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#1 2009-01-19 03:50:27

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

A werewolf wants to return home- series

A werewolf wants to return home

Prologue- First Fight

An owl hooted in the town of Deross. It was a small town, the population was minuscule and many people feared the creatures that had sprung up during the centuries of the modern times. The atmosphere had a fresh aroma of water lilies.  Over by the corner of the street one building creaked as if someone was walking around during the midnight hours. Wolves howled at the full moon because their biped brethren were stalking about.
   The building’s door swung open. The wind created an eerie feeling and the dew was dripping off the trees. The tree’s limbs in the form of hands cast shadows. One shadow was that of a man. His boots trampled in the mud and the chains rattled on it.   
   The young man was gliding like a wraith; hurriedly making his way away from the house. Noting every sound that was made, he had to get out. For someone his age he was quite agile, a hundred years of age. He has a job to do. Protect his pack and kill any human in his way. He did his job in giving Josh eternal life, but it comes with a price.
   The man knew Josh was an impatient person, it would be better if he learned to escape the townspeople’s clutches before they find out he was a werewolf. Werewolf law clearly states that no liken shall change in front of a human, but for Josh he wanted him to learn. 
   The howling in the distance had stopped and the wind ruffled his hair. There was a rustling in the bushes across from him. It was a lady like-figure. He knew it was Storm hiding in the undergrowth. She was the first person he changed into a Liken. She had shown her qualities of being a matriarch of the wolf pack, telling everyone what to do in certain situations.
“Look behind you,” whispered Storm her green eyes piercing the darkness, she hid in the darkness and watched what was about to unfold.
   He looked behind him to see a man with a crossbow in his hands. The face was serious and he was determined to make his kill. He was not shaking in fear and he wasn’t afraid of seeing such a monster. Typical, he thought. 
The hunter Reece spat toward the wolfman, “Creature of sin, stay where you are.” He shuffled around with his feet and aimed his crossbow. 
The wolf cracked his joints, “Humans, I despise beings”
“And I despise Lykens”
“Who are you? Are you the one Josh was spewing about before I changed him?”
“You need not know, do not move an inch.”
“I already did my job, human.”
   Reece looked up from his crossbow and looked at the building’s open door. The light inside the house turned on. “Josh!” He grimaced as he saw a body full of blood stumbling from out a corridor and standing still at the door’s entrance, breathing deeply. It was horrific to him to see his friend in such a state, hearing him moan.
   Reece screamed looking at the wolf in front of him, “You’ll pay for this creature.”
An arrow from the crossbow whistled through the air and thudded into the werewolf’s shoulder. A roar erupted from him making the wolfman change completely into a werewolf. Hairy, vicious and red nails, which can pierce the skin of man. He ripped the arrow out his shoulder and rushed toward Reece on two black skinned legs and clawed hands flailing in the air.
   Sharp canines missed Reece by an inch and he smashed the crossbow across the wolf’s face. A small cry came from the fiend. The wolf rose back from the ground and pulled back his ears. Breath of bones wafted out the creature’s muzzle and green cat-like eyes stared into the hunter’s eyes.
“My name is Reece,” he shouted with a wide grin on his face.
The wolf smugly grinned back as if to say he was an idiot to say his name, “I am Nightwalker.” the wolf replied with a shove, “We’ll meet up again.”
   He dashed away and the hunter followed. Nightwalker grabbed hold of Josh on the floor. Pulling him over his broken shoulder, he looked back and jumped onto the house’s roof. “I’ll see you in hell.”
   Reece did not show sympathy of Josh’s decision, even if it was his friend. Now he had to kill them both, it was the townspeople’s wish to rid the world of all of the monsters. “What will I do?”

