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#1 2009-05-03 19:11:01

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
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Permutation

This is a fiction book that I am working on. Here we go at my attempt at a synopsis.

           The heroin , Alyx VanRylee is thrust into a new world,  after being put in a stasis chamber for a trip to mars, unfortunately for her reality changed while she was separated from time and space. the reality she finds herself in has  a corrupt government bent on cleansing the planet, scientists or intelligentsia who are what we would call werewolves, the majority of the population, however, are minotaur like, and eventually a crazy writer.  Can she figure out what happened? Is it possible to go home? What lies have been told?


OK, so here is a website that has the first ten parts which have been written sporadically over the last year. I'm always editing so don't be surprised to find they change. wink Because this site is dedicated to werewolves, the werewolf-like creatures appear in chapter 2 and then continue through out the book, Enjoy.

                                                     http://hyper-aggie42.deviantart.com/gal … ermutation

Here is an excerpt that involves the werewolf-like beings from Ch 2.

                                                                      *******         Twenty-Seven Years Later        *******

    In the abandoned crater a stasis chamber light switched from its blinking red to green. The chamber had just reached critical power and began its hydraulic system to open the cover and wake the occupant. The noise from the chamber caught the attention of a wolf-like being that had been scavenging the surrounding mountains for a place to hide. It startled him to hear machinery so far way from habitation. Fear crawled down his back, could the company really have found him so quickly. He cocked his ears listening close to the sound.
    Upon examination he found it did not sound like the companies form of technology. Curiosity peaked he slowly drew closer to the location of the sound. He came upon the edge of a blackened pit with chunks of material scattered in huge piles within. A peculiar smell washed over him as it passed in the slight breeze. His mind went blank, he had never smelled something so sweat before. His mouth began to drool and he began following his nose down into the crater. His thoughts were blank save for the drive to find, to hold, to keep forever the source of the scent. 
    When the lid was fully off, there laying inside was a young woman about twenty. Her skin was that of death, she had not seen light for a long time. Her black hair, in contrast to her skin, was ratted and extremely long. Her nails were curling in on themselves. Her sleeping gown was extremely filthy with such a prolonged usage.  The stasis machine had been damaged during the explosion all those years ago, it had only slowed aging but not stopped the process. The woman had aged about four years since she was interred within.
    She took in a deep breath that rattled her body, it was like being born again. The first painful breath of life. When she opened her eyes, she saw the bright sun shining down on her. As she became aware of her surroundings she began to panic, but then she remembered that her dad and her were going to Mars and that they must have arrived. It felt like moments ago that she had complained to her father about getting in the chamber, calling it a metal coffin.
    When she felt rested enough from the wake up process she sat up. The surrounding sight shocked her. All around was an eroded crater where the research facility had been. Nothing was left, she definitely  was not on Mars. She crouched back down into the coffin and huddled up in a ball, her mind could not handle what was happening. “Destroyed, how is it destroyed?” She tried to  comprehend what had happened. Even though she knew it was futile she sat up straight and screamed, “Dad!,” into the desolate crater. Scrambling out of the coffin. She continued to cry out for her father, with no answer ever to return. As she clawed in desperation over the debris she reached a high point and looked across a the deserted, dead crater. Falling to her knees she began to weep. Her heart was breaking, so much pain.  She felt she should be dead, everything was gone, blown apart. She knew her father was dead, he would have come to find her if he was still alive. She should have refused to get in stasis until after her father came back from his experiment. She should have died along side him and the rest of the facility.
    While she sat in emotional distress upon a tower of ruble, the wolf-like creature had found what he had been smelling. A white skinned tall creature crouched crying at the top of a ruble heap. He couldn’t resist. He had never had a stronger urge to kill and eat before. His mouth began to water and he let out a low moan. The woman froze. A chill raced down her spine. She stood up and turned slowly around and saw a creature that stood like a man standing there in a white lab coat, but it was covered in a thick brown fur. Its features spoke of a wolf. The woman let out a loud ear piercing scream. It shocked the wolf creature. It caused his ear drums to feel like they were bursting.
