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#1 2008-05-12 10:51:47

Niktoma
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Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
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Fennel and Sorghum

So this is the next bit in a series of stories I've been working on.  If you haven't read the others, I'd invite you to do that, since if you don't, you might not like, or get, this one.

Ever-Present Past - http://forum.werewolfcafe.com/viewtopic.php?id=2272

The Visit - http://forum.werewolfcafe.com/viewtopic.php?id=2752

Vernon Hears a Howl - http://forum.werewolfcafe.com/viewtopic.php?id=2756

I will warn you, at this stage, there is one, we'll call it a warm scene.  It's not explicit, it's not graphic, while writing it, I kept in mind the fact that people of ALL ages are on this forum.  Once it's up, if anyone feels it is inappropriate, let me know, and I will take it down immeditately, the last thing I want to do is offend.

Mesdames, Mesdemoiselles et Messieurs, je vous présente..... Fennel and Sorghum. wink


    Lex stood by impatiently as Aaron made the final adjustments to his costume.  “Are you done yet?” he asked grumpily.

    “Almost.” Aaron replied without turning around.  “What do you care?  You hate Halloween, why are you so anxious to get to Mel’s party?”

    “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave.” Lex lied.  Truth be told, for a Kolak, Halloween was pretty boring.  What was the point of dressing up when you were in ‘costume’ almost all the time anyway?  Now, what Lex was really exited about was the people.  For years, Lex had been a loner, the only people who were particularly close to him were his friend, Mel, his cousin Jessica, and, of course, Aaron.

    But ever since the summer, ever since Macias, Lex had craved companionship.  Mel tried to tell him that it was because of his contact with the Ley Lines, the mystical paths of energy that connected every living thing on the planet, but Lex wasn’t sure.  Mel had a lot of crazy ideas lately.

    Lex assumed it had more to do with how close he’d come to losing everything.  The most important people in his life had all been in danger, and Lex himself had almost died as well.  When he thought about all the things he’d almost lost, all the things he almost never had a chance to say, his earlier self-centeredness made him feel ashamed.

    And now, he was trying to put that behind him.  Perhaps it was true what Mel said, he’d seen how connected the world was, and wanted to join in.  Whatever the reason, he was excited for the party, if not specifically the Halloween aspect.

    “I can’t believe you’re dressed like that.” Lex gently chided Aaron for the third or fourth time.

    “What?  It’s funny, and it’s a lot more creative than your costume, Chuck.”

    Lex looked down at his shirt, bright yellow with a thick, black zig-zag line across the bottom.  “It’s cute!” Lex protested.

    Aaron tried hard not to laugh, and barely succeeded.  Lex had definitely changed a lot recently, but to hear his oldest friend defend something by calling it ‘cute’ was strange enough to almost be disturbing.  He turned to face Lex, placed one arm around his lower back, pulled him close, and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

    “The only thing cute about that costume is the person wearing it.” he whispered, feeling Lex blush.

    “We’re going to be late.” Lex said softly.

    Aaron reached his other arm around Lex and pulled him even closer.  “Suddenly, I don’t feel the urge to go at all.” he said breathily.

    Lex laughed a little and playfully pushed Aaron away.  “You think about that too much.” he replied in a slightly mocking tone.

    Aaron eyed Lex up and down.  “Can you blame me?” he asked.

    “I can blame you if we’re late.  Let’s go, I’ll drive.”

    “The hell you will!” Aaron shot back.  Lex tilted his head and smiled a little.  Aaron sighed.  “Fine.” he muttered, handing over the keys.

    Mel smiled broadly as she swung the door open to reveal Lex and Aaron.  “Hey guys!” she said happily, stepping aside to let them come in.”

    “Holy crap!” Aaron blurted.  “Mel, you’re a tree!”

    “I’m Autumn.” she replied, laughing.  “See, the leaves are brown.”  Mel took a step back and eyed them both carefully.  She raised a finger and pointed at Lex.  “You, I get,” she began, and then turned to Aaron, “but you… What the hell are you?”

    “No one gets it.” Lex whispered softly.

    Aaron hushed him and smiled at Mel.  “Think about it.”

    Mel looked him over, her lips pressed together in thought.  Aaron was wearing a tee-shirt and jeans.  In fact, the only thing that was different from his normal attire was the pair of brown, furry sleeves that started just above his elbows and ended in clawed gloves.  She shook her head.  “I give up.” she confessed.

    “I’m the Second Amendment!” Aaron blurted proudly.

    “You’re…” Mel began, frowning in concentration.  The realization came, and she groaned softly.  “You’re the right to bear arms.” she grunted, shaking her head.  “That’s awful.”

    “I told you!” Lex spouted.

    Aaron shot him a look.  “I think it’s funny.”