~*~

His name was Lutra, he could remember his human life well. A loving family until one day people started laughing at him for no reason and he had made his choice when the elder came along. He carried the bloody body on his hurting shoulder. He looked at the open clearing in the woods and he settled down the limp body of Josh. The blood had stained his black fur, human blood not anymore, but brethren in blood.
   Storm came running up to him, white coat covered in mud from squatting in the bushes a few moments ago. “I’m dirty.” She noticed the boy on the floor and said to Lutra, “Take care of him, I will.”
   Lutra looked at Josh and hated the thought of him ever giving up his human life. It was a poor way of living, the life of a werewolf, “I will take care of him.”
“Are you sure? He’ll be your burden,” asked another wolf coming out of the woods.
“Martha, I’m sure about it.”
Martha made her way over to Storm and looked at the person moaning on the ground.
“Where am I?” he looked up and around him.
“Your in the woods brother.”
“Is it done?”
“Yes.”
“Why do I feel so weak?”
“He is a defect. We should eat him,” drooled Martha
Storm slapped Martha’s brown furred head and said, “That is what you think. We’ll hunt tonight. Leave him here as it has been done through the ages.”
“And let him become
 You know?” asked Martha
“Sure, he’s a weakling,” answered Lutra
   Storm and Martha dashed off, their paws leaving tracks. There was a large pool of blood on the floor coming from Josh.
“Sorry Josh, your becoming a monster just like other men I changed,” he said with anger in his voice. “I won’t kill you like the rest maybe you can keep control over it.”
“It hurts!” shouted Josh grabbing a hold of Lutra’s leg, he squeezed, trying to crush life out of it.
“I-I, Should I stay?” asked Lutra gasping
“YES!” Josh hissed
   Josh stood up from the ground and said, “That is better,” he looked around him; the forest was closing in on him. He felt like he was being changed, but in a painful way.
“Help!” he cried 
“Really, there is no running from it,” Lutra said looking at Josh holding his stomach.
   Pain seared through Josh, he looked at Lutra and leaned against a tree, breathing hard. “This hurts.”
“Embrace it.”
“Easy for you to say!” Josh kicked a rock and it smashed Lutra’s face. Lutra looked furious with him and instead Josh forming into a wolf he stayed a human.
Josh looked at his hands and screamed, “Why aren’t I one?”
“You’ve been transformed into a werewolf’s zombie.”
“That can’t be true! I have to be
 Aaa!” Josh felt the pain again, stabbing into his chest, his rib cage felt like jumping out.
“You will notice that a wolf like yourself can turn on their master, I think you won’t try something that smart now would you?”
“No.” whimpered Josh
“Now follow me, time to get you something to eat.”
Lutra turned around and Josh picked up the same stone that hit Lutra and he threw it against his head. “I hate you!”
“Try it again and you’re a goner.”
“I’m already a corpse aren’t I?”
“That you are.”
“Is that what happens when you change your own gender?” he almost tripped over his fallen pants and he scrabbled around trying to pick it up, jumping in little hops.
“Yes, you wouldn’t like your form. It’s a horrid creature’s looks.” he continued, “Some teenagers would find it cool as what I’ve learnt through these modern times.”
“What are we hunting, are we going to hunt in the human town?” asked Josh pushing his torn clothes back up.

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#2 2009-01-23 01:51:25

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

Hey, sorry for the delay in response. The Cafe was momentairly closed. ANyways, I think you have a great storyline so far. I like the idea of same sex changing creates different results than different sexes. It makes your story unique from others I've read. The dialogue is great, clear, and easy to understand. The only think I'd suggest is perhaps expanding on what's occurring - places, action, emotions, and general appearances.
Other than that, I think you have a superb start and I eagerly anticipate more big_smile
Soon wink


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#3 2009-08-15 11:01:20

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

I have written that to chapter 6, but since I've stopped writing this I await people to reply to "Mark of the panther" Thank you. smile

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#4 2009-08-24 15:56:45

Varulfur
Member
From: Midnight Forest
Registered: 2009-08-24
Posts: 33
Website

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

Cool Story


Im Lonely
Im Hungry
I am Crying
I Am the WEREWOLF!!!

