wow this is great. I've never seen a story like this it's very original
dude this storys pretty bomb I like this one keep working on it I wanna keep reading it
Very nice. These last two sections are really good!
Tom ran from them, Josh hunted him (playfully), and Dad healed him. Even with this deplorable set of circumstances, they're still acting like a family. I really appreciate that.
Kudos again on your character development. With the extreme difference in outcomes (star student and jock that everyone loves gets to be a werewolf too, while unrefined twin brother survives with little but his artistry as talent), it will be very interesting to see what the twins have to say to each other.
The reader can't help but feel sorry for Tom. And yet, especially with most of the story being told from his perspective, the reader gets the inkling of hope that all is not lost for the runt of the twin litter.
Very original and well-told, Greaver! Keep it coming!
Sorry for the hiatus.
Here's Part 7:
Thomas laid in one of the RV’s three beds. A single bed was large enough to comfortably accommodate one, possibly two if lucky. Thomas saw a grey shape moving from the corner of his eye. The shape awkwardly climbed into the RV on all fours, then slightly stumbled around, its paws unused to the smooth tiles. The creature eventually made its way to Thomas’ bed. It sat beside his bed, with a toothy grin and a wagging tail.
“You want me to pet you?”
The wolf stretched, bowing in a playful manner, then jumped on the bed and lay atop Thomas.
“Josh, I think you’re gonna kill me” Thomas gasped out.
Josh merely licked Thomas.
“Seriously… I can’t…breath” Thomas gasped out.
With that Josh stood up and awkwardly moved to a position over Thomas legs. He curled himself up and took his position of rest there.
“So now you’re gonna cripple me, is this revenge for letting me see you cry?”
Josh looked at his brother and shot a playful wolfish grin as if to say “Yep” and with that he laid his head down and went to sleep.
Thomas lay awake unable to sleep due to the 130 pound wolf lying atop his legs. He stared at the ceiling “I hope Ian comes in soon.” An hour passed and there was no sign of Ian. Thomas figured he had fallen asleep outside.
“Well, what am I gonna do now?” Thomas whispered to himself with aggravation.
He saw his sketch pad and a pencil sitting on the floor near him, with much he managed to slightly wiggle his legs from under Josh’s body and grabbed the sketch pad, with his legs still submerged under Josh’s body Thomas began to draw.
I like this, I wish you'd do what punx does and make your chapters longer. These little bits are just tormenting... it's also causing the story to move slowly.
Tom certainly seems comfortable with being the only one who didn't change; I would imagine he feels a lot closer to his mother at this point. Even so, I like how the twins have both accepted these circumstances and still treat each other like close brothers regardless.
It will be interesting to see what happens for the rest of the trip - as well as what happens when Vivian find out what happened.
Keep it coming, Greaver!
Josh is quite playful, I also wonder what exactly Ian is doing now and what he plans to do with the boys later. Can't wait for more buddy!
Ian walked into the RV, stretching his arms up. He was still half transformed. He walked over to the small “kitchen table” where Thomas was finishing his drawing. Ian place his and on the seat and leaned in to look at the drawing. The drawing was of a wolf, curled into a sleeping position.
“That’s really good” Ian said with an encouraging smile, at least Thomas thought it was a smile.
“Well I had a pretty good model” Thomas replied, gesturing to Josh, still in wolf form sleeping on the bed.
Ian began to walk outside.
Ian’s ears perked up, and he turned to face Thomas.
“Yeah, Tom?” Ian said
“Do you have any speed?” Thomas said with a grin. Ian then noticed the bags around his eyes.
“How late were you up?” Ian asked.
“All night.” Thomas replied
“Why?” Ian asked.
“You try sleeping with a one hundred thirty pound wolf on you.” Thomas replied, half-joking.
Ian laughed. “I’ll go get some water to make coffee.” And with that Ian departed from the RV.
Josh then walked out, in human form, Thomas noticed he was naked. Josh took a seat opposite him.
“So are you okay?” Josh asked.
“Yeah, you didn’t hurt me too badly.” Thomas replied.
“But are you okay, with what happened?” Josh asked with genuine concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Thomas replied.
Ian then walked back in with two bottles of water; they made coffee and drank it together.
“Thomas, do you want to go for a walk with us?” Ian asked.
“Umm… would you mind if I said no?” Thomas asked, hoping Ian was making an offer not a command.
“No its fine, but Josh and I probably won’t be back until after midnight.” Ian said.
“Okay” Thomas said, and with that he was left alone.
Josh lifted his head to sniff the air. A certain scent hit his nose, the scent of food. He turned his head towards, and looked at him with a toothy grin as if to say “Food?”
Ian returned the grin, shaking his head as if to say “If you can catch it.”
The previous six tries had been unsuccessful.
Josh moved forward, his head bowed low, his paws making no noise as they silently trotted against the soft forest floor. He was nearing the scent, so close he could almost taste the deer. He continued to move forward cautiously, he was closer, closer, closer, when he heard a sudden snap. The deer looked in his direction, and then bolted away. Josh looked at the ground, noticing that he had snapped a twig.
“Damn it” he screamed, shifting back to human form in anger.
Ian walked up, also in human, laughing. He put his arm around Josh.
“Don’t worry, kiddo, you don’t have to hunt to live yet, I brought some steaks.”
Quite good. Good thing they don't have to survive on Josh's hunting skills.
Very nice character development here. It appears that Josh may be cut from the best cloth in the human world, but he's not very adept in werewolf form. Of course, that may not be your intention, but if it is, I like it.