    “You would.” Mel grunted, but she grinned at him happily.  “I’m glad you guys to could come, make yourselves at home.”

    Later that night, Mel found Aaron standing against a wall, slowly taking bites out of a cookie.  “You aren’t drinking.” she said softly, a little tipsy herself.

    “Not much point in that anymore.” Aaron muttered, sounding a little depressed.  He never thought of himself as someone who liked to drink to excess, but he had enjoyed having a few drinks now and then, to let off some steam.  He hadn’t had a drink since Lex had turned him, and, in the process, robbed him of his ability to get even a little drunk without consuming huge amounts of alcohol in a socially unacceptable amount of time.

    Mel nodded.  “I hadn’t thought of that.”  She laid a hand on his shoulder gently.  “How’s married life?” she asked.

    Aaron brightened a bit.  “We’re hardly married.” he began, “but it’s a lot of fun.”

    “Everything you expected?”
   
    “More.” Aaron replied.  There was a sudden flurry of laughter from the middle of the room, and Aaron looked up to see Lex in the middle of a small crowd, grinning and chatting away.  “Do you think something’s wrong with Lex?” he asked Mel softy.

    She looked at the crowd.  “Wrong with him?  No way, he’s standing there having  a great time, talking, telling jokes, everything.”

    “Exactly what I mean.” Aaron said with a smile, “Lex is being personable.  If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t believe it.”

    “Quite a lot has changed for him.” Mel said seriously.  “And it’s made him change a lot as well.”

    “For the better.” Aaron replied, walking towards the crowd, smiling.

    Mel turned to follow him, but was distracted by a loud knock on the door.  As she hurried to answer it, a loud voice boomed from outside.

    “THIS IS THE POLICE!” it bellowed.

    Everyone in the room stopped talking, nervously eyeing the entrance, but Mel only smiled and threw the door open.  “You came!” she gushed happily, stepping aside so that Paul Andrews could enter the room.

    “Of course I came.” Paul said, stepping through the doorway and planting a kiss on Mel’s cheek.  “I said I would.  Happy Halloween.”

    “You are not in costume.” Mel chastised gently, patting him on the chest.

    “Oh wait!” Paul grunted excitedly, reaching into a pocket for the eyepatch he’d bought at the Kolak’s pharmacy earlier in the day.  He turned his back, slipped it on, and faced the party once more.  “Arrrrr, matey!” he grunted, smiling broadly.

    Mel shook her head, pretending to be disappointed.  “You’re worse than Aaron.” she sighed.

    Paul searched the room briefly and spotted Aaron.  “Hey, she says I’m worse than you, what are you?” he said, moving towards where Aaron stood.

    “I’m the Second Amendment!” Aaron blurted proudly.

    Paul frowned a little.  “The Second Amendment?” he asked himself, before bursting into loud guffaws.  “That’s great!” he added when he could speak, “I love it!”  He reached out and shook Aaron’s furry hand warmly.

    Mel and Lex rolled their eyes at each other.  “You’re the one dating him.” they said simultaneously.


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#2 2008-05-12 13:09:08

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Hoooooly guacamole. Physical manifestation of a bad pun.   I love it. I absolutely love it.

Very wonderful beginning. It's a happy time with loving friends - no double meaning intended. Yes it was; who do I think I'm kidding?

The descriptions were simple and succinct, but still informative for being a sequel. The dialogue was terrific, flowing well and true to each character.

Welcome back, Niktoma. Great job.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#3 2008-05-14 11:08:26

Niktoma
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Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Thanks Grayle!

Here's another little bit.  I don't know when I'll add more, this is all I've got typed, everything else is in a notebook.  This is the part that's a little warm, and I'm worried a tad.  Again, let me know if it is inappropriate, I don't feel it is, but it's not up to me.

Enjoy!

    Several hours later, the party was finally breaking up.  Most people had stopped drinking a while before, but there were still a few who were in no condition to drive.  Aaron had promised a friend a ride home, and she was quietly sleeping on the couch as he and Lex helped Mel clean up the bulk of the mess.  Aaron eyed her with a mixture of distaste and jealously.

    “Did I ever get that bad?” he asked Lex, who was filling a bag with empty cans.

    “You were worse.” Lex replied with a straight face.  “Sometimes I wished you’d just fall asleep.”

    “Really?” Aaron asked, somewhat offended.

    Lex smiled broadly, “No, I’m just kidding.”  Mel snuck up behind him and gently took the bag from his hands.

    “You guys can go, we’ve got the rest.” she said softly, looking very tired.

    “Are you sure?” Aaron asked.  Mel nodded.  In the kitchen, they could hear Paul whistling softly to himself as he rinsed out the bottles and cans.

    “Wake up, Kiddo.” Lex said, standing over the sleeping girl.  “It’s time to drool on your own furniture.”