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#5 2010-06-28 04:52:23

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

Thank you

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#6 2010-06-28 04:55:59

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

A werewolf wants to return home

Chapter 1- Dares of the dared

He had gathered the citizens in the council chambers. The council chambers were church like, honoring the deity. A cross was above the stage it made him feel welcome. People had come to listen to Reece; slowly they swarmed into the council chambers. His grey hair was slicked back by gel, the graying hair losing its pigment. His blue eyes glistened, he felt proud to still have his job. He lifted his gloved hands into the air to silence everyone and announced, “The creature is still at large!”
He whispered, “I will have to kill Josh as well. He has become a creature I loathe.”
He shouted, “The lycanthrope many fear is roaming! I do not fear anything. Fear is for the weak minded. The creature will be defeated. I need troops to aid me.”
   Three volunteers stepped forward, unaware of what they are in for. One was of average built with snow-white hair and the others looked tough enough for a fight. They looked around themselves and saw no one else was willing.
“Das at your service!” said the white haired gentleman.
   The one with corn colored hair said, “Lucius,” he pointed toward a guy with black hair and green eyes, “And this is SautĂ©,”
Reece hollered, “Good! Follow me!”
   Reece strolled over to the chamber doors and the three men followed him. A little girl wanted to follow but was held back by her mother.
“It’s been a dream to fight the monster that has been plaguing this land for centuries,” said Das.
   Reece noted Das wore a wedding ring, he was waving goodbye to his family and the door shut behind them.
“We need more men to attack the creature. We can’t live like this in these modern times” They could hear the shouts and cries from people in the council chambers.
Lucius said, “We are reduced to the stone age. Cars can’t be used because there is a threat of a monster.”
“I’ve got a plan, we will drive a car into the woods, make as much noise as we can.” said Reece
“Wher’ shall wee fin’ th’ key?” asked SautĂ©
“We have to rob from someone.”
“It’s against the law to take a car,” Das exclaimed
  Exiting the building; the men followed Reece toward an alleyway. Rats crawled out of corners and cats sat on the dustbins, meowing and curling their tails. A door was at the end of the alley.
‘This place ‘s known t’ ‘ave cars,” said SautĂ©
“Yes and it’s close to the council as well.”
Reece turned around and looked at Das, “I dare you to steal a car.”
“I-I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“I know you steal to keep your family alive, almost anyone does It.”
“I’m an honest man. I don’t steal. I dare you to do it.”
“We both will do it then.”
   Reece walked forward and rattled on the door. Lucius motioned Reece to back away and he rammed the door with his shoulder. The door creaked open and the others followed him inside. They were standing in a pitch-black room; they gazed at the windows all boarded up. It was stuffy inside the space and no one has been inside for quite a while.
   The smell was damp and it was hot. Reece navigated his way over to a blue ford bakie, enough space for four men. It was open and the key wasn’t inside the car. He sat down and felt if the pedals were still there. 
Das screamed, “I found keys!”
“Great work! Bring it over here!”

A werewolf wants to return home

Chapter 2- Fear! You!

