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#1 2009-04-03 22:44:39

Lunarlycan
New member
From: Rawrington
Registered: 2009-04-01
Posts: 9

Savages

Uh, well.... I don't know why I wrote this and I pretty much hate it from the bottom of my bottomless heart. I dunno, I was just randomly punching the keys and KABOOM! This happened

      Glistening gray pelt, piercing eyes, fangs bearing against his black lips
        He stood on the hill, wind rippling through his fur, and looked down at the wrenched beings below him
      “Savages!” he bellowed at them with his human lips. Then more came up behind him, muzzles held high 
Some scarred and grey some youthful and proud. “You no longer deserve to look us in the eye”
   He dug his claws into the marsh. Rain pelted them harshly yet they all stood unwilling to move
First he howled then they followed, awaking the night. He the one, who led them, strode closer to the one-blooded.
The one-blooded held his gun pressed to his chest. His dull teeth were clicking against one another.
  “From this night on, your nights will be slumber less and our shadows will be numberless”
    They whiffed the air to smell one-blooded fear. They barked a laugh at their triumph.
     The armed one raised his gun “In the name of Jesus Christ I banish you to the devil that created you”
He just laughed more and calmly whispered “It’s not the devil that created us. Its god”
        “A foul creature like you can not be created by someone as heavenly as god” the man protested.
“I…” He looked behind him at his proud companions. “We” He corrected himself. “Could say no less but the same about you.”
   The one-blooded were offended. Their nostrils flared. The men gripped the guns tighter and the women protested even louder. “We are not the same as you! We are gifts from the heavens! We are angles without wings!” A blond haired woman bellowed. “I am cupid without her arrows!” she gestured to herself. “He is Zeus without his thunder bolts.” She pointed to the man in front of her.
  “Don’t dare compare yourselves to gods! For you are no less but the Devils goats!” He snapped. “Who is to prove me wrong?” They fell silent. “We are Zeus’s hounds! We run at his will we breathe at his command.”
“I for one.” A young man-child spoke. “Say we are no different. You are us but with fur and fangs. We are you without claws and tails. Who is to prove ME wrong?”
He who spoke first unsheathed his claws and lunged at the child who stood behind a burning fire.
  She tripped backwards with Him on top. He snapped his teeth and growled. Without fear the man-child began to stoke his soft ear. She sang a prayer. All eyes turned soft. Even his.
    “God made us all the same.” She whispered. “Its only appearances we blame.”


Rawrz....
       I see you...

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#2 2009-04-04 01:07:33

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: Savages

Awee, that is such a great story smile Really nice ending. It was short and sweet. You've got some great talent, I must say. A few grammar issues, but nothing that can't be dealt with. Overall, enjoyable smile


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#3 2009-04-04 11:44:08

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Savages

Wow, that was like an intro into a good action movie. smile keep your works a coming dude.


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#4 2009-04-08 14:36:45

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Savages

Flash fiction at its finest.

  I loved the convictions of the wolf pack, and the refusal to be labeled as evil simply because of difference. There was morality, a nice climax, and even some pretty elegant descriptions in there. Like Punx said, there's a few spelling and grammar anomalies, but the read was engaging and the premise was original.

  Very nice creation, Lunarlycan!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#5 2009-04-10 22:55:06

Lunarlycan
New member
From: Rawrington
Registered: 2009-04-01
Posts: 9

Re: Savages

Thank you smile
  I am so deeply touched I might cry


Rawrz....
       I see you...

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#6 2009-04-11 01:59:43

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: Savages

Haha, you just have to promise us to deliver more written work soon! Okay?!


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#7 2009-04-12 04:39:39

lupinez
Member
From: Happy place
Registered: 2009-04-10
Posts: 21

Re: Savages

Awwwww how touching nice one

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#8 2009-04-16 00:24:46

Lunarlycan
New member
From: Rawrington
Registered: 2009-04-01
Posts: 9

Re: Savages

Thank you everyone. I might post something later but I have writers block right now sad
  I could make a short sequel to this or write something new but im not really sure what to do
Any way, Thanks again for all the comments


Rawrz....
       I see you...

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