    Aaron and Lex walked up the flight of stairs that led to their apartment.  The girl had nearly fallen into the bushes outside her house while trying unlock her door, and only Aaron’s quick reflexes had saved her from a tumble.

    “I know I’ve done that before.” he muttered, almost embarrassed.

    “Do you know how many times I stopped you?” Lex asked as he unlocked the door.

    “Well, you won’t ever have to do that again.” Aaron replied with a grin.

    “I’m sorry about that.” Lex said feeling a little guilty.  Aaron didn’t have many pleasures in his life, and he’d taken one away.

    “Please,” Aaron said, waving a hand as if to shoo away Lex’s words, “I’d rather be alive and sober, any day.”  As Lex closed the door behind them, Aaron turned and pressed him against it.  “And you’re a pretty good consolation prize.” he said, just before their lips met.  After a long kiss, Aaron pulled away, and rubbed Lex’s chest.  “You still say I think about this too much?” he asked.

    Lex panted a little as Aaron’s hands began to explore his body.  “Yes.” he replied, breathing heavily.  “There’s a place and time for these things.”

    “Like ‘right here, right now’?” Aaron asked, his long thin fingers tugging at the edges of Lex’s clothes.

    Lex gasped as Aaron’s hands stopped exploring and found a place to settle down.  He pointed his head towards the bedroom door , the door that had led to Aaron’s room before they decided to start sharing.  “More like ‘in there, in a little bit’.” he grunted.

    Aaron slipped off his shirt and let it fall to the floor.  “Sounds good.” he replied with a happy grin.


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#4 2008-05-14 14:41:39

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Very nice - still very true the characters, too.
As to the warmth of the scene, I don't think it went too far. It reminds me of that line from Amazing Grace:

"As your Prime Minister I urge caution."
"And as my friend?"
"To hell with caution."

  If you were to start with this as the outright beginning, I can see a few people getting a little edgy, but if your audience has already read Ever-present Past, there's hardly any chance you'd offend or alienate them (or however they personally choose to overreact) because they'll already know what's going on. In short, I really don't think there's anything to worry about, Niktoma.

  Bring on some more, when you can!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#5 2008-05-15 11:18:23

Niktoma
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Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Here's a bit more.  I manged to type everything up that I'd written.  I know it's old fashioned, but I feel like longhand really helps me organize, when I'm at the computer, I tend to type and type, and I feel like more stuff gets in than needs to.  A cramped hand is a powerful motivator for deciding what is important.  Things are going to start picking up in a bit, I want to get pretty deep into the story so I don't leave anyone hanging once I start cooking with gas. wink

Thanks Grayle, so far you seem to be my number only fan! lol

    Aaron smiled sleepily as Lex cuddled close to him.  As usual, he had transformed right before falling asleep.  Just as Aaron had a hard time sleeping in wolf form, Lex was never truly comfortable going to bed as a human.  Sighing contentedly, Aaron moved is hand over Lex’s back, feeling the warm, soft fur between his fingers.  With his eyes closed, he could hear Lex’s slow, rhythmic breathing, and feel his heartbeat.

    His heartbeat.  Aaron frowned and focused his senses.  Oh, no, he thought, feeling his stomach drop, not again.  Lex’s heartbeat grew faster, and his limbs started to twitch.  Aaron held him tightly and made soft, soothing noises as a slight whimper escaped from Lex’s lips.  He began to struggle more fiercely, and Aaron held him even more tightly.  The whimper changed into a low, distressed growl that sent a chill through Aaron’s body.  Suddenly, Lex moved violently, and Aaron felt a single sharp claw drag against his side.  His loud cry of surprise and pain shattered the silence of the dark bedroom, and woke Lex from his nightmare.

    Lex looked right at him, his eyes open and filled with such a mixture of terror, anger, and disgust that Aaron looked away for a moment.  Turning back almost instantly, Aaron ran his fingers through the somewhat longer fur on Lex’s head.  “It’s only me.” Aaron whispered softly.

    Lex grimmaced, revealing the neat row of sharp, white teeth in his bottom jaw.  “I’m sorry,” he panted, “did I get you?”

    Aaron ran a hand over his side, feeling an angry welt, but his fingers came back dry.  “Just a scratch.” He replied.  “Did you have another dream?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

    Ever since the summer, Lex had regularly woken up from horrible nightmares that he could only describe in the vaguest of terms.  Aaron assumed it was because of Macias, but Lex swore that Macias had never appeared in any of his dreams.

    “Yes,” Lex replied.  “it was cold, so cold.  Someone was chained over a rock, arms and legs.  Someone was pulling the chains tighter and tighter, I could hear the screams, the cracking, and snapping.”  Lex stopped, gagging a little, unable to go on.  He nuzzled Aaron lightly, who returned the nuzzle as best he could with his human features.

