chaetae? that's apparently a hair on an earthworm O.o please tell me you either mispelled something or it means something else or you have a REALLY awesome reason for this ...

Ok, Puma. Here we go.

I think its great that you want to write a story; bear in mind it is not easy and takes many hours to get it how you want it and in the end, most writers are never fully satisfied that their piece is perfect. It's a natural tendency in writers, myself included.

What you have posted does not like look a story but rather like a dramatis personae, or a list of all the characters, their relationships and abilities or goals. This is actually rather important as you can use it like a set of guide posts to further your story and add depth to your characters later on.

One question I do have is "what is your central plot or idea?" The reading we have so far seems to be a conversation between characters. I know this is your concept and a rough draft, but punctuation and spacing at least are critical so that we can make sense of what you post, otherwise it becomes one giant run on sentence which is enough, as you can see, to throw many excellent readers off. I had trouble with grammar and spelling when I first began to post WOLF, but thanks to many re-reads and some help from board members like ArmyGrey and SilentStrider (both of whom are fantastic writers by the way), I think I have minimized those errors in the later posts.

Perhaps before posting any type of draft you could take the time and flesh out your dramatis personae (collection of characters, species, etc) into an organized encyclopedia with their statistics, histories, interconnections, relationships, secrets and futures laid out. It can be easily altered as your story matures but the core themes should stay the same. Also, perhaps you should lay out a set of rules for your universe so that it has a more ordered structure as well as laying out your synopsis of the piece and what direction you want to go in. All of this combined in written form is commonly called a writer's bible.

This is what I did for my book that I am working on now, book one of a series called WOLF. It took me years--and much trial and error and scrapping-- to refine the writer's bible I have for WOLF and while I wouldn't post it here (it would ruin the plot), without it and some awesome readers here, I would be lost. Even after all the brain storming and planning, things still change and evolve, and even with the bible I had, it took me until this year to get a draft going that I was satisfied with.

A suggestion I have is to use your own personal experiences and the world around you to create your universe in your story. It will add a layer of depth and emotion that ties your reader to your characters.

I hope you didn't find this to be condescending (it was definitely not meant to be) as I really want to see you do well on this. Keep at it and I look forward to seeing how you do.

Respectfully,

Last edited by ShadowWolf2010 (2010-07-09 15:00:56)

sorry I haven't updated this in a while I been busy with college so yea. ShadowWolf2010 thank you for your thoughts on my outline/rough draft. basically its supposed to be about a clan of shape shifters that have been tracking a kid named Jacob who has the power to shape shift into a Cheetah but he doesn't know he has this ability yet. So they have to convince him to join their clan to keep him as safe as possible from the hunters who if they found out about him would track him and kill him. That is my plot/ idea so far if you have any other suggestions or thoughts they would be welcomed