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#76 2008-05-02 18:58:53

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Thank you and thanks again, Punx! To tell you the truth, the story of the Hybreed is more like an epic saga. Chris' adventures with Dep:118 are only one aspect of the entire story.
  You also have Truug, Grayle, and Janna in Romberg, trying to find more hybreed in the city and also trying to pick up the pieces after the attack on the colony in the Haunted Forest.
  And then you got the Mystery of Lord Crayne, and whatever his intentions are.
  And Then you got the whole fiasco between The Medevildoers and Duurgen.
  And THEN you got Gareth going out finding more Hybreed around the world, AND THEN the climactic battle between Humans, Forest Hybreed, and Crayne's hybreed, AND THEN you got the Armogoms reaching Earth looking for the Brevish while all this breaks loose, AND THEN... AND THEN .. .  .

Who do I think I am? George Lucas? In a Chinese drive through?
I need to just focus on this part of the story for now, I think.

Anyway, here's some more.

--------------------------------------------------------

  “This is unbelievable,” Chris announced, and then reconsidered what he said. “I mean, I believe it, it’s just that it’s a lot to take in.”

  “We can stop for now, if you want,” Julie offered. “You can always ask me more later on.”

  Chris nodded, and then looked back at her. “Just one more question,” he announced.

  Julie visually expressed that her interest was piqued.

  “Should I still call you Mom?”

  “What?”

  “Well, your people made mine, and Jake and Shannon already call you Mom...”

  Julie was giggling. “You can if you’d like.”

  Chris nodded his thanks with a humble smile.

  Julie finally broke eye contact, sighed with relief, and looked over at Ray with pleasant satisfaction.

  “Tell you what, Chris,” Ray announced, “feel free to call me Dad as well, whether you work for me or not, okay?”

  Chris looked over at him. “Okay… Dad.”

  “Cool, I have a new step brother!” Phillip declared. “I get the top bunk!”

  Everyone looked at Phillip with a lack of understanding.

  “I’m just saying – you know, in case it ever comes up.”

  Dad looked down, shook his head, and then looked up at Chris again. “Getting back to my point, did you want to go ahead and apply for a position with Dep:118?”

  Chris thought for a moment. “I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, yet,” he said as he continued to ponder to option. His musings were interrupted by another of Jake’s thoughts, broadcasted to everyone in the room.

  With all due respect, Dad, maybe he should try to find his people first. He might even be able to track down his biological parents.

  Every single face in the room turned toward Jake. He looked at each with incredulity.

  Oh, come on! I can’t be the only one who’s considered it, can I?

  “Jake, what are you talking about?” Chris asked in curiosity.

  Chris, Ray, and Phillip looked over at Jake with curiosity. Shannon widened her eyes in unspoken understanding as she looked at him. Julie was already silently looking on toward Jake, smiling with pride.

  The Native American Land Donation; it’s also called The Haunted Forest, right? People go in, no one comes out. Wouldn’t using that reputation be great way to avert exposure to humans?

  Chris raised his head with understanding. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “What?” Phillip asked. “Why didn’t you think of what?”

  Chris looked at Phillip. “Phil, I was raised in a commercial orphanage in Romberg, with no record of my parents. What if I was dropped off because I was born human instead of hybreed? Maybe they thought it just didn’t take hold in me, and left me to my ‘own kind’ by mistake.”

  “Isn’t that a little… cliché?” Phillip asked with scrutiny.

  “Well,” Ray asked, “What would you do if your hybreed child was born human, Phil?”

  “I’d raise them anyway,” he replied with conviction. “They’re my kid, I’d keep ‘em in the family. It couldn’t be any worse than what the apes had to go through with Tarzan.”

  It looks like hybreed don’t have your level of clairvoyance, Phil.

  “Well, they should; it’s lousy parenting if you ask me. I mean, think about it: do they give up all the kids that are born human? How many more could be out there?”

  The room became unearthly silent as the possibilities offered by Phillip’s questions took hold in their minds; and from there, they spawned even more questions. Were there indeed more hybreed living in Romberg? Was Chris simply the first to appear? When would they, if any, become noticed? And what of Jake’s hypothesis? Were there members of Chris’ people, even his family, safely hiding away in the Haunted Forest?

  That uneasy silence was broken by Chris as he looked over at Ray, or Dad, and addressed him. “If it’s okay with you,” he said slowly, “I think I’ll take a rain check on that job offer.”