    “It was just a dream.”

    “Just a dream.” Lex repeated, snuggling tightly against Aaron, and drifting back to sleep.

    Aaron snuggled back, but sleep did not come for quite some time.

Last edited by Niktoma (2008-05-15 11:23:14)


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#6 2008-05-15 11:58:02

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

*loud klaxon* Plot Point! Plot Point! *loud klaxon*

Sorry; couldn't resist.

The loyalty withstanding the challenges in this relationship is very endearing, and helps to solidify the state of the relationship between Lex and Aaron. Very nice!

And don't be concerned about others reading this story. They either haven't caught on that you have a new one, or they're a little too busy to post. I think I've only had 2 people post replies for parts 1 and 2 of my Dep:118 story; but I'm still determined to finish it and get it on the shelves if I can, and I'm expecting to see stories of the Kolak legacy there, too. So don't get discouraged, just get determined.

Keep tapping away at that antique, Niktoma. If it helps you post more to this story, then bring it on.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#7 2008-05-15 19:30:10

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Absoutely amazing, Nik!


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#8 2008-05-15 20:08:33

Niktoma
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Posts: 1077
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Thanks Punx!

I'm not too worried about people not posting, honestly, I'm surprised anyone does at all, and that they always have such nice things to say.  I do have to admit, though, that I am one of the people who haven't posted to you 118 story, Grayle.  I have been trying to keep up on the reading, even if I don't post, but I totally got busted checking the Forum while I was at work today.  No one gave me a hard time, but I think I'm getting careless and confident. wink

I'ma try and post more tonight, but, like I said, I got everything typed up, and I feel like I should write more before I start posting everything.


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#9 2008-05-15 22:57:20

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Niktoma wrote:

Thanks Punx!

I'm not too worried about people not posting, honestly, I'm surprised anyone does at all, and that they always have such nice things to say.  I do have to admit, though, that I am one of the people who haven't posted to you 118 story, Grayle.  I have been trying to keep up on the reading, even if I don't post, but I totally got busted checking the Forum while I was at work today.  No one gave me a hard time, but I think I'm getting careless and confident. wink

I'ma try and post more tonight, but, like I said, I got everything typed up, and I feel like I should write more before I start posting everything.

Haha, that's gotta suck. I think the first time they'll let you get off the hook, the second time, they'll be a little upset, but the third time...who knows lol
Anyways, I can't wait for more of your unique story!


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#10 2008-05-19 10:01:01

Niktoma
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Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Next part.  Slowly moving along.  Enjoy smile

    Taking a sip of coffee, Aaron glanced around the small restaurant.  It was early, the sun had just begun to rise, but already, the place was beginning to fill up.  He and Lex had often eaten breakfast together, but since their relationship had changed, they had decided to change some of their rituals as well.  The had come to this place several times now, and were just starting to get the feeling that they were regulars.

    He looked up at Lex, who was quietly biting into a piece of toast.  “You’ve got something…” he muttered, brushing at the side of his mouth.

    Lex looked at him, and brushed the opposite side of his face.

    “No, the other…” Aaron grunted, and nodded as Lex finally got the crumbs off.

    “What are your plans for today?” Lex asked after swallowing.

    “Work, Aaron replied glumly, “and then history lessons with Professor Kolak.”

    Lex chuckled a little.  “He’s right, you know, you’re one of us now, you should know the Book.”

   
    “Yeah, I guess.”

    “Oh, come on!” You used to beg me to tell you stories from the book!  Now you can read the whole thing for yourself, and it’s like you’re bored.”

    “Your dad makes it too much like school.” Aaron muttered, “And I feel like he doesn’t like me now.”

    “My dad has always liked you fine!” Lex replied, a little offended.

    “Yeah, but that was before I started shtupping his son.”

    “We’re shtupping?”

    “Hadn’t you noticed?”

    “Oh, that!  I thought we were f-”

    “LEX!” Aaron shouted loudly, drawing glances from people seated nearby.  “FamilyEstablishment!  Keep it PG.” He continued in a hoarse whisper.

    “You didn’t care too much for PG last night.” Les replied, waggling his eyebrows.

    Aaron could only sit there, feeling his face grow hot, as Lex giggled at his embarassment.


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#11 2008-05-19 14:47:46

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

So Aaron is learning from the book, with a little help from the family. That's a pretty nice idea, actually. And I love the humor, too!

Bring on some more when you can, Niktoma!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#12 2008-06-02 07:33:05

Niktoma
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Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Hello everyone!

Sorry for the hiatus, I've taken to putting my laptop on a chair and using the computer from bed.  While it is a VERY sensible arrangement for napping, it doesn't exactly inspire me to write.  Hopefully, I'll be able to come up with more when I move it back this afternoon.