SautĂ© opened the garage door running to jump into the back of the Bakie, joining Das and Lucius. The car’s engine came to life and the exhaust coughed as Reece revved. Oil was half way full, but Reece didn’t care.
   SautĂ© tossed the garage keys over to Lucius and gave a grin, it was returned as he caught the keys twirling it around his finger.
   Reece stepped on the petrol almost losing a few men as he swerved right. Feral cats ran out of the way of the car. Das hit the Bakie’s back and was helped up by Lucius.
   Skinny dogs barked and yowled at the strange sound coming from the car. The men had clung onto a pole on top of the car roof. The car turned left into the woods. They knew very well that Reece wasn’t use to driving a metal contraption, none was. Twenty years ago the law had stopped people from driving cars.
   Reece pulled over in a forest clearing, looking around for any clue from a wolf. Das, Lucius and SautĂ© climbed off the Bakie and stood by the side of the car. Their eyes scanned the area for anything suspicious. 
“It ‘as been ages since I’ve been ‘ere,” said SautĂ©
“Aye, you can say that again,” replied Lucius
Reece rolled down the window and it got stuck in the middle, something stunk like led and he didn’t know what. He opened a compartment in the car to see what was inside it. He took out what looked like a gun. Looking over it he threw it out the window and Das picked it up.
“Leave the gun!” shouted Reece
Das dropped the gun and it hit a rock going off with a boom, scaring him half out of his wits.
“Bloody hell, I thought I was going to die!”
“You will if you don’t stop playing around,” spoke Lucius
“There is no way this can be seen as playing around. I was merely looking.”
“And almos’ get your foot shot off, old boy,” uttered SautĂ©
“I’m forty, I’m still young you know,” cried Das
“Your close to fifties, you’re not that young,” laughed Lucius
   Reece revved the car as much as he could, the car kicked up pebbles. He hit the car horn and the car went deeper into the ground. Water and oil started spilling out the vehicle, falling to the ground.
“Look we’re stuck ‘ere!” yelled SautĂ©
“As your name suggests, you jump from one topic to another,” stated Das
“True,” replied SautĂ©
   The sun was setting and the twilight was overhead. Birds had flown west from out of the underbrush, scared away by something. Reece tried opening the car door, but it was stuck. He moved over to the passenger seats only to be faced with a dead body lying in the place.
“Something’s ‘ere. I can feel it,” shouted SautĂ©
   Reece cowered in fear of the corpse. It looked to be a few weeks old. He moved over to the opposite door of the car, stumbling out and causing abrasions on his knees. The body would attract a werewolf. He scrambled up from the ground and moved over to Lucius.
“The creature will come tonight. There is a dead body inside the car.”


A werewolf wants to return home

Chapter 3- Calamity


Hew sat inside his house looking at the crossbow collection on the mantelpiece. His brown eyes scanned each of the weapons. There was something strange; Reece didn’t take his crossbow with him tonight. He had no idea where his father was or if he would ever see Josh again.
   He tapped his shoes on the small coffee table, clearing his throat and fixing his jacket button. Maybe his father forgot to think again. He jumped up from the ground and picked up a crossbow and a silver arrow. He felt the smoothness of the wood; this was the best crossbow his dad had, he hadn’t used it in a longtime. It was put together quite well. 
“What a waste of silver. I say the person who is to slay the beast should use a bullet,” articulated his sister Maya, walking into the dining room.
   Brown hair accessories pulled her blonde hair back, her blue eyes had a gleam in them and she had luscious lips. Hew and Maya weren’t related to each other. He was born far away from Deross and the one that found him he usually called him Reece. He was in full care of his sister for a longtime, because his father usually went out to fight creatures.
“Come on, those things don’t exist,” answered Hew Wagner, “Maya, you stay here, guard the house.”
   He roughly turned toward Maya with the crossbow and with a few arrows shoved in his back pockets. He wouldn’t want Reece to die of boredom or by the hand of the boogeyman, which he knew didn’t exist. Maya wasn’t a fighter and he didn’t want her to get into any kind of trouble.
“Stay. I’ll be alright.”
“Little brother, you’ll get yourself in trouble,” she said, walking over to him and ruffling his brown hair.
“You know, I hate it when you do that,” he said backing away. 
“You use to hate me so much, everyday you wished for your real parents. I was continually taking care of you and now you’re twenty.”
“I don’t remember hating you.”
“I remember well. I was only eleven years old, but it was like yesterday. You came walking into the house with my dad. He told you to sit down, you were six years old.”
“Great story, I’ll listen to it when I come back,” said Hew walking over to the front door, closing it behind him. He leaned against the wall and thought deeply of the way he use to act.
   He didn’t want to listen to the story, he heard it so many times that it actually hurt him to think of his real parents and how much Maya cared for him. Reece once showed he cared, but now he is obsessed with the werewolves that become his life.
   Hew looked at the street to see marks of car wheels coming from out an open garage door, a fetid smell was in the air and by the looks of the direction of the marks Reece was going to the woods.
“That must be Reece’s driving.”   
   He had started to run, hearing the clang of the wind chimes at the front of his house. He looked back to see his white house getting smaller. It had to be Reece in the woods there was no doubt. Whatever he was up to there, he was sure there wasn’t much time before he got himself into trouble.
   Turning left he walked into the forest hearing birds fly away from him. He walked further into the darkness, stepping lightly on the sand.
   He stepped into the light of a car, looking around he saw four men standing very close to one another. They looked frightened of the sounds coming from the woods. Hew ran over to them and tossed his dad the crossbow, passing a few arrows while he was at it.
“It’s only the owls Reece,” said Hew
“It‘s the creatur’ son,” responded SautĂ©
“What creature? Never mind, I only came to give you a crossbow, now I’m going back. Don’t let the boogeyman catch you.”
   Hew turned back around and walked off. Reece watched Hew walk away, he knew very well what he was like when he was young if only Hew knew that he was his son and Maya was the adopted one. 
“Goodbye, son,” whispered Reece
   His son disappeared into the shadows, the last article Reece saw was the jacket of his flailing in the wind. There was a rustling in the trees across from them and Reece readied the crossbow.
“Come on, Lucy make a good shot for me,” said Reece, wincing as he saw a foot come into the light.
“You think the monster’s after us or the body inside the car?” hoped SautĂ©
“I think it is after fresh meat,” answered Lucius

