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#1 2008-08-24 04:39:51

LunarWake
Member
From: The City Of Black Stone
Registered: 2007-06-21
Posts: 246

Random little bit of whatever that I chose to write.

“Tonight is the night our kits bear the fulfilling of their gifts.” Rhaen called, her voice filled with such power that even the wind quieted with respect. “Many generations we have sent forth our young into the Lunar Wake.” The gathered roared their approval at this.  “Yes, every generation we send our future to see their truth, and this will be no different.” She looked over the crowd. The children, all deceivingly beautiful, stood in front, their heads raised proudly and their eyes afraid. “Embrace your inner demon.” She called as she sent a pulse of magic which would trigger the change in the kits before her. The younger adults’ forms shimmered but they did not yield to the urge to change, the kits, on the other hand, had no choice and fell to their knees.
   
I fell to the ground among them, with my sister at my side. Rhenee let out a gasp, but I made no sound, my breath and voice taken by the feeling that shot through me. I could feel the eyes of my cousin upon me and I looked over to see him watching with a calm I knew he didn't feel. Perhaps he was remembering his own change, a time when there were not any to share his pain and none to guide him afterwards. Leo's transformation had come to him so much worse, and he had bore it alone. I could see the pity in his eyes as pain wracked my body and I could not keep my head up any longer. My eyes fell to the grass, its blades suddenly vivid and defined with such detail it was surreal, even as my vision blurred. Another wave of agony tore through me, I closed my them as the snapping of my own bones joined the chorus of the breaking of the bones of my littermates, thier moans and screams. I had been told this once, that the first time always hurt. When I had asked why it was so, my mama always gave me a small smile and shook her head as if repeating something someone had told her. "No gift comes without a price, no rebirth without a death." This was our death, this change that tore our skin from us to be replaced with fur and pulled our nails within our fingers to become claws. Our price would come later, in the form of the urge to hunt we could never satisfy, and could not afford to allow. If we did we became monsters always craving the taste of fresh blood upon our tongues. Leo... he was proof of this, but there had been none to help him, to save him from the tragedy of our nature and so he had hunted, and he had tasted the crimson life that would ever condemn him. He would not be able to follow us tonight, as the others did. He would have to remain away from everything, so that he was sure not to lose himself again. The torment in his eyes that he could not help Rhenee and I tonight, that we would be without any of our family, destroyed him but we would be taken care of by the elders. We were pack after all, and that made us a family, even if we had none. The last thought I had was a fleeting one. That he was wearing the small silver bracelet that little girl had so long ago, the one whose blood had paid his price. I could see the glint when my eyes flickered open, only to lose myself to the darkness of the change and the madness of pure instinct.

It was comforting, almost like coming home.

(( Yes, it is horrible, but I felt happy writing it so yeah. X3 ))


Goodnight.

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#2 2008-08-24 15:25:15

kbbnb
New member
Registered: 2008-08-23
Posts: 3

Re: Random little bit of whatever that I chose to write.

I'm not exactly a writer, so I cannot critique, although I don't believe any is needed.
This is beautiful; you have an amazing talent for writing. :'D
Psh and you call it horrible.

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#3 2008-08-24 17:10:45

werer
Sniffer
From: Australia!
Registered: 2008-04-13
Posts: 873
Website

Re: Random little bit of whatever that I chose to write.

Horrible? I don't think so, lots of description, the only thing I can comment on is a grammatical error, in the sentence 'Another wave of agony tore through me, I closed my them as the snapping of my own bones joined the chorus ' there is a bit of confusion in the 'I closed my them'. The whole part is really descriptive in the emotional side and is really well paced, I think that maybe you should add a bit more on the character profile, all we know is boy or girl or adult, not hair, eyes or skin

Last edited by werer (2008-08-24 17:12:54)


There's a method to my madness, and a madness to my method.
When you feel your skin startin' to itch, and your senses start to reel, it's werewolf time!
*Sniff sniff* I smell art! big_smile

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#4 2008-08-25 06:41:23

LunarWake
Member
From: The City Of Black Stone
Registered: 2007-06-21
Posts: 246

Re: Random little bit of whatever that I chose to write.

Thank you both ^^ I wrote this for a beginning of nonsense that I was going to make into a book and got about twenty pages in only to lose interest. XD


Goodnight.

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