    She quickly jumped down the ruble and began to run for the far side of the crater. Her mind racing, “My God, I’m in a horror movie.”  The creature recovered from the scream and took off after her in a now angry rush. The woman ran as hard as she could her legs and lungs began to protest. The ruble was cutting deep into the skin of her feet, but she kept pushing herself harder and harder, and pulled a good distance ahead of the wolf. As she approached the edge of the crater she saw an out crop she could jump from to make it out. She went for it, if she failed the creature would surly get her.
    She made it to the top and did a miraculous jump and succeeded. She raced to the trees hoping she could lose it among the wild-life. When the creature made it to the forest edge he had lost sight of his prey, but he could smell, and after finding the scent went taking off after it.  The woman zig-zagged around leaving her sent in many places, hoping that she could pull-off what happened in movies. Out of breath she went and hid behind a tree and tried to calm her breath.
    As the wolf came closer she became as silent as the dead. As the creature came to one side she back to the other. The wolf was very close, it could almost taste it, but at the same time he was confused for the smell was overpowering from so many directions that he couldn’t tell which way to go. He decided to head further away from the crater. As he left into the undergrowth. The woman began to back around the far side of the tree.
    When she turned around right in front of her was another creature. Startled and scared to death she was about to scream when the other creature covered her mouth with it’s hove-like hand. Applying just enough pressure to keep her in place without harming her. When she began to struggle against him he whispered in his gruff voice, “Shh, I wont hurt you.” Not believing him she broke free, using what was left of her energy she raced away from the second creature. She couldn’t comprehend what was going on. It must be a dream she thought.  Her struggle with the other creature re-caught the attention of the wolf. As she ran off, the other creature muttered to himself and began perusing her.
    As she ran through the forests she kept muttering to herself. “I’m not crazy. I just saw a werewolf, and a minotaur. That’s all. Hehe. I’m not insane." She began to slow, still muttering about the overwhelming simulations after not receiving any stimulation for so many years. When she finally slowed to a crawl she was inside a clearing. She could here something coming up behind her and she felt she was finished, for she was to exhausted to run anymore. She turned to face the rustling bushes waiting for a monster to appear. The second creature  became visible, and her heart stopped. In his hand was a object that resembled a gun. “Freeze,” he yelled with force that echoed around the clearing. He approached aiming the gun in her direction. Tears began to fall. She knew she was dead. A shot rang out. She fell to the ground, splattered in blood.
    As she lay on the ground she realized she was not dead, not even injured. Crawling up on her knees she looked behind her. There on the ground was the wolf thing. A bullet hole in the chest. Right in the heart. She stared at it in shock, as blood oozed out of its chest and gurgled through its mouth staining the white lab coat it wore. The other creature, now kneeling beside her, asked if she was all right, but she didn’t respond. Her vision failed and her mind drifted into dark unconsciousness.

Last edited by Vindicator (2009-07-04 01:06:01)


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#2 2009-07-04 01:04:51

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Thought I would drop a note by I have been able to get all the way to chapter 15, which is amazing for me as I have a tendency to stop writing my tales. I have only approximately two more chapters left and then it will be done. So here is a link to the collection of chapters, and I would appreciate feed back if anyone cares to read any of the tale.

                          http://hyper-aggie42.deviantart.com/gal … ermutation


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#3 2009-07-14 12:22:43

White Wolf
Dreamer of the East [Moderator]
From: "Southern" Florida
Registered: 2009-04-21
Posts: 18155
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Re: Permutation

Ah ha! Great new chapter! Kind of sad though, Vin was a good friend of mine and I'm distraught to see him go. Poor Vin! sad


Nos totus take diversus semita ut a similis fortuna per sapientia, vires, quod fides in divinus nostrum maioribus socius.

