The Werewolf Café The Werewolf Café

You are not logged in.

#1 2008-09-07 00:52:05

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

"Chasing Benevolence"

[starting another]

  The hunger today was stronger than last weeks episode.  It’s getting worse now.  It’s getting closer to that certain time of the month.  It has been two years since my contraction and my “specialists” can’t seem to do anything about it.  So each month at that certain time I go to them and they lock me up, perform tests and monitor my activities from behind several panes of bulletproof glass walls; each three quarters of an inch in thickness.
  It was the week leading up to my scheduled “permutation” as they called it, and my temper had been getting shorter and shorter.  My hunger had been rising and the bologna subs weren’t doing the trick anymore; it was time to go in to see them.
  “What can I do for ya’ Marque?” the doctor asked me.
“Je fain doctor.  It’s time,” I said, proclaiming my state of psychosis to him.
“Very well, you know the routine,” he gestured to the door that led to the labs.  Dr. Jeuxais was a calculating man in his mid thirties.  He had fine brown hair and beautifully toned french skin.  He was of a medium build and he smelled nice, like, really nice.  His heart beat was strong for his age, like the heart beats of the eight year olds I hear as I pass them on the street.  Perfect rhythm and strength, it was hard to resist any action that would harm him in treating myself with a little nibble.
  I stepped into the vault where I was to stay for the next forty-eight hours.  Made from plexiglass and polycarbonate, this prison was made to hold me during my episodes.

  My name is Marque Le’mure and I am one the few who suffer from this psychotic ailment.
“How are we today Marque?” Linda said via the telecom from her office to the vault.  The lab was white washed and an irritant to my photosensitive eyes.  The plastic walls seem to magnify the fact that it was a bright room; refracting light this way and that.
  “Hungry as usual my dear,” I said taking a seat on my abnormally comfortable cot.
“Only the best of us are,” she said comfortingly.  Linda; like me, was one of the Tortured, and once sat where I was now, eight years ago.  Since her... “purification,” she had dedicated herself to helping others in her situation and gained a ranking position at the lab where we now both sat presently.
  As I said that my specialists can’t seem to do anything about my situation, that rather meaning complete uncertainty and lost to all cause, it was a loss of cure; for I was unlike anything they had ever seen. I laughed.
  It was four-eighteen and the sun began to sink behind the frost capped mountain range of Montpellier, the air was dense and my patience was even more so.  It would be a good three hours before my time was up for this half of the month.

  The facility was made of some unknown material.  I’d hazzard a guess of cinder, concrete and steel grating but I wasn’t sure.  All I knew was that when the time came, the walls did their job; they did it well.  I could see the claw marks I had gouged into the walls twenty-three days previous from today; they were covered with paint but not filled in, I laughed once more.
  “Memory coming back from then?” Linda had asked when she saw me examining the groves in the cell walls.
“A little,” I replied.
“Well there’s a good sign right there,” she smiled.
  Two hours had passed since I entered the chamber, and I was literally climbing the walls.  As expected I would charge the walls and scale a way out of the chamber.  Slowly but surely I was losing my sanity.  I became claustrophobic and anxious for freedom, but I tried to maintain my cool; thus took a seat on the cot and closed my eyes, breathing heavily all the while.
  “It’s almost time Marque,” a voice said to from the ceiling telecom.  I failed to recognize who it belonged to at this point.  The rage welled within my core and the feeling of power swelled in my mind.  My joints began to loosen, preparing for some drastic change.  I fell limp to the ground facing the ceiling.  The ceiling, it was moving.  Opening rather, to the light of the night.  I dreaded what was to come in seconds.  Gears and belts and cranks all made their sounds in the wall, attempting to pull back the only cover and refuge from my inevitable ailment.
  Like it had countless times, it appeared to my line of vision.  I was unable to turn away from it as my joints and muscle lay dormant.  It was the only stimulant I needed, the only stimulant it needed.  That big, round, lunar disk floating in the sky shone down upon my skin and I felt...-----

-Log 424: Dec. 16. 2010.
5:48 pm Patient’s conscious mind begins to slip.
5:51pm Patient has reach maximum sedition, earlier than last month, complications arise.
5:59 pm Roof is drawn, patient is exposed to its tropism.
6:11pm Patient has resisted lunar-tropic catalyst for twelve minutes before permutation.  Perfect transformation.  Behavior has improved in the sense that his aggression is milder and temperament, elongated.  Has progressed since last session.
6:22pm  Thorasic chamber has ruptured during permutation and threatens overall host health.  6:47pm Lateral and posterior deu-claws appear to be dislocated.  Overall, still a better transformation from last session.
8:59pm  Regeneration initiates.
9:36pm Aberrant behavior: patient is calculating, observing, pacing his cell.
9:37pm First ululation.
10:02pm Second ululation: patient is getting frustrated.
10:04pm Begins to calculate once more.  Regeneration terminates, host is healthy.
11:04pm Patient stares through the glass into office, steadfast.
11:07pm Patient has not even blinked let alone moved since last entry.
12:00am Lupine-oppression solution gassed into chamber.
12:03am Patient succumbs to solution, a positive reaction.
1:00 am Patient dozes
         -Log Terminate
                   -Linda Aaren

