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#1 2010-07-14 05:26:33
- UlfrAndi
- Spirit Walker
- From: Your Darkest Dreams
- Registered: 2010-05-26
- Posts: 13066
Bloodprice
all right i going to try this again. once again right off the top of my mind and depending on how it goes i will do it that way more often or i will work on something for a time before. please give me some feedback, it is much appreciated (positive or negative)
One of the things that you never do,
Is hurt the family of a wolf who
Will hunt you from the forest to the ice,
Forever until you have payed your Bloodprice.
This is the ancient law,
Of the ones who live by fang and claw.
So tell me now do you understand,
Where your ways fall, and ours stand?
well there you go. i cant help but feel that this one will be somewhat more successful than the other two. but thats only partly up to me. the rest is up to the readers (what do you think?)
And if strength is born from heartbreak,
Then mountains I could move.
And if walls could speak,
I pray that they would tell me what to do
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#2 2010-07-14 07:59:50
- BrokenHowls
- Hiding in the Mist
- From: One of the alternate realities
- Registered: 2009-07-18
- Posts: 76
Re: Bloodprice
I really like that, the rhyme and rhythm are both very good, i'm not completely sure on grammar but i've never been very good at grammar so i'll leave that to someone else, overall though a splendid job and to say it just came off the top of your head without much edit shows a good natural talent 
well done.
~The remaining puzzle piece in an already complete jigsaw~
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#3 2010-07-14 11:44:41
- UlfrAndi
- Spirit Walker
- From: Your Darkest Dreams
- Registered: 2010-05-26
- Posts: 13066
Re: Bloodprice
thank you. the thing with this one is i had a stronger inspiration than with the other two. i feel pride in this one though. and thank you for the compliment 
And if strength is born from heartbreak,
Then mountains I could move.
And if walls could speak,
I pray that they would tell me what to do
Offline
#4 2010-07-14 13:12:27
- FenrirFinale
- Member
- From: N.C. Look me up
- Registered: 2008-06-02
- Posts: 12222
Re: Bloodprice
One of the things that you never do,
Is hurt the family of a wolf who
Will hunt you from the forest to the ice,
Forever until you have paid your Bloodprice.
This is the ancient law,
Of the ones who live by fang and claw.
So tell me now do you understand,
Where your ways fall and ours stand?
I believe this is correct. I edited only two things. Good work Ulfr
Always happy to chat so add me on Kik at ArcticRhapsody.
Seize the Night~
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#5 2010-07-14 13:15:20
- Kormiak Rue
- Bard of the Forum
- From: Warrior's Hold
- Registered: 2010-06-19
- Posts: 4476
Re: Bloodprice
Not bad.....In fact, quite good!
I liked the feeling in it, very......I dunno, it was just great!
"Póg mo thóin!" -Irish "Saying"............
"Molon labe" -Meaning "Come and get them" This was the Greek response to the Persians order to surrender their weapons at the Thermopylae pass in 480 B.C.E.................
"Qoud vides fecisse, factum ducas" -Latin, meaning "What you see is done, so consider it done"
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#6 2010-07-14 13:16:00
- Kormiak Rue
- Bard of the Forum
- From: Warrior's Hold
- Registered: 2010-06-19
- Posts: 4476
Re: Bloodprice
Not bad.....In fact, quite good!
I liked the feeling in it, very......I dunno, it was just great!
"Póg mo thóin!" -Irish "Saying"............
"Molon labe" -Meaning "Come and get them" This was the Greek response to the Persians order to surrender their weapons at the Thermopylae pass in 480 B.C.E.................
"Qoud vides fecisse, factum ducas" -Latin, meaning "What you see is done, so consider it done"
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#7 2010-07-14 14:04:51
- UlfrAndi
- Spirit Walker
- From: Your Darkest Dreams
- Registered: 2010-05-26
- Posts: 13066
Re: Bloodprice
hmmm double post there but whatever. thanks Fenrir! you too Kor
And if strength is born from heartbreak,
Then mountains I could move.
And if walls could speak,
I pray that they would tell me what to do
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