I always knew that there was something meant for me, only me. Something so beautiful that it would fill my heart, revive me, make me feel complete again. And for so long a time, I had completely forgotten that I was meant for more. It had vanished, left me utterly and completely alone. Time went on and old wounds healed and yet still new ones opened, some deeper than the previous and some that were not quite so bad, but still evident and still leaving their own scars. I loved and hated, mostly heated if truth is to be told. I was cruel and unforgiving, yet quick to forgive and just at the same time. I was two different people in one human body, yet it was two different peoples hearts and minds that controlled me at different times. How could this have been you ask? I had compromised myself to be something that left me torn at the seams. And no matter how I tried to blame those in my life, those around me, those who had impact in my life at the time, it was by my own doing that left me in such a state. No one understood, nor did anyone care, and if they did, they never let that care surface into some form of recognizable expression. They never dared put those feelings into words and in turn, added to my sense of aloofness. And perhaps I put too much into these means of gesture. Though, being the person I am, how could I do anything different? I watch, I study, I learn. I sit silently and wait for these things to make themselves viable, though it is quite obvious that this is too much to ask. So, I sit and wait. Waiting for someone, something, somewhere out there to fill this space in my heart that is void, empty, and crying out. It's a pain that could be shaken but it is also a pain that I alone cannot fill. It's empty, dark. And though you may believe that such a feeling isn't possible, isn't truly there, I will quickly correct you. I will quickly let you see the scars that surround that space, tell you the reasons that those scars exist, and I will show you those not so faded memories that cling to those scars as well.