The Werewolf Café The Werewolf Café

You are not logged in.

#1 2008-08-15 08:50:52

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Remical

I finally gave up on waiting till I finished the whole story completely, I want to share it with you guys, it's such a good story, I have to share it, I'll put up the first section after this post, I'm even making my own art for it. Please critique it so I can make it a good story, encourage me so I won't get disheartened, and enjoy it, because it's FUN!


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#2 2008-08-15 08:56:03

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Well here it is had to share it with you guys, I'll probably post one of these or smaller every two days. tell me what you think.



Book 1 of 4 : Drastar (dra as in dragon and star as in, well, star)


Prologue
Anita ran, tears stinging her eyes. She felt that she held no place at her home, she felt she was just a monster, some freak of nature. She felt that she was the only person who would be like this.

“How could there be any more?” she sobbed quietly to herself through rugged gasps of breath, “Searched on the internet for anything like me, and nothing ever came up.”

She was only fifteen, why did she have to face this? It made little sense, none of her family had this problem, so why did she?

All she could think about was running, she felt that if she could run away far enough, maybe she could start again, and start afresh. After relentless running, she stopped to take a breath from her pace. Wheezing and gasping, she fell against a tree and sat down, almost unwilling to go
“Why me?” she complained to the trees, “Why did I have to be like this?”

She huddled up tucking her knees to her head, trying to shield herself from all that was around her. Her thin, blue shirt wasn’t enough to keep the chill wind out of her clothes, and neither did her black shorts. One of her bare feet was slightly cut on the side from sliding on a rock, and the wound was slowly congealing.

She was a pretty girl, albeit short for her age, light brown hair, blue eye, lightly tanned skin and traces of freckles made her fit in the ‘cute’ category at school, and she had a great taste of clothes and furnishings too. However, to her, none of that mattered now.
She didn’t know what she would do if she was found out, how could she return to that place? Her dad flew into a rage because she suddenly got scared, then she started to change. She wondered what would happen if her dad found her, what would he do to her? She heard a twig snap and she got worried that her father had followed her here. She started to panic and then she felt the same tingling sensation come across her skin, she was changing again!

She stood up and ran, trying to drown the feeling, and hopefully the change wouldn’t happen. It didn’t, but she didn’t stop running.  Her legs became awkward and she tumbled over. Her heart raced, she thought that if anyone was following her, she would be caught! She pushed herself up again, but this time, her feet gave way, she was unable to stop the change, and she couldn’t do anything properly with the new body.

Tears streamed down her eyes as she hit the ground over and over again yelling ‘Why!’ every time she did so. She got up again trying to run, she stumbled and lost balance, but she couldn’t give up, she couldn’t go back to her family.

The girl ran, and soon she was out of breath and she had to stop, her whole body burned from the effort she put in. She saw her tail, a white cord-like thing, and her nose, way too long, white as well. Her hands were claws and so were her feet, she couldn’t feel the ground underneath very well from the cold numbing her skin. Scales covered her body and small spikes had protruded along her spine. Not a lizard, more like a dragon. She felt like a monster.


“What the hell are you doing Anita!” said her father when she got nervous earlier that day, she didn’t know that she was changing, and her fear of her father caused it to happen more quickly.

Anita felt the voice roar in her ears, echoing inside her head. Her father called her a monster, and she didn’t think otherwise, she couldn’t do a thing about it. She sobbed some more as she felt the last tenuous link between her father and her slip away into nothing.

She kept on crying until a voice called to her, “Anita, you’re not alone.”

Anita looked up wildly, and saw a dragon right in front of her. Instinctively, she tried to get away but immediately she was against a tree, she could barely move an inch.

“Anita, you’re not alone,” it repeated.

Anita stared at the dragon in fear, it closed its mouth and then the scales on the dragon started to fade away, only then did she realise that this dragon wore normal clothes, and it was changing into a person. The man who was a dragon, stood before her, smiling, “You’re not alone, there are people to help you,” he held out his hand to Anita and waited for her to respond.

Tentatively, she reached out and grabbed his hand, he pulled her to her feet and smiled at her.

“Hello Anita, I’m James,” he said.



and thus the end of the prologue. and onto the story!

Last edited by werer (2008-08-15 17:40:02)


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#3 2008-08-15 11:38:06

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Remical

this is all great so far, i can't wait for the next installment. smile


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

Offline

 

#4 2008-08-15 12:03:01

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

Very captivating prologue, Werer!
  I enjoyed how you got right into a tense escape full of wonderment. It helps the reader relate to the protagonist in the fact that Anita knows barely more of what's going on than the reader does. Very interesting beginning!

  There were a few grammatical issues that I noticed - I can email you about those if you'd like. The only thing I might suggest story-wise is to add a lot more detail about what Anita looks like as a human and also as a dragon, so that the reader can have an easier time picturing it in their heads.

  That being said, the pace and flow of your prologue is steady and solid, and captures the reader's attention rather well.
  Good Job, Werer!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#5 2008-08-15 12:47:42

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Email those mistakes, and the prologue is actually about Anita when she's young, in the story, she's a lot older. Would it still be a good idea to add detail?


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#6 2008-08-15 14:12:56

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

I'll get an email together over the weekend for ya' if I can.