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#4 2009-07-14 12:41:08

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

"And then Darkness descended upon the land, for the light was snuffed out." As someone else once said. "It can only get worse from here."


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#5 2009-07-14 12:47:15

White Wolf
Dreamer of the East [Moderator]
From: "Southern" Florida
Registered: 2009-04-21
Posts: 18155
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Re: Permutation

I still can't wait for this thing to get published. big_smile


Nos totus take diversus semita ut a similis fortuna per sapientia, vires, quod fides in divinus nostrum maioribus socius.

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#6 2009-07-14 12:51:40

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Well I'm definitely going to push for that outcome. wink


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#7 2009-07-14 17:48:05

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: Permutation

I agree - the originality of the storyline cannot be denied.
  Granted, the glimpse here is a popular scene - Protagonist awakens to unfamiliarity, with strange creatures assailing her, unwilling to trust anything so unfamiliar. Even so, the ideas of the characters and how she arrived in her predicament is very original, and well worth following the tale to gain more understanding.

  From a technical Standpoint, you may want to examine your sentence structures as well as your spelling. An Automatic spell checker in a word processor may assist in this regard. I did notice a few confusions with homophones - words that sound the same but are spelled differently (here and hear, there, their and they're, etc.). Automated spell checkers often miss those kinds of anomalies, so it might be a good idea to get an extra set of eyes to read through it to help find them.

   Nevertheless, the idea of a place with a race of werewolves and a race of minotaurs in a Sci-fi background does not invade any set mythology, and opens the way for wonderful explorations of genetic mutation, cultural and political conflicts, and even intrigue. It's the foundation for a terrific and original piece.

  You've got some imaginitive ideas here, Vindicator.  Great job!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#8 2009-07-14 18:03:29

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Hey Thank You Very Much Grayle, for your opinion and critic. I really do have issues with those homophones. I'm planning on reading it out loud when I'm finished with the final two chapters to fix those awkward sentence structures and such. I'm excited that you find the tale intriguing.


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#9 2009-08-10 12:42:33

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
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Re: Permutation

Well here is the final chapter of Permutation. Finally it has been completed!!!! big_smile big_smile  (Note: I believe there will be an epilogue. wink )

         Chapter 17 Redemption

                       http://hyper-aggie42.deviantart.com/art … -132840401


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#10 2009-08-10 22:55:29

Vindicator
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From: The Desert West of the Rockies
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Posts: 17922
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Re: Permutation

Hahahah. Thanks! big_smile Although I still have to write the epilogue, so technically it is not done yet. tongue


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#11 2009-08-10 23:17:33

White Wolf
Dreamer of the East [Moderator]
From: "Southern" Florida
Registered: 2009-04-21
Posts: 18155
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Re: Permutation

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa hey! I cannot believe I almost didn't check the stories section tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


VIN YOUR DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile

Oh my gosh, I can't wait to read it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, to sink it in though I'm going to wait until after we're done chatting tonight so I can focus on it and enjoy it as I should!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Nos totus take diversus semita ut a similis fortuna per sapientia, vires, quod fides in divinus nostrum maioribus socius.

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#12 2009-08-10 23:23:02

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Wow now That is one excited wolf. tongue I look forward to your reaction. I just hope the writing is well enough and that it concluded well enough. Enjoy it if you can my friend. wink

Last edited by Vindicator (2009-08-10 23:42:09)


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#13 2009-08-10 23:35:51

White Wolf
Dreamer of the East [Moderator]
From: "Southern" Florida
Registered: 2009-04-21
Posts: 18155
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Re: Permutation

Oh, you don't even know the half of it my friend! You really don't!


Nos totus take diversus semita ut a similis fortuna per sapientia, vires, quod fides in divinus nostrum maioribus socius.