  Dad nodded with complete agreement and understanding. “Cash it in anytime, Chris; I mean it. That being said, I think Phil just found himself a new research project.”

  Phillip looked over at Ray with surprise, and then surrendered his protest. “Aw, crap; me and my big mouth.” He sighed reluctantly. “Well, at least it’s for a good cause. But if this doesn’t get me the top bunk, I’ll be pissed.”


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#77 2008-05-03 21:52:44

punxnotdead
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From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Haha! I love Phillip. He's such a humerous character. I especially loved this part(s):

“Cool, I have a new step brother!” Phillip declared. “I get the top bunk!”
And...
“Well, at least it’s for a good cause. But if this doesn’t get me the top bunk, I’ll be pissed.”

I hope he gets to find his parents, or at least get to know a bit about them (if they were deceased or something).

I don't want to sound like I'm repeating myself (because that can get quite boring), but I love your style of writing. I find it quite different from alot of other styles. It really hooks a reader! Great, great, great...


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#78 2008-05-04 03:36:17

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

I'm very glad that you like Phillip's humour, Punx! I'm not very good with writing humour, but it seems to be easier to write it when Phillip's involved. As to his parents, I think they're in an Isolation colony - I'm not sure. I'll have to ask him and get back to you on that. And thank you very much for the compliment on my writing style. I certainly hope it helps others enjoy the story too.

Okay, here's the final segment of this scene. After this segment will be the epilogue, which I'll post in three segments. Basically, we're nearing the end of this part of the story.

--------------------------------------------

  At that point, Shannon returned to the room. “You’ll be happy to know that the spatial analyzer was definitely picking something up,” she reported. “I powered it down when the anomaly subsided. It’s processing the results now.”

  Ray nodded in acceptance of the information, and took the distraction of her arrival as an opportunity to change the subject. “Well, we’ve got some preparations to do. Jake, could you help Phil with retrieving our info on the hybreed, get it ready for Chris? We still need to give him what we have.”

  Jake nodded.

  “Chris, because of the nature of this issue, I may be able to arrange official sanction to get access into the Native American Land Donation, but it may take a while. Would you be willing to check in at a local hotel while I look into it?”

  Chris looked around nervously. “I would if I could afford it.”

  Ray looked at Chris with misunderstanding. “What about the E.A.? You can’t tell me you’ve spent it all.”

  This time, Chris looked at Ray with misunderstanding.

  “I don’t think he got it, babe,” Julie said as she examined Chris. She leaned forward and addressed him directly. “Chris, we were told that Dep:5 had an unofficial drop-off point arranged with you.”

  Chris thought for a moment, and remembered the locked dumpster. “Yeah,” he confirmed.

  “They were supposed to leave you a key,” Ray said with frustration, apparently assuming that Chris never received it.

  “Oh, that was you?” he asked as understanding took hold. “It didn’t say who it was from. Anyway, I got the key alright, but I wasn’t about to use it. Anybody could have been watching. It could have been a trap; it just wasn’t worth the risk.”

  Ray nodded. “You know, that makes a lot of sense. I guess it was a bit of an oversight on my part; sorry about that. Well, it was indeed from me. It goes to a safe deposit box that contains an invitation from Dep:118, and access to an E.A.”

  “What’s an E.A.?”

  Shannon took it upon herself to answer. “E.A. stands for ‘Establishing Account.’ It’s a savings account that temporarily gets an influx of money on a scheduled basis. The Empire uses them for transfers, recruits, and rehab patients, mostly. It gives them time to get established wherever they’ve been sent to. I suggested it to Dad, got the permission for it, and got it set up as a show of good faith.”

  Chris redirected his attention toward Shannon. “You got the permission for it, and got it set up as well?”

  “Yes,” she answered succinctly. “I pulled some strings with my biological father.”

  Chris looked at her suspiciously.

  “He has some status in the Empire, okay?”

  “Uh-huh,” Chris agreed derisively. “But you work here,” and then he pointed over to Ray, “and you call him Dad.”

  “You got a point to make?” she asked, with a certain hardened expression on her face.

  Chris had seen that look on her face before. “Ah, not really, no,” he acquiesced.

  Phillip looked at Shannon in surprise, then at Chris, and then at Shannon again. “HA! I don't believe it!” he exclaimed as he looked back at Chris. “She’s actually giving you the famous annoyed look!”

  That pretty much sinks it, Jake said over the telepathic airwaves. She only does that to family members. Looks like you’ve been accepted.

