Diamonds are forever
Hearts never last
With every beat they wither away so very very fast
Memories are lost and hopes are undone
This is something that happens sadly to everyone
But not to me, for I've a heart of stone you see
Chipped and cracked but not broken it rests in me
They call me cold because of this
I really don't see why
This is how I live my life
This is how I die
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how sad.
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It really is. But a good poem none-the-less
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Thanks wsw
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I liked it. Please read mine called "Sparkle Wolf" and tell me what you think.
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I really like this FenrirFinale, I write poetry myself but I don't think it really suits the werewolf theme, do you post your work anywhere else? I tend to post mine on allpoetry.com, you can meet some other really good poets on there and get some great feedback
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I only post on the Cafe really. I write some stuff at home and as soon as I move away ( Hopefully in the next year ) I'll be looking for a publisher. I am however about to give up posting my works. Namely for the fact that I rarely receive feed back on anything I post. for instance the newest poem I posted is called Love. I have yet to receive a response on it. And as you can see this poem received very few as well. So I'm beginning to grow weary of the disappointment.
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Oh I read that one, it was really good too and I can undestand that, I get the same sort of feeling on another forum i'm a part of but you shouldn't stop posting them Fenrir because I find that people read them, enjoy them and in some cases can't say much to be of help because they're not really into poetry or that they can't directly see any problems with the work, I really like this and if I was going to give any criticism it would be that the piece has no defined rhythm because of the way you have two short lines at the start and then longer lines in the middle and then short lines again, which for me personally throws me off a little but that might just be me and that you don't really have a defined rhyming scheme:
Diamonds are forever
Hearts never last
With every beat they wither away so very very fast
Memories are lost and hopes are undone
This is something that happens sadly to everyone
But not to me, for I've a heart of stone you see
Chipped and cracked but not broken it rests in me
They call me cold because of this
I really don't see why
This is how I live my life
This is how I die
I think if you effect the form by either merging some of the shorter lines together or shortening the longer lines or bulking up shorter lines ect. that would probably help the change in rhyme scheme, if it were me personally i'd shorten the longer lines because I think the shorter ones flow well and then you could have the whole no rhyme, rhyme, no rhyme, rhyme ect. form but that's just me, I hope this helps ^_^
Last edited by BrokenHowls (2010-07-10 19:07:38)
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*chuckles* You're not the first to point that out. You see most of my poems, prose, memoirs, stories, etc. are all based off of music. So very very few of my poems have a defined rhyme scheme because they are to be set to a certain tune.
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Ah.. so that was a complete waste of my time XD hahaha, oh well, though if they're meant to be fitted to music, do you actually make something out of them? That'd be nice to hear ^_^
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I've tried a few songs. Though I only play one instrument so most of it has to be done through computer programs. Don't feel as if it was a waste of time. In actuality you are the correct one by the old standards of poetic form. In the past my work would not even be considered. It's namely thanks to e. e. cummings that we can write as we wish.
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True true, well who likes boxes anyway, I tend to keep to the older styles more because it's part of my own natural form than anything and I just kinda assumed with the rhyme that you were going for that sort thing ^^' oh well, I hope you do well with a publisher though
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Thanks for the encouragement.
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hey i just read this and i gotta say this is in my opinion really good material. so please by all means keep posting your work on here. i read a few of the others and i enjoyed them. also good luck on the publisher thing man.
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Thank you
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no problem. when i see good literature of anykind i try to give my opinion.
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Then thank you again. I hope you'll keep commenting on my work.
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will do. you post it and ill be sure to check it out and comment (just so you know i just checked some of the other things you put on here and all good so far)
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I guess I get discouraged because poems get so few comments on here. Plus I've been here for awhile and I think my novelty has worn off
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well keep in mind that at any given time there seems to be (at most) 15 people who check in regularly and im not sure who looks where but just cuz theres no comments doesnt mean its not good. a few things i read i cant really comment on simply cuz i dont know what to say on them besides they are good... then again ive only been on here for about two months now so i may have missed some people... but you get my point though, right?
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Aye I see your point
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not to mention that you have multiple works, that are both stories or poetry, and you plan on publishing them. thats a lot more than most people can say if you ask me. i do a bit of poetry but i dont plan on publishing or anything mainly cuz i still gotta figure out the finer points of it all. and also if you get that all published i think it will work out quite well
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My works on the Cafe are actually just rough drafts when it comes to novels. The one series I did. The Rose series has been revised and bound. I plan on getting it edited then sending it in .
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nice. i particularly enjoyed those. when were those written/typed?
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The rough drafts came as the posts did. They really just started as something to pass the time. Then I revised and expanded on them. Black Rose is almost 300 pages now I think.
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