  As to the detail, I'd say add it anyway. You bring up a good point that this is only a prologue to set a little bit of a back story, but since it's rather short, you could add to it a bit without bogging it down too much.

  The more detail you add, the more vivid the picture of your scene becomes in the mind of your reader. It's usually a good idea to add great detail at the first introduction of the person, thing, idea or event so that the reader will continue to have that image in mind when the person, thing, idea, or event happens again or is referenced again. Granted, you don't want to go into too much detail; you could keep it limited to a paragraph or two in length usually. However, you could add things like hair, skin, and eye colour, musculature, hair length. You did add what clothes she was wearing, but what happens to her clothes as a result of her transformation? Does she gain wings, or is her other form more of a lizard-like dragon?

  Again, this is just to add more imagery in the mind of your reader. By prefacing with the word 'Prologue', you make it clear that the questions forming in the mind of the reader will be answered later on, and this is just an appetizer. In any case, what you already have here captures interest well.

Last edited by Grayle (2008-08-15 14:13:24)


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#7 2008-08-18 03:53:13

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Work piled on me snapped my schedule, lost my place and now back into the running, here's the next part of my story.

-The group of dragons-

I walked along the pathway to my destination with a briefcase in my hand; it wasn’t very far so I wasn’t about to drive a car to there. The lady, Anita, had rung beforehand, asking about my paintings. I was a portrait painter, or a sketcher. It had been a long time since I had done any work, making it my involuntary holiday. I brought a briefcase to hold some of the best paintings of mine, I wanted this work to pay for at least a little of my living expenses.

Even in the Brisbane air of city smog, I could feel that something seemed to be looming in the air, a sense of apprehension: this was a feeling that something big is going to happen. I usually only felt this way when something that would be impact on my life. I had felt this similar sense of foreboding on some days, then the next day, the person I was working for would say that they didn’t want me anymore, or a family member would have died, in some extreme cases. Sometimes even the frontline news would have a major accident, or a huge disaster that happened somewhere close by. Nothing, though, would actually give me this strong a feeling. It was always just a slight thing that I shouldn’t worry about, but be mindful of it anyway. I didn’t understand why but it has never been wrong. This ‘sensing’ came out infrequently, and I could always rely on its warning.
I came up to a rather nice house with the same address as was on the little slip of paper I had in my hand so I knocked on the door.
“Coming,” yelled a muffled voice.

Footsteps came closer to the door and it opened. A gush of cool wind and a world of great furnishings lay beyond the portal of the door: it was very inviting.

“Well? Are you going to take all day to come in? I have the air conditioning on,” the lady at the door was quite well dressed. It was a simple red dress, but lovely fabric. Her light brown hair was long enough to just flick the dress. Her shoes were high heeled, and the same as the dress; she looked as beautiful as the place was furnished. Her voice was almost like a whine in my ear, and, I hated to admit it, she was taller than me, like most people.

“Yes,” I replied and took a step into the room.

She closed the door quickly and introduced herself as Anita as I walked in. Immediately I was hit with a blast of cold, refreshing air. I looked quickly at the surroundings; I felt there was something peculiar here. All I saw were some beautiful pictures of landscapes and various ornaments and lively coloured flowers and the rich furniture, but I could feel there was something more. Suddenly my hopes fell, these paintings were done by really good artists, how would I compete with them?

“Marcus Fuller, is that right? As you know I want to have a look at some of the work you’ve done so I can see whether you can do the job. May I see them?”

I nodded and opened the briefcase and took out a few general paintings of mine. While she had a look at them I probed into her mind to see what kind of art she wanted.

I also had a bizarre ability to look into what other’s thoughts were, at first I got a couple of thoughts in my head and I thought I was going insane, but after realising it only happened with other people in the room, I realised I had that ability. After some practising, I was able to decipher what were thoughts and what was real life. This contributed part of my success as a painter. I can see what my customer wants and then I have a better chance of getting what they want right. Most people expected me to do a good job and didn’t have a clue of what they wanted. I was a decent artist, and I got by.

Strangely enough the lady wasn’t trying to see whether I was a good painter but whether I was something, but what? She looked as if she was studying my paintings but she was focusing on me in a different way. I couldn’t get the information from her, she was very tentative on that though and I wasn’t able to find out what it was without her noticing something strange, or feeling uncomfortable. That I didn’t want.
I didn’t want to ask what it was in case she started thinking I was weird. I have always tried to be subtle with this talent of mine and no one knows about it, I’ve kept it a secret.

“These paintings are quite good; I’ll call you when I’ve decided.”

This remark took me by a surprise. Usually people wanted to scan painting after painting to see whether I just took them from an online gallery.
“Ok then,” I said, remembering my manners, “I’ll see you soon Ms Swart.”

“Just call me Anita, be quick on your way out, I have air conditioning on,” she reminded walking to a door on the opposite side of the room.

I nodded and went briskly out. Closing the door I quickly glanced around as someone down the street turned their head down. I glared at them; I had felt as if I was being watched, but the woman had asked me to close the door and I hadn’t seen her get up to go to the front door, in fact she went the other direction as I recall.

I shrugged off the feeling but remained cautious for the time being. It wasn’t the first time I had felt that someone was watching me intently but not as strong as I felt then. I walked home and looked forward to going in the air conditioning of my own flat.


