Keep going, looking foward to the net installment!

Ok, part 12.  Enjoy everyone!

Thump thump.  Time seemed to slow to a crawl, every minute motion appeared before him in greater detail than his young mind could ever think possible.  Thump thump.  The sounds of the forest, the trickle of the water, the wind rustling bare branches all began to fade.  Thump, thump.  One noise remained, a steady thumping that pounded in his ears.  An older person may have mistaken that as their own heart pounding in their ears from anticipation, but that was not the case.  Thump, thump.  Julian had begun to feel it since he started to approach the hare.  Suddenly the steady rhythm he heard changed.  Thump thump thump. 

The hare had been enjoying a nice cool drink from the river side.  He didn't feel like crossing the river today, last time he fell in and got wet.  That made for a rather unpleasant evening in his borough.  He would occasionally sniff the air to make sure no one was approaching, and then return to cool water of the river.  Suddenly he had the feeling he was being watched.  He perked his ears to hear if anything was around, nothing was heard.  The only sounds existing were the water and wind.  The hare bent down to drink in some more water but suddenly his heart began to pound wildly, he was more than being watched, he was being hunted.  His body was frozen with fright; to afraid to turn around to see his predator and to frightful too escape.

The rhythm of the thumping was now so erratic, Julian felt that the hare was terrified.  Normally he wouldn't have wanted to hurt the hare in fact he loved all animals, but the predatory nature was beginning to make itself know to him; it was in control now and it hungered.  Julian came withing striking distance of the hare, his nose filled with the scent of the prey, the sound of its heart beating as if it was going to explode.  Julian's vision began to swirl, all the colors of the scene in front of him merging together till he could see nothing.

After what seemed an eternity in darkness Julian awoke, the freshly maimed corpse of the hare in his hands.  Julian didn't understand, he though that this was just a game but now the body of the hare was still and lifeless, and half gone as well.  He dropped the body and touched his face and he felt something around his mouth, he puled his hand back and saw red liquid on it.  He fell to the ground and began to weep bitterly.  Wondering why he had done this.  His young mind still not fully grasping what had happened to him. 

Suddenly he felt something cold and wet on the side of his face.  He looked up and Riverstone was beside him licking his face.  He looked into his eyes with a sadness that wanted to ask why this happened.  Riverstone continued to lick Julian's face, not only was he cleaning off the blood but he was comforting Julian.  With each touch of the tongue he seemed to tell Julian that it was the way things are supposed to be.  The other wolves approached and began to nuzzle Julian gently until he stopped crying.

Last edited by wolfsongx (2008-04-11 20:42:42)

Colin thank you for your critique!  I always appreciate positive and negative feedback.  I'm open to examples of how you think I can tie the images together, when you have time.  Thanks for reading and giving me you feedback!

I agree with C.G. that the losing consciousness is very unique and I can see how it develops the confusion of the character. However, it also causes the reader to wonder what happened during the blackout and, depending how you play it, could end up confusing the reader as well. In a way, it could disappoint some readers ("Aw, Man! We don't get to see how little Julian takes down the rabbit?").
  Yet even so, like C.G. said, it develops a darker side to the character and can help the reader relate to the confusion of the character. So, in either case it works; it's just something that you may not want to use too often.

  Personally, I'm a little indecisive about the character development of the Hare. It was a beautifully creative piece and an intriguing idea to give the audience a look into the animal's hum-drum life, but it also feels like it makes the flow of the scene stumble a bit - kind of like that paragraph about Frank, earlier. I do like it, but I'm not sure it has a place here.. Again, that's just me.

  I'm very interested to see what happens when Julian's mom finally arrives on the farm - then again, maybe she's already arrived as the pack took Julian out hunting, we don't know. Still, I'm looking forward to what she ends up remembering.

  Keep it coming, Wolfsong!

Grayle, CG, thank you for your input.  You don't know how much I appreciate it!  Looks like I have a bit of revising to do for part 12.  The actual take down of the hare I wanted to bring to light at Julian's first change; ya know to try and resolve questions the reader may have on how it played out.  At any rate, you guys are great at challenging me and my writing, and I look forward to more constructive criticism from you all!

