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#151 2010-02-13 10:29:13

mrRW
Member
Registered: 2009-12-01
Posts: 126

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I like the idea of some alternate ego scenes.  Could be interesting to open one of those scene with him trying to stay  in control but eventually losing out. 

I also wonder about the partial transformation you mentioned Sean working on early in the story.  Seems like it could go well with some of the sword practice sessions.

In any case it will be interesting to see where you take the story.

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#152 2010-02-13 13:48:38

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I do have a sword scene with a partial transformation planned at the end of this chapter.  I just need to finish working  through two more important scenes of dialogue and then I can do that one.  But right now I've got a serious migraine.  Ow, ow, ow.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-02-13 13:49:15)

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#153 2010-02-15 19:31:35

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

That's gotta suck I hate migraines o well hope you get better


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#154 2010-02-16 03:55:27

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

*hands SilentStider some Paracet* this should help
smile


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#155 2010-03-03 00:37:48

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

What happened to this story!!!???? I have been looking forward for absolutely any activity in this forum and yet there is none since I lost my iPod about a week ago! I want to at least know what's taking you so long. This story was actually the only part of the forum I try to read regularly so I'm kinda bored. Plz write asap this story is amazing.


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#156 2010-03-04 13:44:55

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I'll give you an update tongiht, not much time atm

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#157 2010-03-04 21:12:20

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Yaaaaaaaaaaaa


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#158 2010-03-05 02:16:02

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I am terribly sorry for my lack of posting any further updates.  I guess you can say I've been suffering through a writer's slump, not so much a writers block, because I have everything essential to the story outlined it's just a matter of filling in the little details.  What I've been feeling is more akin to a moment of depression that I just have to work my way through. 

One of the reasons its been affecting my writing is because it was one of the topics that my wife attacked during an argument we had.  Sometimes she hates it when I get into one of my writing modes and all I can think about is my story, and all I want to do is lock myself up somewhere ignoring the rest of reality just so I can write.  It's a very addicting passion I've discovered where I can get so engrossed I don't feel the need to eat, drink, or even want to get up from my chair to stretch my back.  I even ignore bathroom breaks (and no, I don't have any accidents... I know someone would've said something if I didn't.  Lol.  I would have >smile

She has always been one of my biggest supporters with almost everything I've done with my life.  Even though sometimes she didn't agree with the choices I made.  So, when she told me she hates my story and  believes my writing lacks in quality, it was like a shot in the heart.  My thoughts were, "but there are other people (here at the cafe) who believe it's decent, and they want to read it."

I realize she said those things partly because she was angry with me being so absorbed in this hobby of mine, and felt like I was ignoring her.  She was right too.  I get like that sometimes even though I don't mean to, but thank god I have her to help keep me grounded, because otherwise I know my life would be such a mess in ways that I don't think I could even fathom. 

Another big issue that I have in regard to her is that she hates the fact that I've been trying to get as many people as I can to read what I have written to date.  She's told me that she feels like it's mistake for me to want to do that, because then it makes it easier for other people to come along and steal my ideas.  She also feels that I'm foolish for wanting other people to validate what I'm writing and thinks that I like to bask in whatever positive feedback I can get.  I can't deny that I love getting positive feedback and having somebody say "Wow, I love your story!" but who doesn't feel good when they receive a compliment like that.  But maybe she's not getting the point that I also desire the negative feedback as well, even though a part of me gets a little wounded when ever I hear it.  But I recognize it as something essential to me improving as a writer, and I really want for as many people to enjoy reading my epic tale as possible, while I myself am still writing the story the way I feel it's meant to be.

I know my wife cares about me and she doesn't want to see someone else come along and steal something that I've spent so much time in developing, but I need to have people like you guys here at the cafe giving me your input.  Knowing that there are some people out there that are interested provides me with the extra fuel I need to get myself motivated sometimes to continue giving words to this story that has been brewing in my head for decades... wow, that's actually quite a while.  Eventually I guess she'll find out that I'm posting my work here, and I'm sure she'll think I'm insane for doing it, and will probably tell me that I'll deserve whatever I get, but until then I'm still posting it here.  And I will probably continue doing it even after she learns what I'm doing. 

There are some moments where I just have to tell myself "screw it!" In the end I can't let myself worry if someone else takes what I've made and turns into theirs.  I can't allow myself to get hung up on the idea that I could actually be writing an epic tale that a lot of people would want to read, and that I could actually make a living off of writing (happens to be a wish of mine).  Those things stress me out and block me from writing.  In the end I just want to write this story for myself.  I feel driven to get it out of me and put into reality for my own sake, and not worry how things will ultimately turn out for me.  I just want to write it all down before the world goes to hell in a hand basket.  Lol.  Maybe that sounds crazy, but it's one of those fears of mine.  Like I don't have a lot of time to complete this story, but I'm trying to do the best I can.

Jeesh!  I do carry on and on... Lol

I'm about half way through writing chapter eight and one of my road blocks is that I feel like I'm getting to caught up on the details and describing things that aren't necessary.  I'll have to go back and revise a few things before I can post another segment.  I also have some dialogue planned that may seem like too much, and you might get the feeling like it's bogging things down with not enough action.  So I have to decide again what is essential and what I can do without.  Some of it is important though, because it eludes to other things that are going on in the background that my main character, Sean, has absolutely no idea about.  But everything does tie together, so if I wind up having a lot of dialogue anyway in the next few posts I can only ask that you bear with me, and hopefully it will all be appreciated in the end.

Well I've spent a good deal of time with this post and I promised the wifey I would brush her hair (get some wife faction built up wink you know).  So let me proof read this and off I go.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-03-05 02:22:59)

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#159 2010-03-06 10:34:07

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

This post made me smile. I am so happy to read some posts finally and you sound a lot like my computers teacher. He tells me that he can't help with the games I'm making because he gets caught up in it and says he would make an entire game for me if he did. He even says that sometimes when the wife goes asleep that he gets up which made me laugh. You're wife sounds very supportive and very cautious (did I spell that right?) about you posting here and although I agree with her I can't pull myself away from reading it. Don't worry too much about details because it really does make the story come to life. Just for some info I would like to know are you sure that you don't have accidents because you make some huge posts and unless you do you're work on the toilet( that's a good idea) I hope you run pretty fast.wink after rereading the post what are talkin about decent ITS TERRIBLE wink I hope that you get that I'm joking because I love this story and want to keep reading that's why I was even sad that u didn't post the night you wrote I'll post more tonight sad right? Well I don't have anything else to talk about sooooooo yaaa that's it.


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#160 2010-03-11 02:51:24

Slayer
Member
From: On an adventure!
Registered: 2009-09-24
Posts: 1106

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

So I really hope you don't think I'm a stalker, BUT I have literally copied & pasted your story to my computer & I can't stop re-reading it!!! I seriously think you should publish this! It's a fabulous piece of work!!


Your friendly neighborhood slayer!

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#161 2010-03-11 09:45:35

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I'm extremely flattered.  Thank you Slayer.