  “Good!” Ray added. “That gives me even more reason to say what I was going to say next.” He addressed Chris directly. “No matter how long you stay with your people, Chris, we’re going to keep a place ready and waiting for you here.”

  The expression on Chris' face brightened. “Really?” he asked.

  “You have our word on it, Chris,” Julie replied. “You’ll have a place with us waiting for you, if you ever want it or need it.”

  Ray glanced at his wife, looked back at Chris, and nodded in confirmation. Chris looked at Phillip and Jake, who both confidently followed suit. Finally Chris looked at Shannon, whose look softened and was then followed by a small nod of approval.

  “Thank you,” he said. “Thank all of you.”


  Chris couldn’t wipe the smile away from his heart if he tried.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#79 2008-05-06 03:12:35

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Epilogue.

  “Order for Mark! Roast beef on a croissant, no mayo, extra peppers!”

  Extra was right; Chris was across the room and could smell the peppers from there; among many other scents, most of which were coming from the meat counter. Along with that, he wasn’t sure calling out the name was necessary, since there were only a dozen other people in the delicatessen besides Chris. It couldn’t be that difficult to identify who ‘Mark’ was. But then again, Chris wasn’t really in a position to complain. He had already eaten the sandwich he ordered, and it was delectable.

  He was sitting at one of the inside tables along the back wall, carefully watching the employees and waiting for business to subside so he could make his approach. After Mark and a few others received their meals, the commotion died down and the employees were able to take a rest. This was his chance.

  Chris stood and cautiously approached the counter. A slender woman perhaps in her twenties stood across from him on the other side of the counter.

  “What can I get you?” she asked.

  “I was hoping I could talk with Justin, if he’s available.”

  Her eyes did a very quick once-over on Chris. “Sure, just a second,” she replied.

  A few moments later, a man came from one of the back rooms.

  “I’m Justin,” he said. “Can I help you?”

  “Well, yes,” Chris replied with pretense. “Is there somewhere that we could talk in private, perhaps?”

  Justin scrutinized Chris for a moment, and then shrugged. “Sure; follow me,” he said, and worked his way to a hallway on the wall opposite the entrance.

  Chris followed him past the restroom doors to one labeled ‘employees only.’ They entered, passed a break room area, and stopped at a door to an office. Justin opened the door, motioned Chris inside, then entered himself and closed the door behind him. They both sat down, Justin in the chair behind the desk, and Chris in the one in front of it.

  “Okay, Can you tell me what this is about?” Justin asked.

  “I’ll try,” Chris said, again with pretense. “To be honest, I pretty much just wanted to thank you for all your help, and apologize for not being in the area for the past month. I was able to arrange with Dep:5 for better police coverage in the area for you, but I don’t know if they’re actually picking up the slack I left behind.”

  Justin stared at Chris with intense hazel eyes underneath a furrowed brow. “I don’t think I understand.”

  Chris sighed nervously. “I’m sorry, I haven’t really admitted this to anyone in this way before.” He took a moment to build a foundation of courage and then compose his self upon it, and then continued. “All right, here goes: a little over a month ago, you left me a note that you were going on vacation and that Ryan and Michelle would look after my food bowl.”

  The only part of Justin that moved was his eyes, which became so wide that they were bordering on falling out of their sockets.

  “It’s me, I assure you,” Chris consoled him.

  Justin narrowed his eyes and sat back in his chair, crossing his arms as he did so. “Prove it,” he said obstinately.

  Chris chuckled apprehensively. “Well, I can’t really shift form right here and now; let’s just say I’m currently ill-equipped. But maybe this will help: I tried to pay for the meat once. You returned the money and told me to consider it ‘on the house.’ The only payments you’ve been willing to accept are my ‘thank you’ notes. Nobody else would know that but me.” 

  Chris watched as Justin’s face betrayed his inner turmoil, no doubt trying to decide if Chris really was who he claimed to be.

  “Look, I know it’s hard to believe, but when you think about it, there’s really no reason for me to ‘pretend’ I am who I’m saying I am. It’s me; the Howler.”

  Apparently unable or unwilling to shake off his shock, Justin attempted to speak through it. “So where’ve you been?”

  “I found some clues that there are others like me, out there somewhere. I went to find out if it was true, and it is. Now I’m going to try to find them. I have to leave Romberg to do it, though, and I don’t know when I’ll be back, or even if. But you’ve been so supportive and helpful that, before I leave, I wanted to thank you in person and let you know what was going on. It’s just… it’s easier to speak in this form. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.”