Grayle, I've been going over the bit of your story that you sent me, but I really can't find much to edit.  As usual, you've hit the nail on the head with that one, smile

Nothing major here, just putting some meat on the bone.  Enjoy.  Or don't.  Feel free to tell me to shut up, actually. wink


    “Come on in, I’ll show you what I mean.  I used the toilet this morning, and everything was fine, but when I went in for a shower, it started acting strangely.”

    If anyone could be said to have mastered the art of rolling their eyes without actually moving them, that person would be Aaron.  As he followed the woman through the house, he couldn’t help but be amazed at how often intelligent people were forced to use completely inadequate adjectives to describe how their items behaved.  This was only his third stop, and already, he’d dealt with an odd dishwasher, and a wonky dryer.

    In the bathroom, Aaron placed his toolbox on the floor and eyed the softly gurlging toilet.  He lifted the lid off the tank, and peered inside.

    “Oh, Ma,” he muttered without looking up, “this is easy.  Come here, I’ll show you how to fix it.”

    “I don’t think so, Aaron.” Ms. Chapman replied.  “If I start learning how to repair toilets, when will I ever see you?”

    “I’m here every weekend, aren’t I?”

    “Yes, but a mother wants to see her child more than once a week.”

    “Well,” Aaron replied, leaning down toi kiss his mother on the forehead, “keep breaking your toilet, and I’ll be here every time.”

    “How much do I owe you?” She asked, reaching for her checkbook.

    “Not a thing, I didn’t even open the toolbox.” Aaron replied.

    “Are you sure?”

    “Webb Brothers might not be so sure, but I’m positive.”

    “I talked to your father the other day.”

    Aaron, who had decided that the base of the toilet needed closer study, made the most non-committal of grunts.

    “He says hello.”

    “Okay.”  Aaron replied, lifting his toolbox.  Ever since he’d been transformed, the toolbox seemed much lighter, although, to his disappointment, his new strength wasn’t indicated by any larger or more-toned muscles.

    “You should give him a call.” Ms. Chapman added.

    “I’ve given up on that.” Aaron replied, with a bit more attitude than he’d intended.  “If he wants to talk, he has my number.”

    “You know your father has his issues.”

    “I’d picked up on that.”  he muttered coldly.  “Why does he get to keep his issues, and I have to ignore mine?

    “You should be the bigger man.”

    “I’ve tried, Ma, I really have.”

    “Keep trying.

    “I’ll see you this weekend.” Aaron answered, kissing his mother’s forehead again.

    Ms. Chapman sighed.  “I love you.”

    “Love you too.” Aaron replied on his way out.

    In his truck, Aaron pounded his fist against the steering wheel, sighing heavily.  He glanced at his clipboard, and headed to the next house on his list.

    Lex’s eyes moved rapidly from the box of DVDs to the slip of paper in his hand.  After checking that everything matched, he reached out and grabbed a title that caught his eye.

    “I’m taking this one.” he announced, holding it up for the others to see.  One of the perks of working in a video store was that he got first pick of the new movies, so long as he had them back in time for the release date.  Thanks to their busy summer, he and Aaron and missed this one at the theaters.

    “You know the rules, Lex.” his boss replied, eyeing the movie.  “That one was great!  There’s this one part where-”

    Lex held up his hand.  “Don’t you dare!  I want to be surprised.”


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#13 2008-06-03 10:48:48

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Ah... family. I have a relationship with my mom similar to the one Aaron has with his dad. Many a person wrongfully spending their lives in various psych wards might very well be free if family were not involved.

  I enjoyed the character development and the nudges toward the character's history that you did here. Without explaining too much, you still provided sufficient detail to give a picture vivid enough so that we could relate to the character.

  Well done, Niktoma! Bring on some more when you can, ok?


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#14 2008-06-07 15:18:54

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

I've just begun reading your stories last week and i can't get enough, oh please, please post soon. I'm very glad to say that I'm addicted, and must have my fix ASAP. big_smile


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#15 2008-06-09 21:32:36

Niktoma
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Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
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Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Thanks Goldie! smile

Normally, I shy away from supplying fixes, but I guess I can stop your jonesing this time. wink  Everyone, enjoy!

    Once upon a time, Aaron would have let himself into the Kolak’s house, stood in the small hallway, and called for Lex.  Now that Lex didn’t live there, he didn’t feel comfortable doing that, but the ease with which he once entered the house made his current hesitation seem all the more strange.  Before he could talk himself out of it, he threw his hand forward and pressed the doorbell, dreading his encounter with Mr. Kolak.  He now felt that Mr. Kolak had a whole new set of requirements for Aaron to meet, and Aaron wasn’t so sure he was succeeding.  His fears were momentarily put at ease when Jess answered the door.

