The Werewolf Café The Werewolf Café

You are not logged in.

#26 2008-09-17 15:40:44

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Black Rose

I liked the dialogue you used in the last segment, FenrirFinale. It added some character development, as well as a bit of realism. It also gave you a chance to explain the circumstances between werewolves and vampires in a way that the reader is willing to follow. It's a good way to tell the story: through the character's conversation.

  Technically speaking, I noticed a few places where you started a new line when the character was continuing his or her statement. Typically, that's not really necessary. In most cases you can keep the quotes from one character in the same paragraph, and start the next paragraph when another character begins speaking or the narrative takes over. Good examples of this are in the stories of Punxnotdead, Niktoma, and Cratys, just to name a few.

  Howl's responses indicate that he may be some sort of voluntary outcast, possibly due to the fate of his mother, but he's also apparently very old and experienced in the ways of the world, enough to tutor a fledgling vampire. It adds quite a bit of complication and mystery to the character, and makes us that much more interested in getting to know him better.

  Nicely done, FenrirFinale! Keep it coming!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#27 2008-09-17 16:17:16

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

* Note this next sequence is a dream! So don't get confused.


Howl ran as fast as he could. He was shivering from the cold. He could hear the Hunters getting closer. His mother pushed him forward not letting him slow.

They ran  until they reached a small clearing. Howl looked up at his mother and she said.

" You have to hide Alexander they haven't seen you yet so they don't know your with me "

" Mother I don't want to leave you! " He cried.

With tears in her eyes she responded. " You have to live Alexander. I won't let them kill you too. "

" Momma I-I-I love you. " He said choking back tears.

" I love you too and I always will " As she said this her voice cracked

" Go now Alexander you have to run! " She said as she nudged him forward

With tears in his eyes he turned blindly and ran his body screaming with fear and his heart breaking underneath the pain of leaving his mother behind.


She turned as the Hunters entered the clearing. They formed a circle around her so she couldn't escape. And he stepped forward.

Kain smiled as he walked in to the circle. His grey hair glinting in the moonlight.

" You've given me quite a chase Clara. " He said with a smirk

" But you've lost now and it's time to die "

" Do you think I'm just going to let you kill me Kain?! " She snarled back at him

" Like you have a choice in the matter. " Kain spat at her.

" It's time to die Clara, and don't worry your little cub won't have to worry about me for a few years after all it's no fun if there isn't a fight. " Kain finished this sentence with a grim smile.

" You Bastard! " Clara snarled as she lunged.

But Kain already had his pistol raised and with one squeeze of the trigger a silver bullet knocked the wolf to the ground.

Hidden at the other end of the clearing Howl watched his mother as she lay dying in the grass, and he cried silent tears.

" Alright pack it up were done here " Kain called as he turned to walk away.

" But sir what about the cub that was with her? " One of the grunts asked.

" Like I said where's the fun without the fight? " Kain said with a smile.

* End of dream



Howl awoke with a jump. He had drifted of to sleep in the middle of class.

" Ugh not that dream again * he mumbled

Howl looked around the classroom trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing. 

" Oh thats right we were taking a test " He said quitely to himself.

Grinning he looked at the clock. It read 2:35

" Good ten minutes and I get to go home! " He said happily

Now days Howl looked forward to going home. And it was all thanks to Cassidy. It had been a week since she had started living with him.

Smiling he thought back to that first morning after he had cooked Cassidy breakfast. He had told her that he had to go to school and that he would be back around 3:00. She had nodded and continued eating her breakfast. Howl had thought that she would be alright by herself but he had been wrong.

When he came in through the front door the first he was knocked off  his feet by a crying Cassidy. He just held her and asked what was wrong. All she managed to choke out was that she had been afraid he wasn't coming back.

With a smile he made a promise to her. He told her that he would always come back to her no matter what, and that she never had to worry about him leaving.  And with that her fears of him leaving had been out to rest.



The bell rang and Howl rose. He was eager to get home and see Cassidy. As he went pass the teachers desk she called out to him and asked him to stay for a few minutes.  With a sigh Howl returned to his seat.

After all the other students had filed out the teacher smiled and looked at Howl.