  -----Black, weak, sick to my stomach; as was expected after the nights’ events.  I was laying in the test lab on the heated surgical table.  It wasn’t as comfortable as the cot in my cell, but when I got up to see the damage I had inflicted on the facility this time, I saw there wasn’t much left of the cot anyway; what a shame.
  “The majority of your test results are coming back positive, but we’re still a long way away from identifying your strand mutation or even it’s location.” Dr. Jeuxais told me as I sat before him.  In the past months I had learned that my “permutations” are caused by another mutation.  Certain strands of blood in my system have reacted with one another during childbirth and have formed what they call a Cronan Strand.  Essentially it’s a time bomb in my blood.  The strand can last up to as long as its host but on a monthly basis it mutates and causes a chain reaction mutation to all the strand next to it and all the strands next to those and so forth.  The genetic makeup will get screwed all to hell and mimic an animals’ genetic makeup; most prominent with the canine genus.  Why? I’m not sure, Doc tells me that it’s the next closest thing to mimic after the primate genus.  I’m also unclear on why our bodies go through the horrific act of mutation once the genes decided to change; that one still baffles the “experts.”
  A Cronan Strand; unlike all other blood strands in the body, remain stagnant, fixed to one place in the body.  Usually it’s easy enough to located and once you’ve done that it’s a matter of treating it.  With my scenario, complexity is most abundant; thus is the reason that I have not been treated yet, cured if you will.

Last edited by C.G.Butchart (2008-09-07 00:53:38)


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#2 2008-09-08 03:18:59

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

[Just a little addition i did tonight before i went to bed.  Sept 8th]

  “Don’t let the Doc fool you Marque,” Linda said before I left the lab.  “There is hope in your case.  You just need the patience for the time we need to help you.” She smiled, her beautiful face and perfect complexion heightened in quality.  Straight brown bangs fell out from behind her ear and over her thinly, golden framed glasses.
  “Lately it just feels like there is none.  I’m getting improvements in my tests but that’s all, nothing has changed in myself.  I’m a monster whichever way you look at it Linda, I grow tired and impatient with myself.”
She walked up to me briskly and tilted my head up by my chin; shot a look deep into my eyes and said,
“Deliverance is as near as the prisoner knows not, Marque.”  With that she turned on her heel and marched back into her office; leaving me baffled and disoriented in comprehension.

  Still in a bout of confusion I turned on my own heel and continued to walk out of the lab.
“'Ave a good day mate!” Jona said as I passed him.  The twenty-something year-old Australian beauty of a door guard always seemed a little overly eager to have his job protecting something he was completely oblivious about.
  “Have a good day Jona, see you tomorr-AH! Heh-aaaAAAAHH!” I screamed, doubling over onto the ground.  It was broad day light and that familiar sickness was creeping into my lungs and stomach.  My muscles went limp and my joints loosened. ‘No, not again? Why now?” I thought to myself.
  Jona had rushed to my side asking me inaudible questions.  I faintly whispered “Get help, fast,” and he took off faster than I could have presumed.  I cannot remember ever this process occurring before.  My teeth hurt, my back itched, my skull roared in agony.  My entire skeletal structure seemed to have been rattling and stretching, the pain was unbelievable.  My skin flew off in slabs to reveal a moist hide of gray fur underneath.  My vision focused in and out and enhanced in every way possible.  Colours where defined and the far stuff seemed near, the near stuff seemed nearer, and my hearing became even more acute than it was before.  I heard the blood rushing through my head and the veins of people within a half block radius of myself.  The smells were unreal; amplified a thousand times and defined even more so than my vision.
  My muscles became functional again and the majority of the pain subsided, still this urge keep rising inside of me until I felt I had to quench it.  I threw my head back and let go a monstrous sound.  A bellow, a roar, a howl, a bark; all sounds I thought I could never make were released in one breath and I stretched all I could and stood up.  My hands, feet, leg jointing where all different, frightening.  What was wrong? How was I conscious for this all?
  The sickness amplified in my stomach and it turned and churned, I hungered once again.
The door to the lab burst open and Dr. Jeuxais, Linda and Jona all stood gasping in disbelief.  Jona whipped his gun out from his holster and pointed it at me.  In one swift movement I lept forward and swiped at the gun, disarming him.  Snarling and proving my dominance by revealing my fangs.  His neck looked too delectable to pass up.  I must have been a good three feet taller because I would normally have looked up to Jona, whereas I now towered over him, mouth just inches away from his face.


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#3 2008-09-08 15:29:18

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Absolutely astounding start, C.G. - quite frankly, right along with what can be expected from all your writing.

  I really liked the setting and the premise that began your tale, and found it very easy to follow along with your protagonist. It's noteworthy that you provide enough detail to where the reader desperately wants to know more, but then continue with a strange occurrence before any further information is revealed. However, that works well, because we know all we need to in order to understand the alarm of the current development. Very well done.

  I did find a few spelling/grammar anomalies, but the read was so wonderfully captivating that I barely noticed them.

