Thank you, Wolfblood. I will try to work more action phrases into the dialogue.  It may be a while before I can add chapter two. Thanks for taking the time to comment on the story. I will use this feedback.

I do agree with the idea of adding action around the dialogue to keep the story moving. I also agree that some of the dialogue from different characters seems very similar. Along with that, you could add a little detail into what her thinking is making her feel - perhaps by adding indications of physical reactions to her feelings. However, all of those issues can be addressed in the next draft after you finish the story.

  You already added descriptions of the characters of Tim and Moira as they each thought about the other. Not only does that provide physical descriptions, but does so in an imaginative way.

  Cynbthia the psychotherapist seems a little stereotypical. I doubt a professional would be so unprofessional in her evasion. I mean, is she the therapist or the client? Although the evasion was entertaining, it might be more realistic to have Cynthia professionally deny services but perhaps offer referrals to free services, like a university student therapist, for example. Again, just a thought.

  I believe you should continue. The story had more merit than your friend is willing to offer.