And thank you ST for your understanding and patience while I sort through chapter eight and I lead into the chapter after this one.

I have quite a bit of down time at work today and tomorrow so I expect to be able to continue my next story post before Saturday, so look forward to that.  smile

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#162 2010-03-12 00:05:06

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I had to revise this post slightly, because I realized I was missing a critical point where Tara was suppose to receive a letter from the Arcanus informing her of their official findings regarding the incident that occurred in the alley way.  Her receiving the letter plays into a scene at the end of this chapter, where she has a brief but important talk with her mother, who happens to be an elder within Tara's local magic community.

I also tried to catch a few corrections here and there, to try and make the reading go a bit smoother.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



        The late afternoon sky was a clear blue and the chill air had an unexpected cold bite.  Sean found himself wishing he had worn something a little heavier than the gray sweatshirt he was wearing now.  Tara’s white Cadillac was parked along the curbside right in front of him with the engine still running, and the cloth interior offering a warm escape from the frigid air.  The cold snap had been a surprise to most people, and from what Sean understood the temperature had reached a record low for this time of year. 


        Dawn sat in the back, and Chris was sitting in the front passenger seat, just as Sean would have expected.  Despite whatever Tara may have said to Chris to make her more agreeable to him coming along, he doubted she was going to feel any more comfortable with him than she did last Friday evening.  He saw Chris reach over to the driver’s side and pull the lever that popped the trunk.  The space inside revealed that there was little room to fit his two bags along with everyone else’s, so Tara had to do some rearranging to get everything to fit before they both got into the vehicle to begin their road trip.


        “Welcome aboard,” Dawn greeted him as he climbed into the back seat. “Did you and T have a nice talk?”


        He wasn’t sure what she thought the two of them had talked about, but he informed her that Tara had told him to behave and to not get on Chris’ nerves, to which Chris gave a blatant snort of disbelief.


        Tara drove her car down the street and within the first moment of their trip Dawn was chastising Chris for her rudeness and insisting that she act more politely to the guy that had rescued her.  Chris played at ignoring the reprimand and stared out her window without looking at anything in particular.  Dawn asked Tara to back her up, but Tara shrugged, saying that she couldn’t make Chris feel any differently, and how she behaved was her choice.


        “Okay, stop!” Sean interjected.  The three girls were silent and Sean had their attention. “Chris, if you’ve got a problem with me then let’s hear it right now, because I don’t want to be spending the whole trip dealing with this.”


        The silence returned as all eyes were on Chris, waiting to see what she would have to say.  She stopped watching the scenery pass by and her head dropped down slightly, staring downward toward her feet.  Sean knew she held a grudge against him for something, but he had a hard time figuring out what it was and understanding her feelings at the moment.


        After half a minute passed it became clear that she wasn’t going to talk.


        “Fine!  Then let’s call a truce,” Sean offered. “Whatever it is I did wrong by you, let’s put it behind us for the weekend and pretend to be decent, respectful individuals.  After we get back you can pick up the torch and we can deal with the issue then.”


        Chris didn’t say a word, and Sean’s compromise hung in the air unanswered.


        “Well,” Sean prompted, trying to get some kind of response from her, even if it was something as simple as a basic body movement, acknowledging his presence.  She remained frozen and her refusal to do anything finally got to him.


        “Tara, pull the car over,” he demanded in a very calm and serious voice.  She looked up at the rear view mirror and could see the reflection of his eyes framed perfectly within the narrow strip. “Pull over, or I’ll get out regardless.” His demeanor told her that he meant what he said, and to avoid making matters worse she slowed the vehicle down and started to look for a place to park.


        “Tara, what are you doing!?” Dawn protested, unable to believe that her best friend was letting this happen, but Tara didn’t know what to say to mend the situation.  It was between him and Chris.


        Seeing that she wasn’t having any affect on Tara she looked at Chris and screamed her name.  Chris startled, and even shrank away from Dawn upon being the focus of her uncharacteristic behavior.


        “Alright!  Alright.  Alright,”she finally said.  She was unable to take the sound of Dawn’s continued duress, and finally had to give in. “Truce…,” she said begrudgingly, but then she had to add, “…for now.  We’re going to talk latter.” She said it as a matter of fact, and there was no mistaking the hint of a warning.


        Sean didn’t like the way she phrased her last few words, but with any luck it seemed like the two of them were finally going to work out their differences.  He could look forward to at least that much.  He relaxed, sitting back in his seat, and Tara kept on driving, taking Sean’s action as a sign of acceptance. 
           

        The rest of the trip wasn’t so bad, and after a short while a conversation started up about how college was going for everybody, and how great or terrible each of their professors were.  Eventually Chris was actually able to talk to Sean without acting disdainful, although it did take a couple of pokes in the ribs from Tara to serve as a reminder. 


        To help matters Dawn had taken time before the trip to make some laminated cards.  On each of them there was a different list of things to find while they drove.  It was a laughable game, and they all had difficulty taking it seriously, but to appease their friend they played along.  Within a couple of hours Tara had won first, and there were some complaints that her list was shorter.  In her defense, Dawn clarified that since she was driving she wasn’t able to search as well as the rest of them, so to even her odds she gave her less on her checklist.  In the end they all finished their searches with Sean graciously taking last place.


        After a six and half hour car ride, with the addition of two pit stops to use the bathroom and for Tara to grab some coffee, they were heading down a back country road which had rough pavement and had certainly seen better days.  It was almost ten o’clock at night and the long road had next to no street lamps to light their way.  Tara drove slowly, being careful to avoid the occasional pothole, and Dawn was on the phone, letting her mother know that they were almost there.


        Sean was feeling increasingly more anxious the closer they got to Dawn’s home.  He was heading into a completely new environment, and he was essentially with strangers of the paranormal variety of which he knew very little about.  The more he thought about it the more it seemed like he had made a foolish decision in coming here, and he wondered if he might have been better off by himself elsewhere.  It was far too late for him to do anything about it, but to see the weekend through to its end.  He hoped that his instincts to trust his current company didn’t lead him a stray and wind up causing him to be in more trouble than he already was.


        The car slowed down, and made a turn in between a gap of a triple split post fence.  There was a mail box at the corner in the shape of a miniature barn, and Sean guessed that they were heading up a long driveway.  Dawn confirmed it by telling her mother over the phone that they had arrived and then closed her phone, ending the conversation.  The driveway was paved much like the road had been, and on either side of them was the split fence and clear open flat land that extended well beyond the evenings darkness.


        Finally a white ranch style house came into view.  There were several lights on in front adding enough illumination to see the entire length of the front side of the building, which was pretty long and had at least six sets of windows.  There were also bushes and floral arrangements that complimented the house in a pleasant fashion and thick healthy grass all in between.  From what Sean could see in the artificial lighting everything seemed to be well maintained.  The front door had a small porch and a wooden ramp that connected it to the driveway, and that’s where
Tara parked the car next to.  Sean silently questioned whether or not Dawn had any parents with special needs, making the ramp a necessity to have.


