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#1 2012-08-15 13:37:55

New member
Registered: 2012-08-15
Posts: 1

hey, im new and i would like to share my story!

I'm friends with drake and im writing a sequel to rise of the white wolf. its told from the main character, Jasons point of view. Can you guys tell me what you think?


I was at Manny’s Pizza with my girlfriend, Kaylee Jacobs. It had a roomy lay out with the front counter on the right wall facing all the tables. There was an arcade in the back.
        I came here a lot because it reminded me of my old life, back when everything was simpler. She was sitting across the table looking amazing as ever in blue skinny jeans and a purple flannel. Her long brunette hair reached down to her shoulders. I had a blue hoodie and black jeans to go with my brown hair.
"Why are you so quiet?" she asked me. "We should be having fun."
"Just thinking about the past." I replied. "My friend, Jaden."
"Oh, right. That guy who died in the car crash."
"Come on. Let's go back to my place."
I couldn't tell her what had really happened. She would freak out. Or at the very least, think I was crazy. She was the third girl I'd tried to date this year, and both of the others had run away screaming when I tried to show them who -or what- I really was. But I really liked Kaylee. I didn't want to ruin my chances with her.
We pulled up into the drive way of my house. My dad was probably asleep by now.
        Screw this. If I really like her, I should tell her the truth.
"Kaylee, I have something to show you. I was waiting for the right time to tell you." I admitted.
"Okay, what is it?" she asked with a smile on her face.
"Come with me. We'll do it inside."
She followed me up the stairs to my room. The stairs creaked beneath our feet. I was a bit nervous.
We got to my room and  I closed it behind us.
I told her: "I just hope you'll still like me after this, okay?"
"Oh, uh, Okay." she said, sounding disappointed. She probably expected me to kiss her.
"Kaylee… I'm a werewolf."
She looked confused. "Jason, stop messing with me."
"I'm not kidding. I can prove it."
Without further ado I took off my shirt and shifted into the white wolf. She was in so much shock she just stood there for a while. Then she backed away with a look of horror on her face. I changed back.
"GET AWAY!" she screamed.
"Kaylee, wait!" I called.
But she bolted down the stairs and out the door.
So much for that.



#2 2012-08-16 11:27:49

From: Montana
Registered: 2012-07-22
Posts: 33

Re: hey, im new and i would like to share my story!

I'd flesh it out a bit more. Don't be so blatant about what Jason is right from the get-go. Some audiences like to have every detail told to them; others prefer the art of subtle sugestion. Maybe build the tension up a bit more before you have Jason shift. Just a thot smile



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