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#1 2009-09-27 20:48:09

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

This is my first post and any feedback, whether it be good or bad is apreciated.
This story is a conglomeration of many ideas and subconscious nudges.
Anyway, hope you like it!
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  As I prepared for the final battle that would decide the fate of not only this world, but every world, I, Aidan Mitchell Blakes, pause to reflect on the events that lead up to this last battle beetween the greatest civilization of free werewolves and the sinister association known only as The Society, whose sole purpose is to eradicate all intelligient life, whether supernatural or obscure and dangerous...

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#2 2009-09-28 07:26:42

wolfblood17
Member
From: Insane Asylum
Registered: 2009-04-14
Posts: 695

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

It's good for an introduction (whatever those things are on the back of a book).  Needs a little more description as who the hero is at least, but that's fine for not putting it now.  I assume he's a werewolf though... and by the way welcome to The Werewolf Cafe!


big_smile (with fangs!)

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#3 2009-09-29 07:29:29

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

A) He's not... yet. and
B heres chapter one!
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                                                                                        Chapter1
                                                                                           Aidan
     I was having a bad day. One of those days where its one thing after another. It had all started ths morning when my little sister my Ipod and gotten away with only a stern talking to. After that it all went downhill. First I was late for the bus, then flunked a test, got in a fight with my math teacher over a math problem and, to top it all off I served a detention. Instead of taking the late bus home I decided to walk home and cool off. Now I regretted it. See, the woods around our street are the kind you expect to find in a horror story. Thick, dark and imposing, the trees seem to lean in and leer at you. That is problably why I felt I was feeling followed, but, however much I consoled myself, the feeling remained. Rounding the bend, I saw the final turn before my house. Starting to get a possitive atitude, I stared to jog.

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#4 2009-09-29 07:31:06

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

more!!!!!!!!!!!


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#5 2009-09-29 14:21:03

Goldie
Member
From: Algonquin, Someplace
Registered: 2008-05-04
Posts: 209

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

yes, please, More!!!. big_smile


how can never ever be ever if never ever was ever, ever?
yes, i said that, but what do i mean, I'm what was that, thats crazy, crazy go nuts, nutty nuts. ok i guess I'm done, but it will never be over, now will it????????

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#6 2009-09-29 16:01:11

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Thank you! Thank you! This is where things pick up!
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                                                                                        Chapter 2
                                                                                            Aidan
   That was when disaster struck. I remember every last detsil of that life altering encounter. As I heard a snarl, I turned and tripped. Everything slows down. As a gigantic gray furred beast burst out of the trees I dimly realised that it was a wolf but... diferent in a way I couldn't place. I could hear my excelarating breaths, my hammering heart, the adrenaline flowing and pulsing through my vains. I scream. Then, as if some higher power was dedicated to making my day as horrid as possible, a car comes barrelling around the bend. To this day I can still see the drivers shocked expression as he sees us and at once yanks the steering wheel both too hard and not enough he slams into the wolf thing, killing it instantly and clipping me with enough foce to send me hurtling through the air. I hear a muted crash as the car hits a tree. As my vission fades I see another wolf creature and everything goes black.

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#7 2009-09-30 04:02:26

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#8 2009-10-01 07:25:45

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Hey guys, how long do you want to draw the story out?
One idea is to have alternate dimensions that the charecters go through?
Also, how would you feel about Aidan becoming practically imortall?
I allways (since toying with the idea) beilieved that people who are imortall view life in a diferent light ie: being much less caring and often times teasing the charecters with hints ( though there is a motive to retain his body...)

Last edited by stoicfortitude (2009-10-01 07:35:11)

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#9 2009-10-01 16:12:08

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

i think you should go with your idea. it sonds cool.


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#10 2009-10-01 17:07:11

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Sounds not sonds and I will spend a wile in this world.

Last edited by stoicfortitude (2009-10-17 08:11:07)

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#11 2009-10-02 11:57:24

lonewolf13
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From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

ok


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#12 2009-10-17 08:16:24

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Chapter 2
                                                                       the hospital
  Voices.
  Confusion.
  Where are we?
  Who are we?
  "It's a wonder he's alive."
  "Scapel."
  Darkness.

Last edited by stoicfortitude (2009-10-17 08:16:45)

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#13 2009-10-17 08:27:26

wolfblood17
Member
From: Insane Asylum
Registered: 2009-04-14
Posts: 695

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Good little tidbit, he must have been mauled pretty badly, I like it.  Show the results when he goes to school; how people react to him.


big_smile (with fangs!)

