeth felt so much better; the dark feelings that had clouded her mind began to recede.  She ran upstairs and packed a few clothes and toiletries, but then one last thing caught her eye.  On the night stand on Frank's side of the bed lay his golden pocket watch.  It was his prized possession, inherited from his grandfather.  She couldn’t believe that he would leave his most prized possession.  He never let it out of his sight.  She picked up the watch and looked at it for a moment.  “So he left you behind just like he did me and my son?â€� A thought crossed her mind, “He wouldn’t leave it here forever; he will be back for it.  Well let’s just see if I can make his day then.â€�  With an almost sadistic grin, she dropped the watch on the floor and began to grind it into a pulp with the heel of her foot. 

The frustration she felt from having to wait so long seemed to vanish in that moment as her mind replayed destroying the watch.  She would have given anything to see Frank's face when he came looking for that thing.

Last edited by wolfsongx (2008-03-20 10:59:13)

ITS AMAZING! hehe

Just got caught up.  Dang!

  I loved the wordage you used in this segment - dammed up tears, fury boiling over, emotional abyss... you even used the work 'crockery'! That was great!
  I enjoyed the fact that since she now knew her son was safe and she would be seeing him again, she gave way to her feelings toward Frank. That was a very decent order of priorities, and it worked very well.

The only things I might suggest:
  Perhaps a comment or two that mentions her feeling betrayed by Frank - it would reinforce the reason for her anger in the eyes of some readers.
  I liked the idea of destroying the watch, but you may wish to include a comment that she couldn't believe he forgot his precious keepsake and there was no doubt that he would be returning for it, so she would leave it for him where he could find it easily. It just might explain away the reason why he left such a sentimentally valuable thing behind.
  If you're going to keep the paragraph covering Frank's return and viewing the broken watch, you might want to expand his feelings on the matter to deepen his character. Again, it depends on if your story is going to follow here he goes and what he does from here, as well as following Elizabeth and Julian. If you're not going to follow Frank's story, you really don't need that final paragraph; does that make sense?

As to part 5, I really liked the re-working. How about you? Can you feel the difference in the tone?

In any case, Wolfsong, this story is really progressing very well, and I can't wait for more. Very nice indeed!

Ok I made some changes to part 8 and I think they do add to the overall story.  Thanks for you input Grayle.  And now, here is some more!

Part 9

“When will mommy be here?�

Agatha replied to his inquiry, “Soon sweetie.  Why don’t you go play?â€�

“Ok granny.â€�  Julian trotted off to the back yard and began to play with the wolf kin outside.  Julian loved being with the wolves, and the wolves loved playing with him.  To the wolves, Julian was the newest puppy of the pack, and they were teaching him their games.  They showed him how to move through the forest quietly and see nature’s beauty.  They would wrestle with him in the soft grass and leaves on the ground, licking and nipping at him occasionally and listening to his childish squeals of delight. 

Julian didn’t realize that he was being taught so much more from the wolves than mere games.  He didn’t fully understand that they were preparing him for his first change.  He had to be ready; the first change was the most important time in his werewolf life.  For this would be the time that he would begin his true understanding of the world he lived in, why his family loved him so much, and why he had always felt so scared when he was alone.  For now Julian didn’t feel alone, he was happy, he felt as if he truly belonged here.  His happiness was only intensified by the promise that his mother would soon be there. 

Riverstone laid down and motioned Julian to get onto his back.  Julian understood his signal and climbed up onto his strong back.  Riverstone stood up and began to run toward the forest.  The other wolves immediately followed suit.  Julian loved the sensation of moving so fast, with the wind moving through his hair.   He wished that this moment would never end.

Very nice addition, Wolfsong!

  I really appreciated the way you gave the reader knowledge about the werewolf culture. You explained how 'Julian didn't understand that...' and then went onto the explanation. It was a great way of explaining things to the reader without explaining them to Julian. That was a nice technique!
  I also liked the detail you added about the wolf pups playing with Julian. Very nice!

  Technically speaking, there was one paragraph that had multiple topics, but that's not a big deal. The part with Riverstone is set up for some detail expansion in later drafts, but again, nothing to be concerned with now.

   I'm looking forward to more, Wolfsong! Great job!

Ok, part 10.  Enjoy!

It took just a moment and they were at the tree line of the forest.  Riverstone laid down and let Julian climb off.  Julian looked at Riverstone and then looked to the forest; he saw the fallen leaves on the ground, in their beautiful shades of red and gold.  His gaze returned to Riverstone and he asked, “Are we going in?â€�  Riverstone stood up and nodded his head.  Julian acknowledged his answer and began to move forward through the tree line, Riverstone and the other wolves following close behind.  They walked for a few minuets until they came close to a small hole in the ground.



Riverstone motioned for Julian to approach the hole.  Julian got on all fours and began to approach the hole with the stealth of a wolf pup.  He remembered this game.  He had to sneak up to the hole and see if the hare was there in his burrow.  Julian came to the mouth of the hole and began to sniff.  He could tell that the hare had been there recently but was gone, he looked over toward a bush and notice some broken stems and the hare’s paw print in the soft earth.  Julian got up and went back to the others and gave him his report.  Riverstone nodded, satisfied with the work Julian had done, and laid down for Julian to get on his back again.



The wolves moved closer to where the hare’s paw print was and all began to sniff.  Searching the air for that one stream of smell that would lead them to their quarry.  Riverstone’s mind was working overtime; he couldn’t help but marvel at how far Julian had come in such a short time.  “His senses are sharpening, and he is beginning to call upon his instincts.  Begin in the cancerous human places for so long had us all scared.â€�  Riverstone snapped out of his heavy thought when the scent of the hare filled his nostrils coming from the east.  This means the hare is moving toward the river.  He signaled the others and they all began moving silently and swiftly through the dense underbrush.  Riverstone thought to himself, “First kill.  I hope the child is ready for his first taste of blood.â€�

Thank you Grayle, yes I was wanting to focus on the 'games' at this point but I can flesh out the forest in later revisions.  I hadn't really considered doing that but I think it is a good idea.  As always I thank you for your input.

Thanks CursedPuppy!  Glad you are enjoying!

This is a very creative way of bringing Julian into his being. It sparks of the tale about a boy raised by wolves, but only just. It's still fresh and unique, and keeps the audience captivated.
  I love how Julian is being so gently encouraged by the others to try hunting the hare, and how the werewolf in him is making characteristic appearances before the physical ones.
  Very nicely done, Wolfsong!