  Needless to say, the reader is really pulled in to this story, and I think I speak for all when I say that I want to find out what happens next.

  Keep it Coming, C.G.!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#4 2008-09-09 00:10:37

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Grayle, you never cease to keep me inspired to write.  The critiques you provide are rather enlightening,  a real critique, which is what i wanted in the first place.  I'm glad you're all mildly enjoying it, and i do appreciate every piece input everyone says for encouragement, merci mes amies, merci.


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#5 2008-09-16 18:43:09

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

[Just a wee bit more]
  He trembled at the site of me.  I could smell the fear emitting from his pores, it smelled enticing rather; all of my urges told me to sink my teeth into that perk, toned flesh of his.  I closed my eyes in attempt to resist the animal that dwelled within me.  It finally gave in, and so I snorted a blast of hot air into Jona’s face, blowing his sandy hair askew.  I was in full control now, for the very first time I had control over my actions during an episode.  It was liberating, frightening and empowering, but in response to this power I did the only sensible thing to do.  I trudged back into the lab, shoving Linda and the doctor aside and took a place in my cell, closing the door behind me.
  Closing the door was very much a feat with no directly opposable thumbs, but as I paced the room I caught my reflection in the glass and recoiled so heavily I tripped over the debris of the cot in fright.  My skeletal structure had changed completely and baffled my attempts to comprehend the possibility of this new structural realignment.
  Broader shoulders, longer arms, smaller but more profound chest cavity, extra joints in my legs, total skull reshaping, rebuilt and highly defined musculature.  Grey skin stretched across my chest and back like it was pulled across a tanning rack by a taxidermist.  My hair had changed colour to match my skin and fell down into a mane, and also... A TAIL!  My spine stretched further than it was supposed to and was concealed in a veil of fine hair.  It was completely prehensile when it came to voluntary actions, I had control over it!
  “This image I see before me doth frighten,” I said aloud, but when the words escaped my mouth, no vocal chords were strained or tested, only an empty tube that garbled and distorted the words into tongues.  My own tongue wasn’t as easy to control now; I sat down in mournful defeat and awaited my transformation back into a human, whenever it was supposed to come.
    *        *        *
It’s been four days and still I remain in this form.  I’ve blacked out a couple times so I’m not sure what I’ve done during that time, all seems well in the cell though, I haven’t escaped yet.  My stomach began to protest on day three, but all I could do was rub it in front of the glass in hopes of letting my observers know I was hungry.
  I’ve also tried to do articulate things that an animal wouldn’t normally do to let them know I was in my “sane” mind.  Dancing, singing, scratching math equations into the walls and molding the Eiffel Tower out of the cot frame were amongst some of my activities during the days.
  I was starting to get used to this body.  Normally I’m a left handed person but trying to scratch things onto the wall was much easier with my right hand.  I could also solve my equations easier in this form.  It seems my problem solving skills had been heightened since my conscious permutation.  Scary.
  It was the beginning of day seven and I was literally climbing the walls.  I had been missing from my job for a week with no notice and I was home sick for my significant other.  They fed me raw meat every six hours after I so promptly told them I was hungry by massaging my abdomen.  It was disgusting to my mind but my pallet enjoyed every bit of it.
  I informed work that I was a recovering drug addict and every time I had to come into the lab and missed work they would assume I was having relapses.  I’ve been having relapses every month for a year now, I’m quite surprised they haven’t caught on to my lie yet.
  After I had started to climb the walls they stopped feeding me, which aggravated me further.  I assumed they thought I would try and escape when they opened the door to set the food tray in for me.  They were right to assume such a thing.
  It was the evening of day seven when it came.  I was sick to my stomach and my joints started to loosen again; then it came, that predictable unimaginable pain(which is a contradiction in itself).  I cried and whelped in agony, all in vane.  Of course I had to be ‘awake’ for this part too.  My intercostal muscles shriveled as my ribs fell back into place.  My skull cracked and grinded its way back into shape.  My skin pigmentation lightened and I shed.  The most unreal part was my tail and claw retraction.  It felt as if I had broken my tail bone while the vertebrae resized themselves.  I was mentally paralyzed as my howls turned into screams of turmoil and distress.  Soon I am myself, lying naked on the floor; curled up into the fetal position quivering.
  Linda came in shortly after the pain had subsided, an expression of distraught and devastation on her face, “Marque, we’ve located your Cronan Strand.”


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#6 2008-09-16 19:27:41

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Nicely done, C.G. - I loved the irony of not recognizing his reflection in the glass. That was great! I did find his taking control over his animal side to be a bit rushed over, almost skipped, but you can add dramatic detail to it later on.
 
  The description of what he saw in the mirror was a nice touch as well. Instead of leaving the description limited to the TF sequence, you described his finalized appearance, complete with very appropriate similes. Also, his personal tests with verbal communication and other types of communication were practical and imaginative. Very nice!

  For some reason, I felt the narration dealing with his explanation to his workplace about his absences felt a little out of sync; I can't quite put my finger on it. It was a good explanation, but there was just something about it that didn't seem to fit right. Maybe it's just me.
 
