The Werewolf Café The Werewolf Café

You are not logged in.

#1 2009-07-21 14:22:36

Moonfur
Dragon-kin
From: My world of mist and shadow.
Registered: 2009-01-02
Posts: 7498

some new story

Here is a *new* story. i tried to seperate it, but have no idea if i did it right.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   "Shane, i've finished the book." I just ran in the living room, carrying a thick, one hundred page book. The front, back, and spine are maroon. Our living room is not normal. There are red curtains over the windows and and a small fire going. Moonlight from outside is casting a red glow about the room, making it a faint red. When I run in, Renia, our barn owl, hoots at me. Shane, a boy whose age is unatainable, looks at me from the chair where he is reading a book, his short blonde hair stirring in the breeze from the only open, uncovered window next to the chair.

   "Done already? You picked that book just yesterday." He gets up, shaking his head. "If you actually went to school, like other children, you would have an A plus in reading." I smile. I don't go to school. Instead, Shane teaches me everything I need to know and then some. He looks at me a moment more, then sighs. "Alright....go put that one back where you found it, and get another one. Which one is that by the way?" I open the front cover and turn the first page to the title page. He raises an eyebrow. "Been so absorbed you can't remember what the name is?"

   "I don't need to know the name of the story, just the story itself. It's called A life in shadow." He chuckles and walks over to the window as the wind blows on his face. "What's the matter Shane? Is it time once more?" Shane shakes his head, looking at the moon. I walk over to Renia and after she is on my arm, I pet her chest. "She is beautiful....don't you think?" Sometimes he just sits by the window, not speaking. I'll talk to him, but he won't talk back.. I wonder why? After a few minutes I walk in the library, owl on arm, book in hand. I find the place for my book among the thirty or forty books in the shelves lining the wall. The only opening into the room is the door. There is a fireplace in the bedrooms, living room, and library. There is also a perch in each room for Renia. I set her on a perch and sit in a chair.

   For meybe an hour I sit there, thinking about almost everything and nothing at the same time. I finally get up and walk back in the living room with Renia and see Shane in the same exact spot he was in before. How we can sit so still for so long is beyond me. "Shane? How are you?" He looks back to me, red wet streaks down his face. He had been crying.

   "I...I'm fine now....though a bit...thirsty, if you get my meaning." I nod and walk over.

    "Shane, I will always get your meaning. Don't hold back, Because even if I flinch, I won't run." He starts to cry again, and I lay on the couch after putting Renia in her cage. "Be as quick as you want or take as long as you want." He nods and leans down, his normaly hidden fangs now shown and his eyes red with hunger. He lays his fangs on my neck for a moment, trying to not give in to his 'evil' self as he calls it. He fails, and bites hard, tasting the blood which to him is not metallic, but sweeter than chocolate. I flinch, but stay still while my body is screaming to me to get away from him, but I never listen. His tears fall as he feeds, and this time he calls 'Tasting sadness'. As always, I hear him in my mind, a link able to be known only when feeding.

   I'm so sorry. I would never do this if I didn't have to.

   I know, Shane. It's ok, I know what to expect....I know how it feels, and I know your emotions while doing this.

   It doesn't feel right! I hate myself right now.


   It ended sooner than I expected. He drew away, and sat in his chair, a little blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. What am I?  is the last thing I heard in my mind from him. "You are the person who I have been raised by, you are a vampire raising a human. If you really were evil, you would've killed me by now." He looks sadly at me.

   "And you have called me father." He sighes, and sits with his head in his hands. "I love you my dear, you must know that....I have to go in my room and sleep....I am tired from all this." He gets up and walks into his room by memory, not looking up once. As I hear the door close, I sigh and walk into my own room, unconciously rubbing my neck where he bit me, feeling the sticky beads of blood that were left.

   "Yes......I call you father." I say to myself before drifting off to sleep.

   Morning came before I knew it. I woke up from a dream of blood, drenched in sweat. Wordlessly I got out of bed and put on a red dress, my favorite, and went out the door, heading towards town. We had run out of bread and Shane wanted a new sword. First, I headed toward the bakery. I walked in the door and waved to Stella in the back of the building. On counters lining the walls and a few in the middle of the place was bread and rolls of all kinds. The walls looked new, though they were a few years old. I walked up to the counter, and put some coins down. Stella came from the back and picked up the coins, smiling at me. "Some bread?" I nod. "How is Shane?"

   "fine. Stared out the window again tonight. Do you know why he does that?" She looked at me for a moment, trying to think.

   "I havn't the faintest idea. As far as I know he never had a wife, nor someone he loved, but my knowledge on that guy is limited. If you don't know, no one does." She went back to the back of the building and fetched me some bread and I thanked her and left. Our town is small, so it's not very hard to get from place to place. I went to the smithy and found Struth hard at work on an axe. He turned around and humphed.

