It's a very attention-getting synopsis, Arch - both of them. It does remind me of certain games, like Area 51, Half-Life, and F.E.A.R., but it has your own take on it, and promises to be quite a thriller!

  I'm assuming that the storyline may take the similar stance of horror/thriller movies, and it certainly has potential to shock your audience over and over again. Granted, this kind of story is not personally my cup of tea, but I'd say go for it!

BTW - you synopsis reminds me of the setup for Zeroes2heroes, a self publishing/marketing site. you might like to check it out. Here's a link:
http://www.zeros2heroes.com/

Last edited by Grayle (2008-08-22 19:07:33)

Alright, I'll post Chapter 1 tonight, so you can all enjoy!

Chapter 2

Planning For The Future

Location: Mexteca Grill- Western Las Vegas, NV

    John sat at the wooden table with a receipt in his hands, waiting for his friends to show up. No matter where he and his friends went, they always met at the Mexteca Grill first, to grab something to eat. The restaurant’s specialty was Mexican food, and that’s all they sold. Everything from churros to enchiladas to tacos. The delicious food was always satisfying and it hit the spot no matter what. It was the best feeling after you hadn’t eaten it for months. Yet, it was less expensive than Subway, but more expensive than Burger King. Finally, his order was called and he proceeded to obtain it. As he walked to the counter, his foot got caught between a chair leg. He untangled his leg and immediately grabbed his food. It was steaming hot.
    As he chewed on his chicken taco, his friends, Dan, Amanda, and Olivia walked in. The warm air from the outside rushed in dominated the cool air inside the food establishment. “And I thought I wouldn’t see you again!â€� Dan yelled out.
   
    “Well,â€� John said, with food in his mouth, “You are.â€�

    “But it’s weird, we’re seniors now!â€� Amanda stated.

    “I know, and it’s so cool!â€� Olivia agreed.

    As the three pulled out a chair, they sat down and they started to chat. They chatted about school, and how they’re out for the summer. They talked about being friends after school and discussing each other’s future that lies ahead. Before they knew it, they were talking for at least an hour and they decided to order food. As they started to talk with John again, time flied by and their orders were up. They retrieved the steaming food, careful not to drop or spill any of it. To them, this food was treated like gold; it was always amazing. After they finished eating together, they refilled their drinks and started to talk more. That’s when John decided to finally talk about why they were meeting. Although, usually they would go out to the Strip or somewhere in Vegas after eating. “Alright, now I wanted to talk to you guys about something really cool,â€� John commented.

    “Okay…Keep going,â€� Amanda said.

    “Well, as you know, Area 51 has been the center of attention on the news and the radio stations, right?â€�

    “Yes, I heard them air something this morning,â€� Dan agreed.
    “Well, I did research to see if it was true and I also found something else out,â€� John stated.

    “Which is?â€� Olivia asked.

    “Area 51’s base is entirely empty. No one is there.â€�

    “Why would no one be there?â€� Dan wondered.

    “Well, there are a lot of theories, but probably the best and most reasonable one is contamination. The other theories say aliens, of course, the government abandoned the projects and/or relocated to somewhere else, and something happened causing everyone and the staff surrounding the area to evacuate. By ‘something’ meaning we don’t know.â€�

    “Interesting,â€� Amanda said. It sounded like she was very interested and near convinced.

    “I know and what’s even more interesting is that we can actually sneak in without getting caught.â€�

    That’s when their eyebrows raised. Sneak into Area 51? And not get caught? What irony. Why would anyone want to get a one way trip to jail?
    “Hold on a minute, if we get caught, we would go to jail and sign away rights or whatever to talk about what we saw. We would get in deep trouble, and that’s not good,â€� Dan disagreed.

