Well I wrote this up the other day and I decided it might serve some use on this board in someway or another. It was mostly written to focus my thoughts, I tend to have a million racing around and to get them on paper is a way from me to organize them. Hopefully I don't  come off insane or even worse as an idiot.  It is written stream of consciously so there may still be parts that are nonsensical, but that is probably because I'm still lost for an explanation myself, which just implies that I still need to do more looking, which I plan I continuing to do, as I probably just hit the tip of it. Also there is a few pieces where my tone is very light, such as the intro, but I want it known that I very much took this paper very seriously and spent hours trying to find the answers to my questions. Also if anyone has anything to say that would be very appreciated as well. So with out further ado here is that paper I wrote up to clear my thoughts and head.

Defining Therianthropy
By Vindicator Vaudeville
                                       
Introduction:
   
    Now I know your never supposed start of a paper, with, I’m starting to write this paper now because of blah, blah, blah. Well I’m throwing those rules out the door right now, as it is the only way I can think to start this paper. So any who this paper is all about “Defining Therianthropyâ€� what that exactly entails is what I’m going to explain here the best I can. So first off a little bit of history with out actually telling you anything about the topic. So the term is a very broad term in that it appears that anyone who uses the term has their very own definition and there is only a few factors that actually tie the group together and even make it come close to a recognizable group. Along those lines it also appears that there are several groups that overlap with this group, which adds to confusion over what Therian’s actually are. Well this paper isn’t going to really worry too much about all that or even other peoples definitions of what it is, for like them I’m going to follow the tradition and give it my own definition. One that shows how I fit into the box, but also how that box is constructed by me. If you haven’t noticed by now I’m stalling a bit trying to ward of actually writing it, as the goal here is to relatively organize my thoughts on paper, and I just have no idea where to begin. I find it a bit daunting as I tend to be very logical, and want this paper to follow that but the very nature of this topic, has a tinge of the illogical attached to it which can lead to confusion. So I’m going to try my best to make sense but if I end up not making sense, you should just ask me and then maybe I will be able to make sense. *Looks at the Introduction.* “Quit Stalling already!â€�    Ok. Ok. Well with out further ado I give you this paper on Therianthropy and how it relates to myself.

Defining Therianthropy:
   
    Defining Therianthropy, I think this will be one of the hardest sections to actually write about. As there is so much that it could be, hence my explanation above of it being such a broad topic. From what I have gathered it could practically be called a jumbled mess of opinions but out of that mess I have found a few reoccurring ideas. This is where I think the most logical definition can be drawn. So with those as a bit of a framework I have came to this conclusion about what therianthropy is.
    A therian is and individual that has a deep connection with an animal, that this connection is so deep that the said animal is either a piece of there very essence or is their essence. So in other words that the individuals very soul is in fact an animal or partly animal. On a note there are things within nature based religions, where people can make a connection with an animal on a very deep level, as a guide and such. To clarify, I have determined these to be different, in that one is from with in and the other is from without. It also seems logical that the internal connection with an animal is stronger as it is more of a connection with self than with a separate animal. Lets see a better way to explain it is that the individual has a soul and that soul just so happens to be an animal. So they are still themselves and such, but their essence just doesn’t match their physical body. In other words it isn’t so much the deepness of being connected with an animal, more of a connection with self and that self just so happens to be an animal.
    Well moving on as I believe I repeated myself one too many times in that last paragraph. Another piece of information about therianthropy that is prevalent is the concept of shifting. Now I have found that there is many different types and sub-types. Like physical, spiritual, and mental, just to name a few. In my opinion I do not think there is much credibility in the first and I can understand the second and third ones. With that, a good metaphor (I found it somewhere and as soon as I can locate the source again it will be cited.)  is that the individual is placed on a scale like a political one and that they lie something like 70% Human, 30% Animal and then this can shift up and down. The interesting thing is that this concept isn’t too far fetched as individuals shift all the time for example during times of stress some people can shift to higher states and accomplish more, be it from adrenaline, and using it to save a child under a car, ext.
Now here I need to give my own personal this particular concept of “shifting.� In general I would say that I do not shift. I am myself and stay consistently me throughout anything I do. I am me and that is who I am, there isn't any variations of me contained within. There is however a few cases out side of the general that I could say I have mentally shifted. One event in retrospect that occurred during a very high moment of stress I could see falling very much into that category. It is still up to speculation as it was so long ago, and there were many factors involved. I do see that a being a therian my have contributed to the nature of the shift at that time, however. I'm probably just pulling strings there so I'm not going to push that to much.
         The other is during my most recent meditations, instead of having a spiritual shift, as might be expected (my essence has been constant since the discovery.) I have mental ones. I hadn't thought of it before but during the meditation, my perspective and way of viewing the world is very much so more animalistic than humanistic, and it isn't until after I'm done with the meditation that I can actually add the human and interpret it in a humanistic way. Well I hope that made sense.
    These two points at hand, the basic definition and the concept of shifting are the only things that I have found to be constant within the Therian community. It is the concept of self and the projection of that self that is what makes up the group and from there is just the little nit picks of individuals giving their own take, as I have done here as well, in correlation to the definitions, which unfortunately means that this paper will only add to that jumbled mess of opinion but that isn’t really a concern for me at the moment, for the important thing was deciding what the definition was for me.