        The front porch was up off the ground about two feet with its railing wall bordering the edge of the driveway right where Tara parked.  Sean looked up through his window and saw a great bear of a man leaning against the porch railing, holding a pipe up to his mouth with the stem of it disappearing into a full, well rounded grey and white beard.  The fellow had a leather brown cowboy hat on top of his head with lengthy hair that matched the color of his beard coming out from underneath the hat and covering the back of his neck.  His shoulders were broad and he had a large heavy frame that added to the overall impression that this big man could easily make himself look intimidating.


        Dawn immediately got out with a big smile on her face and ran around the back of the car and up the ramp.  The big man met her halfway and gave her a great big hug that lifted her off the ground


        “I missed you daddy,” Dawn told her father.


        “I missed you too pumpkin.” He spoke with a rough, gravelly voice that was probably a result of a lifetime of smoking.


        By now everyone else had gotten out of the car too, and Tara made her way up the ramp to be encompassed into the big man’s hug. 


        “Now that you girls are home it feels more like Thanksgiving,” he told the two of them. “Oh, by the way Tara, this arrived for you earlier today.”


        Sean was able to see Mr. Cormick hand Tara an oddly folded piece of paper with a blotch of red color centered on the front of it.  If Sean had to guess, the letter was folded so that all four corners met in the center and a wax seal was placed on the front of it to hold it closed.  He had seen such letters before on a few occasions when his uncle had received official word from the Arcanus.  Usually they contained warnings regarding what ever questionable activities his uncle was involved with at that time, provided that the Arcanus knew about it. 


        Tara accepted the old style letter and moved up the ramp to where Mr. Cormick’s massive form could afford some privacy while she broke the seal and read it.  Without making himself look too obvious Sean tried to peer around Mr. Cormick in an attempt to gauge Tara’s reaction, but it was impossible to do so in a decent fashion.


        Chris took her time making her way up the ramp, giving her friends plenty of space to receive their fatherly greeting.  Sean wanted to keep a comfortable distance as well so as not to spoil the moment of the family reunion and to be mindful of his proximity to Chris.


        “How are you doing Chris?” Dawn’s father asked her as he took his arm from around Tara to shake Chris’ hand. “It’s good to have you with us again.”


        “Thanks, Mr. Cormick,” Chris shook his hand firmly and returned the same smile he gave her that was barely visible through his respectable beard.


        “And you must be the new stray my daughter told me about over the phone,” Dawn’s father nodded toward Sean and his extended long arm made it clear to everyone else to step to the side so Sean and he could properly greet each other.


        Sean stepped up onto the ramp and grasped Mr. Cormick’s large calloused hand and he could feel the strength of his grip as they measured one another with a determined handshake.  Mr. Cormick held Sean’s hand slightly longer than he did Chris’ and he gradually increased the pressure almost to the point that it became hurtful.  Sean continued to grip the big man’s hand and hold his ground without flinching.  This wasn’t his home, and it would have been disrespectful for Sean to show dominance over another man within his own home and in front of his own family.  Sean increased the pressure of his handshake as well but he was careful not to go beyond what Mr. Cormick was demonstrating.  It was hard to tell exactly, but Sean thought he detected the hint of an accepting smirk hidden beneath the depths of his beard.


        “Why don’t you girls go ahead inside and let me and John get the bags for ya’s.  If you head on into the kitchen you’ll find your mother,” Mr. Cormick told his daughter, “she should probably have some cups of hot chocolate waiting for you all.” He was barely done saying his piece before the last girl disappeared into the house.


        Without saying a word he advanced toward Tara’s driver’s seat and hit the lever to pop the trunk.  Sean waited at the rear of the vehicle and began grabbing the luggage out as soon as the trunk had opened.  Mr. Cormick was quick to return and to get his hands into the trunk to help remove everything.


        “I think I should let you know,” the big man spoke as he moved, “Tara had called ahead to let me and the missus know about you before you got here.  We know what you are, so I’m asking you now, is there any special accommodations I need to make for you?”


        He let the question hang there and Sean paused in his action as he let what the man told him sink in. “She told you that I’m a…” He wasn’t able to bring himself to complete his sentence because fear and uncertainty told him Mr. Cormick didn’t completely define what Sean was in his disguised accusation.  Sean got a strange feeling that everything he did was going to be a test in the eyes of this man and Sean was going to be heavily evaluated.


        “Yea, she told us that you’re a werewolf, but I’m guessing she didn’t let you know she was telling us.  Sorry, to open up my mouth about it then, but I believe Tara was just trying to do the right thing.”


        Since Sean had stopped moving to get the bags, Mr. Cormick stopped as well and gave him his full attention. “Listen son, I’m going to tell you like it is, straight up and without any bull.  First off, I don’t want to cause any trouble between you and Tara, but this is my home, and if you weren’t going to tell us about yourself then I endorse what the girl did.  Secondly I don’t know any more about you than you know of me, but until you prove to me that you’re a decent fellow and know enough about yourself to keep others around you safe, then I got to assume otherwise for my family’s sake.  If I think for one second that you don’t respect the kind of danger you represent, then I’ll ask you real nice like to kindly take your leave.  If you become a threat then I’ve got no problems using my guns, and before you think that it won’t do any good, I do have silver bullets. 


        “I’d much rather we get along like respectable gentlemen, and not for us to not have any problems.  Heck I might even be willing to call you a friend, seeing how Tara seems to have a lot o’ stock in you and she’s willing to risk keeping your company.  I figure she either owes you something big, or she thinks you’re real important.  Either way if she’s willing to support you, then I figure I just might to.”


        Sean stood there with one hand on the edge of the open trunk while he looked up at the man that spoke softly.  Sean wasn’t intimidated, but he wasn’t a fool either.  It was quite evident, that if a confrontation arose he could swing those huge arms like knotted clubs, and cause some serious damage.  He had respect for Mr. Cormick and understood that he was just protecting his family, like any good family man might do.  But none the less he was concerned with what kind of guest this man viewed him as. 


        Sean knew himself well enough that it was never wise for others to treat him with aggression or hostility.  He recalled all too well the unfortunate fate of the hunters that thought of him as a large wild animal and the false confidence they had in thinking they could overcome the werewolf that Sean was at the time.  He didn’t like the underlying threats that Mr. Cormick was making and he feared his potential mistreatment causing a tragic event.


        “Are we good?” Mr. Cormick asked Sean after a while of him not responding.


        Sean’s thoughts were unorganized and his emotions were all jumbled up.  He felt like he should say something important to reflect the trials he had already endured.  He wanted to let this simple, honest man determine for himself the kind of person Sean was, and for him to come to the conclusion that Sean was a decent human being, but he had no idea of where to begin. 


        Finally when he opened his mouth to answer he simply said, “Yea, we’re good.” He felt so inadequate and his confidence gave way.  He had so many bad things happen to him, and he wasn’t entirely sure how messed up he was because of it.  Could he trust himself, and if he couldn’t then how could he honestly expect this man to accept him into his home as a guest?