  The Reverse TF scene was decently summarized yet still vivid in description, therefore making it easily pictured in the mind of the reader. Well done there, too; and it was a great place to end the segment.

  Terrific continuation, C.G.! Keep it coming!

Last edited by Grayle (2008-09-16 19:54:50)


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#7 2008-09-16 19:42:01

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

i'm seeing something wrong as well regardless of the fact that i can fix it later i thought i'd share and see if one of you could help me figure out what it was.. apparently you're having just as tough a time as i am.  thanks for the input, the transformation back is supposed to be shorter.  The transformation in would (to the victim) have felt long drawn out to eternity feeling this pain, the mutation back into a humanoid form would feel lesser and faster i imagined, so i tried summarizing it to prove that idea of mine, did it work?


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#8 2008-09-16 20:06:46

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

I believe the detailed TF for the beginning and then a shorter description for the reverse TF is the way to go. Traditionally, audiences aren't really that interested in the change back, so you don't need as much attention toward it. It also seemed to fit the Journal-like narration very well.

  I think I may have identified my main challenge with his chosen explanation to the workplace. I think it's based on an impression I got from earlier in the story. I got the impression that this ailment was somewhat known to the general public and was being researched. If that's the case, then I don't really see a problem with informing his workplace that he has a condition, and it needs to be addressed once a month. In fact, the administrators of the medical facility might even verify his needs with his workplace to confirm his claim. The whole idea of lying to his workplace about being a drug addict was kind of ironic, granted, but it just didn't feel right to me.

  - But that that with a grain of salt, okay? This is your story, not mine, and you may have very good reasons for using that option.

  Whether you do or not, I want to find out where it goes from here.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#9 2008-09-25 02:47:17

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

[wee bit more]

I did not understand why she expressed a look of sorrow as she told me this terrific news.  As I said, it was a matter of finding the strand and treating it once it is located.  Treatment was usually radiotherapy, cryo-therapy and, or thermo-therapy; like cancer treatment, you have to destroy the cell somehow.  However as expected, it wasn’t as easy in my case.
  “It wasn’t prominent until your conscious permutation.  We should have thought of this months ago but we were blind to it.  Marque, your Cronan strand resides within you atrio-ventricular node, or, your pacemaker.”  She began to cry.  “The neuro-messanging to and from your AV node masked the strand perfectly until your heart showed some dis-arrhythmia during your transformation.  It bit us in the ass when it showed itself.  I’m sorry Marque, you do understand what this means?”
  I understood, after all I worked in a hospital myself.  This meant open heart surgery for me, but using any method to destroy the strand also involves destroying my pacemaker and tissue around it.  The time it will take to recover from it would be far too long, and a heart can only be without a pulse for four minutes tops.  There is no way I can survive the surgery even if I did receive an artificial pacemaker.  All hope had exploded into a trillion dust particles within two minutes of explanation.  I couldn’t help but hang my head.
  “Well then,” I began, “you know exactly what to do Linda.”  She began to cry once again, causing me to do the same.
“I refuse to do such an act when all hope is not lost,” with that she became enraged with a kind of resolve to find the answers to my questions.  She turned on her heel and left the cell in a tantrum.  There was no way for me to recover and we both knew it.  Acceptance was a hard thing for Linda, especially when it came to the ending of the lives of others.  I thought my scenario over and studied it inside and out; there was no loop hole that made itself present to me.  All I wanted right now was to go home and rest, crawl into bed with my significant other and live out my last few days.
  I left the laboratory once more, it was evening and Jona was still on watch.  When he saw me, he couldn’t bring himself to say a thing.  A stern look took his face that attempted to conceal the fear that dwelled within him.  He did a good job at it too, I wouldn’t have noticed he was scared if I couldn’t smell the aroma of fright that enveloped his person.
  “Jona,” I sympathized, but there were no words that could comfort him in this time.  I grasped his shoulder and smiled at him; trying to let him know that I understood his fear.
  I went home to my city penthouse apartment.  The designer furnishings and kitchen wares gleamed in the soft light of the gas fireplace, sweet lamps and chandelier above the table.  A beautiful view of the city occupied the enormous windows and sliding glass doors to the patio outside.  The Jacuzzi’s light-blue glow emitted a soothing aura through the windows as the water refracted light every which way.  I had a cushy life with my friend and lover.
  On the counter was a plate of strudel; homemade, I could tell, with it a note that read:

  See you after my shift tonight, can’t wait to see you!
                                          -J. Le’mure

