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#1 2009-02-18 19:15:21

Daniel09
Member
Registered: 2009-01-14
Posts: 29

Stalker of the Desert

It had been 5 years since he'd seen another man. He vowed to never return after what he had done. But that vow was becoming hazy, as his animal mind became more and more controlling of his actions. He ran and ran through the desert, eager to catch his prey. There it was, a rabbit, not a large meal, but it would do for now. He stopped and crawled silently along the desert floor, making sure to avoid scratching the dry ground with his nails. The moon was missing tonight, but he could still see and smell clearly. The rabbit moved about, unaware of the doom that was soon to become it. He crouched to attack, then a bright light illuminated the area, blinding him for a moment and frightening the rabbit. It bounded away and he looked to see what was making the light. It was also making a loud roaring noise, so familiar, but what? Then he saw the driver's face, staring right into his eyes with shock and confusion. He looked good, very good. The car passed speedily, obviously trying not to linger, but he was after it now. He bounded after it, quickly catching up to the car, a weak looking thing. Leaping onto the roof of it, he dug his nails into it's padded convertible roof, piercing it, and tore through. He could smell the man's fear now as he panicked and swerved the car back and forth. It meant nothing to his ears. He kept tearing at the roof till there was a sizable hole and pulled the man out, sliding quickly out of a leather strap holding him down. Jumping back off the vehicle he looked at his won prey for a moment as it stared in disbelief, and ripped out his throat, beginning to feast.



It's a work in progress. There are some more details I'll share later on in the story, like his background and such.

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#2 2009-02-18 20:40:37

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Stalker of the Desert

Very interesting beginning, Daniel.

   I appreciated how you got straight into the action and didn't lave any time for dilly-dally. Even so, you could theoretically spice it up with some details and descriptions, if you were so inclined. 

  On a side note, I did find the abilities of the creature rather extreme from the usual depictions - I mean chasing down a car with ease, ripping open the top and pulling the driver out all before the driver could react is pretty darn swift. Even so, this is your beginning, so you may have very good reason for describing it this way.

  Nevertheless, this one paragraph captures interest with its pace alone, as well as the actions described therein.

  Good Job!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#3 2009-02-19 06:36:20

Daniel09
Member
Registered: 2009-01-14
Posts: 29

Re: Stalker of the Desert

It wasn't a super great car mind you, maybe a top speed of 60 on the desert road, convertible too, so it has a cloth-ish roof. Thanks for the comment, I'll be editing some of this, and it's going to be following a kind of... exaggerated skin-walker story base.

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