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#14 2009-10-17 08:49:03

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

O.o


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#15 2009-10-17 09:11:17

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Actually, almost all of it is head trauma. He just got one bite by a "good" werewolf. No, he doesn't go crazy, but if people found out about it they would think he is. Aso, I'm surprised nobodys caught my "bad" grammar (hint hint).

Last edited by stoicfortitude (2009-10-17 09:21:05)

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#16 2009-10-17 15:18:47

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

i don't jugde grammer on stories i just see how well the story is in my mind.


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#17 2009-10-17 15:22:04

wolfblood17
Member
From: Insane Asylum
Registered: 2009-04-14
Posts: 695

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

The bad grammar doesn't matter, it's obviously not that noticeable since no one caught it.


big_smile (with fangs!)

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#18 2009-11-30 20:03:42

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

I fight out of the blackness, tearing at its suffocating shroud. I groan and stir. Opening my eyes, i spot a nurse. " Where am I?" I ask in a voice raspy  from disuse.
"Your in a hospital." she says as she adjusts some flowers by my bedside. "Would you like some water?"
"Yes."
"Here you go." she says as she hands me a glass of water. "How do you feel?"
"Sore. Headache. Tired."
"Well thats more than should be expected, I dare say."
"Why?"
"You were mauled pretty bad, with a concussion to boot! We didn't think youed make it there for a while. touch and go, don'tcha know. The doctor comented hes never seen anyone heal so fast. Well, If you need something just ring for asistance." she calls as she bustells out the door.
Exhausted, I slowly fall into the cool embrace of sleep.

Last edited by stoicfortitude (2009-12-04 19:35:26)

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#19 2009-12-01 11:56:39

lonewolf13
Member
From: a time long forgotten
Registered: 2009-06-12
Posts: 161

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

nice keep it coming.
smile


"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. ...In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth...."
    Alphonse Elric --- Fullmetal Alchemist

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#20 2009-12-04 19:56:31

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

Caught between the warm embrace of the world between the lands of dreams and the place of reality, I do not notice anything strange about the blurry streams of numbers, music, abstract thought, feelings, and words. Slowly waking up, I become aware of them, until, with a start, I realise that the aren't suposed to be thier. as if realizing this, the "tones" of each one change also, becoming alarmed and miroring my own feelings. I start to reach for the button to call the nurse, but  realise it's already halfway there. Now freaking out, I try to move it, but it keeps jerking, as if it has a mind of its own. I strugle to keep it under controll, untill the music, images, images, numbers and all the rest are at a clamoring crecendo.

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#21 2010-01-08 22:56:59

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

My hands shaking, I concentrate on a glass shere, which grows legs and walks onto the bedside table. The spere, about the size of a marble, is bright green with swirls of blue. It would look quite nomal except for the fact that there is what apears to be a miniature storm raging inside it. Once settled, a barely audible hum emenates from it, acompaniedby a green mist with what looks like static electricity flashing in it. The mist at first seems to float without purpose but slowly twines around my arm, the static electricity jumping along it, which, instead of doing what it should do, it kind of jumps like a dolphin would, and, instead of shocking him, it feels like a wave of ice water heading towards his head as it breaks up. Meanwhile, the green mist is working on calming the mind, much like sleep, with the sparks waking him up. The magic, having done its job, fades away, leaving him alert as he hasn't felt since waking up, and calm enough to go about the problem.
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not my best work, I know if anybody has any tips for stramlining it, i'd be happy to hear it.

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#22 2010-01-25 19:29:32

stoicfortitude
Member
From: my own little world...
Registered: 2009-09-25
Posts: 394

Re: The Chronicles of Aidan Mitchell Blakes

First and foremost: What is the nature of these mysterious voices.
Face value: harmless and just as confused as I am. Due to the structure of thier thoughts I would say they were intelligient.
True nature: lets find out.  So saying, I close my eyes and dig deeper into myself. What I find there shocks me. Instead of just sensing the vague nature of how I'm feeling, I can actually sense, with my five senses what my mind looks like. Multicolored bubbles zip around a confusing labrynth that forcefully reminds me of something esher could only dream of. The bubbles entered bigger bubbles and came out... diferent, in some way. And the most curious thing is thatthey matched my thoughts perfectly. Even the slightest movement mirrored my thoughts. Hessitantly stepping from what looked like a landing I step ino the stream of bubbles. To my surprise they pass right through me. Interested in this new world I set off to explore.

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