I grinned, took one up and had a bite, delicious!  I indulged myself in two more before I sunk my teeth into a cherry pit that resided within the last one I ate.  My tooth had shattered completely and blood began to run from the wound.  I felt no pain as the debris from the tooth was pushed outward as a new one came to replace it instantly.
  Many thoughts had darted in and out of my head regarding the happenings within the last week.  Why had I changed when I wasn’t supposed to, in broad daylight of all times!?  How much had I scarred Jona, physically and mentally?  I pitied him a little, but he was strong; I’m sure he would pull through.  What exactly was I going to do with the remainder of my time on this Earth?
  In attempts to relax, I changed into my swim-wear and stepped into the Jacuzzi for a spell.  It was a failed attempt as my mind lingered on the fact that there had to be some way out of my situation.  When it came to me it was so obvious! It was literally right before my eyes as I had been staring at it for a good half hour without knowing what I was looking at.
  Lying on the ledge of the Jacuzzi was a fly, fast asleep in the cold of this winter night.  I knew the fly would recover healthy once it had defrosted days after its life span had ended, but for the mean time, he was safe from any harm that didn’t involve the crushing of his body.  Cryogenics.  I would elaborate on it late, for now I felt the relaxation take me as I sat there, pleased I had some form of solution creating its answer for me in my head. 
  Hours after I had crawled into bed, I heard the door open and close.  The clank of keys as they were being tossed into the bowl by the door.  The sound of footsteps had led up to the bedroom threshold on the hardwood flooring, but paused before entering.  I saw the shadow cast upon the wall opposite of the door as it stood, observing me.
  All lights were extinguished and the footsteps entered the room; I heard everything so acutely.  The heavy breathing, the ripping sound of velcro and clunking as objects were set upon the oak dresser top.  The whipping of laces being undone and the sliding of clothing over flawless skin.  There was a rush of cold air as the covers where lifted and a shift of gravity as a body was pressed against the mattress.  A warm body pressed itself against me and I felt the warm, dampness of a tear as it hit my neck and the arrhythmia of the heart next to me.  And so it was then that I could fall asleep, within the warm embrace of Jona Le’mure.

Last edited by C.G.Butchart (2008-09-25 02:59:55)


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#10 2008-09-25 16:05:57

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Very interesting twist at the end there!

  I appreciated that fact that, although Linda's explanation was thick with technical understanding, you defined its meaning for the reader afterward. It's so frustrating when technical explanations aren't explained for the layman reader, and I appreciate your willingness to do so.

  I did find a couple of grammatical thingies, and I'm not convinced a word processor would catch them. If you wanted to catch them, you may need to go over this segment in detail, possibly reading it aloud. Just so you know.

  The internal musings and narratoin of your Protagonist is a gorgeous as ever, as delicious as that cherry strudel. However, that brings up another interesting circumstance: here I was, ready for details on how the flavour exploded upon his palate or made his taste buds sing or something of the like, but you chose to describe it in one word.
  Okay, so Marque isn't an experienced food critic. I can understand and accept that easily. Still, it seemed a curiosity that expanding the detail on the strudel was bypassed. 

  That being said, the amount of detail and vivid description in the entire post is nonetheless tantalizing, C.G., and I think you did a great job on it.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#11 2008-10-07 16:35:01

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

And so it was then that I could fall asleep, within the warm embrace of Jona Le’mure.
  No words where said after that, for when I woke up, I was alone with a note on Jona’s pillow:

  Marque: Glad to see you are alright, home and safe.
             Talk to you tonight after my shift, hopefully.
             Breakfast is on the stove-top, have a nice day.
                                  J.L.

  I got up smiling at the fact that what Jona had seen happen to me did not frighten him.  But it did bother me that he did not acknowledge it at all.  Breakfast was simmering on low upon the stove.  Seems he had just left, leaving porridge to stay warm on the stove’s safety setting.
  As the food warmed my stomach, I brooded more on the topic of cryogenic preservation.  Safety issues, survival statistics and what not.  Seems it was a pretty safe thing now-a-days.  Over the years there had been so many incidents and accidents with the patients of cryo-freezing but the field had been nearly perfected in recent years.  That made me feel a whole lot better, I left a nervous chuckle escape my lips.
  So with a plan set in mind I decided to go down to the lab this afternoon and inquire about it.  I was incurable anyway, death would have come sooner than normal; what would I have to lose by merely asking?
 
  The snow crunched under my boot as I stepped onto the sidewalk from within the warmth of my apartment complex.  It was unnaturally chilly today and my nasal cavity stung as I tried to stamp out the cold.  The stroll down to the bus stop was long and windy and I welcomed the arrival of the transit bus.  I quickly flashed my pass to the driver and found a seat in the back.
  I took my seat and observed my traveling companions.  The one that caught my attention immediately and attention thereafter was the young woman seated directly across from me.
A girl of utmost innocence with short, bleach blonde hair swayed to one side.  Bulky headphone concealed what I predicted to be the most adorable ears.  Garnished in black, she sat in a pose of greatest respect; her eyes fixed on the scenery passing the window beside my head, moving nowhere soon.
  A vacant but peaceful expression held her visage in unbreakable suspense.  Though her eyes did not sway like her hair with the motion of the bus, she seemed perfectly aware of her surroundings.  My own eyes could not sway either, transfixed in her unique beauty I found it hard to pull my eyes onto anything else.  She seemed familiar, but was a stranger all together; something was wrong with her, what it was I could not tell.
  Nearly missing my stop I came to my senses and pulled the cord above my head, signaling the driver to stop at the next stop.  I was hesitant to get off the bus, for I was to let that woman out of my site.  As the bus pulled away she looked directly into my eyes and smiled.  It shocked me to see such a beautiful smile be tarnished by her teeth.  As the smile itself held hospitality and curiosity, her canines bore malic and wrath.  They; like mine, were noticeably longer than normal by a quarter inch.
  I was oblivious as to why she decided to reveal her identity after I had gotten off.  Perhaps she knew the stop herself and received care at the lab as well, or it could have been that she sensed my identity to be like hers and show that she was like me after I had lost my chance to speak with her about it; which seemed silly altogether.  This would persist to bother me for the remainder of the day if not the week.