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#8 2008-08-20 04:02:01

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

I hope that people like it, it's not a werewolf story, I'm sorry about that, but it is a 'were' story. It will, however, branch off to other kinds of characters with unique abilities. I hope you people out there like this. Now next part!

My flat was very tidy for a bachelor’s, although food wasn’t always cooked. I was also very lonely, I never did like social contact but I did long for it every now and then. Being a painter made it worse, because no one I could find had the same interests as me in painting.

I slumped on the couch when the phone rang and I hastily got up again.

“Hello, Marcus Fuller speaking,” I chimed down the phone line.

“Hello Marcus,” said a contemptuous voice, definitely a male’s, “I wanted to ask about your paintings. What do you do?”

I was slightly agape with the sudden job request, this was good: two painting opportunities spring up out of nowhere. Though, somewhere in this excitement there was a feeling of cold chill down my spine. I scrolled through my list of possible paintings I could do.

Silence over the phone, “Very well, I would like an appointment to see these and settle on the price, shall we say next Tuesday?”

Looking over at the calendar I saw that this was only five days away, this was excellent. As I opened my mouth to agree, a wave of emotion hit me: fear. I staggered slightly, this wasn’t ordinary. I decided to postpone the meeting and the sense abated, “How about the next week after that? I have a lot going on,” I lied, “could it wait till then?”

Silence, “Very well, Tuesday: week after next week,” The call ended.

Something in me relaxed. I didn’t even know that I was tensing up. I replaced the phone and sat down. Everything that happened just then was nothing short of weird, usually the senses of foreboding are discreet. What happened just over the phone call was just so… weird, but I abided by it and I would see what happened.



Two days later, I had a phone call. I ran over to it, another painting? In only three days, three paintings, or it could be just a wrong number, but who knows. I picked up the phone, “Hello, Marcus Fuller…”

“Marcus!” The voice sounded glad, almost thrilled to hear me. It took me a couple of seconds to figure out who it was; the lady at the rich house: Anita.

“Hello Anita,” I said curtly.

Anita spoke to me again but more composed, “Look, I’m sorry about the change of plan but I would really like you to come to my house today or the next to talk about what I want for the painting. I was absolutely amazed the other day about how good your paintings were.”

She babbled on some more about how marvellous the theme I did was and when I reached my limit to patience I said, “Yes I can come today, I’ll meet you say about one o’clock?”

“Yes, yes. That would be marvellous, thank you, buh-bye!”

I was left standing at the phone for a couple of minutes: a possible whole month of waiting at least to two days was fantastic! I had a couple of hours to prepare for the visit and so set myself preparing. I completely forgot about how strange her greeting was on the phone.


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#9 2008-08-22 18:53:00

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

Very nice continuation, Werer - especially since you you change from 3rd -person to 1st person, also changing the protagonist, and yet keep the same pace and casual narration. Very nicely done!

  You have a great capability of personifying your narration, so it's practically second nature for the reader to accept that this is a real person telling the story. That's a difficult balance to meet, and you do it well. I also like how your style uses bits and pieces of foreshadowing to keep the reader intrigued as they continue. Very pleasant writing style!

  It's going to be a great journey to follow Marcus' adventures, especially with the prologue in mind. Keep it coming!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#10 2008-08-23 09:15:02

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Back, man, exhausted! I am so glad I have this story all typed up to the last sentance, I would be dead right now if it wasn't (or deadbeat anyway) Thanks Grayle, I actually did the prologue after I finished the story, the start just seemed to drop too suddenly into something too complex. Thank you for your comment, I haven't shown this to many people, and I hope many will like it. Oh, and Grayle, still waiting on that email ;D ( you may post on here if you'd like, that may be easier for you.)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-

Walking along the same pathway in a springier mood than before, I found my way to the house very quickly. I knocked politely and the door almost immediately opened. She must have been there waiting for me, or someone else, to come, or she was watching out for me to arrive down the street and waited at the doorway.

“Marcus, come right in,” Anita literally pulled me in the door and shut it behind me. I was greeted by the cool air conditioning and the strange sensation in the room again.

Anita was dressed in a blue, wavy dress today and wore matching low heeled shoes. Her hair was styled beautifully and small, silver, ball earrings flashed the sunlight around the room. She turned to me.

“Marcus, I haven’t asked you for your paintings today,” she said in a serious tone. Her whine in her voice was gone and replaced by a softer voice.
My polite smile faded and replaced with confusion, “What do you mean? You were just asking for me to come for some demonstrations of paintings and…”

Anita cut me off with a wave of her hand, “I know I asked you to, but what I want is something else. I want to show you something,” she lifted up her hand and turned its back to me; it was a well manicured hand and the nails were glossy. They seemed to shine white. They seemed to glow that colour, then the colour seemed to spread all through the hands. Then they started changing! The nails changed to claws, and the hand was changing, growing into something. A pattern, similar looking to scales, formed on her hand and the claws grew longer. I watched with slight horror: those claws looked sharp!

I changed my thought, what I saw was merely an illusion. So now I wasn’t in horror, I was bored. I sensed that this is not what she exactly wanted; it was only part of it, “Is this it? You want me to see that you can do a trick? You want me to draw or paint in a magic club?” I wanted to seem like I was trying to see what she was up to so she would say what was on her mind.