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#80 2008-05-06 10:33:07

wolfsongx
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 2007-11-21
Posts: 14770

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

I just got caught up, great stuff Grayle.  I really enjoyed the epilogue, I would have never thought of adding that, but it was a great touch.  I hope you will complete the story.  I'd love to read it cover to cover.  smile


A harmonic sound such as a vibrating string is one in where the harmonics are mathematically related by what is called the harmonic series.
I wanna win your heart and take you to another place you never thought or could dream of.  -- The Halo Friendlies

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#81 2008-05-06 10:54:13

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Hang in there, Wolfsong; there's still 2 more segments of the epilogue to wrap everything up, and then this part will be complete. Speaking of which, has anyone else ever noticed the large amount if times the word "Complete" was used in Return of the Jedi?

Anyway, here's the second segment of the epilogue.

----------------------------------

  Justin sat speechless for an uncomfortable amount of time, but finally spoke. “So, you’re him? You’re the Howler?’

  “Yes.”

  Justin looked around the room, as if he was trying to prove to himself that everything in his office was in its place and as it should be. “You said you couldn’t shift form right now. You mean… it’s not just a suit? You’re a real-life werewolf?”

  Chris smiled; he was sort of getting used to this part. “Yes. My body shifts into a half-man, half-wolf form, I have a problem with silver, but I’m not tied to the full moon. My kind has apparently existed for thousands of years, hiding in forests and mountains. I just found that out, and I’m going to seek out the rest of my kind. I have quite a few questions for them, as you can probably imagine.”

  Justin was obviously having difficulty accepting the fact that the fur-clad protectour of his business was sitting right in front of him, telling him he was going away to find other werewolves. Chris had played every scenario of this moment through his head multiple times in the last week, preparing for this meeting. As a result, he could definitely understand the issues from Justin’s point of view.

  “Listen, I know it’s hard to take in; it’s not like I’ve been a social butterfly. But I wanted you to know how much I’ve appreciated your acceptance and support – especially the food bowl. I’m really going to miss that.”

  Though Justin was more willing to make eye contact, he didn’t seem to catch the jest that Chris offered, and his reply still quivered with apprehension. “You know we kinda wondered what was going on when you weren’t picking up the meat, and then the police started coming around more often. We thought that somebody took you down.”

  “Well, in fact, somebody almost did. There were even some silver bullets involved. At that point, I realized it was only a matter of time before someone got a lucky shot.” Chris smiled amiably. “I guess I outlived my usefulness as a crime fighter; all the more reason for me to move on and find my people, really.”

  Justin nodded with understanding and acceptance. “Will we ever see you again?”

  The empathetic smile on Chris’ face dimmed. “I don’t know. I have no idea how long this will take, or what I’ll find. But if I ever come back to Romberg, I know exactly where I’m having lunch.” 

  A smirk crawled onto one side of Justin’s face. “Well, it’s… it’s been…”

  Chris refreshed his smile, stood, and offered Justin his hand. “It’s been fun, and it’s been a pleasure watching over you and your shop. And I hope this isn’t the last time we meet.”

  As if in a trance, Justin reached out and shook his hand. “Yeah,” he said distantly, “me too.” Then he shook off the trance. “I just realized; I don’t even know your name.”

  Chris smiled. “It’s Chris. Christopher Hansen.”

  “Christopher Hansen,” he repeated.

  “It was a pleasure finally meeting you in person, Justin,” Chris offered.

  Justin’s previous smirk matured and made a second appearance as a genuine smile of appreciation. “Yeah; yeah, likewise… Chris.”

  “Well,” Chris changed the subject, “I need to get going. I hope to see you again; but either way, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” Justin bade him.

  With one last endearing smile, Chris exited the office and made his way back out of the delicatessen.


----------------------------
Just one last segment. I'll post it either tonight or tomorrow.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#82 2008-05-06 11:24:29

wolfsongx
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 2007-11-21
Posts: 14770

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Lovely, it makes me want to cry.  I wait with baited breath for the last part of the epilogue.