A werewolf wants to return home

Chapter 4- My shadow has gone


Reece looked seriously at the person coming out into the light. The girl looked vicious as she exited the woods and came to a stop in front of Reece, looking playfully at him.
“You won’t shoot me now, would you,” she pleaded
“Guess again Liken. You are disgusting creatures.”
“Do I smell a corpse? Have you killed someone for me?”
“You wish woman,” spat Reece
“Tell me, how is our son doing Reece?”
“What do you mean? Our son?”
“You can’t forget a face like mine! I was yours”
“Was?”
“Yes, was. How about a deal?”
   Then the memory returned, she was a young woman back then, black hair and brown eyes, now replaced with sharp green eyes, she must’ve become a werewolf.
“What is she talking about?” asked Das
“You’re not his mother anymore, you ran away when you were pregnant leaving Maya and me.”
“Don’t hold it against me. You had changed and so have I changed,” she spoke
“I was only told a few years later to get Hew at the Dutch Reformatory Church.”
“I didn’t want a child. Why did you think I adopted Maya?”
“Martha, the poor boy thought those that took care of him were his family.”
“I had enough of this. All I asked for was forgiveness.”
   Martha hit the crossbow out of Reece’s hands then she clutched onto his arm, squeezing it as hard as she can.
“This is an autumn moon night, it’s too late to save Josh!”
“Who said anything about saving him.”
  She opened her mouth only to feel a sharp pain in her chest. Martha looked down and saw an arrow in her chest. Gawking at Das holding the crossbow
“That tickles,” she laughed.
“What ‘s she? Why isn’t she burning?” shouted SautĂ©
“She is still alive!” screamed Das
“Listen closely Reece, I will take your guys shadows,” laughed Martha
“How do you presume to do that?”
“Easy,” she bent forward and whispered, “Your dumb friend just shot an innocent, me.”
“Now you know you are lying,” shouted Reece
   Reece grabbed hold of the arrow with his free arm and broke it off in her chest. She screamed trying to get it out, frantically crying. She looked furiously Reece’s way and grabbed a hold of his hair. Reece tossed her against the ground and pinned her to it.
“Bring the crossbow,” shouted Reece, trying to hold Martha at bay.
“There is nothing you can do to stop the transformation and nothing you can’t do to save your soul”
   The moon came out of hiding behind the dark clouds and he grabbed hold of the crossbow shooting Martha before she changed into the creature he detested.
   Das scratched his white hair and walked over to Reece, “Don’t worry; it is only folk lore that a shadow will be stolen once you kill a werewolf or even help killing one.”
   Reece looked at the men and he fixed his disheveled hair. He looked at them once again and saw that his shadow and Das’ wasn’t showing in the light of the car.
“The war
 I think is over for now,” beamed Reece
“Bloody hell you killed your wife man!” shouted Das
“There is nothing we can’t do now, our shadows has gone.”
“What you mean our s’adows ‘as gone?”
   Lucius looked at his shadow and smiled, he was proud that his shadow was still there. SautĂ© smiled as well, but looking over to Reece and Das he frowned.
“Where ‘s your s’adow?” asked SautĂ©