    “Hi!” she said cheerfully.  “What’s up?”

    “I’m here for my lesson with your uncle.” Aaron said unhapily.

    “Oh, right!  He said you’d be by.  He’s at work, the boys are giving Angela a hard time, so he’s covering Vern’s shift so Vern can go give her a hand.”

    “Oh!” Aaron said, cheering up.  “I guess I’ll get going then.  Sorry to bug you.”  He turned to walk away, but Jess grabbed his shoulder.  Her grip was surprisingly strong.

    “Not so fast, Mister.” She said softly.  “You didn’t think he’d let you off that easily, did you?  Everything is set up downstairs.”

    Aaron’s shoulders slumped.  Although it would be far less tense without Mr. Kolak there, Aaron had already begun planning a nap.  “I’m not really surprised.” he muttered, heading into the house.

    “Want a drink before you get started?” Jess asked, smiling.

    Two hours later, Aaron’s head was beginning to ache and his eyes felt as if they were full of sand.  The reading wasn’t so bad, once you got used to the strange writing and archaic spellings, and the stories were fascinating.  What annoyed Aaron was the fact that he was being forced to read what he would have gladly read of his own free will.  That, and Mr. Kolak’s tests.

    He was just finishing the final set of questions, when he realized that Jess was looking over his shoulder.  He looked at her, and saw she was wincing.  He glanced down at the paper.  “Did I get that one wrong?”

    “I can’t tell you!  That would be cheating!” she replied, offended.

    “Oh, right.” Aaron sighed, studying the question again.

    “I can tell you that, sometimes, it works out that a portion of a chronological list of parents and children also happens to be in reverse alphabetical order.”  Jess added, winking.  “Just a fun fact.”

    Aaron grinned and began rewriting his answer.  “Did he make you do this?” he asked, pointing to the test in front of him.

    “No way.  We did have to recite a bunch of stuff from memory, but we never had to write anything down.  I guess he’s really taking this seriously with you.”

    Aaron handed her the stack of paper.  “I guess so.”


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#16 2008-06-09 23:19:28

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

ah, good to see Aaron is beginning to settle in, You make it seem so believable, that i almost want to meet your characters. ^^


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#17 2008-06-09 23:23:21

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Well, Niktoma's met Aaron once... right, Niktoma?

Along with Goldie's thoughts, I also appreciated the consideration that Mr. Kolak made for Aaron. It just seems to fit his character. You really make him out to be a great Alpha - if he was going to take that role, that is.

Keep it coming, Niktoma!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#18 2008-06-10 07:15:56

Niktoma
Advocatus Diaboli
Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Hehehe, yeah, I guess you could say we've met. wink

Yes, Mr. Kolak is the Alpha.  I've thought of him as sort of a guiding figure, he's earned his children's (and his neice's) respect and love not by controling them, but by gently nudging them in the right direction, providing them with the information they need to make their own decisions, the freedom to make their own mistakes, and a safe, comfortable environment to return to if the outside world gets to be too much.  The Kolaks, being outsiders no matter how hard they try to involve themselves in their community, really need each other to survive.  He's actually a really cool character, and I might give him the flashback treatment as well someday.  I think that could be a great deal of fun, what do you guys think?

Anyways, here's some more.  There's a great deal to be said about having the right pen, it seems to make writing alot easier.

    Lex glanced at the sky as he carefully parked his bike against the fence that ran along his brother’s lawn.  He looked up at the sky and could feel the slight chill that would soon bring the change to winter.  Pretty soon, he’d have to give up the bike and start getting a ride from people.

    He ran up the front steps two at a time, and peered through the window.  He could see Vernon with the boys, and tried to get his attention without making any noise.  After a moment or two, Vernon looked up at him, smiled, and waved him in.  The two brothers hugged warmly, an unthinkable thing only a few months before.  Once they had separated, Lex bent down and carefully unrolled his pant legs.  When he was on the bike, he kept them rolled up so they didn’t get caught in the pedals or gears.

    He noticed his brother was giving him a curious look.  Vernon gestured for Lex to lift his pant leg once again.

    “What’s that?” he asked, pointing.

    Lex shifted his leg and glanced at the scar.  “That’s where he bit me.”

    It’s still there?  It hasn’t healed?” Vernon asked in concern.

    “It’s a scar, it isn’t going to heal.” Lex replied, a little annoyed.

    “Lex, we don’t get scars.” Vernon said softly.

    “Dad has scars.” Lex shot back almost immediately.

    “Dad was on fire, and even his scars never looked like that.”

    “It’s no big deal.” Lex muttered.  “Now, where are my nephews?”

    Vernon looked at his brother, but didn’t press the subject any further.  He led Lex into the next room, where the twins were just starting to wake up.  “Do you have time to help me feed them?” he asked.