She said " Howl I've noticed something different about you recently. "

" Oh what's that? " He replied

" I've just noticed that you seem to be happier lately and I was curious why. " She repiled with a slight blush

Smiling Howl said " I guess I've just got a lot to look forward to at the end of the day, in fact your kinda keeping me from it right now. "

" Oh ok well as long as you keep smiling and coming to class on time then by all means don't let me keep you. " She smiled at Howl and rose from her seat and began to put her stuff away.

" Thanks Teach I'll see you Monday! " Howl called back to her as he rushed out the door.

With a little chuckle she smiled wondering what had got into him.

Howl ran home actually beating his record time and rushed up the steps. Cassidy was already standing there waiting for him with a smile on her face.

" Welcome home  Alex! " She said with a grin

Howl loved the way she had shortened his name to Alex, in fact he loved everything about her.

" Hi Cassidy it's good to be home! " He said with a smile

Grinning she asked " Are you hungry? I just finished dinner. We could go ahead and eat if you wanted. "

As they walked inside  Howl smiled and said " I'm not really hungry yet, and besides I want to take you somewhere this evening "

" Oh where to? " She asked with a curious look on her face.

" It's a surprise! " He said as he sat down on the sofa.

" Oh come on thats not fair! " She said with a pouting look on her face.

" I'm sorry but you'll just have to wait until dusk. " He replied with a smile.

" Fine! " She said with a look like a pouting child.

Later that evening . . .

" Almost there Cassidy " Howl said with a smile.

" I don't understand where you could be taking me thats out in the middle of the woods. " She replied with a sigh.

Howl smiled knowing how much Cassidy hated being left in the dark. As they neared their destination Howl paused and turned to face her.

" Alright close your eyes Cass. " Howl said with a wolfish grin.

" What? Why? " She asked with the same curious expression she had worn back at the house.

" We're almost there and the last part's the surprise. Look just hold onto my hand I won't let you trip or fall. " He said with his most convincing smile

" Oh alright, but you'd better not let me fall. " She said with a smile

" Deal " He said

Howl led her through the last bushes and grinned. They were at the lake.

Howl pulled her up the hill guiding her easily.

As they reached the top Howl smiled and said " Open your eyes "

When she did she gasped. She was in awe of the beautiful sight in front of her. The last rays of sunlight were being reflected off of the lake's surface and the gentle breeze was making all the trees move in a single motion.

" Its so beautiful Alex " She said in a low shocked voice

" This is where I come when I need to get away from the world " Howl replied with a smile. 

" I wanted to show it to you "

" I love it Alex " She said

Howl looked and saw that she was crying.

" Why are you crying Cass? " He asked with concern in his voice.

" It's just so beautiful I can't stop the tears " She said in a low voice

" Cassidy your such a silly girl. " Howl said with a laugh

" I am not I'm just emotional is all! " She shot back with a cross look on her face.

Laughing Howl sat down and leaned agaisnt the tree behind him. After a moments pause Cassidy sat down beside him.

" Alex this may not be the best time but I've wanted to tell you something for a few days now " Cassidy said while looking out over the lake.

" Whats that Cass? " Howl asked.

" Alex I'm most likely going to make trouble for saying this but I think I've fallen in love with you Alex. " She said in one quick breath.

Howl just sat there with a stunned look on his face not saying anything.

In a panic Cassidy said " I don't want this to change anything between us. I mean if you have to just forget what I said. I mean--- "

" Cass. " Howl said silencing her.

" Yes? " She in a soft voice.

" Shutup. "

And on those words Howl kissed her.




To be continued . . .

Last edited by FenrirFinale (2008-09-17 16:22:23)


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#28 2008-09-19 16:37:59

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

Thanks *****! I never actually thought to use a italic font. I'll be sure to remember that from now on!



* walks up in a tux *

Your update is ready Miss.



I'm such a showboat! wink


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#29 2008-09-19 17:24:26

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

Howl opened his eyes and looked up into the night sky. He could feel the beautiful creature that lay on his chest with every breath. Smiling he reached down and softly stroked Cassidy's hair.

They had lain there for more than three hours. After that first kiss neither of the pair had wanted to leave the others embrace. So they had lain there in each others loving arms as the sun set.

" Cass? " Howl called softly.

" What is it Alex? " She asked as she sat up on his lap.

" Lets go home ok. " He replied as he sat up.

" Why? " She asked.

Grinning he said " Because it's dark and I'm hungry. "

" Ok then lets go feed the werewolf. " She said with a laugh.