  “I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t work Marque,” Dr. Jeuxais replied after my proposal of cryogenic preservation.  “I would like to perform a few tests to see whether or not the strand will shutdown along with the rest of the body and if you actually are a viable subject for cryo-preservation.”
  “Excellent!  Let me know when you’ve found out!” I said with renewed hope.  This way I would be preserved in the healthiest state in present time and thawed to receive a solution or cure when they could think of one.
  The doc took some blood and tissue samples for testing; the tissue harvesting hurt in particular.  And so I left the clinic and went home with an un-relinquished smirk on my face.  I climbed the granite steps to the front door before the thought of one person had shattered my high esteem in freezing my body to live longer.  I paused with the key in the lock and gasped, “Jona!”


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#12 2008-10-08 15:31:41

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Oops - boy, that girl on the bus was really distracting...
Just kidding.

  Again, C.G., your descriptive language and attention to detail make picturing the scene effortless. Being a former bus rider and driver, I can easily relate to the descriptions of the scenery and the girl's hair swaying with the rocking of the bus; very nicely done! I also appreciated that his mind was so distracted with the girl and his hope of survival that he failed to take others into account - namely, Jona. However, that was only temporary, as a significant other could not be put out of anyone's mind for very long, regardless of the distractions.
 
  As such, I think you narrated this scene very well, and it also adds anticipation for the next segment as to how Marque will learn of and deal with Jona's feelings on the matter.

  Great Job, C.G.! Keep it coming!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#13 2008-10-10 03:14:32

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

[little bit more, not much]

I set the keys into the bowl by the door, an ample amount of options, thoughts and disjunctive scenarios zoomed in and out of my mind from when I started climbing the stairs to my apartment and entering it.  I was starting to have second thoughts in this decision.  I had never considered Jona in my master plan and I scolded myself internally for it.
  How would he feel about this? Would he be supportive or would he scold me as I had done just moments before?  And like I had done so many times before, I decided to put the bad news out of my mind for a discussion with him later.
  Later came and went and I did not bring it up, nor did Jona bring up the fact that there was a monster laying dormant deep within me; it was a silent dinner.  I dreaded telling Jona my solution as much as the discussion of my identity.
  Jona had gotten into the shower later that night, I finished the dishes before I went to join him in there.  When I had stepped into the shower, he left immediately; avoiding eye contact, saying nothing.  I couldn’t help but feel hurt.
  I was reluctant to crawl into bed for fear of rejection.  So, I stayed up and read by the fireplace for a good hour and a half before going to bed.  Undressed, I found my way to the bed from the light switch and lay next to my “lover.”  A few minutes passed before his arm stretched across my body and his head laid upon my chest.  I felt that familiar warm, moist drop hit my skin.  In response, I placed my hand on his head and ran my fingers through his hair in comfort.  I gently kissed the top of his soft head before I fell asleep cradling him as he sorted out his emotions to himself.

  The morning light stung my eyes when I opened them.  Soon my irises contracted and my vision came into focus; when it had my heart stopped as I observed the horror of my bedroom.  The curtains were ripped from their rod.  Gouges in the walls ran parallel to one another in sets of four.  The sheets were torn and shredded upon the floor and the mattress bled foam and spring coils.  The dresser was upset, as was the night stand; lamp smashed on the floor, blood scattered the walls and long gray hair encompassed my body on the bed.
  Looking to my left I was relieved somewhat to find Jona gone.  My heart raced and I could not process anything anymore.  ‘What had happened here?’ I thought to myself.  The front door burst open and when I got up to inspect the intruder, I found Linda searching the apartment for something.
  “Hey,” I greeted her, she jumped in fright then recoiled in surprise when she saw me standing in the threshold of my bedroom, buck naked.  “Why are you here Linda?” I asked after I grabbed some tattered sheets off the floor to make myself decent.
  She readily exclaimed, “looking for you.”
“What’s the problem?” I said in a tone of innocence that seemed to try and conceal the obvious fact that the apartment was a complete wreck.
“Jona just arrived at work this morning. Exhausted, he said that something was terribly wrong at home; I’m starting to see his point.  Marque what the hell happened here?” she observed the room in distraught.
“Is he alright?”
“Yes,” she sighed, “for the mean time.”
“What do you mean by that? I didn’t-“
“No, you didn’t, but you sure scared ten years off of his life span.”
“Marque what did you do?” Linda expressed a look of genuine concern.
“I would really like to know that myself.  What’s the day?” I asked, in my state of confusing and excitement I could have forgotten the lunar cycle.
“Marque it’s day six since your last permutation.  You’ve a long way to go yet, at least we thought so.  You need to come in with me to see the doc, please,” she pleaded.
  At that I retreated to my room to change.  I would have closed the door but frankly I could not find it, as it was not on its hinges; thus, I changed in front of Linda, full aware that she examined my naked figure.
“You get to see it once a month, and still you don’t get enough of it in the lab?” I said catching her eye tracing my waste line.  She in turn caught herself and spun on her heel as she had done so many times before and faced the wall in aversion.
“Sorry,” she laughed.


