I saw "Darkwolf" in a bargain bin at Suncoast earlier today and thought, "Hey! A new werewolf flick! Hmm, made in 2003... at least the special effects should be good."
Boy, was I wrong.
For those of you who haven't seen it yet, avoid this stinker like the plague. This movie easily dethroned "The Howling III: The Marsupials" as the reigning king of terrible werewolf movies.
Laced with awful dialogue and acting, the movie revolved around a cop trying to track down a biker werewolf before it could find the completely oblivious female werewolf and mate with her (what's with the current trend of wanting to kill off werewolves just for chasing a piece of tail, anyways? I feel bad for the biker werewolf and the unnamed beast in Ginger Snaps 2 because neither got to score). Even before the opening scenes are over, it's obvious who's going to get killed, in what order, and how the whole ordeal is going to end. Thank goodness they at least filled the movie with enough boobs to take your mind off of how bad those 90 minutes were.
The werewolf CGI effects really hurt me the most. I seriously had to pause the movie after the first transformation sequence and walk around outside until I could gather my wits and brace myself to sit through the rest of the movie. The CGI looked like it was rendered on a Super Nintendo, and apparently the director thought, "This looks badass! Let's use it as often as possible!" I'm guessing they spent almost the entire budget on strippers for the aformentioned boob scenes and had to resort to hiring art school dropouts to do the computer work. Words cannot describe how bad it was... you simply have to see it in action to believe it. But then that would involve actually watching the movie, and that's a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies.
And then, just when I was telling myself that the movie couldn't possibly get any worse, the cop starts trying to impress the girl he's protecting by telling werewolf jokes.
Werewolf jokes. Really bad... werewolf jokes.
After watching people get disembowled left and right by a horny werewolf, the cop gleefully says, "Why do werewolves run so fast? Because they're in a HAIRY!"
Take a moment and catch your breath. It gets worse.
The girl responds by laughing hysterically, thereby encouraging him to tell even more jokes. Like three or four jokes in all, including the showstopper that the cop decides to save until the very end of the movie. I'd recite the rest of the jokes for you, but I've thankfully blocked those scenes out of my memory.
All in all, this movie is a trial by fire. If you can sit through this movie and still find the nerve to buy another werewolf movie in the future, you are among the elite, my friend. This is the kind of movie that wrecks entire genres.
On the other hand, this movie does make all the other truly bad werewolf flicks in my collection tolerable again.
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Speedbump, you kill me, I laughed so hard after reading your movie review of "Darkwolf" you can see what I think of that movie in the forum about worst CGI effects. You are right on with your movie review, it was like watching a train wreck happen. I have to tell you I bought it too, and now regret it, I should use the DVD as a coaster, or just toss it. If I ever meet another big werewolf fan, I will have to give it to them if they haven't seen it and tell them "don't watch this movie." I hope they never do a seqel, but if they did, then there would be a wrost werewolf movie called "Dark Wollf 2" ha, ha! Your review was absolutely hysterical and totally right on.
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LOL.....well, thanks, friend. I will avoid that one.
heh
nnnng
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I thought I would bring Speedbump's "controversial" movie to the top as I saw he was on-line, ha, ha!
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From anotther forum that was closed (since this one already existed):
Steve Wedel wrote:
Avoid this steaming pile at all costs. The plot is lame, the characters are almost less than one dimensional and it has THE WORST transformation I have ever seen in my life. There are some nice scenes of female nudity, but even that, a cameo by Tippi Hedren and Kane Hodder as the bad guy can't save this one.
WolfMontana wrote:
Right there witcha.
JL_Benet wrote:
How can a movie with sexy lesbian werewolf scenes be that bad? Even the sex scenes were painful to watch. IMO, the worst werewolf movie ever!
Bloodfang85 wrote:
I think I've had the misfortune of seeing this movie. If it is the same movie that I think it is, then it's also the worst werewolf movie that I have watched as well.
Avoid this movie like the plague
MarkOne wrote:
The worst werewolf movie ever made? Eh, I don't know...
I've seen worse.
But this one ranks right down there.
Bloodfang85 wrote:
What have you seen that was worse? Not that I doubt you
Siverwolf wrote:
I don't know, I thought the movie was fairly good. Although, bad steriotype of werewolf.
adom wrote:
I've got to find this movie. Nothing can be as bad as I have read this is. Surely the wolves are at least worth looking at.
Steve Wedel wrote:
adom wrote:
Nothing can be as bad as I have read this is.
Oh, yeah it can.
Bloodfang85 wrote:
adom wrote:
I've got to find this movie. Nothing can be as bad as I have read this is. Surely the wolves are at least worth looking at.
One would tend to think like that. But once you see it, you'll most likely think otherwise. But I could be wrong...
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Excellent review!
Alas, I also bought this thing from Suncoast. I think I paid $8 or $9. Then I took it to a Game Exchange and got $2 store credit for it. Suckers! Yeah, I lost money, but improved my movie collection by freeing up that shelf space.