        Dawn’s father gave Sean a reassuring pat on the shoulder that jostled him slightly off balance. “You’ll be alright son.  Why don’t you help me grab all these bags and I’ll welcome you into my home.  I think you’ll find that Lily and I can be quite accommodating, and we do our best to take care of our guests.”


        Grateful that there wasn’t going to be any difficult questions or bizarre tests to prove himself, Sean grabbed whatever else Mr. Cormick couldn’t carry, and together they made one trip inside.  His host walked in front of him to get the door, making Sean’s initial entrance a proper one.  As they walked Sean couldn’t help but to notice that Mr. Cormick had a limp that kept his left leg stiff and straight.  He noted it, and supposed it was more attributed to his aging body that his grey and white hair so clearly indicated.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-03-19 04:44:49)

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#163 2010-03-12 00:43:09

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Thank the holy god!!!!! You are going to continue th story I'm excited!! And np I understand that this must be hard for you to write your story when your so busy. And a question for slayer: did you just start reading it cause I don't remember you?


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#164 2010-03-12 01:02:41

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Awesome I didn't even know you had posted anything because my iPod didn't refresh like normal whenever a webpage changes. I love the story and it took a second before I could remember what was going on. Intense that's all I can really say. It really leaves you in the position where you have to know what happens next and your use of details you said you were working on is spot-on. It really makes me wonder why Tara decided to tell them that Sean was werewolf and I would appreciate it if you explained. But otherwise this latest entry is better and more exciting then anything my English teacher EVER does. So I hope that you continue with the amount of details because although this story might appear to the average reader that it is going slow I think that it is wonderful because it has just the right amount of details. So good err scratch that amazing job it is excellent and I still can't wait for more:)


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#165 2010-03-13 05:02:26

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Hehe, I re-read you compliment Slayer, and I must admit it just tickles me lol  I think it's hard to describe how awesome it feels to have people like yourself read what I write and appreciate it so much.  This goes for everyone else too that has ever read and taken the time to comment.  I swear you guys keep me going.  THANK YOU!!

To answer your first question ST, Slayer had been one of my earlier readers and posted once on page 2 of this thread.  It was post 28.  I rediscovered her a while back while I was desperately searching for other readers to give me the feedback I crave.  The more people I have reading this the more opinions I can hear which helps me to make a better story.  It also gives me a feeling like I'm gong in the right direction and helps me to know that what I'm writing is getting understood, minus some of the mystery-like things (like what is Dawn exactly if she's not human, and why precisely is this giant werewolf so interested in Sean?).

And now for your second question that involves giving out some more background details about one of my very important characters.  You asked why did Tara warn Dawn's parents that Sean is a werewolf?

From Tara's perspective she not exactly sure how stable Sean is when he's in his werewolf form, so she doesn't 100% trust that he's safe to be around.  Tara also has a rather unique relationship with Dawn's family, but first let me tell you something else about her that's key information about her character that you'll get to learn about soon in chapter 9 anyway.  Tara is actually a 71 year old woman.  In my world, people that can use actual magic (which involves tapping into some very elemental energies) are they themselves altered by the use of it.  One of the profound affects is that it often allows the individual to experience an extended life.  The amount of extra years a person gets to live varies and it can range from a person living to be 150 to somewhere near 2000.  There are many variables to consider and not all of them are known as to why some spellcasters are blessed with longer lives than others, but it's considered rare to have any of the "spell touched" to live past the average age of 450.  So in terms of comparing how old Tara is to the rest of the members of the Arcanus she's actually still fairly young.

Now this next part I share with limited detail so I don't prematurely give away a surprise.  When Dawn was a new born, not even a month old, she was given to Tara by a very peculiar creature and charged with the responsibility of being her guardian.  Tara's mother (Etienne, who you'll actually get to meet at the end of the current chapter) was the only witness.  And to make matters even more interesting for our young prodigal Wizard, Tara, there's a powerful and very foreboding prophecy attached to her young charge (Dawn).  Ultimately it was decided by Tara to place the baby in the care of the Cormicks.  They were an older couple living just outside the area of Tara's magical community (known as a circle of elders), and although they weren't supernatural in any way, they were at least aware of the supernatural world and had given their assistance to the nearby circle of elders often.  The Cormicks were overjoyed to be given the opportunity to care for a young child, because they were never able to conceive one of their own.

Fast forward ten years.  At this point the council of elders (which is a large governing body of the Arcanus similar to how the US's senate is) had made the decision to keep Dawn ignorant of the supernatural world in hopes that it would make it less likely that she herself would ever manifest (this is where I can't tell you what she is yet, it would ruin the surprise).  And to enforce this it was decided that Dawn would be under a 24 hour watch everyday.  It was Tara's choice to undertake the full responsibility of what the council of elder's had decreed and she incorporated herself into Dawn's life by altering herself to appear as a ten year old, the same age that Dawn was at that time.  The two of them went through school together, and with a fabricated story and some prearranged circumstances the Cormicks pretended to adopt Tara into their family as well.  Just so that it's clear, the Cormicks know full well that Tara is actually a Wizard, the true nature of what Dawn is, and are aware that Dawn isn't supposed to have any knowledge of the supernatural, but despite all that they still developed into a happy little family.  Dawn came to accept Tara as a best friend/sister and the Cormicks respected that, even though the disguised Wizard was closer to their age (a few years older actually). 

Tara has earned a rather unusual place within the Cormicks family and both Joseph (Mr. Cormick) and Lily (Mrs. Cormick) have come to care for Tara as a sort of adopted daughter as well.  Tara never had the true pleasure of experiencing what it was like to have a family, because as soon as it was discovered that she was a Wizard her circle of elders wanted her to begin her training as soon as possible.  It's considered a prestigious thing if your community has a Wizard spellcaster (I'll have to make a list of all the various spellcasters that exist within my world so that those that are interested can get a better understanding).  So needless to say Tara became absorbed with lessons and book studying, so much so that she lost out on her childhood and experienced very little of what it was like to have a family.

Another important reason I should mention as to why Tara decided to incorporate herself into Dawn's life is because she was not practicing her magic responsibly.  She wound up getting too addicted to it and was using it for nearly everything she was doing.  In my little world an individual that gets too hooked on using magic is likely to wind up burning themselves up (meaning they pull on so much magical energy that they wind up either killing themselves or loosing the ability to ever use magic again) or even loosing their sanity.  Tara's circle of elders realized the problem that Tara had and decided that she would have to refrain from using her magical abilities for a few years.  For any spellcaster to have to suffer such a restraint is an embarrasing thing to go through, much like it is for an individual to have go through detox and rehab.  Because of Tara's predicament she was more or less forced to take up such a close position to Dawn so that she and her circle of elders would not loose face in the eyes of the Arcanus.