    “That’s why I actually went there for myself, and I didn’t get caught.â€�

    The group of three looked like they just saw a ghost. They seemed shocked, horrified, or maybe worse. At first, they didn’t think it was true, but surely enough, it was logical, and it was a mystery. John told them the ‘camo dudes’-guards at the boarder- weren’t there, so he kept on driving past the boarder, originally ending up past the guard shack-where no one was also there- and then he finally saw the base for himself. The hangars were visible from the hill and nothing stirred. The lights weren’t on, there wasn’t any activity there whatsoever. This made a big deal, and John got more excited, finally planning a trip to Area 51, with a video camera to document the experience. After telling his tale, Dan, Amanda, and Olivia looked more interested but more spooked about it. Area 51 was a mystery that was kept secret, and even if it is so secret, why does the government deny its existence and why does the base show up on Russian satellites?
After ending the tale, John decided to teach them with his knowledge, and they seemed very convinced and interested in the topic as well. “Okay, so the reason why Area 51 was named ‘Area 51’ was because of old government maps that labeled the desert by sectors called “areas.� So, when the Lockheed-Martin company owner, and his flier, needed a dry lake bed to test the U2 spy plane and others, he found Groom Lake, which is the dry lake bed the base is on currently. Then, a CIA-owned company had parts nearby to build a base, so the government helped build the base. Since it was built in the Nellis Testing Range, it is also known to the government as the Nellis Range Complex. And on your way to the base, there are sensors along the side of the road that alert the guards that you’re coming, and enthusiasts and theorists say the technology is so advanced, they can even smell you coming. They have cameras, road sensors, satellites, high-powered binoculars, and much more.�

    “That’s just insane. So, what do you want to do?â€� Dan asked.

    “Well, I’m working with the research team up in Rachel, and I’m going to explore the base with them. I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me.â€�

Grayle wrote:

Interesting Beginning, Archy. Chapter one feels like a prologue, keeping the situation unclear as to whether the Agents or the Colonel are going to be in the story further. However, the kids in chapter 2 definitely are introducing a plot point. The pace is appropriate for the scenes, and the story flow is progressing decently. You've set the scene quickly and efficiently, putting in a little bit of detail but staying focused on the storytelling. Good job, there.

   I personally haven't done any research on your story focus, but I find it suspicious that a secluded, isolated military installment would have its own set of satellites, and also that the base would be completely abandoned but still intact enough for exploration. Realistically, with all the constant scrutiny and public eyes that are constantly watching Area 51 any way they can, I doubt the military would abandon it completely, especially if there was a large danger unleashed inside. Of course, that's just my viewpoint.
However, here's an idea or two that might quell said uncertainties. You could have guards or some kind of automated 'gun-bots' on the access points at least, to give the illusion that the base is still being used. That could give you the chance at a few obstacles for the group to overcome, and maybe some tension and suspense in getting to their goal. You could also try something like fervent civilians, perhaps members of the research team in Rachel, have noticed the base was actually being abandoned regardless of the guards' posting, causing John to simply get through a less secure point and take a closer look. The kids could all agree to go because it's their last summer together and they want to go out with a bang, so to speak.
  Again, it's up to you. Just a thought at adding a bit of conflict and cause to the plot..

  I did find a few grammar and spelling anomalies, but it's likely that a word processor would pick them up for you.

  Even so, you have an interesting idea here, and your story is developing nicely. Good job!

Thanks! This was already written, and I am only on Chapter 5, so I haven't totally finished this story, but I am posting it so we can all see how things are moving.
And I've done so much research on Area 51 that I can tell you almost anything weird about it. The only thing is we don't totally know what's there, so that makes it easy for me to put in whatever I want to go with the plot and the story. I have many plans, yet I'm not going to reveal them like this (me commenting on my own story; being my own critic) however, I will reveal it in the chapters. I have to admit that everything up to Chapter 4 is pretty much boring and dull, but it's going to get into the good parts real soon!

Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely take it! And I use word processor to type it, and I do spell checks and I have an excellent use of the English language, so that's what lacked me from checking it thoroughly.

Again, thanks for the interest and Chapter 3 will be posted soon!

Arch

Last edited by archenemyfan (2008-10-12 20:46:06)