A harmonic sound such as a vibrating string is one in where the harmonics are mathematically related by what is called the harmonic series.
I wanna win your heart and take you to another place you never thought or could dream of.  -- The Halo Friendlies

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#83 2008-05-06 21:32:17

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Here's the last post of the story.
-----------------------------------------------

  He crossed the street and walked a few blocks to the front of a small shopping mall across from the trolley bus station. Chris then directed his steps to the vicinity of a clean-shaven man with his long hair tied in a ponytail, perusing through graphic novels at a news stand. Next to the man was a slender, attractive woman with shoulder-length chestnut hair. She was staring at Chris intensely as he approached, though he knew that she didn’t mean to. Chris still marveled at the amount of camaraderie he felt for the both of them.
 
  “How’d it go?” Shannon asked.

  Phillip looked up at her response, and then focused on Chris’ presence.

  Chris shrugged “Best as possible, I suppose. I told him who I was, he finally accepted it, I said ‘thanks,’ he said ‘you’re welcome,’ we shook paws and I left.”

  Phillip laughed at the digit-grade comment.

  “You guys might as well get going,” the woman announced. “By the end of tonight, Mom, Jake and I will have erased any memories of Christopher Hansen from the minds of anyone in the city.”

  “Except the people at the Deli, right?”

  “Yes,” Shannon confirmed. “I made sure we all knew to exclude them.”

  “Jeroume, Scott and Michelle are cleaning up any paper trails or records,” Phillip said. “That may take a few days; but by next week, no one in Romberg except the people in that Deli will have ever heard of Christopher Hansen. You’ll be a complete loss to society,” he added with a smile.

  “But the legend of the Howler will stay?”

  “Absolutely,” Shannon confirmed. “And his reputation might even get a little boost by the time we’re done, too.”

  Chris looked at her with curiosity.

  “I said might,” she emphasized with a finger. “I’m not supposed to do that kind of thing anymore, but I may be able to talk Mom and Jake into an exception.”

  Chris smiled, accepted the comment, and then turned to Phillip. “And you’ll keep looking for any clues to other hybreed here in Romberg?”

  Phillip nodded. “Yup; and if I find anything, I’ll have it all ready for you by the time you get back – ah, whenever that may be.”

  Chris smiled, but his smile was cut off, dimmed by the ominous reminder on Phillip’s words. Here he just acquired these friends, and was even accepted into their family, but now he was leaving them behind for an unknown amount of time as he sought out his own kind.

  “Don’t get all mushy with sentiment, Chris,” Shannon told him. “You know where to find us, and you’ll always be welcome. Leave it at that and focus on finding your people for now.”

  Chris nodded in agreement and reseated his emotions. 

  “So, anything else you want to do before we drop you off?” Phillip asked.

  Chris took a moment to look around the city. From there on the street he could visualize the rooftops of the surrounding buildings, sentimentally implanted within the maps of his memory. He had traversed them so many times as the Howler, patrolling the area, guarding those who knew not of his existence, but benefited from it all the same. He looked down the street and saw the old convenience store, now being renovated for a new-coming business that would not profit from his vigil. He mind imagined the new occupants learning from the locals about the urban legend of the Howler. And as the locals told them of the renowned Werewolf in the Shadows of Romberg, they would smile and nod in response, refusing to believe a word of it – just like most of humanity.

  One day they would know of him, and his people. One day they would not be able to deny or ignore their existence. One day he would walk from those shadows, erect and proud in his werewolf form, accepted by all who caught his visage, acknowledged as a member of that respected race, the Hybreed, caretakers of the planet.

  “No,” he replied with confidence. “There’s nothing left for me to do here. It’s time for me to find my place in the real life.”

  To his surprise, Shannon embraced him with a hug. “Take care, Chris.”

  “I will,” he replied heartily.

  Shannon handed Phillip a tear-drop shaped object on the end of a cord, and narrowed her eyes at him. “Not a scratch,” she commanded.

  “Picture perfect,” Phillip confirmed, and smiled an overly-enthusiastic smile.

  Shannon eyed him suspiciously, but accepted the confirmation with a sigh.

  Phillip and Chris walked over to Shannon’s craft parked nearby on the street and began to climb in. Chris stopped and looked back at Shannon, who was watching their departure with a stone expression; one that was visually being withered away by unacknowledged emotions.

  “Hey,” he called to her.

  She redirected her gaze upon him.

  “Give my best to the rest of the family, okay?”

  The comment made a beautiful smile meet Shannon’s face once again.

  With that, Chris finished climbing into the craft and it ascended into the sky. Soon Phillip would drop Chris off in the Haunted Forest, and from there he would start the journey to seek out his past, and his future.