As an additional note, the time that Tara has been spending with the Cormicks and as Dawn's guardian, she hasn't exactly been playing by the rules and every now and then sneaks off to practice some of her magical abilities.  Tara can't deny the fact that she has gotten to be very close to Dawn and surprised herself when she finally came to realize that she cared for Dawn as her best friend too.  However, she still feels like her elders are not treating her fairly and that she should be given some opportunities to continue her lessons in magic.  She has been know in the past for being a rule bender and has earned herself a rather notorious reputation for such, so there are a few within her circle of elders that don't have the tolerance nor the respect for Tara like they used to.  They see her as a spoiled young Wizard who is out of control, impudent, and has little respect for any kind of authority whatsoever.

Ok, so now let's recap a little bit.  Tara is Dawn's guardian, and she's in charge of preventing Dawn from having any knowledge of the supernatural world (yea she's doing real well with that now, isn't she? *sarcasm*) with the hope of preventing a potential cataclysmic prophecy from coming true.  The Cormicks are aware of the truth behind Tara and know that she is supposed to be under a certain level of probation from using her magical talents.  She's developed an addiction to using magic, and if you read between the lines, her circle of elders are partly responsible for her addiction, because they encouraged her studies without much restraint.  The fact that she's supposed to be refraining from using her magical abilities is also supposed to be a secret from the rest of the Arcanus, because Tara and her circle don't want to have to suffer the embarrassment such a thing entails.

Now back to the original question: Why did Tara warn Joe and Lily that they were going to be having a werewolf as one of their guests?  Simply because they are her adopted family and she loves and cares about what happens to them.  She is aware that Sean could be potentially dangerous and she wanted them to know for their own safety. 

The Cormicks are also in the know regarding the supernatural world, so it was okay for her to discuss such things with them.  And for the record the Cormicks are completely human with no extraordinary abilities of any kind.  They're just aware, but a person doesn't have to have a special power or anything to be formidable, because a little bit of knowledge can go a long way.

All right... now I have a challenge for you guys.  Can anyone guess yet what Dawn is suppose to be?  I've dropped quite a few clues and included a bit of foreshadowing, so I'm curious to see if anyone knows yet at this point.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-03-18 03:36:57)

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#166 2010-03-13 08:05:53

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

i think i know what she is!!!!
she is either a goddess of some sort or a fallen angle.
smile

Last edited by lonewolf13 (2010-03-13 08:06:23)


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#167 2010-03-15 02:28:05

mrRW
Member
Registered: 2009-12-01
Posts: 126

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Im looking at this latest installment as a bit of a set up piece.  I like the groundwork thats been laid and it ads a nice bit of suspense as well.  The slightly country setting and open flat land set a scene thats intriguing and works well w/the story. 

I thought Sean might try to get a bit more infoout of Cormick like e had with Tara but  I suppose all that will work itself out. 

Good stuff overall!

Oh, I think Dawn is an Angel of some sort if we're guessing.......

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#168 2010-03-15 11:14:41

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I think that she is a werewolf. But I could still be wrong. tongue

that's a lot of background info on Tara kept me reading for a little while to guess and I'm sure that she is a werewolf please tell me I'm right please please..........


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#169 2010-03-17 19:01:15

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Elf.

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#170 2010-03-18 02:21:11

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

I absolutely love and appreciate your guesses, and I'll admit that there are a couple of nearly correct ones, and I think it won't really ruin much if I tell you what she is.  But, only if you want me too.  You're going to find out toward the end of the next chapter anyway, and at this point in the story I don't think it will ruin anything if I tell you what Tara reveals to her friends concerning Dawn.

ST, I'm sorry to disappoint you on Tara, but she isn't a werewolf, lol.  I do have some background plans for her to get romantically involved with Gregor, but nothing about that is definite yet.  I suppose the possibility might exist that she could become vamperized.... hmmm.... interesting....

Here's my next installment.  This is about halfway through chapter eight.  I tried double-spacing between paragraphs wondering if it makes it more presentable.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



        The first room they walked into looked like a decorative sitting room with a low table that was as long as the couch it sat in front of.  There were a couple of other chairs in the room positioned along the walls including a few large indoor plants, and everything was setup so that guest could sit around facing each other in a comfortable.  To the right there was an archway that looked as though it lead into a dining room, and to his left another opening in the wall to another room showed a large TV on a wide entertainment center along with furniture that looked as though it was more commonly used, as if it were the main family room.


        Sean and Mr. Cormack walked through the length of the first room to the opposite side, and through a third arch that led into the kitchen.  It was large with a center island, a table near some wide windows, plenty of counter space and a breakfast nook to his right that divided this room from the dining room.  The kitchen was large enough to remind him of the one he grew up with in his uncle’s manor.


        All three girls, and an older woman whom Sean figured to be Dawn’s mother, sat around the rectangular kitchen table smiling and gossiping.  Mrs. Cormack was happy to have her daughter back home, and she seemed to be equally as happy to see Tara and Chris.  She looked as though she was a hardworking wife with a face that had become over tanned by the sun and brown hair that had equally been abused by plenty of hours spent outdoors.  Sean had no idea how old Dawn’s mother was, but despite her weather worn appearance, she still appeared to have much of her vitality, and was actively involved in a lively conversation.


        Mr. Cormack set down the bags he was carrying on the polished wooden floor, and his wife paused in mid discussion to inform him that there were two more cups of freshly poured hot chocolate on the counter top of the center aisle.  Sean set his bags down next to the others, and then felt uncertain of what to do next.  He was in someone else’s home that was completely unfamiliar, and since it was his first time here, he felt even more like a stranger listening to the girls chatter like they were old friends getting caught up on recent events.


        Mr. Cormack was kind enough to step around the other side of the center island, nearest the stove, and retrieve both cups of warm chocolate, returning to where Sean stood to offer him one.  Sean accepted the mug with appreciative thanks, and only after he was holding the steaming drink did he realize how cold his hands were, and how much better they felt absorbing the heat.  The evening air was chilly, but being in a new and strange place he had been too distracted to notice the temperature outside.


        Dawn’s father took up a position leaning against the center aisle and quietly enjoyed the hot chocolate his wife had made for everyone while he listened to their gossip.  Unsure of where else to go, Sean decided to move nearer the center island too, just so he didn’t continue to stand out in the open space of the kitchen among all the baggage.  He propped an elbow up on the counter and imitated Mr. Cormack’s disposition of taking it easy while the others talked.


        They continued to go on and on about college, their friends, city life, and the little things that they all missed since the last time they had been home.  Sean felt like he had already heard most of it during the drive, so he only half listened, and preferred to observe the environment he was in.


        He knew that Dawn was different in some regard, and he believed that she wasn’t fully human.  However, if her parents were going to clue him in on what made Dawn so different, he wasn’t seeing it.  Everything about them seemed as though they were entirely human.


        The situation was relatively calm, so he decided he could risk a better look at things by invoking his enhanced senses.  Before he did so he prepared himself for the expected mesmerizing affect that Dawn would have on him, and focused on his objective to learn what he could of Dawn’s parents.