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Speedbump's movie review is really funny. I still have a copy of that movie. I was harsh with my review back then, now I am thining "DarkWwolf" is a bit "campy," ha, ha. Steve Wedel, when I saw you opened a new topic, I thought I should combine your new topic on "Dark Wolf" with this old forum topic, as I wanted you to see Speedbump's review, glad you did, pretty fun, huh?
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The Busboy wrote:
Speedbump's movie review is really funny. I still have a copy of that movie. I was harsh with my review back then, now I am thining "DarkWwolf" is a bit "campy," ha, ha. Steve Wedel, when I saw you opened a new topic, I thought I should combine your new topic on "Dark Wolf" with this old forum topic, as I wanted you to see Speedbump's review, glad you did, pretty fun, huh?
It's a great review. And dead-on! That transformation scene ... wow.
The guy who played the cop couldn't seem to close his mouth. Did you notice that? He looked like a slack-jawed idiot in every scene.
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I tried finding this for rental tonight. No luck. I must see this stinkpile. I have insomnia, you know.
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It's definetly one of those movies you see just because it's a werewolf movie, you know, just to add another tally to your "Werewolf Movies That I've Seen" list...otherwise you would never even give it the time of day.
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The Busboy wrote:
Speedbump's movie review is really funny. I still have a copy of that movie. I was harsh with my review back then, now I am thining "DarkWwolf" is a bit "campy," ha, ha. Steve Wedel, when I saw you opened a new topic, I thought I should combine your new topic on "Dark Wolf" with this old forum topic, as I wanted you to see Speedbump's review, glad you did, pretty fun, huh?
It was awesome funny as heck!
adom wrote:
I tried finding this for rental tonight. No luck. I must see this stinkpile. I have insomnia, you know.
Bugger - good luck with that Adom. No guarantee watching it will cure you of course. You might be up all night trying to repair the damage with werewolf happy thoughts.
Bloodfang85 wrote:
It's definetly one of those movies you see just because it's a werewolf movie, you know, just to add another tally to your "Werewolf Movies That I've Seen" list...otherwise you would never even give it the time of day.
Yup. Exactly. Why's it have to hurt to build that list though?? But I'm strong, I can do it!
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Haha. It's just something us hardcore werewolf fans put ourselves through, I guess.
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It's nigh time I dust off the old "Darkwolf" dvd and give it another watch.
Maybe the second time's the charm, eh?
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Speedbump wrote:
It's nigh time I dust off the old "Darkwolf" dvd and give it another watch.
Maybe the second time's the charm, eh?
Ha, ha, I guess we'll have to see about that one.
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Haha, I'll get just so I can laugh at it.
Dyv
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should I say i can do better FLASH cgi on this computer im using in less than a day!!!
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I met the man who played the "Darkwolf" character at a horror convention, he's very cool.
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The Busboy wrote:
I met the man who played the "Darkwolf" character at a horror convention, he's very cool.
Did he speak highly of "Darkwolf" or was it more of a "heh, payed the bills for a few months" type of gig?
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Army Grey Wolf wrote:
should I say i can do better FLASH cgi on this computer im using in less than a day!!!
You should and then you should say "And I'd do it for free for Adom's next movie."
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Darkwolf was a waste of my life and I hope I never see that movie again. I wanted to break my face against a cement pipe for being an idiot and watching it. Cane Hodder was such a huge freaking waste. OMFG What was up with the chicks on the roof?! All I could think about was kicking them off and hoping they would splatter against the sidewalk below.
IF YOU HAVE NO SEEN IT, DON'T! YOU WILL WANT TO STAB YOUR EYES OUT AND SCREAM WITH YOUR HAIR LIT ON FIRE BECAUSE IT WAS SO TERRIBLE. Seriously. It was awful. Just awful. It was worse than that movie Penny Dreadful which lived up to its name of being an indescribably horrible movie to watch. I was trying to slit my wrists with a drinking straw.
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So... you didn't like it?
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I hated it with a passion. Playing in heavy traffic at the hospital would have been a lot funner.
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From another forum topic that was deleted (since this one already existed):
danethefurry wrote:
Dark Wolf, a 2003 werewolf movie. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0326820/ was a let down and a waste of money at the rental store. Even if it was on the 2 movies for a buck rack. The storyline was tasteless, the random shots of boobs and asses was pointless and I was glad I didn't buy this movie. If your looking for a good werewolf movie, this isn't it, the special effects if you call a guy in a rubber costume with glare on him to show speed a special effect was funny, but that's it. I'm sorry, but I didn't even finish this movie because the acting in it was that horrible. I would have to give it one Dane out of five.
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b387/ … 20Dane.jpg
1=Horrible!
2=Good!
3=Great!
4=Wonderful!
5=A must buy!
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danethefurry wrote:
Blah, I already made a review of this movie and I can't find it, go figure. *shrugs*
Hi danethefurry, I just moved your movie review (it's within post #23 above, do you see it there?), I try to combine similar topics, just so people can find everything faster/easier. Sorry, if that was a problem.
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danethefurry wrote:
But it's not the same....Can't even see my picture because you used it as a reply....
Sorry danethefurry, please post again in here...
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