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#14 2009-08-10 23:42:40

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Hahahahahahaha. Well Enjoy it my friend. smile


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#15 2009-08-11 11:24:43

White Wolf
Dreamer of the East [Moderator]
From: "Southern" Florida
Registered: 2009-04-21
Posts: 18155
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Re: Permutation

Wow Vin. I honestly had no idea what to expect! Man, that was a moving ending. I read it last night before heading off to bed, and about halfway through it, I really started to feel drawn in. I was so intrigued as to how it all was going to end! Boy, I did not expect that! I feel so sorry for Iden... I loved it though (I have no idea why you thought I'd be mad tongue), some of my favorite stories have sad endings. Now my friend, I only have one question for you... ok, I lied. I have two: First, when do you send this off to be published? (It'd better be soon!) And second, I believe you mentioned that you have another tale wrapped in your brain, when are you going to start writing it? (It'd better be sooner!) Vin, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed reading Permutation! It really snatched up my attention, and it never let go! Wow, what a great story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it's over though. hmm smile


Nos totus take diversus semita ut a similis fortuna per sapientia, vires, quod fides in divinus nostrum maioribus socius.

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#16 2009-08-11 11:35:38

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Brilliant! big_smile It is great to hear that it pulled you in even further, and that it was moving. It means I in fact wrote it correctly. I will say that this was the hardest chapter I have written. I really was having a tough time capturing the emotion of loss and redemption. It feels so weird to have actually written a whole book from start to finish.  I still have an epilogue as I mentioned periodically, which I'm going to get writing soon. It will definitely be separate from the story and serve to explain a few things,as the end of the tale is definitely "exhausted unconsciousness." wink 

As for getting it published, I'm going to print it out and read it aloud and edit it. Then I'm planning on CS and God to edit my edits and then I'm going to send it in to the library of congress for an unpublished copyright. Once that is secure then I'm going to start to hunt out publishers and I may just self publish depending upon prices, as college drains my funds. tongue

Hahahaha. Your already ready for the next tale. tongue Well to be honest I was getting done with Permutation and I'm looking forward to a change in pace and direction. I am excited to take the knowledge I gained from Permutation and put if forward in a genre I'm more familiar with. wink I need to sit down and create a basic outline for the tail, otherwise I will get lost as the plan is to attempt a tale that starts in the middle and moves towards the end while flashing back to the past. So I need to make a time-line of the tale. wink I am quite excited to start writing it, so I will probably start it quite soon. wink

Man, a perfect reaction. It truly gives me such great feedback, and lets me know that I have succeeded in what I wanted to accomplish with the chapter. I am very excited to hear that it was moving. I was not sure if I could pull that off in my writing.

Fantastic!!!!! big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile big_smile

Last edited by Vindicator (2009-08-11 12:22:47)


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#17 2009-10-04 20:52:40

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Well after taking quite some time to write. Here is the Epilogue to the tale.  I would very much like to hear if it goes with the body of the book. Other than that I hope you enjoy. smile

             http://hyper-aggie42.deviantart.com/art … -139241074


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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#18 2009-10-04 23:42:44

White Wolf
Dreamer of the East [Moderator]
From: "Southern" Florida
Registered: 2009-04-21
Posts: 18155
Website

Re: Permutation

Ah, simply brilliant as always. big_smile I would definitely say so! As I briefly commented on your DA account, it is very cold, but seeing as that is how the emotion the story ends with, I find that it fits along just fine. Kind of creepy to think of the whole thing as "just an experiment"... an experiment with human lives at that...


Nos totus take diversus semita ut a similis fortuna per sapientia, vires, quod fides in divinus nostrum maioribus socius.

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#19 2009-10-05 00:15:19

Vindicator
Seer of the West [Moderator]
From: The Desert West of the Rockies
Registered: 2009-04-30
Posts: 17922
Website

Re: Permutation

Ah, that was the plan. I'm glad it was viewed as twisted as I intended it to be. It makes you wonder, no? About who was really was behind the whole thing? I'm glad that it meshed well with the overall ending, added to it. I was worried it would detract or distract from it.


"What makes a monster and what makes a man?" ~Bells of Notre Dame.

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