good story so far it has a nice even plot and it flows together very well you could make a book out of this if you finish it

keep it like this and you won't have too

Interesting premise, Fenrir. I get a fleeting hint this might be a derivative of fan fiction, but I have no frame of reference. Therefore I'll look upon this based on its originality.

  You added so much detail in the relationship between the protagonist and his father, even added some character development to the father, so I was ready to follow this as a father-son story. However, that premise came to a sudden, surprising demise. I find myself hoping you are going to have your protagonist meet up with his father (a man who lost his dream, his wife, and then his son) later in the story, explaining what happened to him, or perhaps he finds out his father committed suicide out of grief over all his loss. I'm not going to speculate though. I'm happy to simply enjoy the tale.

  Loretta seems a curiosity. She saved the father but didn't tell him anything, she saved the son but doesn't know why, she's over a thousand years old but is sensitive to the question of age, she wants him to feed but tells him to go do it on his own without any guidance. I have to admit I'm curious about all the contradictions. There has to be a reason for them, and it's keeping me interested in the character.

  I did notice some spelling and grammar issues, but they weren't too prevalent. The idea is sound, and the story flow continues at a decent pace. I'd say continue; We'll go wherever you take us.

The fan fiction comment was based on the something in the replies, not the story itself - no worries.

Please continue when you can.

well,lorretta kinda came from me....

I helped you realise that?