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#14 2008-10-10 10:49:54

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Well, that's a disturbing twist of events. Linda likes seeing him naked.
Oh - and the shredded bedroom, too.

  Your details in describing the bedroom and the less-than-eventful night's ending was well-told, full of description where there should be some, and conservative in the proper places as well. Very good balance there, C.G.
  I also appreciated the mystery of a slaughtered room with blood on the walls. It's good to know that Marque's intended is alive and well, but then where did the blood come from? Interesting, and intriguing.
  The dialogue was short, sweet, and succinct, but also playful and respectful, especially considering the circumstances. It does a great job at diluting the tension created by the absence of answers. Good job there, too.

  Nice continuation, C.G., and it also moves the story along at an appropriate pace.
  Very skillful writing! Keep it going!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#15 2008-10-10 19:31:50

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

[MORE!  inform me if the dialogue is too strenuous too follow, or if punctuation is confusing, i put it in there to establish tone and voice influx]

  The drive to the Lab was silence as I sat in the passengers seat of her newly upholstered 1992 Audi.  She took me around the back entrance, aware that Jona would be on guard at the front door.
“So he really had no clue what he was guarding did he?” I asked in confirmation.
“No.  After he completed his course with the French Secret Service as an escort he came here, and was told that he was in charge or guarding a great importance.  He hasn’t been, seen or heard of the lower levels.  That is until you decided to escape the facility last week,” she replied quite frankly, pulling the car to a halt in the underground lot behind the lab.  “He really had no clue what you were capable of?”
“No,” I said simply.
“Then we are both to blame for his emotional distress.”
  From the lot we entered an elevator to the ground level one story above.  The elevator rose and the door opened; there stood Jona waiting to get in on the other side.
“I’ll wait for the next one.”  He could not bring himself to look me in the eye, and THAT hurt even more than his previous rejections.  What was going on in his head?  It confused me to a profound level of worry.  The answers to my questions would be found once I was sitting in front of Dr. Jeuxais.
  “Considering the circumstances Marque, you are very, VERY ill,” was the first thing he said to me after a long moment of silence and contemplation; my heart froze, I felt sick.  “I had finished the testing from the samples I harvested from your person and the good news is that you are suitable for a cryo-genetic procedure.”  My heart began beating again, slowly.
“But?” I inquired.
“But,” he sighed, “your Cronan strand is far more active than the usual patients that come through here.  Your mind is breaking.  It’s giving in to... well, your other side.”  My heart slowed even more and I knew I must have been a very pale colour by then.
  In defense and denial I responded, “how can you know that my strand is more active than normal?  You haven’t taken a sample of it.”  It was a naive response and a little juvenile.  The doc smiled sympathetically and explained further.
  “For one, it does show in the rest of your blood.  Your leukocyte count was extremely high, and your permutation out of date was a dead give away.  You no longer need just the lunar radiance to provoke your changes, it can and will happen at random now.  This is one of the last symptoms a patient shows before it gets to be too late for them and they are lost, trapped in their own head.  You’ve been coming here for how long?  A year and a half?  Two years?  Marque it takes an average patient thirty years to show the signs and symptoms you’re displaying in two since your contraction.”
  “So, how is freezing my body going to help me if I’m already doomed?”
“You’re not doomed, you’re well on your way though.  Either we freeze you now before you change again and risk harming someone, or,” he paused, my face displayed an expression urgency to know my other option.
“What doc?”
“Or, I put you down like the dog you are.”  My blood boiled at that pseudo-racial slur.  Racial? Or species? Doesn’t matter, I took offense to it and said,
“oh it can’t be that bad, aside from the loss of consciousness I can be detained right?”
“It’s not that simple son.  Although you could go several months with these random permutations before you change for good, your changes have become violent.”  I failed to understand him,
“and they weren’t violent before?”
“Not like this Marque.  Your regeneration rate is decreased, and you heal not nearly as fast as you did before.  Essentially you morph and any injury you sustain, will not regenerate as it used to.  You bleed out more.”  Instantly my mind flashed back to my bedroom and the excessive amount of blood around the room with a boggling lack of source; other than myself.
  “So how is that a concern doc?”
“Your blood is highly toxic to everyone that isn’t your type.  When you change you leave poison and contaminants for humans everywhere you bleed, it’s a hazard and a risk of you spreading your disease to the public.”  He was unbelievably harsh at the moment, but I understood his origin and argument.  ‘Put me down for the greater good, or preserve me until a cure is found, simple.’