    “Sure!” Lex replied happily.  “Where’s Ang?”

    “Out for a walk, she needed some time away.” Vernon replied from the kitchen.  A few minutes later, he returned with two bottles and handed one to Lex.  “I hate deciding which one to feed first, it feels too much like choosing favorites.”  He lifted one of the babies and helped Lex get situated, then began feeding the other.

    “Lex looked down at the baby in his arms and smiled broadly.  “Yup.” He said in a surprisingly gentle tone, “Your Uncle Lex is going to feed you now.  Look at you, you’re getting so big… Um…” Lex glanced at Vernon.  “Which one have I got?” he asked.

    Vernon sighed and rolled his eyes.  “That’s Robert.  You know, someday, you’re going to have to learn to tell your nephews apart.”

    “When they get bigger, they’ll look different.  I’ll be able to tell them apart then.”

    “They’re identical twins, Lex.”

    “Then I’ll be able to tell them apart from their personalities.  They’ll have different personalities, hopefully ones more like their mother’s.” Lex replied, sticking his tongue out briefly.  The good-natured ribbing continued through the feeding and the burping.  When it came time for the changing, however, Lex looked around nervously.

    “I really ought to be going.  Aaron’s going to winder where I am.” He stammered.

    “Would you look at that, Michael!” Vernon said to the baby in his arms.  “Your Uncle Lex is afraid of a little poop!”  His voice changed, and he spoke in an exaggerated, but accurate imitation of his brother.  “My name is Uncle Lex, and I’m going to find a magical cave, defeat an ancient, evil wizard, and save the world.  But baby poop?  No way, man!”  He turned to Lex and winked, then faced the baby again.  “Can you say ‘lame’?”

    Baby Michael made a soft noise that sounded enough like ‘lame’ to cause both brothers to look at each other in surprise.

    “I’ll see you around.” Lex chuckled, kissing his fingertips and gently them against each baby’s forehead.

    “One of these days, you are changing a diaper.” Vernon called out.

    A few minutes later, the babies were freshly changed and once again drifting back to sleep.  Vernon began to think once more about his brother’s leg.  He debated back and forth, and finally picked up the phone.

    “Kolak Pharmacy.” His father answered in a professional tone.

    “Dad, it’s me.  I have a question.” He began.

Last edited by Niktoma (2008-06-10 07:18:56)


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#19 2008-06-10 11:00:03

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

I can't tell you enough how much I like the family atmosphere you've given to the Kolaks. I love it!

  I really enjoy how you continue the banter throughout the family. You have a wonderful way of making the characters so familiar and real that it's easy to relate to them. I also like the references to Ever-Present Past that you make - they're  not forced, but just part of the goings-on.

  I might suggest having Lex say the name of who it was that bit him instead of just 'he', but as it is, it gives a foreboding trait to the biter in the mind of the reader. As a result, it turns out to be six of one, half-dozen of the other, I guess.

  Even so, the bite is definitely going to be a topic for discussion later on - great choice on foreshadowing, by the way.

  Keep it coming, Niktoma!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#20 2008-06-11 10:01:49

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

i'll be brief, Your talent has yet to not amaze me. ^^


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#21 2008-06-11 18:39:39

Niktoma
Advocatus Diaboli
Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Hahaha, Goldie, I have to admit that when I first read your most recent post, my brain skipped over the word not, and for the briefest of moments, I was saddened.

Then I regained the ability to read, and it passed.

More to come later tonight, if I get around to it.


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#22 2008-06-11 19:37:30

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

*hands Niktoma a round piece of wood with the word 'tuit' inscribed on it*

Ha. Now you don't have any unmet conditions in your way...

*eagerly waits in anticipation*


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#23 2008-06-12 06:53:58

Niktoma
Advocatus Diaboli
Registered: 2007-07-20
Posts: 1077
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

Okay, here's a bit more.  I don't know when I'll be able to post more, because of the move (see my forum for that), but I'll be writing so long as I keep my hands on the neat pen I rediscovered the other day.  It's telescoping, I could almost carry it in my wallet, and if you give it a flick, it turns into a normal sized pen.

That's not very interesting, I'm sure, for most people, but I think it's really neat.  Anyways, here's some more, sorry it's a few hours later than I thought it would be. wink

    Aaron tried hard not to look at the clock every few minutes, but it was hard.  Finally the door swung open, and Lex walked in.  Attempting to sound relaxed, Aaron shot a casual look at him.  “You’re late.” he said simply.

    “I stopped by my brother’s to see the babies.” Lex replied.

    “It’s dark out, did you have your light on?”

    Lex pressed his thumb into his chest.  “Werewolf, remember?  I don’t need to have a light to see where I’m going.”