Thanks Greaver, I'm glad you are enjoying it.  Well I'm officially on vacation now, and since I'm actually gonna be out of town all next week I'm not sure it I will have part 13 done by next weekend.  I will see what I can do. 

Ok, how is this for the next section?

Scotophobia Part 13

Suddenly, Julian could no longer feel the touch of the wolves.  In fact, he couldn't feel anything.  He began to open his eyes and he saw nothing.  The forest, the pack, the river, everything was gone.  He became frightened, his breathing became shallow, his heart jumped to a quicken pace.  He tried to scream but no sound would come forth from his mouth.  He tried to run, but he couldn't feel anything beneath him, it was as if he were floating in mid air.  Julian couldn't take this, he shut his eyes and placed his arms around is head; salty tears falling from his eyes and hitting nothing beneath him.

Then, without warning, he heard something come up behind him.  He ceased his sobbing and was petrified with fear.  Part of him wanted to turn and see what it was behind him, but the panic and doubt in his mind kept him still.  It was just like his dreams.  The horrible dreams that had plagued him for so long.  Since he came to the farmhouse he hadn't been frightened by the dreams as he did back home, but now the fear welled inside him once more.  He could feel it standing there, it's hot breath hitting the back of his neck.  He could even feel it brush against his skin every few seconds.  The entity's breathing became heavier, the heat of it's breath making Julian more and more frightened.  Suddenly, Julian heard the voices of his uncles.  “You are such a brave boy, such a strong boy Julian.â€�  Their words echoed in his mind; he began to feel the fright inside of him wain.  Now it was being replaced by a new sensation, a feeling that was foreign to Julian.  It was courage than began to fill his being.  He took a breath and slowly began to turn his head to confront the embodiment of his fear.

amazing!

definatly worth the wait.

Thanks you guys, I'm glad you are enjoying it.  I may have more up by the weekend, if we are lucky. 

I think I'm going to start reading this story. It may take a while to catch up on it, but I'm definately curious as to what it's about...so the reading shall commence...

I'm sorry it has taken do long to get the next section out.  Life problems and such.  But here it is, the next section.  I'm anxious to know what you all think.  Enjoy!

Scotophobia Part 14

Julian's heart raced as he began to turn around.  Inside him fear and courage were battling for control.  Fear kept pleading with Julian, “Please don't, it will hurt you!  You will never be the same, your father will never love you again!â€�

Courage would rebuttal, “You need to make the choice Julian, don't let fear control you.  Stay calm and remember that change is everywhere, it is part of all life.â€�

Julian couldn't understand fully what this all meant, but he had decided to be brave; his family at the farm house believed in him he thought why shouldn't he.  He shut his eyes and turned fully around, he could feel the entities' breath now at his face.  He gulped hard and opened his eyes.

Directly in front of Julian was a large brown wolf.  It was different from the others he had seen; for he had not yet seen his human kin change to their werewolf selves yet.  Its shoulders were broad and powerful; the front paws had thumbs like human hands but wider and with long black claws.  He thought to himself, “This is the biggest wolfie I've ever saw.â€�  He gazed into it's eyes.  The creatures eyes were a deep brown, just like its thick and wavy fur.  Julian looked deeply into those eyes and he saw something strange about them, they were almost human.  They beamed with pride as Julian continued to look at them.  Julian's heart calmed down and a smile crossed his face; he was not afraid of the entity anymore. 

The mouth of the creature began to move and Julian heard it's voice.  It said, “You see now that I am not here to hurt you?â€�  Julian nodded.  “Good, you are such a brave boy Julian.  Few will turn and face what they are afraid of.  You are on your way through a wondrous journey, I'll be around to help guide you.â€�  The creature turned and began to leave.

Julian cried out, “Who are you?�

As the giant form faded into the darkness it spoke, “I am your strength.�

Last edited by wolfsongx (2008-05-20 19:45:25)

Hey everyone.  Sorry but with preparing for the move I haven't had time for writing.  As soon as I'm settled in my new apartment I will get the next section up.  Thank you all for your patience.