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

#16 2008-10-11 15:03:53

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

Interesting continuation, C.G., especially with the potential prejudice that Dr. Jeuxais is displaying. It was subtle, but clearly made the point that his concern was subdued by his fear of an epidemic, and it was causing him to make poor choices in his responses. However, it did a good job of adding a foreboding tone to the story, and I think it did a decent job of migrating to the reader's comprehension as well.

  There were a couple of spelling anomalies, but I think a proofreading session when read aloud would be enough to find them. As to your comma usage, I don't think it was over-used as much as you might be concerned with, but I found one or two that could be easily replaced with a semicolon, and maybe two that didn't need to be there. Other than that, I didn't see much cause for alarm.

  Eve so, this segment adds a challenge for the protagonist, so things aren't all peaches and cream, if you take my meaning. I thought this was a great continuation, C.G., and I hope you continue.

  Keep those creative juices flowing!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#17 2008-11-16 00:52:02

C.G.Butchart
Member
From: Salmon Arm, BC
Registered: 2008-03-30
Posts: 54

Re: "Chasing Benevolence"

[Sorry fellas and lassies, school has been rough this past month, haven't had much time to do much writing, so i thought i'd treat myself the other night, this is what i came up with...]

  As Linda drove me back to my apartment I began to open the envelop the doctor had given me before we departed.  I read the header which said: Cryogenic with Congenial Atmosphere Preservation Consent Issue Form, it was the paperwork I had to fill out before Dr. Jeuxais could legally freeze my body.
  After bidding her good night I watched Linda drive into the cold of the night.  I sat on the couch, reading and re-reading the consent form before I made my decision to sign it.  Having no desire to make any decisions at that moment I set my papers upon the dresser and left the room.  Aside from the gouge marks and shredded bedding, the bedroom was in its natural condition before I got to it.  Jona had been home between his shifts and made an attempt to tidy the place.  I could not function after the days events of revealed information.  So I left the building on a course to the pub down the street.
  I walked the street, slow and somber.  Shambling along like an animated corpse without purpose.  My observations where heightened as is did so.  I saw violence, I saw sodomy, I witnessed barbarous acts of intimacy and I became displeased with the world I lived in.  My decision was hence encouraged in signing the consent papers.
  The bar was no better; repulsive depression, and lechery struck me in the face once I stepped through the door.  I sat at my usual seat in the corner, ordered the usual, and sat back in observation.
  Taking a sip from my favorite drink I spat it back up in disgust.  It finally made itself clear to me that all of today’s standards dropped significantly.  How far and long they have dropped escaped me in estimation.  Just that it was most prominent now is all that was clear.
  The irony of this situation was humorous.  This was a place where the majority of its tenants came to drown their thoughts and sorrows; I did not need that at this particular moment in time, and so I left.
  As I sauntered back to the apartment I bore witness to many atrocious behavior of the cities citizens.  Lovers shot ecstasy of disgusting patience and continuity into the proverbial systemics of this society.  Living in squaller and filth, they ruled the city; for how could society mechanize without them.  They brought about the status-quo here, it is them that creates the future.  A future based off of bad habit and further downgraded colloquialisms that embarrass even the youngest of sentient infants.
  Contradictions of a mad man, dare I call him me?  I was not proud, but I also did not discriminate them as I briskly walked past.  It was a cold night and I had no desire to stay in this blistering temperature any longer than was necessary.
 
  I stepped into the apartment and was assaulted by Jona.  In hospitality he leapt into my arms the second he know I was aware that he was in the room as well.  The last time I “bumped” into him was at the clinic earlier that day; when he had no interest in being in my presence.  Now I find him embracing me, holding me with so much emotion it was overwhelming.  His short, brawny Australian physique pressing against my tall slender French one.  Our body grooves fitted together in a strange way that seemed to emphasize the strength and meaning behind this embrace.
  “Jona, what is ever wrong with you?”  I posed my issues with caution in relation to his sudden swap in emotion.  In his heavy but noticeably depleting accent he replied,
“I was called up from my post this morning by Dr. Jeuxais,” he began.  “He explained to me everything that I saw and the current situation.  Your current situation.”  He was taking the news better than I thought he would.  “Today, when I saw you in the elevator, he had just finished telling me dinky di and I was a dead cert shirty.”
  As I had always done many times before, I burst into laughter in response to his slang that no one in this hemisphere could comprehend.  Lucky for him I was stating to understand his gibberish, and came to understand that he said what most would have as: ‘I heard the news and when I saw you I was upset and couldn’t speak with anyone at that time.’
  And as he had done every time I would laugh, he would respond with a traditional smile of utmost beauty.
  “So you understand me then do you?” I asked
“I think it’s cods wallop but yeah mate.  I’m gonna do all I can to get you better.  I gotta be in your life to do that; understanding what’s going on with you in your pretty little head,” He said looking up to me.

Last edited by C.G.Butchart (2008-11-20 01:21:41)


"...And so came forth the 'Howler.'  The people of the village called it a blessing of protection, I thought otherwise..."

Offline

 

Board footer

Powered by PunBB 1.2.14
© Copyright 2002–2005 Rickard Andersson

In Association with Amazon.com   In Association with Zazzle.com
page counter View Statistics