“Does this look like an illusion to you?” She asked in a louder voice. She reached out to grab my arm with her changed hand. I moved swiftly away avoiding it, “Do you think that I‘ll hurt you?” she asked in her soft tone.

I realised I was being stupid, I could easily over power her if she tried to hurt me, and if she did I could sue. I hesitated before reaching out slowly to her hand. It was all scaly! And not only that, it truly felt like a hand of a reptile: no glove, no fake hand; it was real.

She smiled at my reaction, “I’m a dragon,” she said bluntly.

I stared at her, I was confused: dragons didn’t exist. They were always in the fiction section of a library and the only non-fiction sources of it were about myths and legends, “Dragons don’t exist,” I said, stating my thoughts out aloud.

Her expression showed that she expected this answer, “But dragons do exist,” she calmly replied, “If you want I could show you more proof.”

A thought snagged in my mind, “Hold on, if you aren’t interested in my paintings, and you want something else from me, why don’t you...?” A quizzical look came upon her face and I immediately bit my lip in panic: I had said too much. She hadn’t told me that she wanted to show me more or see something of me; I took that thought out of her head.

She showed a look of renewed interest and changed her hand back, the nails shrinking into her hand and her hand becoming a light pink again, “Logic wouldn’t bring you that far. You did something that’s not possible for a normal person. What are you hiding from me?”

It was a simple question, but the answer would not come out, due to a lifetime of practised hiding.

“What are you hiding?”

That wasn’t a voice: it was more like thoughts in my head but not of my own making. She was telepathic, that was the only explanation I could come up with other than I was dreaming.

“Form words in your mind and focus on sending them to me. If you can do it, you will eventually get better with practise.”

I took her advice and gave it a try, “I’m hiding what my friends would see as unnatural in me,” I sent. I needed to concentrate hard so I was slow and I had other thoughts mingled with the message.

“But you don’t have friends.”

“Yes I do,” I rebutted.

“I have been watching you for a while: you don’t have any group that you hang out with, you do things by yourself, and you delve into other people’s minds.”

She caught me there and I gave up on mind speech for the time being; Anita seemed so fluent, “How do you know?”

“I know and I felt you go into my mind, very subtle, almost like you’ve practised it.”

I hung my head, “Yeah but this doesn’t have anything to do with being a dragon.”

“On the contrary, it does.”

I jolted my head up and raised my eyebrows, “How?”

She put her hands behind her back, “All of our dragons have the ability to communicate mind to mind, each having their own techniques, can change into a dragon and…”

She lashed out at me with a newly transformed hand. I felt my senses reel as I watched her claws reach out for me. I stepped aside nimbly and pushed the hand away as I had learnt in self defence class. She lashed out with her other hand immediately after, it was transformed too. I couldn’t step aside this one for I was side-on and still regaining balance. I ducked, fell backwards and rolled then stood up in a defensive stance. I had my right hand forward open and my left hand tucked beside my hip in a fist ready to defend. If it got any worse, I was near the door and I could dash out if need be. I was very grateful for the karate classes in my younger years and the practise of it from some of my recent ones.

Anita smiled, she stood upright and changed her hands back again and put them at her side, “And all dragons have extremely fast reflexes.”
I still stood in half crouch in my defensive stance, “But I’m not a dragon, I can’t change into a dragon.”

“You can’t change into a dragon because you don’t know how to, but you don’t have to remain that way for long if you don’t want to.”

I got confused again and lowered my defence, “You mean that you will show me how to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It’s because we want to help you and to keep you safe from those who don’t like your type.”

Help me? We? There were more people who could do this? “But I can’t turn into a dragon, how could I give myself away?”

Anita sighed, “There is a strong chemical substance that irritates our skin and reveals what we are. We have duplicated it and can show you it. It’s been named Kraas, it can be changed to a liquid, kept as a solid, or changed to a gas. If this chemical touches you anywhere on your skin, it will reveal your true skin, dragon’s skin.”

“But why do you want me?” I demanded.

“We’re trying to keep you safe.”

“I still am not convinced about being a dragon, and why would I need to be safe?” I asked.

Anita’s face suddenly came alive, “Then I’ll convince you. Come, I’ll tell you of the other stuff with it,” she walked towards me and I tensed: if I was a dragon, and I did have fast reflexes, then I could easily outmanoeuvre her. She went past me towards the door, “I’ll show you our group,” she said.

I followed her out of the house and into her car, I didn’t want to go but I didn’t feel threatened. I couldn’t sense anything wrong with doing this, but that didn’t mean that it was safe, my sixth sense, or whatever it was, was right if you got it, but if you didn’t, you don’t know what to expect.
“You’ll soon understand what I’ve said. I’ll show you a couple of people and explain some things to you, and I can prove that you are a dragon.”
I didn’t like this dragon stuff very much but I was curious never the less.

Last edited by werer (2008-08-23 09:16:33)


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#11 2008-08-24 00:19:01

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: Remical

I just read through all of your posts and I must say that I am very surprised by your superb writing abilities. There may be a few grammical errors, but I think you've done a wonderful job! The descriptions are nice and the plot is exceptionally unique. Whether it be a werewolf-based story or not, I think it's great. I like how you incorporated his strange talents and the way in which everything came together.
Now I can't wait to see what will happen about the other caller.

