Were are getting to the good part! 

Scotophobia 31

The next days passed without incident; everyone seemed to settle back into country life.  For Elizabeth it was wonderful.  She was with the people she loved, in the place that truly was her home.  She helped with the daily chores of the house and the garden, and watched Julian as he continued grow and develop.  Anxiously waiting, as the rest of the household, the longest night of the year.

On the morning of the winter solstice everyone awoke early, except for Julian.  He was still enjoying the warmth of Riverstone’s fur against him.  Riverstone yawned and opened his eyes.  His ears perked up as he heard the hustle and bustle of the others in the house and suddenly remembered, “Today is the day!â€�  He looked over at Julian, still in his peaceable slumber; he reached over and gently nuzzled him, but Julian turned away, still wanting to be asleep.  Riverstone stretched the stiffness out of his joints and he considered how best to wake him. 

Gently he raised Julian’s night shirt and began licking his tummy with his long wolf tongue.  Suddenly laughter rang out from Julian’s mouth, until he finally sat up and rubbed his eyes and said, “Morning!â€�

Last edited by wolfsongx (2009-02-16 12:39:05)

Yes, i agree, good show.

Scotophobia 32

The house was a buzz with activity.  Inside the house the kitchen was the epicenter, pots were bubbling, vegetables being chopped, meats being sliced, and bread dough rising with fermentation.  In the middle of all this kitchen activity was Agatha, instructing the others.  She reminded them not to cook the meats to long, and when to add the spices and herbs to the boiling pots and so on.  She could be likened to a conductor, leading the symphony of the kitchen.  Meanwhile the farm chores outside were headed up by Bart.  He and the other men completed the harvesting, and storing of the year’s bounty.  They were also making any final repairs to the home and other buildings outside. 

At about noon, Agatha left the kitchen and took with her Bart and Elizabeth.  She led them to a small trail at the forest edge, marked by white stones.  Bart and Elizabeth both remembered the trail and where it would lead them.  The three of them walked along the trail, the last of the autumn leaves crunching beneath their feet as they journeyed.  A gentle wind made the barren branches sway, waving goodbye to autumn and hello to winter.  Not a word was exchanged between the three of them.  It was not so much of an awkward silence, but more of a reverent one; giving credence to the ones who had walked this path before, and now were no longer here.

After a long walk the trail ended and they came to a large clearing, surrounded by the white stones.  In the middle of the clearing was a hole in the ground filled with ashes.  Agatha finally broke the silence and said, “You two, get started collecting wood, I’ll clear the fire pit.  Oh, and make sure to clear any debris from the gathering area.â€� Bart and Elizabeth nodded in the affirmative and began to gather wood and kindling.  Agatha walked to the fire pit and untied an old bed sheet she had attached to her apron, and spread it out next to the pit.  Then with her hands she began to clear the pit, one handful of ashes at a time.  As she did this she thought of the last time that she was here.  On the day she said goodbye to him.

Last edited by wolfsongx (2009-02-24 11:17:28)

Very vivid sequence, Wolfsong!

  The descriptive language you use here is quite impressive, painting a picture of the hustle and bustle in the kitchen as well as a quiet stroll in woods, with the trees shedding their autumn glory. The descriptions gave the scene a solemn dignity, indicating a very important event is drawing near. I could picture the scene easily. Very nice!
 
  Now, I did find a few things in the second paragraph that you may like to change - keep in mind, these are only suggestions.
  I believe that the 'too' in the third sentence is meant to be a 'to', but it's unnecessary anyway; just saying they 'remembered the trail and where it led' or 'where it would lead them' should be effective enough to make the point. In the fourth sentence, you may want to use a word like 'continued'  or 'journeyed' to replace the second 'walked', so it doesn't sound too repetitive. The fifth sentence might work better if you say the wind made the branches sway. In the final sentence of the paragraph I might recommend merging the first two clauses, perhaps like this: 'it was not so much of an awkward silence, but more of a reverent one'. Again, these are only suggestions, but they may help the paragraph structure a bit so the reader is more inclined to focus on the events instead of the sentence structure.

