Very enticing post, Punx! Needless to say, I can't wait to see what you have in store for Alex's idea, and how Crowell will react..
Oh, man - your description of Steven's predicament was distressing (especially the blood and broken nose), but it was good to see him alive - if not healthy, heh. I really like the fact that he didn't insist on finding some way to blame Alex for his circumstances, but realized Crowell's malice and the importance of stopping him. Very nice!
btw - did you want Alex to have a 'hall' of a knack, or a 'hell' of a knack of escaping? just curious...
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Grayle wrote:
Very enticing post, Punx! Needless to say, I can't wait to see what you have in store for Alex's idea, and how Crowell will react..
Oh, man - your description of Steven's predicament was distressing (especially the blood and broken nose), but it was good to see him alive - if not healthy, heh. I really like the fact that he didn't insist on finding some way to blame Alex for his circumstances, but realized Crowell's malice and the importance of stopping him. Very nice!
btw - did you want Alex to have a 'hall' of a knack, or a 'hell' of a knack of escaping? just curious...
Thanks. Hehe, I'll have to go back an edit it. I hate when I do that , but still, thank you
I have difficulty finding those small technical errors.
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just read it and loved it.
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Thank you, werer
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I'm really curious, do werewolves die of old age? At least, the werewolves that you brought up.
Last edited by werer (2008-06-24 20:44:15)
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werer wrote:
I'm really curious, do werewolves die of old age? At least, the werewolves that you brought up.
Nope. I have a very scientific bases that I didn't want to include in my story to over-complicate it, but I have it all figured out.
Thanks, fuzz!!
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As promised:
*Been edited...
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Suspense and more suspense! I love it!
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Thank you, werer, and I may as well post more while I have the chance!
*Been edited...
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Very nice addition, Punx! I like how you detailed Alex's trepidation, and also Janis' excitement to know this was the breakthrough she was looking for. Me Likey!
There were a few grammatical preferences that I might point out, as well as a few areas that you could expand with more detail to smooth out the scene. I can send you my suggestions via email in the usual format, if you'd like.
However, what you have here makes us wonder how Janis will utilize this information - will she pursue a live or recorded interview with Crowell, or will she do the biased-yet-safer thing and post the allegation without verifying the facts? I guess we're about to see what brought Janis up to her Editor-in-Chief position so quickly, eh?
That being said, I'm thoroughly looking forward to how this pans out!
Well done again, Punx!
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Thank you, Grayle, and I'd love to hear your suggestions over hotmail about any of the rough areas. I was conflicted whether to add more explaination or if people were getting tired of me explaining every little detail. What are your thoughts?
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I could I be so forgetful...
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Ah! I forgot too! I posted my comments on the 'other' site but not here!
Downright shameful of me, it is.
Anyway, I really appreciated the guilt Alex felt to have to resort to this action. I also appreciated the little misdirecting twist of a cat growling at him - that was terrific! The description of the apartment and the pawn shop were exceptional, and well-detailed. I appreciated that the old man tried to hide his recognition of Alex, but Alex was far too observant to miss it because of his lycanthropy. Very Very well done!
I can't wait to see how Alex gets out of this one! Keep it coming, Punx!
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Thank you, *****. I'm glad you like it
And, Grayle, your emailed suggestions really helped me to refine my plot later on and make it more juicy. Thank you for that!
This segment is long, so you may need some caffine to keep your eyes from closing.
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Wonderful continuation, Punx!
Again, Alex shows the self-control that is so vital to his existence as long as the beast threatens subversion. I thoroughly enjoyed your description of the hotel; and I also very much loved your descriptions of Alex getting a respite. I can't help but be suspicious of the inn keeper, of course, but it looks as though Alex is finally getting the sabbatical he so desperately needs before he faces Crowell again.
I don't think there could ever be a way to not enjoy and appreciate your descriptive talents, Punx. Astoundingly well done!
Last edited by Grayle (2008-07-09 10:56:16)
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Thank you, Grayle. You always seem to find the deeper meaning in a story that even I couldn't find.
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WOW! I like the newest addition. I felt that you described everything smoothly, and the whole Janis scene was really chilling. Nice job! Can't wait for more :p
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Holy Guacamole! MidnightxSun! Welcome to the Stories section of the Werewolf Cafe, Buddy!
I totally agree with Midnight's assessment. Like I've said before, your descriptions of Crowell always have a tendency to make my skin Crowell. The lavish description of his office held a good level of detail, as we can just about expect form your writing, but it also held an unspoken, looming quality that fit very well, and also complimented the last sentence about Crowell's eyes. Great job!