The only thing I could suggest your most recent segment is making your character a little fearful. You could even write one sentence to reveal his initial fear and subside as it's replaced by curiosity. But it's just a suggestion.

I think you've done a great job so far and I'll be looking forward to more. I think it has great potential.


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

Offline

 

#12 2008-08-24 17:40:18

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

thanks Punx


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#13 2008-08-26 07:53:12

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Apologies for being a little slack with the story from now on, but I'm slowing it down so that it's progression curve will slow down enough to allow me to physically keep with it. Thanks for all those who have commented on it so far, and Punx, looking into that right now, I'm going to see if it affects other parts of the story, as I've actually had to redo this a couple of times because I stuffed up the details, so when that's done, I'll fix it up, but for now, more on that story!

Chapter 2!!



-Being a dragon-

It only was about five minutes to the destination, but the silence in the car was almost irritating. I wanted to break the silence but my distrust in Anita drove me to continue.

“It’s here,” Anita said as we drove up the driveway to a modest house. It looked similar to the houses beside it but I felt there was something else that wouldn’t normally be here.

She lead me to the house and unlocked it, this surprised me greatly because of the fact that I felt someone else’s consciousness here. The house wouldn’t be Anita’s; she did seem rich but not rich enough to have two houses.

As she unlocked the door, I decided to delve into her mind again. As I did so I did it ever so tentatively because I wanted her not to know.
She was thinking about someone, someone who knew about what she and others were. I couldn’t get any names, but I did glean some of the excitement in getting someone new in the group. That who was me, but what kind of group is she talking about? I couldn’t find out without pushing further into her mind, but that could alert her to my presence.

She opened the door and I withdrew my mind probe and followed her in. It was an old house because the walls weren’t painted but had wallpaper on it that looked faded to a few simple shades. Apart from that, though, it was a beautiful interior design made of patterns of squares, crossing and intersecting with each other in strange, but captivating ways. I dawdled a bit as we went down a hallway, skipping multiple doors; all were closed, numbered and not permitting me to see in them. I looked ahead to Anita who seemed to be concentrating on something else other than our destination.

A foreign voice came in my head, “Hi there Marcus, Anita told me why you’re here. I’m Jay, welcome."

Stumbling after the short distraction I leaned on the wall for support bewildered and frightened from the sudden intrusion into my mind. Anita could barely suppress a giggle, “Sorry I should have warned you, Jay is one of our group, she’ll show you around if you’d like.”

I didn’t realise that I had followed Anita through a door to where a young lady was typing madly away on the computer. The room was well lit with one window on the right, and there were bits of paperwork strewn everywhere, except on the bed and the desk she worked on.

“Hello Jay,” Anita said prompting me to greet her.

The lady turned around and looked me up and down as I looked at her. Medium length, dark blond hair, green eyes, she looked to be near her thirties and her smile looked like it never left her face, “A hunky one has come to our group,” she grinned cheekily.

“Hello,” I said guardedly, “what group are you talking about?”

“Tut, tut. So straight to the point, can’t you relax handsome?” She was grinning from ear to ear. I thought it really strange that this person, supposedly one of the main people of this group, was making jokes right in front of a newcomer, me.

“Well can I at least know how many are in the group?” I asked politely.

Anita dismissed the question, “You will know later, first I want you to see something. Could we have the Kraas solution?”

Jay nodded and pulled a small water spray bottle out of one of the desk drawers which held some dark runny liquid.

Anita motioned me closer and sprayed it on my right hand. At first nothing happened and I looked at Anita accusingly. Then I felt a twinge of pain in my hand, I glanced at it, it was growing darker. Claws started growing out of where my fingernails were and scales were forming. I was shocked.

The claw slowed its changing and stopped. I looked at my hand in disbelief. I went to grab my left hand, and flinched. My hand felt leathery. I touched the palm of my hand and was amazed to feel my fingers slide across it and I actually felt it! I felt the claws actually part of my hand: it was nothing short of incredible.

I looked at Anita, amazed, then I realised the trick; she wanted me to join the group and left me no room to manoeuvre, “How do I change back?” I asked narrowing my eyes.


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#14 2008-08-26 15:36:01

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

This is such an intriguing introduction, Werer!
 
  I appreciate that you are adding different personality characteristics to the characters. It makes them more real when they're different from each other and not all angry or jaded or shallow. I also appreciated that he didn't refrain from using the abilities that he already knew he had. He tried to read Anita's mind a second time to gain more information - something that he's used to doing anyway. That shows integrity in the character.

  And now there's no denying his nature. Instead of trying to deny it anyway, he's intrigued and interested. That makes more sense than something like running out of the room yelling "No! It Can't Be!" as is used way too often in other stories. Marcus has been thrown into a world that may be difficult to accept due to its abnormality, but he's been shown undeniable evidence, so there's no point in denying it outright and running away melodramatically. Besides, that's a conflict tool that's used too often, and you deserve Kudos for not falling into the trap of using it.