        His timing was off.  He hadn’t been observing Mr. Cormick for even a full second when Dawn’s musical voice played in his ear.  Without conscious thought his head turned toward her and his vision was filled entirely by her.  It was as though the colors that radiated off of her were more vivid and vibrant than anyone or anything else in the room.  Compared to Dawn everything else was dull and might as well have been in black and white.


        She tilted her head back slightly with a laugh and the combination of the sound and image elicited a soft sigh from Sean.  It surprised him, but not enough to want to look away from the perfect model of beauty.  He must’ve looked love struck, but he didn’t care if anyone noticed.  Nothing else could be considered even remotely as important as her.


        Sean felt the distant sensation of something hitting his foot followed by the suspicious sound of something breaking.  Curious of the offending intrusion he looked down and saw a familiar broken mug at his feet with specks of hot chocolate dotting the pieces and floor.  Bewildered how it had gotten there he stared at his hand and finally made the connection that he had dropped his own mug and it had shattered on the floor.  He was shocked at what he had unwittingly, and his mind immediately seized upon the opportunity to return his senses to normal.  He ducked down behind the island counter with an apology and started to pick up the broken pieces of ceramic.


        His accident brought a halt to whatever the girls were talking about, and Mrs. Cormick got up to investigate the mess.  Luckily the mug didn’t completely shatter and stayed mostly in large chunks, with the little bit of hot chocolate remaining speckling the nearby floor.


        “I’m really sorry,” Sean repeated himself, as he hastily continued picking up the pieces.


        “It’s a small accident,” Mrs. Cormick said, trying to lessen his embarrassment, as she too bent down to help clean up the mess.  As the two of them worked quickly Sean’s hand lightly brushed up against her hand, and she couldn’t help but to suddenly flinch away.  She tried to cover up her abrupt gesture by pretending to pick up some smaller pieces further from where Sean’s hands were, but the undeniable jerking motion was there, and Sean had the strong suspicion that it was in reaction to the knowledge of what he truly was.


        “You must be tired,” Mrs. Cormick suggested. “Why don’t you go ahead and take your bags to your room and let me clean this up.  Joseph can show you where to go.”


        Mr. Cormick merely grunted in acquiescence and tilted his head back to finish the last bit of his own hot chocolate.  He set his mug down with a soft clink as it met the counter top.


        “If you don’t mind, I’ll show you to your room,” Dawn’s father said gesturing to Sean to get his things and follow him. “Chris, you’ll be glad to know that you won’t have to worry about spending your whole vacation sleeping on the couch this time.  I finally got that extension behind the garage finished so you’ll each get a bed and a room all to yourselves.”


        Joseph started to walk to the opposite side of the kitchen, and paused a moment to let Chris and Sean gather their belongings before continuing on.  He led them to an open door and took them though a small laundry room that contained a deluxe dryer and washer with a folding table in between.  It looked as though the tidy laundry room may have been a large walk-in closet at one time, but had been converted into what they saw now.  On the other side of the small room was another open door that Mr. Cormick continued on through leaving them in a short hallway with a total of five other doors beside the one they just walked out of.  At the end of the hall was a four paned windowed door, complete with curtains that showed the darkness of the night encompassing the backyard.


        Mr. Cormick took a half step across the hall opposite of the door he had just stepped through and opened up the door right in front of him.  Since Chris was directly behind him he told her that this could be her room and without waiting for a response the tall man took three strides down the hall to another door on the same side of the wall as Chris’ room.  He opened the door and indicated to Sean that this second room would be his.


        Sean stepped forward and entered the guestroom that he was given, and saw that the room was about half the size of a typical motel room.  It was probably no more than a twelve foot square room with an already made up twin size bed pushed up against the corner of the far wall.  Perpendicular to the head of the bed was a decent sized dresser with an alarm clock and a reading lamp standing closest to the bed.  There was also a set of sliding closet doors to his right that took up half the wall.  Since the room was a corner room he was fortunate enough to have two decent sized windows on both outside walls.  All in all, Sean decided it wasn’t such a bad room to be sleeping in for the next few nights, and he nodded his head in silent approval.


        He stepped into the room and set his bags down on the bed.  Mr. Cormick called their attention to the closed door across the hall from Sean’s room and informed them that it was the unfinished guest bathroom.  He told them that the toilet and shower weren’t completely hooked up yet and he still had a couple of plumbing issues to work out,  and hadn’t gotten around to working it yet.  However the sink was fully operational and if they wanted to use it they could. 


        “Well, if the two of you are comfortable where you are,” Joseph said as he brought his hands together with a clap, “I’m off to bed myself, as I’m sure everyone else is too.  It maybe Thanksgiving tomorrow but that doesn’t mean we sleep in late.  There’s a lot of chores and preparations to get done before we can all sit down and enjoy ourselves, so if you don’t wake up early then you can expect to hear me pounding on your door.”


        “I remember how it is Mr. Cormick,” Chris replied with a smile, something that Sean couldn’t ever recall seeing before.  Her face was always serious looking and the stunning contrast made her look surprisingly pretty. 


        For the amount of time he had known her he had never seen her face express any happiness.  She was always working a fast pace trying to make the most she could waiting on tables and especially whenever she was near him she always kept her contact suspiciously brief.  He figured it was most likely due to that one moment when she tried to pick his mind and her telepathic presence visibly startled him.  She was distant to him before, but even more so after that event.


        Mr. Cormick smiled and wished them both a goodnight before he left the hallway and headed back through the laundry room to the main house.  Sean lingered in the hall and watched as the big man walked off.  Chris turned, heading into her room and noticed Sean staring in her direction.  The brief moment passed in which she wore the rare smile and the pleasant face she was replaced with narrow eyes and tight lips as she looked at her hall mate with an unsettling expression.  Without saying a word she moved into her room and closed the door behind her.


        Sean sighed thinking it hopeless that he’d ever change her attitude toward him, and entered his room the same as Chris.


        The first thing he did was go over to the window nearest the head of the bed and cracked it open to let in the country air.  It was something he wished he could do more often back at his apartment, however the city air carried to many pollutants for his sensitive sense of smell.  The one time he had left his window open for an extended period it eventually made him feel like his whole place reeked and he was forced to spend the whole day cleaning until the smell had gone.  Here the air was cleaner and more pure with natural scents. 

        He cleared off his bed, setting his two bags down on the floor, kicked off his shoes and plopped himself heavily onto the bed.  The mattress felt brand new and firm against his back which was quite comfortable compared to the car seats he had just spent the past several hours in.  He brought his hands up to the back of his head locking his fingers together to aid the single pillow in supporting him.  The long day was over and he laid there staring up at the ceiling allowing his mind to wander aimlessly as he enjoyed the smell of the natural country side coming in through his window.  Every once in a while a gentle cool breeze would flow into his room drifting down the length of his body replacing the stink of the city he had unconsciously gotten used to.


        After a short while he heard Chris’ door open and her shoeless feet pad down the hallway, presumably through the laundry room and back into the main house.  He guessed that she was most likely off to find a bathroom that was in working order so that she could get herself ready to sleep.  Deciding he best follow suit he got up and rummaged through his haphazardly packed duffel bag until he got everything he needed to prepare himself for bed too.