  Beyond that is only a terrific story and a loving, family oriented, dignified sequence of events. I am really enjoying this story, Wolfsong, and I'm very glad that you're sharing it with us. I'm interested to see the significance of the gathering point; I have suspicions as to why they are getting it ready now, but I'd rather read on and see if my suspicions are correct.

  Bring on more when you can, okay?

Last edited by Grayle (2009-02-24 09:07:25)

Scotophobia Part 33

As Agatha finished emptying the pit, the wind began to pick up.  She raised her head and saw the dark clouds beginning to gather overhead.  She breathed in with her nose, the scent of rot and decay filling her nostrils.  Rain.  She chuckled to herself, “Now it is exactly like last time.â€�

“What is exactly like last time momma?� Elizabeth inquired from behind Agatha.

“Oh, it’s the rain clouds; the last time we gathered here it rained.  I was just reminiscing a bit.â€�

Bart walked up next to Elizabeth and Agatha and dropped his pile of wood by the pit.  “I think this should be enough, and Elizabeth gathered more than enough kindling.  Should we head back before we get soaked?â€�

Agatha replied, “Yes, from the look of the clouds, it looks like it will be a gully washer.  Help me tie the sheet together.â€�

The three of them raised and tied the corners of the bed sheet into a knot, just as the first drops of rain began to fall.  From the opposite side of the clearing, a pair of eyes looked upon them with disgust as they left the clearing.  The form to which the eyes belonged began to think; it could not prevent tonight's events, but all was not lost.  Nefarious schemes and dark thoughts began to form; it seemed to derive sadistic pleasure from the suffering it would cause the family.  A sinister smile formed beneath the disembodied eyes as the sky began to bleed.

(EDIT!)

Last edited by wolfsongx (2009-03-07 23:54:31)

more!!!!!!!!i read fast,more!!!!!!

GOLLY!  Thanks you guys, I'm glad you all liked it!  Thanks for your input Grayle, I like you suggestion of holding onto the mystery for a bit longer with the entity.  I'll get started on those rewrites!

Oooooo... you used the word 'Nefarious'! Totally fantastic! Can you feel the difference in it? it's definitely more elusive when you read it.

  If you're interested, here's a few tinkering suggestions:

  I might point out that saying it 'could not stop tonight from coming' might make readers think the evil thing in the dark has control over time. If that's not your intent, you may want to say it 'could not prevent tonight's events'. You could also reduce 'it didn't mean that all was lost' to 'all was not lost', which takes away the indirect aspect of the phrase. You could say 'sadistic pleasure' instead of 'great pleasure', and maybe use 'suffering' instead of 'pain'; but keep in mind that none of these are in any way necessary - merely other ways to word it, just as ideas.

  Even so, there's definitely a more elusive feel to the paragraph; something naughty is watching them from the shadows, and what's more, it has evil plots in store for the family.

  Very well done, Wolfsong!

Scotophobia Part 34

Sheets of rain poured from the clouds.  Thunder roared and lightning streaked across the dark sky; a hard chill danced between the bulbous rain drops.  The farmhouse stood firm against the wet and cold that battered against its walls, seeking entrance.  Inside the family had gathered in the parlor around the warmth of the great stone fireplace.  The dishes had been cleared and cleaned; everyone’s belly full of the wonderful meal that had been prepared and everyone’s heart filled with joy.  Together the family sat and told stories of the past, and fondly remembering family that was no longer with them. 
 
Julian sat on his mother’s lap and listened to everyone until he let out a big yawn and his eyes began to get heavy; the food inside his tummy speeding along his journey into slumber.  He began to squirm in her lap until he found a comfortable position, and laid his head upon her bosom.  His eyes gently closed shut and the dreaming was upon him.
 
Elizabeth whispered, “I think he’s asleep.�
 
Everyone turned and gazed upon the sleeping child.  Agatha smiled warmly and stood up from her seat.  “It is time.â€�

oohh more more

Aww, thanks guys!  More to come, so don't worry. 

yay!