A werewolf wants to return home

Chapter 5- Alley Cat

      Reece looked at the floor and stood up, kicking Martha aside. He carried the crossbow and looked at the stars. 
“I don’t know what happens to people’s shadows, Das?” asked Reece looking quizzically his way.
“Well it’s said your shadow just disappears, it’s never said what happens to it.”
“There ‘s a fine line between right and wrong,” whispered SautĂ©
“I think we should leave the woods, right now!”
   Reece cleared his throat and said, “Let’s regroup at my house.”
“Divulge your Secrets old boy, ‘ow do you know one is a werewolf?” screamed SautĂ©, crossing his arms
“I just have the sense that one is a werewolf and I kill it. There is nothing else to say,” answered Reece boldly
“You feel quite proud of yourself for killing your wife and look she is still wearing her wedding ring,” 
   Reece looked at Martha’s ring; it still had the white diamond in it with the golden wave. He walked over to Lucius and the gang.
“We have to go, the boss would find her here,” spoke Lucius
   Slowly they made their way toward the town. They knew well that the next thing in store for them would be more fighting and this time all of them would join the affray.
  Reece noted HE was walking through the woods it made them alert of all the things happening around them. The owls hooted and the car’s window was being smashed in.             
  Reece did not look back he was so sure that Nightwalker would come, but instead his wife came. He hadn’t seen her in twenty years. The wolf was smashing the car out of existence. He howled at the moon, along with two different howls from others.   
   They wrestled through the woods and entered the town, one more fight avoided. Reece believed they couldn’t hold out for much longer fighting another, maybe another day.
   Hew was standing outside on the balcony, looking down at his father. Finally Reece made some good friends. He listened intently at what they saw.
“The creature is a right monster alright,” said Das
“I believe they are still human,” said Lucius
“Then for what did you join this group?”
“I better get to my family,” spoke Das
   Das saw Hew on the balcony and he strolled off toward his home; it was on the other side of town.
“Goodbye,” Reece expressed amusement as he walked into his house.
   The door shut behind Reece and he walked into the kitchen. He saw Maya packing the food away not looking at Reece coming closer. Maya then buried her face into a book called ‘The source’.
“You’re always busy with work,” said Maya, reading the history of Julius Caesar
“Were you talking about me?”
“Yes, there is never time for just us three,” she put the book down and said, “I believe your avoiding us. You use to show you cared.”
“I do, I kill the werewolves to protect you.”
“Look at you, what is that on your shirt?”
“It’s nothing.”
“You killed someone didn’t you? I knew you would lose your mind,” cried Maya
“I had to kill the person, she was a werewolf.”
“I’m not even sure if a werewolf does exist anymore. Hew doesn’t believe in it either.”
“Please don’t start!” shouted Hew walking into the kitchen
“Son.”
“Reece, who did you kill for your glory?”
“I had to kill her
”
“Who did you kill?” wailed Maya
“I had to kill her Hew. I’m sorry.”
“Who?” asked Hew puzzled by his father’s blood stained clothing.
“Your mother...”
“How was she like? Why did you kill her?” shouted Maya
“There is nothing I could do, she become a werewolf. I had to kill her.”
   Hew ran out of the house running as far as he could. He ran trying to forget everything he heard. He ran to become relaxed. He should have known his father was bad. He wanted to know what his mother was like. The caress of her love and now it was all gone. 
    Across from the alleyway and he heard a coughing sound come from someone in the darkness. He walked into the shadows, letting it shroud around him. He saw a man leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. 
“So, Hew what you doing here?” said the man