                            -- End of Part One.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#84 2008-05-06 21:36:54

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

For those of you who don't know, part 3 is already on here. I'm currently working on figuring out what happens in the middle. I got an idea, but I'm not sure I should go with it.

  I'd like to know if anyone thinks something is missing, or I could further develop anything, or if there are any questions about the characters, the creatures, the setting, or the circumstances that are left in the reader's head.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#85 2008-05-06 23:58:53

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Okay, so I'll start with the first post (I'm sorry I didn't catch it earlier...I must be so blind)
Anyways, I love how amiable everyone at Dep 118 is. It's heartwarming, and you know they'll always be there for him. It just adds to your astonishing writing abilities.
Also, I could wipe the grin off my face as I was reading about Shannon's 'annoyed look'. I know someone who has a look like that, and her face comes to mind everytime big_smile

In your second and third post: I loved it! Now Justin knows who the Howler is. I loved the descriptions of the girl at the counter giving him a quick look-over before she summoned Justin...every fine detail like that really adds onto the quality and thoroughness of the story. And I enjoyed visualizing the astonished expression on his face...and then his suspicion...that was described so well. Also, Justing slowly loosening up towards Chris was a nice touch. I liked the fact that you incorporated that scene because it really tied things off.

Third and final post: It was such a sad departure, and even Shannon showed some emotion. You know how to transfer your emotion through your work and to the readers. The end left a question mark (in a good way), that I can only hope will be answered with a sequal big_smile

Is it normal to have a twisting angsty feeling in your gut once you know a story is over for good? 'Cause that's what I'm feeling like. I've become accustomed to looking forward to reading your segments and see where Chris'll head next that It's as if a piece of me has gone with him...I'm only sad that It's over sad You did a terrific job on the whole story. There's nothing that needs to be changed or added because you incorporated everything...to the last minute detail.


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#86 2008-05-07 10:11:02

wolfsongx
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 2007-11-21
Posts: 14770

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Honestly I think you've tied up everything quite nicely.  I will prob wait to read the end till after you have the middle done.  I don't want to spoil the story in my mind.  Great stuff Grayle!  smile


A harmonic sound such as a vibrating string is one in where the harmonics are mathematically related by what is called the harmonic series.
I wanna win your heart and take you to another place you never thought or could dream of.  -- The Halo Friendlies

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#87 2008-05-07 10:49:15

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
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Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Oh - you want me to post the middle part?  I'm not that far on it yet, but I suppose I can post what I have.
  Actually, I was thinking of posting a different story in the same universe, but you bring up a good point: If I'm going to get this thing published, I have to finish it first, and posting it here may encourage me to do that.

Okay, that's one vote for the middle. What do you think, Punx? Should I go with another story, or focus on this one?


  And yet another thought: I was considering adding the Hybreed: Confrontations story to this one, since it actually happens in between Part One and Part Two. The challenge is that it is told by a completely different person, relating the events in the life of yet another completely different person. Hybreed: Confrontations is already posted here for reference.

My question is, do you think Hybreed: Confrontations should be a part of the whole book, an addendum at the end, or just left out to exist as its own story?

Let me know what you think, please. It will help me decide where to go from here.

Last edited by Grayle (2008-05-07 10:57:30)


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#88 2008-05-07 13:09:28

punxnotdead
Member
From: Canada...eh?
Registered: 2006-05-09
Posts: 11300

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Grayle wrote:

Oh - you want me to post the middle part?  I'm not that far on it yet, but I suppose I can post what I have.
  Actually, I was thinking of posting a different story in the same universe, but you bring up a good point: If I'm going to get this thing published, I have to finish it first, and posting it here may encourage me to do that.

Okay, that's one vote for the middle. What do you think, Punx? Should I go with another story, or focus on this one?


  And yet another thought: I was considering adding the Hybreed: Confrontations story to this one, since it actually happens in between Part One and Part Two. The challenge is that it is told by a completely different person, relating the events in the life of yet another completely different person. Hybreed: Confrontations is already posted here for reference.

My question is, do you think Hybreed: Confrontations should be a part of the whole book, an addendum at the end, or just left out to exist as its own story?

Let me know what you think, please. It will help me decide where to go from here.