    “Yeah, but other people need to see you.” Aaron replied softly.

    “Lex rubbed his forehead.  He hadn’t thought of that, but couldn’t understand why.  It was the reason he’d bought the light in the first place.  Anxious to change the subject, he began rummaging through his backpack.  “Look what I got you!” he said happily.

    “A sandwich?” Aaron asked excitedly.

    “How are you always hungry?”

    “I’m a growing boy!”

    “Yeah, growing left-to-right, maybe.” Lex muttered with a grin.  He ignored Aaron’s mildly offended shout and tossed the package to him.  “Better than a sandwich.”

    “Alright!” Aaron grunted, opening the box and looking at the disk inside.  “Can we watch it now?” he asked in a childlike tone.

    Get it ready, I just want to clean up first.”

    Twenty minutes later, Aaron pressed the play button on the remote.  Lex lay stretched out across the couch, his head gently resting on Aaron’s thigh.  Aaron began playing with Lex’s slightly damp hair, and despite his desire to see the movie, Lex found himself drifting off to sleep before the opening credits had even finished.

    He was standing in a cave.  Lex heard a shout, and turned to see a wolf sprinting straight at him, its teeth bared.  The wolf looked familiar, but Lex didn’t have time to wonder why.  He raised his arms, and a bolt of energy flew from his fingers and struck the wolf in the chest.  The wolf flew into the wall, yelping in pain.  Lex felt a wave of satisfaction as he stepped towards the wolf, sending bolt after bolt of bright lightning into its body.

    Suddenly, another shout grabbed his attention, and he turned back to see what was happening.  A young woman ran towards him, impossibly fast, screaming.  Lex felt another pulse of energy flow down his arms as he raised his hands once more.

    And then he was awake, panting.  Aaron looked down at him in concern as Lex stumbled off the couch and backed away slowly.

    “Lex?  Are you okay?” he asked.

    “I need to go for a walk.” Lex stuttered, walking backwards into the kitchen, staring at Aaron.

    “Lex?” Aaron asked again, stepping forward, the movie forgotten.

    “I just need to clear my head.” Lex replied, reaching for his coat and keeping his eyes on Aaron, his face contorted with confusion.  He rushed out the door, ignoring Aaron’s calls.

    Lex walked, feeling a chill wind blow through his hair.  He’d always thought of walking as a great tranquilizer, but he couldn’t relax.  He couldn’t forget the dream.  Each step that he took seemed to bring the details more into focus.  He tried not to make the connections, but his brain kept working.  The wolf that had been about to attack him and looked familiar.  Lex could remember the feeling of the energy leaving his fingers.

    But he remembered so much more.  He remembered feeling the intense heat on his chest, the brief whiff of burning fur, and the hard impact against the cave wall.  The wolf in Lex’s dream had been him!  Lex groaned loudly, feeling an overwhelming misery fill him as realized through whose eyes he had seen the dream.

    He nearly vomited in the gutter.

    Aaron paced around the apartment, trying not to tear at his clothes in worry.  He’d tried to finish watching the movie, but he couldn’t concentrate.  Lex’s sudden departure wasn’t exactly out of character, he had often had a hard time dealing with people, but Aaron had never been one of those people.  He didn’t like it at all.

    Aaron opened the refrigerator door, saw nothing he liked, and slammed it shut with a snarl.  Running his fingers through his hair, he moaned and tried to escape the feelings of hopelessness that washed over him.

    Then the phone rang.  With a mix of anticipation and dread, he answered it.

    “Aaron, it’s Arthur Kolak.”

    “Hi.” Aaron stammered weakly.  “Lex isn’t here right now, he’s gone for a walk.

    “Good,” Mr. Kolak replied, “I wanted to talk to you.  Vernon seems to think there’s something about Lex, something that’s different, and he doesn’t like it.  Has Lex been acting strangely lately?”

    “Uh, yeah.” Aaron shot back immediately.  With a deep sigh, and a slightly guilty feeling, he began telling Mr. Kolak about the dreams.


'OK, how about werewolves?' said the voice eventually.
'What do they look like?' asked the kid.
'Ah, well, they look perfectly normal right up to the point where they grow all, like, hair and teeth and giant paws and leap through the window at you,' said the voice.

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#24 2008-06-12 10:51:17

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

oh, i can't wait for your next work of art. ^^


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#25 2008-06-12 13:36:45

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Fennel and Sorghum

hmmmmm... infection, or possession?

  I am really enjoying the level of concern and consideration that the family members are showing. That being said, It seems slightly odd to me that Lex would still be so private and mistrusting after everything he's been through, but I may be not giving enough attention to his character, either.

  Even so, the character development and interaction is stupendous nonetheless. Very Nice!

  And don't feel pressured to post - we can wait as long as you need us to.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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