A werewolf wants to return home

Chapter 6- The deal


He took a puff of the cigarette and blew it Hew’s way. The beady eyes of the man rolled and reflected a bright yellow. His hair was dyed red. 
Hew stood his ground and said, “How do you know me?” 
   The man pushed away from the wall, he wore a black overcoat decorated with white stripes. The rest of the clothing was grey. His white smile penetrated deep into Hew’s soul, it was like he saw him before.
“I’ve been watching you. You come here often when you were a troubled child”
“Stalkers aren’t welcome,” said Hew in a hushed tone
“Coming from someone who followed me.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to strike a deal. You convince your father that the warfare has gone and then you let me do the job in killing Nightwalker.”
“Who is he?”
“He is the first werewolf sighting your father had,” he threw ash to the ground.
“Is it now? I don’t believe in mythical creatures.”
“You should fear just like the others. You can take the deal and walk away, or
”
   Grunting Hew stepped back in a fighting position, “I might be hardheaded, but I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t want to fight kid.”
Ringing of the man’s sellphone started, he cursed and took out the phone. “Sythearian,” he answered
   This was his chance; Hew quickly went down the street trying to ditch the new freak. Lights from the street shone on Hew, he picked up a stone and threw one light out, feeling a lot better than he felt before.
   He saw the silhouette of the man following him, but he couldn’t see him anywhere. Dashing down the road he was stopped by a lady asking for cash.
“Cash for the poor?” she asked
   As the lady looked up it was the man he was trying to get away from. He pushed him out of the way and ran down the road. Then suddenly he halted, seeing the same man over by the waterfall. Behind him he saw a robe laying on the floor and in front of him the guy.
“You don’t give up do you,” said Hew
“I try not to. I always get what I want,” answered the man
“You’re a good guy right?”
“Yes, I am. I knew your father for a longtime.”
“Ok, I’ll try convincing my father, but then you have to kill whatever it is you want to kill. Deal?”
“Yes.”
“Shake on it?” the man held out his hand.
“Sure.”
   They shook hands and when Hew pulled back his hand he saw blood on it. It was clotted and it was disgusting.       
“Your sick,” frowning Hew, wiped it off on his shirt.
“Thank you,” he smiled fiercely
   For a moment the guy followed him. Hew watched the guy taking out a new cigarette and lighting it.
“If you have trouble convincing him, find me, midnight at the bell tower.”
“Fine,” answered Hew
   The moon hid behind the clouds and dogs had started barking as Hew was walking by. He had to take a breather somewhere. Just to take his mind off things. This was too much for him to take in on one day.
   He stood still in front of Josh’s house, broken windows and an open door. He sighed only to think back on how Josh use to come visit, he never took him as depressed. There wasn’t really a way to describe Josh’s disappearance, but it had to do with his dad’s imagination. 
   Hew made his way back into his house, hearing Maya cleaning the dishes to keep her mind off things. Reece was throwing his shirt into the washer and he looked awkwardly at him.
“What’s that on your shirt?” asked Reece as he strode over to him
“Dad, it’s nothing. Just some soda I spilt”
“You never called me that before.”
   The blood turned black and Reece inspected it, “Strange soda
”
“So, you cooled down. I’m sorry that I had to kill her, Hew.”
“It’s nothing really. I’d just like to know what she was like before.”
   Hew looked over Reece’s shoulder and saw that Maya was gone. The dishes left to clutter.
“She was a woman with black velvet hair, she was beautiful. She took care of you for a year before she gave you away. I had to fetch you.”
“Really, that’s what happened? Are you my real father then?”
Reece nodded, “Yes, you are my son. Maya is adopted.”
   Hew walked past Reece and wondered why Maya was so keen on getting away from him.
“Wait, what’s wrong?” Hew walked into Maya’s room.
“I was told that I don’t belong in this family,” answered Maya
“You don’t? Don’t think that. You belong as much as I do.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do without you guys.”
“What you mean without us?”
“I want to move out of the house. Leave this place, just to clear my head.”
“I’ll convince Reece to stop fighting the boogeyman, I think you should stay here. There’s no reason to leave this place,” exclaimed Hew
“I want to get away because one of my friends became a gangster, really he scours the night scaring me half to death. He’s still living in this place down by the alley.”
“What is his name,” he smiled
“Zack is his name, he works for a guy called Scythe or some such. Each day I wished he would just disappear.”