If you aren't yet done the entire Dep 118 story, then it's probably best that you finish it. If you start another story, you might have difficulty juggling both. I think you should add the Hybreed: confrontations at the end as a little teaser for the readers. I hope I answered all of your questions in full smile


I'm an aspiring bodybuilder! smile
"Be yourself to be free." - The Unseen
I <3 SMALLVILLE!!!

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#89 2008-05-07 13:21:33

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

lol
I was actually considering saving Hybreed: Confrontations for a second reprinting, kind of like an "Author's Cut" with bonus features...

Either my ambition is totally out of whack, or I've been watching way too many DVD's. Probably both.

Thanks again for both of your comments, Wolfsong and Punx. I'll post a new topic starting Part 2 a little later today.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#90 2008-05-07 18:38:17

wolfsongx
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 2007-11-21
Posts: 14770

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Sweet!


A harmonic sound such as a vibrating string is one in where the harmonics are mathematically related by what is called the harmonic series.
I wanna win your heart and take you to another place you never thought or could dream of.  -- The Halo Friendlies

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#91 2008-08-23 23:36:21

kbbnb
New member
Registered: 2008-08-23
Posts: 3

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Wow!
I usually don't sign up for forums just to say something about a story, but after reading this I felt like it was so purely amazing that I should actually take time to register and compliment you on an outstanding job :]

edit;
Oh right!
The rest of the story was so brilliant that I forgot to even wonder who/what Gareth was by the end. But now I'm dying to know again. :[

also,
I want to commend you on your flawless grammar. There are a lot of good stories on this forum, but yours are the most pleasant to read; not only because of your prodigious talent for writing, but because you are one of the very few who can actually tell the difference between then and than, and they're, their, and there.
When I see people saying "he was much taller then his friend", I seriously do a double-take; it abruptly halts my train of thought and makes for a less enjoyable (and less ..flowing?) read.
Since you take great care in making sure this doesn't happen, it only makes me adore you(and your writing!) that much more. :'D

Last edited by kbbnb (2008-08-24 03:00:20)

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#92 2008-08-25 14:55:19

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

kbbnb, you flatter me nearly beyond my ability to cope! Thank you so very, very much!
  I very greatly thank you for registering in order to post your comments; it's absolutely wonderful that you're willing to let me know I'm doing a good job on this story, I thoroughly thank you for that.

  As to Gareth: well, an explanation of my intentions for his character is listed in Part 2, I believe. I'm not convinced that I'm going to keep my current plans for that character, however. You can also get a little more glimpse of his personality quirks from Chris' descriptions of a conversation with him near the end of Part 3.

  And thank you very much for your compliments on my grammatical efforts. I like to think of any author's storytelling as a river that's carrying the reader on a journey. Logs sticking out of the river are actually plot points, and rapids are usually left for the climax of the story. Grammatical nuances are like speed bumps, which literally have no place in rivers; they belong on streets in front of schools, awaiting victims who are just learning to drive.
  I'm not sure where that analogy was going, but I'm stopping it now before it carries me away... like a river...
  Oh, Nevermind.

  In any case, thank you again for your very kind words and support, kbbnb, and I hope my other writings are equally enjoyable for you. If you're interested, here's two more that aren't so long, and not in the stories area:

http://forum.werewolfcafe.com/viewtopic.php?id=2778    The meeting of King Arlan and the Dragonheir, Thane
http://forum.werewolfcafe.com/viewtopic.php?id=3335    The Dark and Stormy Night (a collaboration with other writers)

  I'd also encourage you to read some of the other works here in the Stories area, especially the ones that are updated regularly. I get the feeling that you're already doing exactly that, and you might even know the ones I'd recommend to you. So, I'll leave it up to your intuition to guide your perusals.



Thanks again, kbbnb.


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#93 2008-08-25 22:04:56

kbbnb
New member
Registered: 2008-08-23
Posts: 3

Re: From the files of Department 118 - Part One (complete)

Haha wow. That was a really long reply to my little comment.
Yeah I've read a whole lot of the stories here, and while they were all nothing short of astounding, yours were just.. above and beyond all of the others, you know? :'D

Oh. And I started reading part two and made it to the part where you talked about Gareth. But by then I was too lazy to change my post AGAIN. :p
You can be sure I'll check out your other two stories! I might've read them somewhere before; I read a whole lot more than I write, haha.  But I'm not sure, since.. I haven't clicked the links yet.

Oh, also, beautiful metaphor. Haha your little tangent was actually.. fun to read. :pp I'll always support your work <3 and I really hope you get some of it published! You definitely deserve it :]

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