Growling playfully Howl stood with her in his arms and said. " Would you rather I ate you? I mean I already know you taste wonderful. "

"  Stop it! " She said with a blush

" Ok then fine lets go. " He said as he set her down on her feet.

" Alright! " She said happily as she took his hand in hers.


They both walked down the hill happily not paying attention to anything but each others eyes.   As they neared the house Howl paused and pulled her to him. 

" Cass I love you " He said as he kissed her neck.

" I-I-love you too. Come on lets go inside. " She gasped

Grinning they both turned and walked up the steps to the front door. If they had been paying attention they would have noticed the smell. But they weren't and they both walked in oblivious to the danger behind them.

As they walked towards the kitchen he spoke.

" Hello Alexander, I hope you don't mind. I let myself in. " He spoke in a calm victorious voice.

With a snarl Howl turned pushing Cassidy to the side.

And sitting in the chair was Kain.

" Kain! " He snarled preparing to shift.

" Ah ah ah Wolfy don't want me to kill your pretty little vampire now do you? " Kain said with a smirk.

" Damn you Kain! " Howl snarled

" Well maybe I should say I won't kill her yet. I think I'll take my time with her. After all it's not often I'm hand delivered a vampire. " He said with a giem smile.

" No! " Howl shouted as he lunged.

But just as before Kain already had his revolver raised. He fired and the silver bullet lodged in Howl's chest. The force of the blast sent him flying back into the kitchen door and it shattered and he flew into the kitchen.

" Alex! " Cassidy screamed.

As she turned to run to him Kain rose and struck her in the back of the head sending her into darkness.

Kain turned with a smile as the grunts came in.

" Load up the girl were taking her back to base. " He said as he walked out the door.

" Yes sir! " The grunts said in union.

" Time to have some fun! " Kain thought as he walked out in to the night.


To be continued . . .


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#30 2008-09-19 17:36:07

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

Well guess what ***** it's right now!!


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#31 2008-09-19 22:14:45

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

Cassidy awoke in a large room. Her head throbbed with the pain of the blow she had been dealt.  Blinking she tried to sit up but couldn't. As she turned her head she saw that her arms were tied. With a jolt she realized what had happened. She had seen Alex shot. She had seen him fall.

" Oh no. " She whispered as she began to cry.

" Now don't cry, I haven't done anything yet. " Kain said with a cold laugh.

Growling in anger Cassidy jerked upwards trying to get to Kain.

He stood to her left. Holding a long curved dagger in his hand.  He smirked at her and asked. " Do you remember me? I'm the one who shot your boyfriend. "

With a scream she launched herself upwards trying to snap the ropes that held her.

Laughing Kain grabbed her by the throat and slammed her back onto the table.

" I guess I'll just have to kill you now since your being so feisty. " As he said this he turned the dagger in his hand positioning it above her heart.

And then the screams came. They were echoing from the radio that sat on the table.  Kain rose and moved quickly over to it.

Shouting he spoke into it. " Whats going on!? Respond! Respond! "

No answer came back to him only silence.

" Damn " He shouted as he slammed the radio down. 

He turned and started to move across the room to the table were his revolver lay.

And then the wall came down. 

Kain shouted as the the wall in front of him was broken down.

And then he screamed as the huge werewolf stepped through. It stood in front of him the golden eyes gleaming with anger. 

The wolf swung striking Kain in the left arm. He flew into the far wall and his arm snapped with a loud crack. With a scream he looked up at the wolf and it spoke to him.

In a voice that was more a snarl than anything the wolf said " That was for my mother. "

Kain screamed again as he realized who the werewolf was.

The wolf swung again striking him in the opposite side. Kain went spinning across the room his arm and leg snapping with a even louder crack.

In the same voice the wolf said " That was for every creature you've ever killed. "

Kain looked up and saw the wolfs malicious glare.

Than he was lifted in to the air and slammed into the wall. The wolfs clawed paw pinning him there. And the wolf spoke the final words Kain would ever hear.

" This is for ever thinking that you could hurt her. " As the wolf finished this sentence he leaned forward, His jaws open wide and snapped Kain's neck.


He turned dropping Kains lifeless  body to the floor as he did.  He turned staggering over to the table were Cassidy was tied. with one swing of his claws he cut the ropes that bound her to the table.