  Well done, Werer! Keep up the great work, please!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#15 2008-08-26 17:25:56

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

What's a Kudo? And I have tried very hard to break the common uses of words and situations like that, I have know many people to use that, and I didn't like it, so guess what? I changed it! Glad you like it! next post will be on friday.


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#16 2008-08-26 18:55:16

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

I looked up Kudos for you, and here's what I found:

Kudos: from the Greek κύδος, kydos, (literally "that which is heard of") means "fame" and "renown" resulting from an act or achievement. Extending "kudos" to another individual is often done as a praising remark.

  It makes a lot more sense, now that I know what it means.... smile

Last edited by Grayle (2008-08-26 18:56:16)


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#17 2008-08-27 03:35:57

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

I did research too, and it is used mainly in England, you're English?


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#18 2008-08-27 16:45:49

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: Remical

Very nice segment. I wonder what more unusualness he'll stumble upon. I like how you describe Jay, I can picture her quite nicely.


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

Offline

 

#19 2008-08-28 08:03:57

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

thanks


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#20 2008-08-31 03:18:05

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Sorry for the delay in posting, I just had trouble getting my document up, something is stuffing up on my computer, managed to salvage it and here's the next part!

Anita grinned and Jay said, “Ooh he’s a smart one, he’ll be a challenge.”

“I love a challenge,” shrugged Anita.

“How do I change back?” I repeated, drawing out the words slowly.

Anita smiled, “You’ll join us?”

“I don’t have much choice,” I muttered, “yes, I’ll join.”

Though I made that decision reluctantly, I realised that joining may show some aspect of my life; like why I sensed things were going to happen, why I could read people’s minds and how come I was a dragon.

“Good. To change back you need to concentrate on what you looked like.”

I focussed on my hand and thought about how it looked before it changed. Nothing happened, I closed my eyes and tried again.

“Of course you have to wait a while for the solution to wear off before changing back is possible,” Anita smiled.

“So what am I supposed to do while I wait for it to wear off?” I asked, I finally admitted to myself that I believed I was special, but I was not convinced I was a dragon.

“Well, practise changing to and from dragon form with your other hand,” Jay advised. I gritted my teeth as she said ‘dragon’.

“In the meantime, I have to do something,” stated Anita and she walked away her heels landing gentle thuds across the carpeted floor.

“Don’t mind her being unpredictable and self centred; it’s just taken a lot out of her,” Jay’s eyes flashed with regret at what she said but only for a split second, I didn’t push her, nor did I try to find out what she was thinking.

I went back to my hand, it remained black and scaly, even the claws were black. I wriggled them again; just to make sure they were mine. It felt

weird between my fingers and I was amazed that they were mine.

“How long does the solution take to wear off?” I inquired.

“Oh, not too long,” said Jay, “that solution is really weak, so it should wear off in about a couple of minutes.”

I stared helplessly at my right hand; it was hard to take in what that I wasn’t normal. I was even more confused at why this change had only come out now, not when I was younger. Why didn’t Anita tell me about what I was before I had visited her? In fact how did she trace me at all? I didn’t do much because I was a loner, I didn’t go to any clubs and I got so busy with my paintings that I sometimes didn’t eat. I couldn’t even change into a dragon before today and certainly no Kraas touched me before-hand, so what gave me away?

I tried to change my hand back again, I pictured my real hand. Nothing happened, so I tried to mentally force my hand into shape. Still nothing: my hand looked as black and scaly as ever. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine my hands turning back to normal; I felt a pain similar to what I felt as it changed back to normal. I made a mental note to wash my hands when I got home.

“Where’s Anita?” I asked, “I’d like to leave now.”

Jay looked at me with a hint of disappointment, “Why? You haven’t met the other person I was going to show you, and I didn’t even show you around the house.” Seeing as this took little effect on me, she tried something else, “So you want to hide away from the truth in your little hidey-hole? Because you’re scared of the dragon that’s a part of you?” she jibed.

“No, I just want to go home and mull over things,” I said with a serious look due to my practise of hiding. I did want to hide away a bit, but only to understand what has happened and try to understand how come I didn’t know until now. Well, ok, I really didn’t like what I was, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction that she won in her prediction of me.


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#21 2008-09-02 13:22:45

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

Nice Addition, Werer. I liked how you had Marcus fall into his old lifestyle of hiding and being reclusive when faced with an unbelievable development. I also liked how you had him continue to try changing, almost desperate to achieve the normalcy that he pursues like a security blanket.
  It's also interesting that he hasn't figured out that telepathy is part of being a dragon, and that he hasn't applied that fact to Jay and the accuracy of her guesses. You definitely have some very interesting storytelling going on here, and I also find it easy to follow. Nicely done, Werer!
 
  Oh - and I'm not English, just so you know; but I spell many words ending in "or" with "our" instead, and I like Monty Python a lot, and I Looove the new Doctor Who series...


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#22 2008-09-02 16:49:09

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Thanks, and I would have never guessed tongue.


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#23 2008-09-03 03:47:02

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

Next up! only two more posts till the next chapter, short eh? Well, with no further ado, presenting, the next part of this chapter lol

Jay blushed, “Um, eh, ok,” she said awkwardly.