   "What do you want, girl?"I showed him Shane's drawing of the sword  and he grunted and held his hand out. I put coins and a dagger in his hand. "What's this?" He  said when he noticed the dagger.

   "Extra payment for being so good at what you do." I say and walk out. After doing what I had to, I stopped back at the house to drop off the bread and went to the beach. I sat there for a while, went swimming, looked at some shells, played with a few crabs. A after I was there for a while, a boy came up to me and sat beside me." Hey Sarah, How are you?" I smiled.

   "Hi Vergil. I'm good. Fetched bread and got Struth to make Shane's new sword."

   "Oh yeah? How has he been?" I sat there drawing a sword in the sand.

   "Well...the usual. He's not the happiest person in the world, you know."

   "Yeah, I know that. Oh well...can I come back with you?" I smile and get up, walking back to the house with Vergil right behind me.


"In the time it took for you to walk down one little hallway,I went to London,got my head blown off,and came back."-Schrodinger-Hellsing "Now lets go die like mangy dogs!"-bernadotte-hellsing "Please Mr. Bernadette,do not smoke inside me."-Seras-hellsing

Offline

 

#2 2009-07-21 15:11:53

clinteastwood95
Member
Registered: 2009-02-02
Posts: 1851

Re: some new story

Hmm.Curious...*Sits down and waits for more*

Offline

 

#3 2009-07-21 15:14:28

Moonfur
Dragon-kin
From: My world of mist and shadow.
Registered: 2009-01-02
Posts: 7498

Re: some new story

thank you.


"In the time it took for you to walk down one little hallway,I went to London,got my head blown off,and came back."-Schrodinger-Hellsing "Now lets go die like mangy dogs!"-bernadotte-hellsing "Please Mr. Bernadette,do not smoke inside me."-Seras-hellsing

Offline

 

#4 2009-07-21 18:54:05

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: some new story

There's Talent and Potential in it.


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#5 2009-07-21 21:27:39

Moonfur
Dragon-kin
From: My world of mist and shadow.
Registered: 2009-01-02
Posts: 7498

Re: some new story

..k


"In the time it took for you to walk down one little hallway,I went to London,got my head blown off,and came back."-Schrodinger-Hellsing "Now lets go die like mangy dogs!"-bernadotte-hellsing "Please Mr. Bernadette,do not smoke inside me."-Seras-hellsing

Offline

 

#6 2009-07-21 22:49:50

FenrirFinale
Member
From: N.C. Look me up
Registered: 2008-06-02
Posts: 12222

Re: some new story

That means keep writing I want to see what comes next. wink


Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.

Seize the Night~

Offline

 

#7 2009-07-21 23:12:26

Moonfur
Dragon-kin
From: My world of mist and shadow.
Registered: 2009-01-02
Posts: 7498

Re: some new story

oh..k


"In the time it took for you to walk down one little hallway,I went to London,got my head blown off,and came back."-Schrodinger-Hellsing "Now lets go die like mangy dogs!"-bernadotte-hellsing "Please Mr. Bernadette,do not smoke inside me."-Seras-hellsing

Offline

 

#8 2009-07-28 13:02:00

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: some new story

A curious premise, Moonfur, though a little less lycanthropic than what my taste usually imbibes. Even so, you have a storytelling feel to the work. You mix classic ideas with unique ideas, and give a soft edge to the story's setting. Very nice.

  I did find a few grammar issues, mostly spelling. However, the item which blared out the most was your paragraph composition. Although you give brilliant visual depictions of the rooms and other settings, your descriptions are a little frantic, sometimes derailing the reader as they read the paragraph. With a bit of replacing on some sentences, you could easily have better-flowing paragraphs, keeping the reader and their intrest on track.

  That being said, the relationship between your protagonist and Shane is both unique and interesting, though I must admit, not my forte. I'd still encourage you to continue.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

Offline

 

#9 2009-10-15 13:36:40

Moonfur
Dragon-kin
From: My world of mist and shadow.
Registered: 2009-01-02
Posts: 7498

Re: some new story

hmm.i just re-read my own story,and want to work more on it....*sigh* but i dont want to...


"In the time it took for you to walk down one little hallway,I went to London,got my head blown off,and came back."-Schrodinger-Hellsing "Now lets go die like mangy dogs!"-bernadotte-hellsing "Please Mr. Bernadette,do not smoke inside me."-Seras-hellsing

Offline

 

Board footer

Powered by PunBB 1.2.14
© Copyright 2002–2005 Rickard Andersson

In Association with Amazon.com   In Association with Zazzle.com
page counter View Statistics