As she rose and stared at him the wolf faded away, and instead Howl stood there.
The wounds that he had recieved healed and the bullets fell out of his skin as if they had never been there. The last to fall was the one made of silver that had been aimed at his heart.

With a weak smile he looked into Cassidy's eyes and whispered. " I promised I'd never leave you. "

And with those words the light left his eyes and he fell into her arms.

" Alex! " She screamed as she caught him.

" Alex  you can't leave me yet!  " As she said this she turned and saw the dagger that Kain had carried.

She picked it up and cut Howl's chest right above his heart. She then cut her own wrist and placed it to his heart.  As she cradled him to her chest she turned his head and sunk her fangs into his neck.

" Please don't die. " She thought as the tears ran down her face.



Three years later . . .


Cassidy stood in the rain. She and the other members of her group studied the Hunter compound silently. With a wicked smile she thought of the slaughter that awaited them there.

She looked to her left and saw two of her group. They were both werewolfs. She had found them in the desert living off of what they could hunt at night. They were more than glad to join her team of Human Hunters. In fact they had been the first two werewolfs to join her team.


If she looked to the right she would see the other three members of her team. Two of them were vampires and the last was another werewolf. She had been the last to join the team in fact they had picked her up from the last compound they had attacked.

The  two vampires had been with her for awhile and had  tracked her down so they could join. they were twins and seemed to always know each others thoughts. This was a major plus when they went on hunts since they always knew where the other one was.


With a grin she gave the signal and her team moved out. They all moved off and entered the compound from different angles.  Cassidy smiled as she moved off down the slope. 

" This is going to be a fun night " She said as she ran into the compound.


As she made her way through the corridors she caught glimpses of her fellow team members in battle. The twins were by far the best fighters  but the desert wolfs could hold their own as well.

As she neared the main room where the leaders gathered the sounds of fighting faded into nothing.  With a slight push she opened the door and stepped in expecting a fight. However the room was dead silent and the floor was littered with bodies.

As she walked further in she saw a figure sitting on the table. He was dressed in black and had glowing crimson eyes. His fangs were longer than even a werewolfs and his nails looked sharper than knives.

Cassidy walked towards him smiling and he looked up at her with a smile.

" What took you so long honey? " Howl asked with a grin.




The End?






So I meant to post this earlier but my computer kinda crashed. Anyway this is the end of Black Rose so give me some feed back on it soon. Later!


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#32 2008-09-20 13:01:20

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Black Rose

Very nice short story, Fen. I found it interesting that you decided to wrap it up so quickly, but I'm thinking you may have good reasons for doing so.

  I liked the feel of congruity you gave to the ending, as well as the twists of Howl's fate. It gave a unique quality to the story. I also appreciated the idea of their charging out on a crusade to hunt the hunters. Granted, there are aspects of the story (the end sequence especially) that leave questions in the mind of the reader, but I get the impression that this is more of a Prequel or a beginning chapter to something much larger. However, that's up to you.

  I think you did a great job on this one, Fen.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#33 2008-09-20 18:46:06

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

*****- Yes *** there's going to be sequel. But your going to have to wait for a little while! Romeo and Juliet huh? I never thought of it that way.

Grayle- Grayle your right it is supposed to be more of a Prequel. It actually has a sister story that will be titled White Rose. They both will blend into the final story which is going to expalin all the missing details.   



Well this is the end for Black Rose. Listen I've gotta thank you two. I wasn't sure if I would be able to write a good story or if I would even finish it at all. But you two helped me and gave me advice.  So thank you both and I promise White Rose will begin soon!


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#34 2009-02-21 19:34:31

Mykell16
Member
From: California
Registered: 2009-02-15
Posts: 16
Website

Re: Black Rose

i liked it! post more!!


“A girl is a person who screams at the mouse and smiles at the wolf† cool

Offline

 

#35 2009-02-23 08:00:25

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: Black Rose

Lol Mykell it may please you to know that I'm writing a revised novel length version of both stories and I have almost finished the final story in the series.


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#36 2009-03-01 12:54:45

Mykell16
Member
From: California
Registered: 2009-02-15
Posts: 16
Website

Re: Black Rose

i wanna read more!


“A girl is a person who screams at the mouse and smiles at the wolf† cool

Offline

 

Board footer

Powered by PunBB 1.2.14
© Copyright 2002–2005 Rickard Andersson

In Association with Amazon.com   In Association with Zazzle.com
page counter View Statistics