“Anita, Marcus says he wants to go home,”   it felt like Jay was sending that message, and though I could understand it wasn’t for me, I heard it. The thought-speech almost seemed mumbled, with a hint of images flowing from the message. The thoughts were well guarded as she gave no more than a few shades of the actual images. She immediately went back to work; I wasn’t going to look at what it was that she was working on, I had embarrassed her enough. I almost wanted to say sorry to this jovial stranger.

Moments later Anita walked in and looked at me, examined me, “You want to go now?” I nodded, “That was quick,” she murmured to herself.
We traversed along the same route as before and left the house. Once we were in the car, and out of sight of the house, I tried to get some information out of her.

“So, how large is this group of yours?”

“Larger than before,” she replied, evading the question, “did Jay give you the hidey-hole speech?”

“Yes.”

“She was very embarrassed by some of the emotions she sent through.”

It was strange how she talked as if it was almost normal, I really wanted to change the subject, “How did you chase me down?”

Anita lifted her eyebrow, “Why do you want to know?”

“I want to know how I was caught out, so I can avoid being caught by someone else,” I had thought that with Anita, maybe the more of a point I make of something, the more necessary she feels the topic is, so therefore she’s more likely to tell me.

She sighed, “It wasn’t easy,” I was surprised, I thought that I did something blatantly obvious, “you were, in fact, the hardest of all the people I have met to figure out from other people. I’m not sure why but it has been hard to find out if you were a dragon or not. I wasn’t even sure if you were a dragon when we met, until you came in contact with Kraas. I don’t know how you never knew about changing, it has always been known by others that they can change. You seem to be a really special case.”

I took some pride in the fact that it was difficult to determine my dragon status, “Since when did you start watching me?”

“Three years.”

Three years! I wondered if it was even possible to for someone to be watched for three years and never know anything. “In what way were you watching me?”

Anita corrected herself, “Sorry, we have had you on our list for three years but we haven’t been watching for three years, only one.”

Three years is still a long time to be regarded for even if you weren’t being watched. I wanted to know what indicated that I was a dragon, “What

gave me away, since I was difficult to determine, what kept you on my tail?”

She hesitated, “Your eyes,” She said.

I grew annoyed, “Oh so I’m attractive now?”

“No, your eyes, when light shines directly on a dragon’s eyes, they reflect light more than a normal person’s. I did get you in a situation where I shone light directly in your eyes but it was too fast for me to tell whether you were a dragon or not, but I did get enough to be suspicious. You may remember it; I rode on a motorbike at night and shone the light into your eyes. I couldn’t see your eyes because you turned away and I couldn’t get a second chance because you didn’t go anywhere out late. You were always tucked in your hidey-hole,” Anita smiled at the last comment, “I could even say that maybe a gut feeling kept me going.”

Great, two comments on the ‘hidey-hole’. I tried to remember the night that that happened; the description seemed familiar. Yes, it was dark and I was trying to get home, but that was almost three years ago, and Anita rode a motorbike? That was odd, but I suppose, she’s a dragon, I wouldn’t have picked that up by just looking at her, “So for how long have you been watching me?” I inquired.

“Almost a whole year: you were the hardest to find out if you were a dragon. It seems as if it’s in your nature to hide and to keep secret. I can’t be sure but I could swear that you seemed to know when we were watching you. The only definite things that we found out about you is that you do paintings and have no friends,” Anita stopped at my house, turned off the engine and turned to me, “you are indeed strange; alone, never experienced a changing, alert and you seem to be adept in your mental skill even for a dragon.”

I did always seem to have hunches that people were watching me, I had just remained cautious. I looked back at her; she had a confused look upon her face. She seemed to be reflecting on some things that she couldn’t understand. She snapped back to reality.

“Well thank you Marcus, it was a pleasure meeting you,” Anita held out her hand and I shook it. I wanted to ask one more question.

“Anita, why did you change the date of our meeting,” in the couple of practises I had, I was already finding mind speech a bit easier.

Anita’s eyes narrowed, “I think that someone else was watching you as well. I wanted to make sure you knew about what you were so that you can better defend yourself. You seem to be very unique.”

I thanked her and went back to my house listening to Anita’s car drive away. I felt different, sort of content with what just happened. I wanted to hold on to that feeling. I only got it when I felt I did something really spectacular with my personal paintings.

Last edited by werer (2008-09-03 03:50:02)


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

#24 2008-09-05 13:14:31

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Remical

I like this segment, Werer.
  Anita is showing both trust and respect in not pushing Marcus to join their group, even if she doesn't think it's such a good idea. I also liked how Marcus attempted another telepathic link to her while he had the chance, just to keep trying it out if nothing else. It may prove invaluable later on, I think.

  I did find a few grammatical issues, but I think a spell-check from a word processor might point those out more easily.

  So now Marcus knows he is not alone, and that he had developed differently than most of his kind. His reclusive nature had no doubt proven to his benefit. I certainly hope this isn't the last he sees of Anita and her group.

  Keep it coming, Werer!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#25 2008-09-07 06:31:42

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Remical

I am not to sure with this part, I never was good with filling in time, I hope to get feedback on this, I'd like to see it's movement flow through the story. And the segment is a little long.

I kicked off my shoes and thought about what had happened. I was nothing short of amazed. I looked at my hand, it was normal but it hid what it really was. I wondered about how Anita proved to me that I was a dragon. I sort of wanted to prove her wrong but I was amazed at the ability to transform and there was no trick in that, regardless to what I wanted to believe.