I still find myself very sympathetic to Tom's plight, who seems to have received the short end of the stick all the way around, but I also get the feeling that you have something of a surprise in store for your readers. I'm not sure what tells me that, but it's keeping me very intrigued to see how this continues.
Keep it coming, Greaver!
Thomas sat in the passenger seat of the driver’s area of the RV. There were many reasons he decided not to join Ian and Josh. He hated nature, it terrified him, he didn’t want to slow them down, he was afraid of them. That thought jolted him.
“I’m afraid of them.” Thomas whispered to himself, close to tears.
As relaxed as he convinced Josh, Ian, and himself to be about the situation, he knew deep down that he was terrified of Ian, and even more so of Josh.
“He just changed. How do I know he won’t hunt me? How do I know he doesn’t want to kill me?” Thomas silently screamed. Then he curled into a fetal position and cried, his head filled with two things, fear, and hatred for himself, he quickly stopped himself after three minutes and began to clean himself up, he would be damned to allow Josh to see him like this.
“Besides, how does he feel?” Thomas asked himself “I mean, he’s probably in as much shock as you.” Thomas then looked out the window to see Josh and Ian walking back, both naked, with large smiles on their faces, their laughter echoing through the woods. “Or maybe not”
Ah, more tribulation for Tom, internalized yet still eating away at him.
This is another great segment with definitive character development. It appears as though tom is on the virge of a depression - rightfully so, to be sure, but he's in danger of becoming bitter and resentful even toward his twin brother. It will be interesting to see how you deal with this predicament, Greaver.
Vivian sat in the living room of their house, she saw the RV pull up through a window, and quickly ran to greet her family, the boys, after greeting their mother, quickly left the house, Ian followed Vivian back into the living room to converse.
“So, how’d it go?” Vivian asked her husband casually.
“Well…” Ian replied, hesitant to answer.
“What?” Vivian asked, Ian could smell the fear radiating from her.
“Thomas is human.” Ian replied.
“How’d he take it?” Vivian asked, concerned for her child’s mental well being
“He took it well.” Ian replied.
“Really?” Vivian asked, a little surprised.
“Of course he did.” Ian answered, and with that he left.
Thomas walked towards the house, hoping to retreat to his room before seen by either of his parents.
“Hey Tom” Ian called out.
Thomas turned around to see Ian in the garage checking his Jeep. He dropped the wrench and wiped the grease from his hands.
“Come on, let’s go for a ride” Ian said, gently dragging Thomas into the car.
“We need to talk.” Ian said, after the two had driven around in silence for ten minutes.
“About?” Thomas muttered
“How you feel about this”
“Oh please” Ian said, “I could smell your fear a mile away”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Thomas asked, angered
“Well technically I did.”
Thomas jolted in surprise, he quickly turned his head towards Ian.
“When your mother and I first brought you two home, I shifted for all three of you, and I laid with you two all night” Ian said, looking into the past “I remember you both feel asleep using my pelt as a pillow.”
Now that Thomas thought of it, he did remember seeing a large wolf once who laid with him, he hadn’t thought of that wolf since he was about six and his parents would tell him the wolf was an angel watching over him, it worked especially well for Thomas when he was five and plagued with nightmares.
Last edited by Greaver (2008-07-02 01:20:20)
I like it! It's cool that he shifted for them and had the kids lay with him when they were really young. I like the idea of a werewolf guardian angel. That is most excellent!
Nice continuation here, Greaver. I also like the protecting nature of Ian, and that he still cares about Tom in the fact that Tom's the only one that didn't change. The main questions are still prevalent, but I'm sure they'll be answered as the story progresses, so no worries there.
Keep it coming!
good job dude keep it up
By The Gods, I'm so sorry for the long hiatus (long story) anyway here's part 10, a million thanks & apologies for those who waited for this (I plan to get back into the flow soon)
“But still” Thomas started.
“Look, I thought it would be a pleasant surprise for you two.” Ian said in defense.
“Yeah, it was wonderful running through the woods for an hour being hunted by a wolf.” Thomas replied, not bothering to make any subtleties to his sarcasm.
“How about some ice cream?” Ian asked, hoping to both change the subject and to buy Thomas’ affection.
Thomas rolled his eyes. “I’m lactose intolerant dad, thanks for noticing.”
Ian was at a loss for words.
“Well... you know…. I always forget the medical crap”
“You wouldn’t have forgotten if Josh had it” Thomas said, throwing the car door open and running out. Ian cursed under his breath then got out and chased after Thomas who ran into the woods. “Not a smart move boy” Ian whispered with a grin on his face, he quickly threw off his cloths and shifted.
Thomas ran out of breath after ten minutes of running, his clothes and body were covered in sweat. He gasped for air, his hands on his knees. “Damn it” he muttered “Ian’s going to kill me.”
Ian was crouched low near some bushes by Thomas; the fact that he remained undetected erased all possibility that Thomas may have just been an unawakened werewolf; Ian began to silently whimper, quiet enough to evade Thomas hearing. Ian then walked up to Thomas, who tensed at first, ready for his father to attack or growl, or act out some form of punishment. Ian merely licked Thomas’ hand then walked away, leaving the message “Come home when you’re ready.”
Very nice depiction of a caring, sympathetic father, Greaver. I like the patience he is showing, as well as the respect for Thom's privacy. It really makes him a very lovable supporting character.
Thom's reclusive burst of frustration was also very believable and fit the character.
Great job, Greaver!
Please, continue. I seem to be hooked of sorts.
that was sick dude
Very nice additions Greaver. I can't wait for more!