I also appreciated the nervousness Janis felt, and the little bit if 'interaction' between her and the guards. I thought that was great! And your simile with the description of her detection of body language was superb! Fantastic!
And now comes the interview. Oh, this is going to be good...
Last edited by Grayle (2008-07-09 11:11:24)
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umm midnight... try not to threaten punx like you did lucim lol. well anyway i love where the book's going and i feel really bad for Janit... i doubt that's gonna go well. poor...poor...janit... we knew her well... (not really but it sounded better xD)
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Thank you, thank you!!
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Yeah, no I'm afraid of punx...she could kill me with her mowhawk :p
The discussion is on the other site's adaption of the story...somewhere
Great segment, Great as always!
Looks like Crowell's in some deep S$@!
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Very interesting. Janis played her ace and now will go forward with the article. I wonder what other media sources will do in response. What's more, I wonder what Crowell will do in response. What's even more, I wonder what Alex has in mind for his next move. What's even more than more, I wonder how Steven and the other captives are holding up.
I really appreciated the technical replies (emphasis on lies) that Crowell gave. it indicated that he wasn't just a business tycoon, but he knew what was going on under the hood of his product enough to give an explanation. The explanation was technically sound as well, I believe. Very nice!
I did find a few spelling oddities, but nothing to really worry about. The only thing I might suggest is maybe to refine the link between Crowell's hidden anger at Alex's letter and Janis' observations, but it would just be icing on the cake really. This is pretty sweet as it is.
Great Job, Punx!
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so's janit though she surprisingly survived the meeting xD she should get a medal for still being alive lol
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Chapter 21
During the early morning, Alex slipped away from his motel room. He sauntered through the lobby, his eyes half-closed from his deep slumber. He had managed to snag a few hours of sleep, but something roused him from his sleep. It was the change. He could feel his skin tingle as fur threatened to protrude from his pores. His bones ached like growing pains as they prepared to accommodate a new stature. His head throbbed and his teeth ached, parting him from his needed sleep. Despite what he wanted, he could no longer remain asleep, as he did not want to risk being seen in mid-transformation.
Alex felt his bare feet slap the floor as he ambled towards the front doors. He combed his fingers through his awry hair and tried to flatten it, but to no avail. He heard a few bodies shuffling in the corner of the lobby, but assumed it to be the over-zealous owner. He pushed through the dark corridor and exited the seemingly ramshackle building.
His warm flesh was greeted by a wave of cold air. The early morning winter breeze wove through his hair and grazed his skin, causing gooseflesh to arise. He could smell the fresh snow that sheathed the earth, the car exhaust, the inhabitants within, and even wildlife that existed beyond the city. As he exited, his eyes gave a spasm, causing him to wince. They were beginning to change their hue. He massaged his temples, hearing his heartbeat hasten and blood roaring in his skull.
The morning was still young. The sun had failed to reach the horizon, as it would for several hours. Though it was dark, Alex could see a glimmer of light ascending the sky, lightening the black hued sky.
Alex quickened his pace, ignoring any onlookers and keeping his eyes downcast. They were now their in their lupine form. He needed to find seclusion from inquisitive eyes – to shield his true form. He quickly scanned the streets around him before slipping into an alleyway. A few cars strolled lazily down the street and a few people shuffled down the otherwise vacated sidewalks.
Alex disappeared behind several buildings until he was certain that no one was around. Meanwhile, he shed his clothing. He had to bite back the change, his stomach roiling and his spine aching for the metamorphosis.
He stood in the hub of an alley where no eyes could glance and he closed his eyes, allowing the shift to consume him. Within moments, he stood in his werewolf form, his chestnut guard hairs swaying to the slight breeze. Alex sauntered over to a large building and grazed his talons against the brick exterior. He flexed his arm muscles, causing them to ripple as he sprang towards the wall.
His claws grasped onto the rough surface as he ascended the building. They scored the brick with each handhold as he heaved himself upwards. He embraced the strength of his being, hoping it would help him in his later endeavours. His strong back legs allowed him to scale the rest of the ten foot gap with ease. His digit grade paws grasped the edge of the building and he landed lightly on top of the building. It was the tallest in the vicinity, making it difficult for anyone to see him. Besides, if anyone spotted him atop the building, they would only catch a glimpse of a dark mass.
Alex sat on his haunches and peered at the vast stretch of city in front of him. He mulled over his plan, while watching the gradual ascent of the sun.
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