I called it quits for the day and resumed a painting that I was working on. It was new, about mystery and focus on a pinpoint of space on the canvas. I let my mind wander for several hours before taking out some left over pizza from the fridge and zapping it in the microwave. I ate without tasting, before going to bed.

I had woken early this morning, even though there was nothing in particular that I wanted to do and nothing urgent that needed doing. My mind started to stir in remembrance: I felt as if there was something I wanted to try.

I had some breakfast and looked toward my painting that I was doing. That wasn’t what I wanted to do. It was something else something I was a little bit iffy about. A couple of hours later I found the answer. Changing, I wanted to experiment with changing!

I looked at my left hand and concentrated. I recalled the image of my transformed hand, but like my previous attempts, I had no success. I tried to emulate what I did before to change, it took a couple of minutes, but my hand started to change. It was weird I could feel it changing and it did hurt a little, but not like the day before. My hand stopped changing: I had stopped concentrating; curious. I focussed to make my hand change again. When I felt it didn’t change anymore I had a look. Just like before my hands looked black with black claws and I could move it as easily as before. However, they looked less like what I had seen before; there must be more to changing than I realised.

I focussed on my right hand and it started changing too! Before long I had two changed hands. Both were black, both were scaled and clawed. I clasped my hands together. It felt so bizarre to have both hands feeling the same thing: leathery skin.

A thought came to me: if I could change my hands then I could change my body right? So I attempted it. I closed my eyes and thought of the best picture my mind could come up with for a dragon. I did several tries before I finally felt a sharp twinge of pain in my spine and head. I stopped concentrating; I didn’t want to have to be in agony just to try something new.

But I want to see if it works, I reasoned with myself, so I concentrated again. The pain came back but I ignored it. I could feel my body changing but I didn’t dare look in case I lost concentration. I kept using my image of a dragon and impressing it on myself. I felt the change in my body but it still hurt, a lot. I felt my face change, my legs change and my torso change, even my ears felt as if they were changing. I felt something growing out of my back and at my tail bone. I still kept my eyes shut and I waited until I felt nothing change anymore.

I opened my eyes, I was on the ground and I was breathing hard. I could see my hands. They looked same as before but my arms... they were slightly black and scaly. I knelt to examine my arms and I saw my knees; same as my arms! I sat down and looked at my feet. My socks were nearly torn and when I took them off, half-claws were exposed. I wriggled my toes experimentally. Yes, those were my toes.

My feet felt slightly longer than before, and I couldn’t stand comfortably as I felt off balance.

I thought about my clothes. I looked at my shirt, the buttons hadn’t burst but my shirt was definitely tighter around my chest. My chest must have expanded from the change. I looked at my shorts, they were tight too but they hadn’t torn either. I also saw a small stump of a tail behind me, jutting out just beneath my shorts. It looked slightly hideous just poking out, about half a metre long, a really dark colour, ugly.

I ran to my mirror to get another look at me, my face in particular. My ears looked like elf ears, except much higher on the head, and darker, much darker. My eyes were the usual green hue as before, but the eyes, they had become more like slits. Hair had kept its brown colour, and same length, but it seemed to have gotten darker. My nose had lengthened out, with my face, creating a muzzle of some kind. When I opened my mouth, my teeth looked larger. I counted them, and I had the same amount of teeth as when I was a person.

I hated what I looked like, but it was evident that I couldn’t do the full change. It was probably because I was too inexperienced. I changed back using similar techniques as before and all my clothes felt normal on me again.

The phone rang, and I thanked my lucky stars that I had changed back. I dictated my usual business greeting on the phone

“Hello Marcus,” it was Anita, there was a pause before she continued, “are you ok? You sound strange.”

I didn’t want her to know that I had transformed, “Yes, just having a quick snack,” I lied. I thought about how hard it would have been to speak with a changed mouth.

Silence, “Ok, I just wanted you to know that there has been someone watching you,” I wasn’t surprised, “he’s been watching you for a while but I believe he’s been hired.”

“Why are you telling me?”

“Because he doesn’t know if you’re a dragon, or at least I don’t think so. It took me months to find out, but because I specialised at that, that’s even longer for him. You’re safe, unless he manages to get some of the solution. We need to keep your identity a secret, because you’re the only one of us that hasn’t been notified to the employer of this man that you’re a dragon.”

I really hated how Anita said us and we, I feel more smothered than protected, “Ok,” I said, “but what do I have to do?”

I could almost hear Anita smiling, “If you come to my place I’ll tell you, some of the things are specific, and require you to be here, so there’s no other option.”

Agreeing hastily on a time, I hung up. I sighed; she seemed to be laughing at what she had planned for me.

I checked myself in the mirror to see if there was more altering that I wasn’t aware of. My hair was mussed up and there was something wrong at the back of my shirt. Small tears along where my spine ran. I racked my brains for what kind of growth could happen there, but none came to mind. I looked at my painting and sat down on my stool to continue it.

--end chapter--


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

Offline

 

Board footer

Powered by PunBB 1.2.14
© Copyright 2002–2005 Rickard Andersson

In Association with Amazon.com   In Association with Zazzle.com
page counter View Statistics