Why do I think I’m a Therian?

    Well this one I think will be a little difficult as well because I believe it falls under those questions like. “Why do I think I’m a human?â€� We just love questions such as those. The first and most obvious reason would be my concept of self. Since my discovery, which also adds to my belief in being a therian the discovery that it, my concept of self has been constant. To simply put it I see myself, and myself is a wolf. When I conduct my meditations that usually involve my essence coming away from my body and exploring the landscape or topic at hand, I am a wolf. When I think of myself in the abstract, like your mental image of self, I am a wolf. My dreams in which I’m in third person since my discovery have been a wolf, and probably as a first person as well but I never pay close attention in those cases so I could not say for sure. The point being, intrinsically, with no effort my thoughts of self are automatically placed as me being myself which is a wolf. Oh, my Sam that was a mouth full, I hope that made sense.
    That is the biggy but there are a few things that can also be tied that may seem trivial a bit but I felt I would mention them anyway. The first one that I want to mention just came to light a few days ago, during a discussion on alignment within structures and what not. Now I’m sure that there is no validity for the quiz and such and I have no idea where the concept originates, but the discussion was the key element. In that I tend to be neutral. My decision and actions arise out of “logic and maintaining my integrityâ€� as opposed to a debate between if it is wrong or right, good or evil, structured or chaotic. This it could be said that morality does not really play into my decision all thought the outcome of those decisions usually lies towards good, but the decisions themselves and the process to get to my actions is very much neutral. To me I can see this as a support for being a therian, albeit very small and it could even be wrong. Nature tends to not have sides nor pick morality, that is completely a human design. Even though humans are animals and thus have instincts and are a part of nature. I can see my position for the creation of my actions have some of a root in the fact that my essence is a wolf, and that may influence my actions in their lack of judgement of morality and the use of logic to preserve my integrity as an individual. A good example of this is my honesty. I’m honest because that is who I am, and in all respects I find things work better when your honest, so when a situation comes around where I could very well be dishonest, I opt for honesty not because it is good, but because it maintains the integrity of my character, and secondly it is easier in the long run, for dishonesty requires more effort than it is worth. So the point being, this probably isn’t that closely related to me being a Therian, but I can see it fitting in as well, if that makes sense.  (I seem to say this a lot, so sorry about that, but I am being sincere about it making sense.)
    The next one is going to get me laughed at the most, I’m sure of it, for it is really silly. Well anyway without dragging it out any longer. I have on occasion felt like I had a tail. Periodically through out my life, I would feel it there. I always pegged it as an over active imagination or being really tired or just out of it, any number of excuses. It would happen randomly. Like if I sat in a chair in elementary for a long time not only would my bottom hurt like everyone else’s but it would feel like I had an appendage being bent in the wrong way and that would hurt as well. I will say it doesn’t happen very often at all and the last time was upon waking up after sleeping a few weeks ago which was like the first time in over six months or so. Along those lines would also be the occasionally feeling that my body was more of suit and I was squished inside it funny.
    In conclusion to this, the only really big thing that is of importance is my self perception that is what takes the cake as me being a therian. The others just happen to fit inside the box, but could also be explained away in other boxes if I looked at it as well. I also guess the self perception could also be put in other boxes and classified away, but I feel deep inside that therian is the box for that, and it fits nicely inside it. So because my concept of self is so comfortable inside the term, that I defined above, and that it has clicked and feels so completely correct on such a deep level that there is not words to express, I have come to see myself as a therian.

What does it mean to me?

    You know I should stop pointing out that this or that question is difficult to answer because in reality all of these are hard to answer. So what does being a therian mean to me. Well the first thing that comes to mind is that by knowing myself to be a therian, I feel absolutely fantastically complete. Like I know myself really for the first time. It is just a name but by finding myself and giving it a name has somehow made me closer to myself, if that makes sense. The term gives me a way to explain who I am internally to the logical mind, which is still not to happy with it, but it will get over it sooner or later, after all it can’t deny itself too long, can it?
    Ok back on topic. So it also in a way gives me an entry into a community, who may have similar problems should any arise with this concept of self. Although, I’m still wary about the community, save for a few individuals that I have had the opportunity to talk to, it is still there nonetheless, and should I need it I could ask. Even though it isn’t to realistic it feels like I just connect with individuals who have similar experiences and views of self, almost like people who have similar belief systems come together as a church.
    The other thing is that it explains so much of myself to myself, which seems odd if you look at it but that is what it does. So many things could fit inside it, it could be ridiculous to mention them where as no box I have ever looked at could hold so much of myself and past. It also explains that piece that I felt missing in my life, and that makes the completed feeling so strong, is that I have found myself, and that is one of the best feelings that could ever exist.
    So to sum it up what Therianthropy means to me is a name for a box upon which so much of my self can be set inside that it just clicks and feels so right that there seems to be no other alternative, because it is just so right. To be me, is simply put, be me.

