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#1 2008-11-03 10:17:09

Niktoma
Advocatus Diaboli
Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
Website

La Balle d'Argent

Kind of hit a wall with my other story for a bit, I thought maybe if I began something new, it would jumpstart everything.  Let me know what you think.

    Frank opened his eyes slowly; it was still dark outside.  He turned his head slightly to see the clock on the wall.  It was just past two-thirty in the morning.  He yawned once, and stretched.  The dog at the foot of the bed lifted its head slightly.

    “Phone’s gonna ring, Pup.† The man said softly.  The animal looked at him, as if evaluating his statement, and then dropped his head back down.  “Lucky dog.† The man replied, with a slight grin.

    A few seconds later, the phone did indeed ring.  Frank reached over and picked it up before the first ring had even stopped.

    “Yeah?†he asked.

    “Frank, it’s me.† A voice said.

    “I know, Randall.  Who else would call me at two AM?â€

    “There's been a murder.â€

    “So?  There’s got to be someone on duty.â€

    The voice hesitated slightly.  “It’s, uh, it’s one of you people.  I thought you’d want to be involved.

    Normally Frank hated the term ‘you people’, but Randall wasn’t creative enough to put any malice into it.  “Where?†he finally asked.  Randall told him.  “Gimme half an hour.† Frank muttered before hanging up.

    Twenty-three minutes later, Frank was showing his badge to the young man standing at the edge of the area roped off by the police.  He ducked in, careful not to spill his coffee, and weaved his way along the dim hallways until he could hear Randall’s voice nearby.

    “Sorry to get you up, Frank, but I knew you’d want in on this.â€

    Frank waved his hands in the air, shooing away the comment.  “Where’s the body?â€

    “This way, Detective.â€

    The two men walked the short distance to where the body lay.  Frank entered the large room, took one look at the bluish-grey skin of the body, ignoring, for the time being, the pools of blood on the floor.  He grimaced.

    “Colloidal?†he asked softly.  Randall bit his lip and nodded slightly.  Frank sighed, running his hand through his hair.  “Randy, this is bad.  This is real bad.  We haven’t had one of these in, what, forty years?â€

    “About that.  Do you think it means they’re back?â€

    “I hope not, I really, truly do.â€


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#2 2008-11-03 10:37:19

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: La Balle d'Argent

ah, cool dude, Please more more more. big_smile


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#3 2008-11-05 13:56:45

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: La Balle d'Argent

This is undeniably an attention-getter, Niktoma. I loved the description of his arrival at the crime scene, and although you didn't add too much background information, it's clear that Frank is involved in a secret that the public would not understand or accept. Overall the introduction is practically magnetic to the reader's attention.
Very nice!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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