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#1 2009-02-23 08:39:29

Whitewolf_Spirit
Member
Registered: 2007-04-28
Posts: 33

Betrayal

Well, I know I seem like a new person, but the fact is, I joined this site over a year ago, and I forgot about and just barely found it again and remembered I had an account. XD I'm a writer and an artist, so I thought I'd like to put up some of my stories. Werewolf related, of course. I've been reading a lot of the folklore recently and one of the stories call "Bisclavret" inspired me to write something. This isn't my best piece of work, or descriptive in describing appearances of characters and what not as I was trying to imitate the style folklore is written in, which means it's not descriptive. Anyway...this is short, but I hope someone will maybe like it anyway.
---

Alair and his wife Haide lived together quite happily. They had no children, but that was no matter. They were simply content with themselves aside from one thing. He always disappeared on the weekends and would come back with leaves and dirt in his clothes as if he had ran through the forest. Always, Haide would ask the same question.

“Where do you go?”

And he would always give the same reply. “I would tell you if it were in my power to do so.”

His wife began persisting after him to tell her, always pestering him for she had to know where he went off too, and why he always smelled of the forest after he had come back home.

“Alair, where do you go?” She asked softly, brushing his cheek.

“I would tell you if it were my power do so,” he replied as always.

The next day she asked again, but she still got the same reply. Every day she would ask, but it always the same answer. Finally one day when he had come home from his weekend disappearance, she felt to her knees and wept.

“Please tell me, my dear. I must know,” Haide said unhappily. “If I do not, I shall drive my self mad with worry. I always wonder where you go and what you do, if you shall come back home alive, or if you have been devoured by the beasts of the woods.”

Alair’s heart stung with these words, and so he finally told her. “I disappear because I am a wolf. I must run wild in the woods on the last two days of the week, or I cannot return to my human state. You needn’t worry about the beasts, for it is they who fear me.”

At this Haide was shocked and a plan began to hatch in her mind. She met with the neighbors and told them of her husband’s nature, and told them that it was he who was responsible for any disappearances of their chickens, their cattle, and their goats. It was he who would steal men from the woods and devour them. It was he who was to blame for anyone that disappeared and never returned.

And so on the last two days, Alair returned to the woods as he always did, running in the form of a wild animal with the mind and logic of a man. He chased the deer and the fowl for food, and he would sleep beneath the trees. But this had all changed when he smelt humans in his wood.

They where his neighbors, and at the head of the party was his wife. For a moment he thought that she had come to tell them that it had all been a mistake, and it was nothing more than a common wolf hunting its prey and to leave it be. But it wasn’t so. Haide was pointing and shouting.

“There is your wolf! He is the one who has killed your cattle and your fowl! He is the one who has shredded the flesh of your neighbors!”

He stared helplessly with his wide golden eyes as his wife made the accusations. The last thought in Alair’s mind was how his wife had run the thorn of betrayal deep into his paw. One of the men took the gun from his shoulder and fired, and the body of the wolf fell to the ground, betrayal glittering in his eyes before they burnt out, forever.


"If I live, or if I die, then am I, a happy fly?" ~Renfield

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#2 2009-02-23 14:14:46

Grayle
Literary Lycanthrope
From: My Desk. Duh.
Registered: 2007-09-04
Posts: 2006
Website

Re: Betrayal

Wow! Flash Fiction! I love it! Great job, WhiteWolf!

  I really like how you didn't use too much descriptive language but merely told the story. It was quick and efficient; it also had the hint of a moral deep within the words, yet elusive enough to be interpreted by the reader in whatever way they see fit. A repeating phrase or reply is also a classic characteristic in folklore, and you incorporated that technique as well. Very nice!

  I think you did a great job here, WhiteWolf. This is a story that would win if you submitted it to the right contest. There's a large call for flash fiction online right now, and I think this story would be a prime candidate.

  Great job, WhiteWolf! Keep it up!


To thy known wolf be true...


"Yay! We're Doomed!"  -- Gir

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#3 2009-02-23 18:18:38

Whitewolf_Spirit
Member
Registered: 2007-04-28
Posts: 33

Re: Betrayal

Thank you very much. ^^ I was worried it wouldn't be percieved as long enough, or descriptive enough, or any other number of things. I'm deeply grateful that you think I could win a contest as that's one of the things I would like to aim for as a writer.


"If I live, or if I die, then am I, a happy fly?" ~Renfield

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#4 2009-02-23 22:17:24

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: Betrayal

wow, that was so sad. sad but i loved it. smile


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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