Journal Entry 1
The rain is falling heavily tonight and the clouds are blocking the moon. Lunet said that we'll be moving out again soon. It's been a long time since we left home and I'm starting to miss it. I can't believe Howl's made us cross half the country already! We've been traveling three months and and I've finally fallen into the rhythm of things but wow! Time seems to have flown out the window! ( Hmm that seems a little strange considering we usually stay in tents . . . Oh well! ) Lunet's been getting along well with the others and even though I'm human they seem to accept me as well! I was so afraid those first few days before I got to know everyone. I wouldn't even leave Lunet's side for very long! Looking back on those days makes me smile now. Morgan's even made a few jokes about about how I used to be Lunet's shadow. It was her idea for me to start this journal. She actually told me she had one and she even let me read a little bit of what she wrote when she and her sister joined the Roses. It's nice to know I wasn't the only one to be a little afraid when they first joined! Well I better stop here since it's almost dinner time. I'll write more later if I can.
As she closed the journal the tent flap opened and Cassidy stuck her head in through the entrance.
" Hey wanna help me cook tonight Sarah? " She asked with a smile.
" Sure Cass I'll be out in a minute. " Sarah said as she lay the journal on her pillow.
She slipped outside the tent and hurried dashed over to the shelter of the trees. She smiled as Cassidy struggled to light the portable stove.
" Yep this is the life. " She thought as she looked out into the woods.
To be continued . . .
Ok how's this for an opening?
Last edited by FenrirFinale (2009-02-28 12:12:02)
nice and just to let you know,my name is sarah.
Good to meet you.
I'm actually having to go back over my notes and review my old character profiles so I can build on their individual stories. I've never tried a story with this many characters before! Lol!
well its really good im a fast reader.i read eragon wich is i think a couple hundred pages in a week.
The most I've ever read is 1367 pages in a day.
wow..you are equal if not above my skill in reading m'lord.
Thank you m'lady.
* bows *
i have never met someone that likes reading that much...have you read eragon or harry potter or lord of the rings?
Well, well, well.
Is the kind of writing i saw coming from you.
This is good, really good.
I cannot wait for the rest of the story to come out and hope to finish reading it soon.
This is great.
I would like to apologize again for the harsh criticism of your last narrative.
But as i have said, you had alot more skill than you displayed in the last one.
I applaud you on this one.
As to number of pages read in a single day, I read the entire Inheritance trilogy in one day.
Eragon: 544 pages
Brisingr: 748 pages
You do the math.
Now, I also learned my alphabet at 13 months and have been reading Stephen King books since I was about 8.
I have a bit of experience inder my belt.
Last edited by Ferafin (2009-03-03 10:50:35)
I like it. You seem to have piqued my interest. More please!
wow...*stands in awe and amazement at Ferafin*............wow..............
LOL that's it ferafin?
you seem like the brainy kind and i'da thought you could do better.
harry potter was bland and boring.
eragon was alright, not epic, but alright.
now a series with some merit: The gunslinger series!
you read those, ferafin? i assume so considering you mentioned the genius.
those, about 7 of them and i read them all in 19 hours.
i'm a marathon reader.lol
ech, i am cluttering the thread!
on the story, this is good. it's too short to get hooke, but a ghood start.
keep it up, Fen.
It's a very good beginning, Fen. As already stated above, the transition from first person to third person is fluid, and easily explainable with the journal entry.
I have to say that there may be at least 2 unnecessary exclamation marks in there, considering Sarah's personality, but that's easily adjusted.
Since we're already familiar with the characters, I thought the final comment by Sarah as she takes in the surroundings was wonderful - it fit her personality as well as allowed for a little humor to accompany her current experience. Nicely done!
The sound of howls echoed through the valley as the smell of cooking meat was carried on the wind. Cassidy chuckled and wondered how many campers were packing up and leaving as the chorus of howls increased. There was no doubt that the desert wolves Jared and Jamie had been the first to raise the call. They never missed a meal.
" Probably because they missed so many in the desert. " Cassidy thought to herself. " Sarah can you get the plates ready? The rice is finally done. " She said aloud.
" Huh? Oh yeah sure I'll get them. " Sarah mumbled obviously distracted.
" She never seems to be able to focus when she hears them. Lunet rarely howls so we never now if he's with them. " Cassidy mused silently. " If he didn't split and go on his own little routes she wouldn't worry so much. "
The sound of running feet sounded and a small red haired wolf ran into the clearing nipping playfully at the smaller of the two brothers.
They both skidded to a halt beside Sarah as she carried the plates to Cassidy.
" Hey Jamie. " She said to the amber colored male. " Hey Gina. " She said to the reddish female.
They both nodded and Gina smiled as she made her way to one of the tents set up in a semi-circle around one have of the camp. Jami stared after her for several seconds before slipping into the tent he and Jared shared.
Sarah helped Cassidy dole out the food for four silently. She tried to keep calm as she waited for one of the two wolves to finish changing so she could find out if Lunet was with them or not.
Gina came out of her tent brushing her bushy red hair.
" Hey girls miss me? " She asked as she pulled the knots out of her hair.
" Of course! " Both woman said at once and immediately all three began to laugh.
" So where are the others? " Sarah asked barely containing her impatience.
" Well Jared is at the river a bit north of here getting cleaned up. And Howl and the twins are on their way back. " She said as she began to twirl the hairbrush looking at the ground.
" What about Lunet? " Cassidy asked as she came and stood beside the staring Sarah.
" He's coming but he left last night. Howl gave him permission to go on a raid into the town to the south. " She said as she looked up.
" A raid for what? " Cassidy asked at the same time Sarah turned away.
" A personal matter. " A voice called from the woods to the left.
Everyone turned to look at the same time to see a very dirty Lunet dropping a huge pack onto the ground and the remaining members of their family walking up behind him.
Howl immediately rushed to his wife and spun her around as his lips found hers. The vampire Morgan looked on smiling at the couple as her sister and the elder brother Jared moved to put up their packs.
Sarah half walked have ran to Lunet who was waiting for her with open arms. As he hugged her she beat her fist against his chest.
" You jerk why do you always make me worry!? " She said as her emotions battled for dominance.
" Oh Sarah I'm sorry. " The silently happy werewolf said as his eyes glistened. " But I really had a good reason for going on the raid. "
" What's that? " She muttered as she pressed her face to him.
" I'll tell you tonight I promise. " He said as he lifted her chin and kissed her tenderly.
" Ok. " She murmured not really caring about much else at the moment. It almost seemed as if she had forgotten the feel of his lips in the week he had been gone.
" Hey you two hurry up and come to dinner! " Howl called jokingly from where he and the others sat around the campfire.
Sarah turned to face the others and saw that they were all sitting around the fire eating. Jamie and Jared punched each other playfully as they joked around. Cassidy listened intently as Morgan talked to her about the new clothes that had been gathered on the trip trying to decide how to divide them. Gina giggled as she and Rachael whispered about something away from the two brothers. And Howl sat in the middle of it all.
" Come on Sarah. Let's go have a family meal. " Lunet chuckled as he took the hand of the human he loved.
" Yeah, lets " She said as she walked beside her mate towards her family.
To be continued....
Last edited by FenrirFinale (2009-05-31 22:10:34)
* sticks my tongue out *
* points at the tail behind your back. *
Sadly this is the norm for us.
hah-hah it doesn't work if I can see you doing it C.
.....lord of the rings?"nasty little hobbits!i find a secret path that no one else can find,and you say sneaking!sneaking!!"