        As Sean exited his room and before he could take his first step down the hall, Chris came around the corner on her return trip from the bathroom.  She was bare foot and wearing black sweat pants and a T-shirt that obviously several sizes to big for her.  Her hand rested on the door knob to her room and she paused in that position looking intently at Sean.  He stared back trying to figure out what was on her mind.


        “Let’s talk,” She said, quite abruptly.  Sean was surprised by her sudden willingness to confront him, and he was nearly taken aback.


        “Okay,” he responded cautiously.  Several long seconds ticked by without her saying anything more so Sean encouraged her with an obvious question. “So, what is your problem with me?”


        “It’s not just one thing, you…” She struggled with trying to audibly convey her thoughts and searched for a spot to begin. “You creep me out,” she finally declared.


        “You know,” she continued, “at first I think I was just embarrassed, because of all the times I tried to…you know…read you.”  She hesitated, obviously not willing to completely come out and admit to Sean what she was, or what she had been doing.


        “And you acted like it never happened.” Chris hastily added before Sean could say something himself. “Until that one day I guess I surprised you.  You never gave any indication that you could sense me, and you never confronted me about it.  You kept on going like nothing ever happened and you seemed quite comfortable at work staying in that backroom, keeping to yourself as if you wanted to stay in hiding.”


        Chris was working herself up into an emotional state, and she was beginning to speak faster as if she had a lot to say in a small amount of time.  She paused to take a breath long enough for Sean to get in a word.


        “I didn’t know if I could trust you!”


        “Trust me with what?” she raised her voice in disbelief. “What do you mean by that?”


        “It’s…” Sean stammered, unsure of what was safe to say.  For a single second he recalled Tara’s warning of not talking to her about such topics and he wondered what he could tell her without violating his promise to Tara. “It’s complicated and there are a lot of things I don’t think you’d understand.”


        “Figures!  What a convenient excuse!  For all I know you could be some sort psycho weirdo hoping I never find out the truth.  And you know what, on top of all that, the night I was attacked, you were following me home after I left work.  It wasn’t the first time either, was it?”


        Sean unwillingly flinched with guilt at the accusation, but couldn’t get a word in as she rapid fired her accusation.


        “What?  Were you stalking me or something?  Do you like stalking people like me?”


        “It’s not that way at all,” Sean tried to defend himself.


        “So then why were you doing it?”


        She ended her question sharply, and waited, expecting Sean to answer her.  Chris’ face was reddening as she was finally giving voice to bottled up thoughts and emotions that she had been repressing,  Even her breathing was getting heavier.


        For an instant his mind flashed back to several nights ago when Tara had asked him a very similar question, and to his own astonishment he was forced to admit that he cared for her safety.  He never gave that admission any further reflection until now, and he feared if he examined it at this point he’d become too distracted to adequately express himself.  He dropped that line of thought and tried another version of the truth.


        “There are some not so nice people looking for me and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t with them.”


        “How am I supposed to believe you?” she countered.


        “You just have to take my word for it.”


        “You could let me read your mind.”


        “No!” he said through clenched teeth, responding with a sudden force that he didn’t expect. “I can’t let you do that.”


        “You’re hiding something else aren’t you?” Chris pressed on, not faltering in the slightest with Sean’s change in behavior. “You see!  This is why you bother me so.  You’re pretending to be something you’re not, so of course I can’t trust you.  Something else happened in that alley way… what was it?”


        Chris was talking so fast changing the topic too quickly for Sean to get a proper bearing and before she finished her last word her hand shot up to touch Sean’s head on the temple. 


        He was too off guard to prevent it, and she had moved so fast, as though she had set him up, tricking him into allowing thoughts of that night to reach the surface of his consciousness.  His mental shields were normal impervious to such intrusions, but she was making physical contact with him, removing the resistance that space created and providing a natural conduit for her telepathy.  Inside of a split second he felt violated as her presence sank into him.


        Purely on instinct, anger surged from deep inside of him.  He knew it came from the beast within and it rose up without conscious thought to defend him.  She wanted to know what happened in that alley so the beast violently slashed out with Sean’s repressed memories of that night.  The thoughts barely grazed her, and she recoiled in fear.


        The onslaught of raw emotion was so powerful that it actually made Chris stumble back a step, forcing her to seek the wall for support.  Her eyes were riveted on Sean, wide with fear at the monstrous thoughts that had just assailed her.  Even the color of her skin had instantly altered from the heated red to take on a contrasting paleness.


        Sean felt horrible for what he unintentionally did to Chris.


        “I’m sorry!” he swore, as he took a step forward with the intentions of consoling her.


        “Stay away from me!” her voice quivered with terror, unable to provide the volume she desired, so it came out sounding more like a hoarse whisper.  In a pure panic she yanked open the door to her room and darted inside, slamming it closed.


        Sean stood helplessly outside her room wishing he could offer some kind of apology for what had just happened, but he knew there was nothing he could say or do that she would allow.  His feelings worsened when he began to hear soft sobbing come from the other side of the door. 


        He didn’t understand exactly what he had done to her but the affect of it was vividly apparent, and he was disappointed for not having more control over himself to react to the situation differently.  He felt like what had just transpired between the two of them was unrepairable and now there was likely no way she would ever willingly talk to him again, or want to even be near him.  His spirit sank as the potential to earn a friendship with someone a little like himself disintegrated.


        With a heavy heart and a deep sigh he left the door of Chris’ room and walked back toward the kitchen in search of a bathroom so he could get done what he needed to do before heading to bed for the night.  From the front of the kitchen he was able to peer through a wide opening that showed the family room he had glimpsed earlier.  This room was large and had furniture that was well worn from constant use, and probably more comfortable.  There was even wide entertainment center that shelved books, DVD movies, and a decent sized flat screen TV.  Toward the back of that room Sean was able to see the beginnings of a hallway that he figured would likely lead him to where the bedrooms were and hopefully a bathroom too.


        He didn’t have to step far into the carpeted hall before he saw that the first opened door to his right was a bathroom, and quietly stepped into it, turning on the lights and closing the door.  The room’s color was dominated by a sanitized white, punctuated with colorful towels, bathroom mats, and other paraphernalia along the sink counter.  The switch Sean had hit turned on light that ran the length of the mirror standing over the sink, which provided adequate illumination for him to see the rest of the room.  He relieved his bladder, washed up at the sink, and brushed his teeth.  Brushing his teeth was a ritual he performed more for the benefit of others as opposed to himself.  He had never gotten a cavity in his life, nor did he ever suspect that he would, but brushing his teeth was a polite courtesy in getting rid of bad breath which an accelerated healing factor did little against.


        After he had finished brushing he took a moment to stare at himself in the mirror, looking straight into his own hazel eyes.  While he did so he tried to honestly asses the state his mind was in and whether or not it would be necessary for him take some sleeping pills tonight.  In light of what had just recently happened between Chris and himself, he felt like he was too disturbed to be able to find sleep anytime soon, and he feared that if he did the nightmares would prevent him from getting any sound rest. 