Does it really change anything?

    This one is actually easy. No it doesn’t change anything, which by itself supports me being a therian. I didn’t have to change myself to be therian, granted I found myself, unexpectedly but it was always there, constantly in the background forever, because it is me and I am it. So in the end of the day me being a wolf inside, has not changed my mentality, my views of the world or my actions and motivations in the world. I will say it did change my self image, but that internal change has not changed who I am as I was already, and will always be who I am. I will say on a random note it has inspired me to draw a bit more wolves and werewolves than I previously had, but, we tend to draw and do things that relate to ourselves and that relates so well to me that it is unfathomable.

What am I going to do with it?

    I saw this question asked somewhere and I found it interesting because it implied that therians had better something or other that made them more capable of stuff. I would have to disagree with that implication, as I find that people being people are all capable of the same jazz it all depends upon the attitude of the individual.
    So what am I going to do with a being a therian, well I’m going to for one continue to do what I have always done, which is live my life to the fullest. I’m going to work towards my goals, I’m going to be the best darn friend I can ever be to all those amazing people in my life, and I’m going to be true to myself, by just being who I am, and not try and be anybody else. I’m also going enjoy every moment of my time on earth from those hellish times and those phenomenal times.  Simply put I am going to give my all to everything and everyone that I do and meet, because that is just who I am, and who I will always be.

How did I come to know?

    This is actually an in depth question that I actually answered awhile back in a paper all its own. So I’m just going to summaries here. For as long as I can remember my concept of self had always been amorphous shape and not really me nor not me. In my meditations that I would have I was divided between logic and instinct upon which my logic dominates my instinct and I believe it go feed up and shoved the three pieces together which in turn revealed who I really was. So what that means is that in a round about way did I find myself and then through questioning I came to see that myself fit inside the Therian box. Interestingly enough, my way of think has not changed in that I still seem to repress my instinct, but I actually notice it being there instead of completely gone. It is also that instinct which is driving my conviction of being a therian instead of my logic which is still a bit ticked over the whole thing as it finds it illogical but slowly I find that both sides are giving to each other and settling as a single unit upon which they both contribute, which has added to that feeling of being complete.

How do I deal with it/ does it need dealt with?

    I think it is interesting that there has been talk from individuals on how to deal with it and such. I decided that I don’t think it needs dealt with at all. I think if you have such a strong connection with yourself that you should just let yourself be who you are instead of trying to cover it up. I love being me, and I love being myself. I see that I have problems sometimes with myself as it is said that you are your own worst enemy, but that is something everyone deals with not just therians and so the actual being a therian shouldn’t be something to be dealt with, it should just be, because it is yourself and that is all you should ever try to be.

How should I tell someone about it?

    Here is the question that I ask. I wish I actually had an answer to it. I don’t really know how to do it. I think the first step would be to only have designs to tell people your close to as they would be the ones who you care about and would want to share, but on the other hand people you don’t know, don’t already have a perception of you and would be easier to get it off from the bat, and there isn’t a fear behind what they will think of you as their opinion is valued yet.
    If I was going to tell a friend, I would need to make sure that they understood before hand what a Therian was, although how to do that I have no idea. The next step would be to make sure they knew I was serious, which is where my biggest fear lies, about telling good friends but they brush it off as a joke.
    I guess the only thing though would be to try and see what happens, but first I will need a lot of courage to do that, for I wouldn’t want to ever jeopardize a friendship over it, yet if the friend wasn’t able to accept it then are they really that good of a friend. Oh well the point being I don’t have the courage therefore telling anyone is out of the question at the moment.
    I just happened to be lucky enough to have met someone who was finding themselves at the same time and also having an amazing friend in the know about what was going down as it was going down so that I never actually had to break the news as the found it at the same time I did. So if there is such things as blessings, I have surely found two of them.

Why am I this way?
   
    Ah, the final question. This is probably were my logic fails the most. As I have a concept of soul and universe but no real concept that could accurately describe it. So for all intentions the only way to answer this I am a Therian, an individual who is a wolf at the deepest level, because that is who I am. That is the answer. I am me so that is why I am like me.

Conclusion

    Well now to sum it all up. So by defining this term and working through these questions, I have actually in my own mind clarified the ideas that I had and made them make sense to me. Weather this paper makes sense to anyone else is highly debatable, however, I hope it may be of some use, or other.  So what I have come to find is that based on my definition of what a therian is, I find that I am a Therian. It is a term that describes my view of self and a few other pieces in my life.
    In the end, I’m still just as much me as I was, if not a little bit more of me, because I’m more confident in myself, more sure of myself, and more comfortable with myself. This gives off such a euphoria of emotion, I can not even begin to describe it. I am a wolf inside, but that wolf is not a wolf but myself, for put simply as I have said many times through this paper. I am Me. So with that I thank you for reading this if you in fact did read this paper, and again for the final time, I hope it made any sort of sense.

Last edited by Vindicator (2009-07-02 01:54:32)