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#7 2010-06-29 01:01:03

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

Please please reply to this. smile

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#8 2010-06-29 02:57:22

SilentStrider
Member
From: Michigan, Oscoda
Registered: 2008-09-10
Posts: 441

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

I will read this tonight and let you know what I think.  I'll edit this post, so look here for my reply.

--------------------------------------------------

Okay I read through what you have here so far and it sounds like the story has a lot of potential.  I really like how you've built your character's dialogue and it seems like you have a pretty well formed plan for a story line.

On a constructive note I would strongly recommend building the story up more.  You start off with some pretty good descriptions, but at times it's hard to follow the scene because it's lacking some critical details you need to include.  Try adding  more color and texture to what's going on.  Where are people positioned?  Body language can be useful to describe things in a subtle manor.  Temperature, season, outside, inside, furniture, paintings, all these things can be described to help transport your reader into the story you're wanting to tell.  It can be difficult to do at first, but with practice (and in my opinion, reading lots of good fantasy novels [I prefer series] can help in this) you can accomplish this in a spectacular fashion.  If you're searching for some good books to read I certainly wouldn't mind offering you some suggestions.

Secondly, the dialogue could use a little work to make it more clear on who is talking.  Mostly I could tell, but there were a few spots where I wasn't certain.  Writing conversations in a story format is easy to do when you only have two people in a scene.  It can even be fairly easy when you have three, but when you start adding more people to a scene that will have an active part in the dialogue it can get complicated and you'll need to include more text outside of quotes to help define who is doing the talking.

The last thing I'd like to mention is try to be mindful of whether you're writing in a present or past tense.  It's best to pick one and then stick to it through out the rest of the tale.  Otherwise it can become distracting, and you reader can loose interest fast.

I hope my comments here help you, and that you don't take any offense to what I wrote.  If by chance you do please let me know.  The last thing I'd want to do is to discourage a potential writer, and one who seems to have a passion for it too.  If you have any more questions you want to throw my way, or if you want me to elaborate more, I'll do my best to answer you.

I would very much like to see you continue your story in whatever way you choose to present it.  I sense you have some pretty cool scenes planned and I would love to see you flesh them out.  I'm sure they'll be worth reading.

Last edited by SilentStrider (2010-06-29 06:31:38)

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#9 2010-07-02 21:35:12

curiousape
Member
Registered: 2010-03-25
Posts: 47

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

i agree with SilentStrider, please continue to write more and more
that is the guaranteed way to learning to write better as an author
bring your ideas and thoughts to life and show them the light


if you expect something to happen, it will; whether good, bad or judgmental 
but if you hold no expectations, the world opens up with myriad possibility

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#10 2010-07-28 01:09:41

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

Thanks gents. I've re written this story and compacted it so that the characters have more background, the thread is called Lycanthropes Blood Moon. I've added a murder scene and a potential next story evil character. I took no offence to anything, I understand fully and take your critique in a quite a postive way. A way to improve myself.

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#11 2010-07-28 01:15:53

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

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#12 2010-08-06 02:55:01

Dira
Nightwalker werewolf illustrator
From: SA
Registered: 2007-10-22
Posts: 846

Re: A werewolf wants to return home- series

If you spam this everyone will click it!

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