        He broke open the seal to the brand new bottle of pills he had brought with him for the trip, popped the top off and dumped six little red and yellow pills out into the palm of his hand.  Sean stared at them for a moment, considering if they would be enough.  The last time he had taken six pills it had proven ineffective, and he still had horrible dreams of himself being brutally decimated and familiar faces, past and present, being slaughtered over and over again.  His tolerance to the sleeping pills was increasing, so to compensate he was gradually increasing the dosage.  He added three more pills to the pile that was already in his hand and downed them all with a little bit of water from the sink.  Hoping it was enough he left the bathroom and turned off the light behind him.


        Directly across the hall from the bathroom was another door that was slightly ajar with its light spilling out into the hallway.  From within he could hear Dawns voice quietly whisper something and Chris quietly respond back.  He wished he could make out what they were saying, but they were speaking to low for him to understand anything clearly.


        Sean briefly considered peeking in through the partially opened door in hopes to confirm that Chris was all right, but decided against it.  On the off chance that he was seen, it would only serve to discredit him even more.  As he stepped away from their door he did hear the unmistaken sound of girlish laughter, and that little bit helped to lift his spirits slightly.  At least if Chris was able to recover enough to laugh, then perhaps she would at least be able to not suffer any long lasting effects from their misfortunate altercation.


        Feeling slightly relieved of his guilt he plodded back through to the other end of the house.  His feet were already starting to feel heavy, partly because of the pills but mostly because he was so incredibly tired.  He got back to his room and with barely a conscious effort deposited his bathroom items onto the surface of his dresser before he reclined onto the new bed.  He tried to pull the blanket covers up and over his body, but he fell asleep before he could complete the action.  His last cognitive thought was that perhaps nine pills were more than enough.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-03-19 04:50:26)

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#171 2010-03-18 04:57:01

SilentTerror
Member
Registered: 2010-02-10
Posts: 59

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

o.o you gotta be kidding me, shes not a werewolf!

gosh

i dont know if i just noticed or something but you make your characters and story so lifelike its amazing. i was reading and i was just like wow. anyways impressive addition please add more soon, i have to know what happens. i also wonder, what exactly did she see when she looked into his mind, could u please explain. anyways although i do want to know what dawn is supposed to be i can wait just for the sake of a surprise. (shes a werewolf isnt she) although i cant think of anything in particular(werewolf) i think that she is a (werewolf) mythical creature like a (werewolf)unicorn. o well im out of (werewolf) ideas so anyways, great story. there is a cat (werewolf) outside my window, and its cre(werewolf)eping me out so im gonna go. lol


The few, The proud, The Marines. Semper Fi
Integrity first, Service before self, Excellence in all we do. -- Airforce Core Values
"In God we trust: All others we monitor" -- 5th Reconnaissance Squadron (5th RS)
"You'd be cocky too if your missile did MACH 2+" -- 2 LAAD (Low Altitude Air Defense) Battalion. Det 26 MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit)

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#172 2010-03-18 17:32:56

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

poor chris she just barely got grazed by his emotions. hope this doesn't keep them from eing friends later on in the story.
this was an exelent segment. Hope to get more soon.
smile


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#173 2010-03-19 05:41:18

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 440

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

This is just a minor update.  I had to go back through the last two story posts to add two small modifications that I had forgotten to include before.  The first one was that upon there arrival at Dawn's parents house Tara was supposed to have been given a message from the Arcanus.  And the Second change was in my most recent story post.  I required that Sean display a desire to have his bedroom window open, because it winds up being a small yet critical detail that allows him to accidentally overhear a private conversation. In the conversation you'll get the idea that all may not be well between Tara and her elders.

I'm still plowing away at my next story segment.  You can all expect to see me post it tomorrow evening.  With any luck I'll be able to at least get up to the point where Sean is practicing his sword-chi with the enchanted blade Gregor had given him.  I'm hoping the scene proves to be at least somewhat intriguing.  I still have a couple of ideas tumbling about in my head that the scene may be used to foreshadow an important event that won't be revealed until somewhere in the second or third book, but nothing has formed into a definite concept yet.  Perhaps I'll get hit with a spontaneous moment of inspiration while I'm writing tomorrow.  We'll see.

Thank you ST for that compliment toward my characters and how you can feel the realism with their interactions.  I've gone through great lengths to define my main characters with as much detail as possible. 

If you're interested in knowing Chris and Sean have been two characters that have existed within my imagination for more than twenty years now.  I feel as though they have gone through many changes and at least within my own mind I'm practically able to see them as independent entities of there own.  I keep thinking how bizarre that sounds, but from a creators point of view I think that's pretty d@mn cool smile, especially when it makes them able to jump off the page and into the minds of my readers.  That alone makes writing this story worth it.

To answer your question, "what did Chris see," I'll have to bring you a little ways back to that incident in the alleyway where she was attacked.  What the reader hasn't seen as of yet, but may suspect, Sean in his werewolf form savagely killed Chris' assailants.  On some sort of subconscious level Chris is aware of this and this is the source of her dislike toward Sean.  She doesn't understand this yet, but within the next chapter the three girls and Sean will get to see in vivid detail exactly what transpired, and I have to admit even though I have a detailed outline of the scene, I'm still not entirely sure how my main characters will react to what they see.  As I write I sometimes come to moments of realization that my characters can not be true to themselves if they follow my script, and I sometimes surprise myself with the new direction I turn the story.  It's never enough in which it derails the entire story outline, but it's always enriches it further, in ways I couldn't imagine until I actually arrived at the scene.

I digress.  Essentially, since Chris on some level understands what happened, the raw violent emotion that she experienced from Sean was a representative of Sean as a werewolf, and what she was present for as you will soon see (but not soon enough, I'm sure) was very violent and bloody.  The whole event has ingrained a subconscious fear of what she thinks Sean is and what she thinks he's capable of.  This short explanation should also help you to understand where she's coming from in regard to her treatment toward Sean.

Lonewolf, to assuage your fears, this dramatic confrontation between Sean and Chris doesn't prevent them from becoming friends later on in the story.  In fact it only adds more to the complexity of their overall relationship, and I think in the end it actually strengthens their bond as it allows for a deeper understanding between them.  smile  You'll see.

Thanks again for your continued support and feedback.  You guys help me to stay connected to my story and allow me to look at things from different perspectives which is always beneficial.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-03-19 05:47:42)

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#174 2010-03-19 17:27:30

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

all was here for you man. even if it doesn't look like it.
smile


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#175 2010-03-19 22:17:20

mrRW
Member
Registered: 2009-12-01
Posts: 126

Re: SilentStrider's untitled story

Very intense scene w/Sean and Chris.  Definitely like the way your adding in different supernatural elements to the story to keep things interesting. 

Looking forward to more as the events of the holiday continue to unfold.

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